"Sl*tty sex" - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 06:19 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
lol why are you so upset? Why do you think judgement is a bad thing? It's not. Relativism is cancerous to critical thinking. Some things are better than other things.
At least relativism is less cancerous to critical thinking than self-righteous judgment
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post #122 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 06:47 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
In the case of OP's cousin...

If OP is correct and the cousin doesn't actually like doing this sl*tty stuff and if she is just trying to get a man to love her through a misguided attempt at throwing sex at men just to nab them...then I wish for her to get more self aware and not try to find a man this way. It isn't authentic. But she doesn't know that yet. She will likely learn after a few more heartbreaks.

If OTOH OP's cousin is just a fun girl and really wants to be this sexual and really doesn't need to have an established emotional connection first before playing in the sl*tty zone, then more power to her and may she find her Prince Charming Freak.
It's rarely so black and white, at least IME. I was never one to do things I didn't want to do to "nab" a man, and really do enjoy being sexual. At the same time, that need for sex and fun and adventure led me to do some things that .... well.... weren't exactly smart or healthy.

Definitely self awareness is key, and we should be having sex because we want to, not because they think that it will make someone fall in love.

I find it interesting, though, to see all the "but she's limiting her options" slvt shaming. Well, yeah, duh, of course she's limiting her options -- and thank goodness for that. The slvt wants to keep certain types out of her dating pool just as much as the moralizer.
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post #123 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 06:51 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
The slvtty woman I dated long ago (she described herself with that term), has been married for at least 20 years now. They have 2 kids, one an extremely difficult special needs kid. As far as I know she has dedicated her life to her children and her husband. And he has done so for her.

Life has not treated her well, but she has done everything I could ever expect from a good moral person.

Thinking about her almost makes me cry. We didn't stay together because she wanted kids - it really was or only (but we agreed insurmountable) difference. Her special needs child is extremely difficult - he is dangerously violent and requires constant watching. She has chosen not to institutionalize him when most people would have done so. The result though has been a terribly unhappy life for her - caused by the one thing she most cared about. She at one point mentioned how she wished she had never had children.
Yes, I've had a very colorful past, but I've been married for 20 years now, and never strayed. Indeed, I've never cheated on anyone, ever. Or lied and pretended to be something I'm not. Or used sex to manipulate.
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post #124 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 07:22 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Your post gave me DejaVu.... maybe you and I have spoken about this before...
It's possible!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not 'needy' in the sense that most people here are thinking. It's hard to accurately portray what I mean by typing.

I just believe that a successful relationship requires each person to need each other. As I said, the first half of my relationship with my ex wife was ideal in this way. We preferred to be together, but not at ALL times. We shared similar interests, did many things together, and generally WANTED to be with one another. We also did things on our own, or with other people of course, but not with the sole purpose of having our own space.

My current wife is very much like that - needs her space, and clearly becomes agitated when she goes stretches without it. I respect that, but at the same time, when she gets to that point, she gets somewhat snarky with me. I don't. I embrace the time together, even when I'd rather be alone or doing something else. I figure the day will come when one of us IS alone, so I prefer to enjoy the time with each other, rather than become agitated that she's around. Same with the kids. They annoy the crap out of me/us quite often, but the time will come when we only see them every few weeks, if not less.

For me, as well, I want somebody to want/need me to do things. Not obsessively (like my ex wife and her 'chore charts' and endless honey-do list...) but somebody who DOES rely on me for things. My wife simply doesn't. I'm supposed to just do what needs to be done, and if I didn't, she does it herself. There's very little appreciation for what I do, as well. Even my naggy ex wife, in her rare moments of not being self-absorbed, would tell me she appreciated me. My current wife has the mantra of "just do it". Why reward somebody for something they're supposed to do, any way?

Even though marriages are not supposed to be about tit-for-tat and keeping score, they actually really are, and I think we all know that. Happy wife = happy life is the same in reverse. If one trudges through a marriage without any accolades, appreciation, or dangling carrots, then what's the pay-off?
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post #125 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 07:45 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
Okay... tell your "cousin" Hell yes, where do I sign up?!? Sounds like my dream girl!

Only two potential issues I see:

1) She's overtly sexual with other men (ie flirty, touchy etc.). It needs to stay in the bedroom.

2) She turns ice cold after the wedding and the well runs dry. Then I just feel duped.

My girlfriend is very classy outwardly to others and also very kinky in bed. I'm head over heels atm.
I don't often agree with your black/white views on many things, but this one, absolutely

My wife is very trustworthy, I'm not concerned about that. However, she has gone through periods in her life (including when we started dating many years ago) where her self-esteem/self-worth was tied to attracting men via her sexuality. Even after we started dating, her flirtiness continued with others. I believe she became accustomed to this type of attention, even though she's not a sexual person to begin with. But it's how she learned to garner attention from men. By the time she was 20, she had already been in two relationships that lasted 3 years each, if you can believe it. She didn't WANT numerous boyfriends, she truly wanted to settle down.

Ironically enough, she only ever wanted a real partner, a husband, somebody to love her and for her to love. Once she was comfortable that she found that in me, that part of her died, which is unfortunate. So for her, sex and sexuality had always been the first step in finding a mate. Even with a repeated lack of success, it was all she knew. She has talked about 'feeling used' in the past, and she most definitely put 2 and 2 together, yet she continued this way. She literally went periods of a year or two (several times) being completely celibate, because she knew this approach didn't work, but that approach didn't, either.

It took her about 6 months of dating me, exclusively, to even begin to imagine a future with me, or more - to trust me that I wasn't just in it for the sex. I can almost exactly pinpoint the moment this happened. Up until then, she was sexually aggressive with me (which I didn't mind!), but it was almost overboard at times. During sex, she would say things like "**** me! **** me hard". At first, I was right into that. But over time, it almost sounded like she was on a loop, and that she was talking like that because she thought *I* wanted her to. I told her, gently, that although I very much liked that kind of enthusiasm, that it wasn't necessary for my sake, and it's like a weight was lifted off of her. I can't explain it. It was a gamble on my part, I most definitely could have made her feel self-conscious about it, but I was right. See, the more time I spent with her, the more I realized that that kind of thing wasn't really "her".

In retrospect, I regret and also NOT regret bringing that up. On on hand, I'm glad I allowed her to be herself, as it were. On the other, it got the ball rolling (downhill) to the point where she no longer equates sex and sexuality with a successful marriage (no matter how much I tell her it is...). In other words, she went from one extreme to the other. Sex was how she got and kept a man, to "it's not nearly as important as I always thought". I have myself to blame for this, and I know it. But the alternative was living with someone who felt she had to be a certain type - which was not her - to have a successful relationship. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Sadly, it's not that she doesn't like sex - she does. It's that she expended all that energy when she probably didn't have to. It's like the guy who goes to the gym regularly, attracts lots of women, yet none of them are interested in LTRs or marriage. He finally meets a woman who likes him for HIM, tells him he doesn't have to be so fit, she loves him for other reasons - so he lets himself go. He got comfortable with the fact that somebody loves him for HIM, not just his body. The thing is, she meant it, she IS attracted to him for many other reasons. But ALSO liked his body... Sigh.
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post #126 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 07:55 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

alexm,


Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine.
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post #127 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 08:47 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by wild jade View Post
It's rarely so black and white, at least IME. I was never one to do things I didn't want to do to "nab" a man, and really do enjoy being sexual. At the same time, that need for sex and fun and adventure led me to do some things that .... well.... weren't exactly smart or healthy.

Definitely self awareness is key, and we should be having sex because we want to, not because they think that it will make someone fall in love.

I find it interesting, though, to see all the "but she's limiting her options" slvt shaming. Well, yeah, duh, of course she's limiting her options -- and thank goodness for that. The slvt wants to keep certain types out of her dating pool just as much as the moralizer.
Maybe there is a better way to express it. But the problem with finding the one is that person is a whole package of variables just as you are. Think about men who insist on model thin looks or someone who's just got to have big tits attached to his wife. We would say that that guy is imiting his options because 1) not all model thin women have the other desirable qualities that make for an LTR and 2) not all model thin women are going to find this guy worthy of an LTR.......no matter how worthy he is.

and it's the same with sex, OP's cousin is not going to choose a guy simply because he likes coming on her face. At least, I hope not. But for a package of other reasons...... most of them good ones, I hope.

No one is saying that this woman should stop having sex before marriage, just deay sex a bit to the 3 or 4th date and to delay all that freaky stuff....... making sure he actually appreciates it every step of the way.
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post #128 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 09:08 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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At least relativism is less cancerous to critical thinking than self-righteous judgment


What are my beliefs not as valid as yours. Why in the world is critical thinking and assessment of character self-righteous? That's amazingly self-righteous of you to declare my beliefs invalid.


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post #129 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 11:41 AM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
alexm,


Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine.
Not seeing why you'd have that sort of reaction to the post in question.

Except for her not showing him as much appreciation as he'd like, and her sex drive not being as strong as it was originally, not seeing a problem here. Certainly not one to off yourself over.
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post #130 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 12:23 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

People take all sorts of risks for fun - jumping off cliffs with bat-suits, driving race cars etc. I think sexual risks should be viewed in the same light. As long as people are aware of the risks, they are free to take them.

That said, many young people are not good at risk management- so they do things like jump off of cliffs in bat suits.


I completely agree that people who enthusiastically enjoy sex are much better "limiting" their options to partners who also enthusiastically enjoy sex.


Quote:
Originally Posted by wild jade View Post
It's rarely so black and white, at least IME. I was never one to do things I didn't want to do to "nab" a man, and really do enjoy being sexual. At the same time, that need for sex and fun and adventure led me to do some things that .... well.... weren't exactly smart or healthy.

Definitely self awareness is key, and we should be having sex because we want to, not because they think that it will make someone fall in love.

I find it interesting, though, to see all the "but she's limiting her options" slvt shaming. Well, yeah, duh, of course she's limiting her options -- and thank goodness for that. The slvt wants to keep certain types out of her dating pool just as much as the moralizer.
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post #131 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:34 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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People take all sorts of risks for fun - jumping off cliffs with bat-suits, driving race cars etc. I think sexual risks should be viewed in the same light. As long as people are aware of the risks, they are free to take them.

That said, many young people are not good at risk management- so they do things like jump off of cliffs in bat suits.
I personally don't equate wild, fun sex with extreme risk taking sports. I don't see the correlation. But maybe you are talking about sexual risks I hadn't thought of, like doing it on scaffolding outside of a 20-story window.

I'm generally a fairly low risk taking type of person, when it comes to physical things. I would never do sky diving or bungee jumping. Not even those kinds they have set up at carnivals, which must be safe or else they wouldn't have them there, right? No way I would do that. Mostly I'm just afraid of heights.

I'm also pretty risk averse to being around too many strangers or being in a strange place. I like to feel secure. I don't like ferris wheels because they go too damn high. But I kind of don't like carnivals in general, because "stranger danger".

And yet, compared to my peers and almost anyone I've talked to about it, I've had the wildest sexual life of anyone I encounter. Even though some of them HAVE been sky diving and jumped off cliffs in bat suits.

Now, to be fair to myself, being a gymnast, there are certain things I would do in that sport that would certainly be extremely risky to anyone who wasn't trained in that sport. Running as fast as you can toward a large basically immovable object, then jumping on a spring board and then hurtling your body toward it, just as one example of a risky behavior I've done and still would do (vault exercise). But I learned from gymnastics NOT to take risks on trying things you aren't capable of at this time or without the proper spot by a coach, and landing pads. So while I love the adrenaline pumping through my veins when I am doing my sport, I never ever take risks in it that I can see in advance.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #132 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:53 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

As you say, what you describe is not a serious adult relationship. I wouldn't take anybody like this seriously.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #133 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 02:14 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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I think a lot of women do.

My next oldest sister is much like your cousin. She was sexually abused growing up, and has never really recovered.

She will probably never be healthy, never get genuine love. It is really sad.
THis is sad.... very sad... I feel as this could be my future. I am actually working towards being content with this fate.

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post #134 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 02:16 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

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THis is sad.... very sad... I feel as this could be my future. I am actually working towards being content with this fate.
(((ne9907)))

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #135 of 198 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 02:24 PM
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Re: "Sl*tty sex"

Repost sorry.

Last edited by Andy1001; 12-14-2016 at 02:33 PM.
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