If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

User Tag List

 57Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 10:10 AM
Moderator
 
farsidejunky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7,890
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
Far, perhaps if you took on the role of primary cook? I cook most of my family's meals. Consequently, when I eat well, they eat well. When I eat like crap, so do they.
I could, but that would only cover one meal per day.

Her day is spent running, and she will not pack a lunch, so she does on-the-go (translation: unhealthy and fast food) eating.

I do most (95%) of the cooking already, which amounts to three breakfasts and three dinners per week.

The other piece to this is if I am going to invest more time in it, I want to see more investment from her. I have taken this over in the past, and it never sticks because she has not owned it. Again, that would take planning and effort when she would rather live her life in the moment.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
farsidejunky is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 10:14 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 5,507
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

It would definitely affect my attraction to her if she gained a lot of weight.

Fortunately she has maintained her weight fairly well her whole life.

I've never been obese but I have been 30 pounds overweight at one point.

Now I am within a few pounds of my ideal weight, and we are both working out so I'm building some muscle too.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
tech-novelist is offline  
post #18 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 07:33 AM
Member
 
alexm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,798
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

I could care less (within reason). I am one of those people that is attracted to the person, not the body.

Here's the thing - I couldn't tell you why this is. I like the female form as much as the next guy. Boobs, butts and va-jay-jays are awesome

I guess if you held a gun to my head, I'd say that as long as a woman has a 'womanly shape' to her, I'm good. It doesn't matter if she's thin, thick or "fat". As long as she's got a personality that I'm attracted to, I'll find her body attractive.

That said (and I don't mean this in a judgemental way at all), if a woman carries her weight in a way that she has no shape, I don't think I'd be able to get it up for her, regardless of anything else.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
alexm is offline  
post #19 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 07:37 AM
Member
 
EllisRedding's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Valhalla (Or the Northeast USA)
Posts: 6,524
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

I just posted this in the MEME thread, but might be more appropriate here

EllisRedding is offline  
post #20 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 08:06 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Emerging Buddhist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: World-wide
Posts: 1,383
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

Quote:
Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
I just posted this in the MEME thread, but might be more appropriate here

I laughed at that, and then I felt bad for laughing... then I laughed again.
Emerging Buddhist is offline  
post #21 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 09:43 AM
Member
 
happy2gether's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 188
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

I am not a materialistic turd, I love my wife and am attracted to her no matter how she looks to others. We have sex most nights, even after 23 years together. Sure I would be happy if she lost weight, just as she would if I did, but for HEALTH reasons not for attractiveness.

I'll be honest, both of us are 60 pounds heavier than we met. Why should that affect our desire for each other?
happy2gether is online now  
post #22 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 01:52 PM
Member
 
alexm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,798
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

Quote:
Originally Posted by happy2gether View Post
I am not a materialistic turd, I love my wife and am attracted to her no matter how she looks to others. We have sex most nights, even after 23 years together. Sure I would be happy if she lost weight, just as she would if I did, but for HEALTH reasons not for attractiveness.

I'll be honest, both of us are 60 pounds heavier than we met. Why should that affect our desire for each other?
For some people it does, though - and that's okay!

We all rank things differently on our own personal hierarchy tree, much like the 5 love languages. If someone absolutely requires their partner to be a certain size/weight or considers looks or body to be more important than x, y or z, that's their prerogative.

My ex wife changed from a caring, loving, happy person into a miserable so-and-so over time. I was no longer truly attracted to her the last 4 or 5 years we were together. Ironically, her body also changed, from average/chubby to seriously fit, toned and tight. Didn't make an ounce of difference to me - she was a b****, and that's unattractive! Some folks will take 'b***' as long as they're fit, toned and tight. To each their own, lol!

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
alexm is offline  
post #23 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 11:20 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 914
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

What attracts me to my wife is not how heavy or how light she is. It is all about her shape. And this does not change with how she eats.

I would be concerned if she were obese. Not because I would be less attracted to her, but because of the health consequences.

Likewise, I would be concerned if she were very thin, again for health reasons.

Je suis Charlie, Russian Metrojet, Beirut, Paris, Bamako.
Duguesclin is offline  
post #24 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-18-2016, 11:48 AM
Member
 
FrazzledSadHusband's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 500
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

What I found ironic is my wife & I both put on weight over our 30 years of marriage. I accepted it as part of the aging process. I have always loved my wife and expressed my desire for her. She has made multiple cutting remarks about my body. A few years back, when I came here asking for advice on my original thread, I started workin out hard.

She accused me of having a affair, and wanted to know why I was working out. My response was "I want to be with someone that WANTS to be with me, I hope that's you"

I find it very ironic that it was OK for her to put on weight, but she had no problem making cutting remarks about me.
FrazzledSadHusband is offline  
post #25 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 11:05 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 5,589
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

Quote:
Originally Posted by FrazzledSadHusband View Post
What I found ironic is my wife & I both put on weight over our 30 years of marriage. I accepted it as part of the aging process. I have always loved my wife and expressed my desire for her. She has made multiple cutting remarks about my body. A few years back, when I came here asking for advice on my original thread, I started workin out hard.

She accused me of having a affair, and wanted to know why I was working out. My response was "I want to be with someone that WANTS to be with me, I hope that's you"

I find it very ironic that it was OK for her to put on weight, but she had no problem making cutting remarks about me.
It is far more socially acceptable for men to be criticized about their bodies without concern for how it makes them feel as opposed to women. There is still this notion that men don't care and aren't supposed to care about things like that, especially if they are getting laid.

"Let's never stop having sex. We're so good at it, we OWE it to sex to never stop having it."
-My wife
samyeagar is offline  
post #26 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 09:51 AM
Member
 
badsanta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Southpole!
Posts: 3,181
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
to her, why do you think that is?

How does your wife feel about your attraction to her not being affected by her weight?
My wife assumes my feelings are the exact same as hers. She readily admits that if I gain weight that she finds it very unattractive. So if I try to tell her that I like her being a little curvy she assumes that I just don't care if I am attracted to her or not because she is unable to empathize.

So I make it a point to compliment my wife in the context of doing something healthy regardless of the impact on her weight.
badsanta is offline  
post #27 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 11:30 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,174
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

Quote:
Originally Posted by FrazzledSadHusband View Post
What I found ironic is my wife & I both put on weight over our 30 years of marriage. I accepted it as part of the aging process. I have always loved my wife and expressed my desire for her. She has made multiple cutting remarks about my body. A few years back, when I came here asking for advice on my original thread, I started workin out hard.

She accused me of having a affair, and wanted to know why I was working out. My response was "I want to be with someone that WANTS to be with me, I hope that's you"

I find it very ironic that it was OK for her to put on weight, but she had no problem making cutting remarks about me.
So she cuts you down because of your weight gain, then you work out and try to lose the weight, and she accuses you of having an affair. She sounds like she doesn't appreciate your efforts.
*Deidre* is offline  
post #28 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 03:17 PM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 10,974
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

Quote:
Originally Posted by samyeagar View Post
It is far more socially acceptable for men to be criticized about their bodies without concern for how it makes them feel as opposed to women. There is still this notion that men don't care and aren't supposed to care about things like that, especially if they are getting laid.
I don't think this is true, Sam.

Example: the "No Fat Chicks" campaign that men everywhere used to spout as if it was an entitlement for each and every man, regardless of his own weight, to have a non-fat woman, and fat women should know they are less than desired.

There are many other ways that men put down fat and/or ugly women with no regard for their feelings. It happens all the time.

I'm not saying women don't do this. But I actually do think they are generally more polite about it.

I know that you are speaking from a position of being with your wife and how all of her friends talk...but I don't think those things are quite as normal as they are around your house.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
Faithful Wife is online now  
post #29 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 02:42 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 36
I think life is precious and so is the quality of it. If a wife doesn't seem to give a darn about this and tells you that, later in life it could become "not give a damn" about things like diabetes, high blood pressure and much more. This will affect entire family and likely make the latter years less enjoyable.

My wife has started acting like that too, although not fat, she could get down at least 20 with ease. This is no different than a woman nagging a man for this or that. As a matter of fact, many women with weight issues that KNOW the husband doesn't like it may try to be "on the attack" so focus shifted upon you.

Sex matters and is likely to be life extending in itself, along with a clear sign that your health is still there. Psychological erectile dysfunction can also clearly happen if libido drops due to lack of attraction over time. This will drop testosterone level in the long run as well, possibly more than the natural course. I believe that 10-20 years from now, we will not see many obese people as hormones become more mainstream and the medical establishment accepts the facts that are out there. You cannot patent compounded Testosterone, which may be ONE reason the drug companies will keep lobbying to regulate this despite clear evidence of benefits.

Don't be afraid to have SOME expectations.
WoundedTiger is offline  
post #30 of 31 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 08:07 PM
Forum Supporter
 
TX-SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,618
Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction

My attraction for my wife is based on so much more than her weight.

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
TX-SC is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Does your husband *not* care about your weight? jld The Ladies' Lounge 100 01-11-2017 01:46 PM
Wife's Serious Weight Problem jerrymartin947 Relationships and Addiction 72 12-14-2016 01:44 AM
Wife's Weight Is Killing My Sex Drive Imissmywife Sex in Marriage 125 10-20-2016 08:44 AM
Lost attraction to wife's appearance GerryF Sex in Marriage 45 10-06-2016 10:19 AM
Really bothered by wifes weight gain. Markstwo General Relationship Discussion 109 12-23-2015 05:37 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome