"Sl*tty sex" - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-11-2016, 06:06 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
This is an interesting read for it's conflicting information.

I remember reading a different thread on TAM where a woman mentioned she had waited longer to have sex with her husband than with her other partners because she really liked him and didn't want to ruin it. Her statement caused a lot of backlash from many male posters who felt like she unfairly made her spouse work hard for something she had freely given away to her previous lovers.

Now on this thread, we have an extremely sexual woman who is being advised to 'pace herself' sexually with her partners and check her slvttiness as that'll keep her from finding a quality guy.

Like I said. ...interesting read.



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The situation from the other thread you mention would be a total deal breaker for me. I'd never advise the op's cousin to do that.
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post #92 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-11-2016, 06:14 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Live and learn and be surprised that things worked out the way they did.
I hung in there because i love her very much, and i made a promise to her and God. See im a good Christian boy.
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post #93 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 01:32 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
This is an interesting read for it's conflicting information.

I remember reading a different thread on TAM where a woman mentioned she had waited longer to have sex with her husband than with her other partners because she really liked him and didn't want to ruin it. Her statement caused a lot of backlash from many male posters who felt like she unfairly made her spouse work hard for something she had freely given away to her previous lovers.

Now on this thread, we have an extremely sexual woman who is being advised to 'pace herself' sexually with her partners and check her slvttiness as that'll keep her from finding a quality guy.

Like I said. ...interesting read.



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Let me see if I can explain the difference:

If we could talk directly to the OP's cousin, some of us would advise her to stop altogether getting her freak on a with a guy until she started seeing a little bit more steadily. That is, stop that freaky stuff with all guys until one identifies himself and someone who wants to see her longer and with regularity. That's not the same as denying your date sex altogether.

As for the other thread -- and we may be thinking of the same one -- the majority opinion / advice there was that it was not wise or fair to continue having sex with other men while withholding sex from the guy that she saw a future with........ who most likely then was treating her the best. If you're going to have sex at all with anybody, why would you withhold it from the guy who was doing all the right things for an LTR ---something which you're deciding you want with him.


Let's look at this from the opposite direction:

You're dating a guy with whom you see a future. For that reason, you decide it's about being a good sport to share expenses with your guy......... even though he makes 4 or 5 times the amount that you do (or you're not working due to health reasons, [[chemotherapy, as in my case]] AND he has no dependents or other obligations.

Then you find out when he goes to see his female friends, he actually makes an effort to go to the cash machine so he's never hassling his female friends to "get" something for him because the cost is so small he can't be bothered to use his credit card; he hands over cash for taxi fares; closes 3 figure bar tabs for the gang and well, pays for everything.

The female friends have boyfriends or are very openly dating other guys........ and yet your guy tells you "I'm withholding on you because I care about you more........."

When you know what the deal is........ how much longer would you put up with it.....
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post #94 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 01:33 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

OP, you don't say how you know about your cousins advanced but regular sex techniques in bed.

I know that sometimes cousins can be closer than sisters........ but seriously, does she freely go into that much detail with other people?
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post #95 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 05:44 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
Let me see if I can explain the difference:

If we could talk directly to the OP's cousin, some of us would advise her to stop altogether getting her freak on a with a guy until she started seeing a little bit more steadily. That is, stop that freaky stuff with all guys until one identifies himself and someone who wants to see her longer and with regularity. That's not the same as denying your date sex altogether.
You misunderstood me. I completely understand the OP and some of the 'pacing' advice given. I still find it ironic.

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As for the other thread -- and we may be thinking of the same one -- the majority opinion / advice there was that it was not wise or fair to continue having sex with other men while withholding sex from the guy that she saw a future with........ who most likely then was treating her the best. If you're going to have sex at all with anybody, why would you withhold it from the guy who was doing all the right things for an LTR ---something which you're deciding you want with him.
We're thinking of different threads. The posts I'm thinking about came from a long time TAM poster. She was not dating anyone else when she started dating her husband. She still got flamed. She shut that fire down with a statement that fits perfectly with this thread. Don't hate the player.......hate the game.

--------------------

OP, I asked my husband your question and his response was in line with the folks on here stating that if she's a good and kind person of character, then a confident man will see the slvtty sex as a positive.

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post #96 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 10:19 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

Sounds like fun. My concern, whether or not it's a legit concern or not I don't know - would be that she wouldn't be faithful. Her aggressiveness and "****iness" could be perceived as a propensity to stepping out because she's so high drive she can't be satiated.

After being cheated on by my exww, I have serious trust issues and therefore I'm just not looking for a ltr. If I ever do get into a ltr, she would have to be high drive, as I am. My current FWB is like your cousin - loves sex and is into all that. If I had ltr feelings for her, that wouldn't hold me back from being with her in that way.

But, that kind of drive probably scares a lot of men.
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post #97 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 10:57 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lila View Post
This is an interesting read for it's conflicting information.

I remember reading a different thread on TAM where a woman mentioned she had waited longer to have sex with her husband than with her other partners because she really liked him and didn't want to ruin it. Her statement caused a lot of backlash from many male posters who felt like she unfairly made her spouse work hard for something she had freely given away to her previous lovers.

Now on this thread, we have an extremely sexual woman who is being advised to 'pace herself' sexually with her partners and check her slvttiness as that'll keep her from finding a quality guy.

Like I said. ...interesting read.
I had the same thought and knew this would come up eventually in this thread. But I see it differently than you do.

In the other thread there was a woman who really liked sex a lot, and got her freak on with men she had no intentions of marrying. But when she met a guy she thought was good marriage material, she hid her sex freak and her past history from him in order to give a false impression of being the "good girl" she thought he was looking for. Iow, she was pretending to be something she was not in order to get him to do what she wanted (marry her). She was lying about who she was and what her history was, which took from him the ability to make an informed decision about whom he was marrying.

She was dishonest so she could use him for what he could provide, which was a stable husband, father, and bankroll.

In this thread we have a woman who it appears has a bad picker, and/or she has some kind of problem with emotional connections. She mistakes the hot sex with a close emotional relationship. She fools herself somehow, thinking things are going great with these men because of the hot sex, when in fact either they are only using her or they are unsatisfied with the lack of emotional connection. So the advice here is for her to stop the quick leap to hot sex in order for her to see better what the relationship is or is not. If her picker is bad, she will quickly see the guy lose interest in her. If she is failing at the emotional connection in relationships, it will become apparent to her.

This thread is about her learning herself to be better at relationships. It is not about her tricking some guy into not knowing about her slvtty sex freak desires.

Presumably she learns how to pick men better and learns how to engage in a close fun relationship. At that point she could turn on the freak early in a relationship without it masking fatal problems in the relationship.
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post #98 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 11:02 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by Thor View Post
I had the same thought and knew this would come up eventually in this thread. But I see it differently than you do.

In the other thread there was a woman who really liked sex a lot, and got her freak on with men she had no intentions of marrying. But when she met a guy she thought was good marriage material, she hid her sex freak and her past history from him in order to give a false impression of being the "good girl" she thought he was looking for. Iow, she was pretending to be something she was not in order to get him to do what she wanted (marry her). She was lying about who she was and what her history was, which took from him the ability to make an informed decision about whom he was marrying.

She was dishonest so she could use him for what he could provide, which was a stable husband, father, and bankroll.

In this thread we have a woman who it appears has a bad picker, and/or she has some kind of problem with emotional connections. She mistakes the hot sex with a close emotional relationship. She fools herself somehow, thinking things are going great with these men because of the hot sex, when in fact either they are only using her or they are unsatisfied with the lack of emotional connection. So the advice here is for her to stop the quick leap to hot sex in order for her to see better what the relationship is or is not. If her picker is bad, she will quickly see the guy lose interest in her. If she is failing at the emotional connection in relationships, it will become apparent to her.

This thread is about her learning herself to be better at relationships. It is not about her tricking some guy into not knowing about her slvtty sex freak desires.

Presumably she learns how to pick men better and learns how to engage in a close fun relationship. At that point she could turn on the freak early in a relationship without it masking fatal problems in the relationship.
It's a bad idea to be something that you're not. What if that guy IS the one who wants someone freaky.
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post #99 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 11:13 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

My wife is a lady in the parlor and a wh0re in the bedroom. She has been a bit freaky since we dated. Married 21 years now. And she is even more so freaky.

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post #100 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 06:10 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

Katie,

Your cousin is in a tough spot.

When she has sex quickly with a man the man may presume that she has been with lots of other men, this is not a turn off for every man, but she just reduced her dating pool by 50% perhaps more.

She can play hard to get, but this is dishonest and not who she is, and lying is a poor way to start a relationship.

Even once she finds the kind of man looking for a long term she might have to be dishonest with him about her past, again not a firm foundation for a new relationship.

Tamat
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post #101 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 07:10 PM
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Katie,

Your cousin is in a tough spot.

When she has sex quickly with a man the man may presume that she has been with lots of other men, this is not a turn off for every man, but she just reduced her dating pool by 50% perhaps more.

She can play hard to get, but this is dishonest and not who she is, and lying is a poor way to start a relationship.

Even once she finds the kind of man looking for a long term she might have to be dishonest with him about her past, again not a firm foundation for a new relationship.

Tamat
She does not need to, nor should she lie about her past. However she does need to understand and accept that her behavior will also limit her dating pool.
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post #102 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 07:10 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

I disagree with @TAMAT - she should not hide her sexual past to get a man - if he is the type of man this matters to, it will destroy the relationship when it is ultimately exposed. No man wants to play the fool and that is what she would be doing.

I don't know the answer. I'm a lot older but it's not like we didn't have sex in my day. But my friends who fooled around with a lot of girls didn't really take them seriously. Yes, they were amazing and hot and freaky... but the guys were also hot and freaky and liked to bang lots of girls.

If you read His Needs Her Needs, you see respect and admiration right behind sex in most guys Needs. And this is really the issue for many guys.

How can a guy know she admires him or respects him if she demonstrates her sexuality that readily in a new relationship?

A lot of guys (and women) like to put their partner on a pedestal. And they want to believe she thinks he's amazing and the best, etc.

No guy will tell you this, but it's the same reason guys have such a hard time getting over a PA compared to women. They can't help wonder what the OM was like; did she prefer him; was he better or bigger or last longer; whatever insecurities the guy has are amplified. But the reason has to do with him wanting her respect and admiration as well as his insecurities. She has demonstrated he's just another sexual partner, and that's a killer for a lot of guys.

Knowing your woman has enough sexual experience and appetite to get that into it right away exposes these fears and insecurities. I suspect that's what keeps many guys from committing.

Personally, for me it's about her insecurities. If she jumps in that far and that fast, what would make me believe she wouldn't move on as quickly. I wouldn't be able to trust someone like that without getting to know her and really building trust. I would have a hard time respecting someone like that.

It's not politically correct these days to say these things but I'm sure a lot of guys feel this way. My 2 boys are freshmen in college; one is in amazing shape, good looking and very smart but doesn't date even though he knows lots of girls. They want to get drunk and are more aggressive about it, and though they're friends, I know he doesn't respect their choices. So a guy like that would be out of the question as a mate even though those same girls hang onto him like they have a chance.

I would say pick guys that aren't out for NSA sex, talk about sex and relationships and get to know the guys, hold off on the non-vanilla sex for a bit and ramp it up as the relationship takes off. This way she is building up the sexual relationship along with the non-sexual relationship. It might add the emotional component she's missing.

Idk good luck. I think a lot of girls who are out getting their freak on assuming they'll find a nice engineer to settle down with later will be sorely disappointed when their past and character rules this possibility out.




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post #103 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 07:27 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

A man who enjoys sex would do well to marry a woman who enjoys sex - and the easiest way to know she enjoys it is if she has voluntarily be sexually active.

Other things being equal, I'd far rather risk being with a woman who had been with a better endowed lover in the past, than be with a woman who it turns out really doesn't like sex very much. Heck, I'll take the occasional affair, over a sexless marriage.
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post #104 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 08:48 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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A man who enjoys sex would do well to marry a woman who enjoys sex - and the easiest way to know she enjoys it is if she has voluntarily be sexually active.

Other things being equal, I'd far rather risk being with a woman who had been with a better endowed lover in the past, than be with a woman who it turns out really doesn't like sex very much. Heck, I'll take the occasional affair, over a sexless marriage.
Huh?

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #105 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 09:08 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

Some posters seemed to be implying that a slvtty woman, or a woman who greatly enjoys sex might be more willing to cheat. I was responding that given the choice, I would prefer a marriage with a series of affairs to one that was sexless.

I don't know whether or not people with hither sex drives cheat more often, but in the limit it seems there is probably a correlation. An asexual person is very unlikely to have a sexual affair.


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