I totally respect your opinion. But who do you think nice engineers (male or female) who are also ****ty freaks want to marry? Why, other ****ty freaks, of course.
Shared sexual values and compatibility are IMPORTANT, for sure, but no one is right or wrong here. There is someone for everyone. There are a zillion lifestyle choices and sexual styles a couple can match up very well on. It is only when there is a mismatch that there is a problem. I don't feel it is fair to shame people for any lifestyle choice, however. I mean, again I respect your opinion and even the part that you are kind of shaming others for because I understand that there is not the intent to shame behind it. But you are still essentially saying "you can't have a good man if you are a bad girl". And the "bad girl" part is purely about her sexual behavior, that's the shame-y part. Whereas, please trust me, there are MANY men who really do want a bad girl and who will truly LOVE HER as she is.
I agree there should be no deception of any kind. By that I mean, a person's past and lifestyle choices, IMO, should be shared with any potential new partner. Not details, just general information.
Now if you were a lying, cheating, scoundrel in the past...I assume you wouldn't necessarily come clean, so therefore, we are always at risk of someone just blatently pulling the wool over our eyes, if that is their intent. If a lying, cheating scoundrel makes their way into your life, sometimes you really had no way of knowing this beforehand. It happens. But just having lots of sexual experience of the super sl*tty kind doesn't necessarily mean this person was cheating, lying or a scoundrel.
I think most adults can and do navigate this area pretty well when coupling up. Most understand the need for compatibility and try to get it...even if they end up being wrong or things change for the worse later, most people thought they were coupling with someone who was compatible.
There are sl*tty boys and girls, and more chaste boys and girls, and every type in between...and plenty for all to find their match.
In the case of OP's cousin...
If OP is correct and the cousin doesn't actually like doing this sl*tty stuff and if she is just trying to get a man to love her through a misguided attempt at throwing sex at men just to nab them...then I wish for her to get more self aware and not try to find a man this way. It isn't authentic. But she doesn't know that yet. She will likely learn after a few more heartbreaks.
If OTOH OP's cousin is just a fun girl and really wants to be this sexual and really doesn't need to have an established emotional connection first before playing in the sl*tty zone, then more power to her and may she find her Prince Charming Freak.
Not shaming at all. But I also don't have a problem identifying and "naming" slvtty behavior. It's entirely possible to appropriately name and identify without judgement. It's the "political correctness" movement that forbids the truth at times.
So let's just be honest and acknowledge that words have meaning. Slvtty to me means getting your freak on with little discrimination regarding emotional commitment and the existence of a relationship. Frankly I think most can accept a similar definition. Maybe not. But let's get down into the details if we're going to have a thoughtful dialog.
My point wasn't that sexually indiscriminate people won't find love and a relationship with each other. Of course they will. And they won't judge each other (hopefully) for it. And all will be well in their lives.
However.... MANY boys and girls assume they can cut loose, sow their wild oats, sleep around, etc. and THEN fall back on a stable, solid guy who chose NOT to toss aside discrimination and interpersonal relationships and just have sex. THATs the disconnect. And let's also be honest and acknowledge this happens all the time - to men and women alike - people get juggidy with other "carefree souls" and expect to fall back on reliable and somewhat boring but stable and motivated men.
For many, myself included, it's unappealing and sexually unattractive to be indiscriminate and enjoy NSA random sex. Unappealing. Like a guy who loves really skinny chicks being hit in by a 350 lb woman. Or a guy who is a chubby chaser being hit on by a toothpick supermodel. Not his thing. Not interested. Not that it's objectively "bad" but that's never going to happen. You might call that "judgement" but I call it comparability and attraction.
So of course we all judge at some level. It's not shaming to say that is unappealing to us.
I'm saying that a guy or girl who is acting out and slvtting around ASSUMING someone who doesn't find this appealing will somehow be available to them later is only deceiving themselves.
Btw this has nothing to do with sexual appetite, freakiness between the sheets, etc. which can definitely happen in a "boring" committed relationship - it has to do with appeal and character and how character is evaluated. Some believe sexual past should be considered when evaluating character and others don't. I'm not judging, per se. I'm respecting people's rights to their values and opinions. And I know many DO consider this and that's their right. And I hope people understand that when making decisions.
[and for the record I have advised son to "hit that" a number of times - girls that are touching him and very interested - but that's not his thing. So I get it and I hope kids realize sexual attitudes and behavior are considered by many in choosing a partner]
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