Ok this is an embarrassing topic but let me prefaces that this is not about me but my cousin.
My cousin is late 20s and has never had problems getting men. The problem is escalating it to a serious relationship. I personally think it's bc she LOVES sex and is aggressive and is a "freak" too early in the relationship that men dont respect her and no longer view her as a wife or mother type. So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship? Is this marriage material? It seems from watching her that the relationship starts out so heavy in sex and it stays all about sex and doesn't develop into a more adult serious relationship.
Agreed. These days my concern would be whether she has issues after my experiences with my stbxw. She was the aggressor sexually, and was pretty freaky at least for the time period (1980 ish). But that was a symptom of other issues she had. The fact that your cousin can't get to a deeper emotional level is a red flag she has some unresolved issues there.
The problem isn't the great sex. Men want a highly sexual marriage. If she is bright, committed, and otherwise compatible with the man, it would be a perfect marriage. The problem is if she can't get to a deeper level. The problem may not be the men. They may be interested in taking the relationship deeper. It may be her that is the block.
Some men of course are not looking for a marriage, so she's the perfect temporary girlfriend if she loves sex. Perhaps she is selecting poorly.
I can see what you are saying with this, but I don't think the issue is your cousins sexual appetite, rather her bad man picker to share it with...of course the first question would have to be...is she bothered by the fact that she is not in a serious relationship? Or is she just having fun, and enjoying how things are?
My wife is pretty sexually charged, loves sex in all different kinds of ways including the things you listed above, made no bones about from the very beginning of our relationship...we have been together five years now..
She wants a serious relationship for sure. She just doesn't get why it never works out. I'm the opposite, I'm a nice Christian girl who believes holding out for the "girl one" is a better approach to winning a respectful man.
She wants a serious relationship for sure. She just doesn't get why it never works out. I'm the opposite, I'm a nice Christian girl who believes holding out for the "girl one" is a better approach to winning a respectful man.
There are many reasons that relationships fail. Why do you suspect her sexuality is the cause? Are you projecting because you personally do not approve?
I'm not a guy I don't know how they think. But I can't imagine one blowing a load in their new girlfriends face and thinking... I want to grow old with her and I want her to be the mother of my children. maybe men don't think like that lol
I'm not a guy I don't know how they think. But I can't imagine one blowing a load in their new girlfriends face and thinking... I want to grow old with her and I want her to be the mother of my children. maybe men don't think like that lol
Some men do, some men don't. Much like women, it all depends on what is important to them in a relationship, and the trick is picking someone on the same page, looking for the same things.
For myself, an active and intense sex life is a very important part of any relationship I would want to be in.
In my younger days I would have had a deep meaningful relationship with your cousin,for about a fortnight.These "come in my face"girls are great fun for a while but they regard sex so lightly that they can never be trusted.Now back then I didn't give a damn anyway,I was into ons or short and sweet relationships and have only ever asked one girl to be exclusive.Your cousins biggest problem is that she probably has a reputation for anything goes sex and the type of guys confident enough to go out with her are not looking for anything long term.
@katiecrna - I'm not in my 20's so I can't speak for that age group anymore. I am divorced and not dating. I haven't been in a physical relationship for a long ⏳ time.
I wouldn't say a woman's past is totally irrelevant just as a guy's isn't. But the value a person places on it varies, of course. Speaking for myself - I don't care too much about a woman's past or how she acquired any sills. Nope, I really don't. I care if she's inspiring and I can feel comfortable that I can make her happy.
I suppose if I just met a girl in a club and the night ended in wild pig sex it might make me think twice...but that says as much about me as it might her. Long story short, I think it depends.
Maybe this is a bit about her choices of guys and the places and circumstances they're meeting??
Yea I see your point. I think she is just dating young immature guys. She picks the wrong ones and she attracts the wrong ones. I feel bad bc she is the nicest, most loyal loving good hearted, fun and funniest person I know. I think that's why it bothers me so much because I just think guys don't respect her bc she leads with her sexuality instead of her other amazing traits.
Yea I see your point. I think she is just dating young immature guys. She picks the wrong ones and she attracts the wrong ones. I feel bad bc she is the nicest, most loyal loving good hearted, fun and funniest person I know. I think that's why it bothers me so much because I just think guys don't respect her bc she leads with her sexuality instead of her other amazing traits.
All my girl friends act similar to OPs cousin, apparently I am a weirdo for being sexually inexperienced and getting married!
I thought men didn't care about that stuff anymore, unless they are religious oriented.
All my girl friends act similar to OPs cousin, apparently I am a weirdo for being sexually inexperienced and getting married! I thought men didn't care about that stuff anymore, unless they are religious oriented.
I am by no means religiously oriented, but being honest I would not have much interest in pursuing someone who had developed a reputation (which sounds like quite possibly what has happened to the OPs cousin)
I specifically wanted the type of men who DO care that the girl holds out.. I've always felt these are the more "Marriage material MEN".... giving my body to someone meant a great deal to me, emotional strings, wanting to fuse with them in every way.... so if it meant little to nothing to the man (just a hot roll in the hay), he could easily walk, go fuse himself with another ... he needs to be with women who are OK with that....
My husband would never trust a woman who had sex so easily -to be faithful.. intimacy is very special to him...he wants to know it's also very special and meaningful to the woman..
I specifically wanted the type of men who DO care that the girl holds out.. I've always felt these are the more "Marriage material MEN".... giving my body to someone meant a great deal to me, emotional strings, wanting to fuse with them in every way.... so if it meant little to nothing to the man (just a hot roll in the hay), he could easily walk, go fuse himself with another ... he needs to be with women who are OK with that....
My husband would never trust a woman who had sex so easily -to be faithful.. intimacy is very special to him...he wants to know it's also very special and meaningful to the woman..
You know, we have often found some similarities in ourselves and our partners, and I got to wondering how much our ages at the beginning of our relationship have to do with things. With the similarities we all have, there are a few seemingly stark differences that perhaps the years of life experience can explain.
While you and my wife had similar backgrounds and experiences growing up, a few key differences led to very different lives, yet here we all are at similar places in our lives with similar partners, similar attitudes, similar desires.
I do wonder how you or your husband would fare if you found yourself in the dating pool again, as I did...this is where my wondering about life experience comes in....for myself, what would take me ages to figure out when I was much younger, getting answers to questions, wondering about anothers intentions, basically figuring out a persons character...the years of life experience honed my ability in that regard to come to conclusions in a fraction of the time.
Katie--maybe it's more a matter of WHERE she's looking for these men. If she's hunting for a husband in bars or on Tinder, she's gonna have a bad time. I personally don't think having copious amounts of awesome sex would drive me away from a woman, but hey--what do I know?
I would agree with this. I've not been with anyone easy like this but I've had many friends who have and yep, what you're saying. Could she be happy in an exclusive relationship with that kind of sex drive? Could she commit to one guy and actually do it? Being easy is fine and all, but at some point could one guy be enough for her? If she's an quick panty dropper that can be very scary to guys who looking for something serious in a relationship.
I personally think that she is so sexual bc she is insecure, and she has crazy jealousy issues. She has this horrible view that men who cheat on their gf or wives is bc they weren't sexually fulfilling which I disagree with. She feels like it's her duty and responsibility to fully satisfy her man which I personally don't think that's possible. She is the type of person who gets so mad if she finds out that her man masterbates or watches porn, she views this as almost like cheating behavior.
She believes to keep a man or to make a man happy it's all about sex.
I personally think that she is so sexual bc she is insecure, and she has crazy jealousy issues. She has this horrible view that men who cheat on their gf or wives is bc they weren't sexually fulfilling which I disagree with. She feels like it's her duty and responsibility to fully satisfy her man which I personally don't think that's possible. She is the type of person who gets so mad if she finds out that her man masterbates or watches porn, she views this as almost like cheating behavior.
She believes to keep a man or to make a man happy it's all about sex.
It's easily more likely that her relationships don't endure because she is jealous and insecure. If she stopped the sex, she would then just be a jealous, insecure woman without great sex.
So do you really think it's hot sex that is chasing men away? That sound a lot like trying to chase ants away from a picnic by pouring sugar on the ground.
I guess it's going to take a very very patient man. Technically we all have flaws that our spouses are patient with right? It's hard bc at the end of the day she is a good person, has a great heart but has issues that cause her "crazy" behavior. People view it as controlling, I mean it is controlling but she doesn't do it out of meanness or ill will. God bless patient people who know and understand the heart of people.
Really nice thoughtful and informative conversation.
Is there a distinction between what a person enjoys doing in bed with a partner and how easily/quickly they engage in it with someone? In other words is anyone objecting to what the cousin may enjoy during intimacy?
Really nice thoughtful and informative conversation.
Is there a distinction between what a person enjoys doing in bed with a partner and how easily/quickly they engage in it with someone? In other words is anyone objecting to what the cousin may enjoy during intimacy?
For me you asking what she enjoys during intimacy is sticking out to me. My opinion is that she doesn't really enjoy these things herself so much as she thinks that's what guys like, and she enjoys the feeling of "pleasing" her man. She tells me that she loves being desired by her bf. Like that itself is everything, aka she has low self esteem and loves to finally feel good about herself and she does feel good about herself when the guy is desiring her.
I mean let's be real do girls REALLY like to give BJ and swallow and get facials? I personally don't think so. I think they feel empowered, or they do it bc they think it makes their men happy. I'm not saying that's wrong I think it's nice to love to make your partner happy.
Men would you love your wife to squirt all over your face when she orgasms? No you probably wouldn't.
I’m not a parent and I’m 49; my thoughts could be way off the mark
I have 5 nieces that are all in their early 20s. in talking to their mothers there is a prevalent hook-up culture and none of them want anything serious. One told her mother that “I just need sex not a guy hanging around”. A guess is that young men in that group are the same.
Maybe her holding out a bit would keep the players moving on & a different kind of guy sticking around.
Long long ago I dated a woman who was a self-proclaimed slvt. She LOVED sex, in all its varieties. She had be with a large number of men.
I love would have married her, but our plans for the future were just too different, she wanted kids, a dog and a house, I didn't. Certainly her enthusiasm for sex was in no way a deterrent.
After living my life with a woman with very little interest in sex, I think people would do well to appreciate those who do enjoy it.
All that said, the OPs cousin is likely doing a bad job of selecting men. She needs to look for men who are attracted to her and for whom good sex is a great bonus, not those who are just looking for sex.
After seeing them one time I rarely go back again...old Clint Eastwood movies are the exception.
Dating a girl like this would set in motion memories/movies unseen, but imagined.
I would wonder how many guys got the "Royal", [roiled] treatment.
When you are [out and about] with this girl and she gets a "Hi" from some guy, you would wonder, "Did she [do him] that way also?"
However, to each his/her own. I would pass on this girl.
Yes, she would be nice to bring along on the back of a cross country motorcycle ride, a ski trip to Steamboat Springs, or to take to the Caribbean. As long as you do not give her your heart.
Me? I like women too much to take a chance! In reality, those days are gone for me. And not missed.
So my question to men... you start dating this awesome girl and she let's say... gives you oral all the time and swallows every time or let's you go on her face and loves it, can you see this as a serious relationship?
If your a guy dating a girl it's hard to really know what ur sex life will be like 10+ years later if you married. Some women bate and switch. Sometimes women are just super sexual at the beginning of any relationship, it's the novelty, the excitement, the hormones and I think this is most common. I think the only almost guarantee is if your dating someone who doesn't seem to love sex, or be super into it that's a good indication that ur not going to have an amazing wild sex life in 10+ years.
I think we can all admit that the first couple weeks/months in a relationship are nothing like how they are once you have been married for 10+ years. So it baffles me when people have affairs and leave their wife for their mistress thinking it's going to be any different.
If your a guy dating a girl it's hard to really know what ur sex life will be like 10+ years later if you married. Some women bate and switch. Sometimes women are just super sexual at the beginning of any relationship, it's the novelty, the excitement, the hormones and I think this is most common. I think the only almost guarantee is if your dating someone who doesn't seem to love sex, or be super into it that's a good indication that ur not going to have an amazing wild sex life in 10+ years.
I think we can all admit that the first couple weeks/months in a relationship are nothing like how they are once you have been married for 10+ years. So it baffles me when people have affairs and leave their wife for their mistress thinking it's going to be any different.
Because often, sex is not the main impetus for affairs.
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