Re: If your wife's weight does *not* affect your attraction
Wow, what a great post. This is something I have been struggling with for years. My wife and I have been separated our 3rd time, this time for the past year and a half, and around 2.5 years of the last 5 years. We have not had sex for over 2 years. A bit of background: I am a recovering porn addict, and have been on a roller coaster of recovery for the past several years. Although I have not been unfaithful with another woman, I have been unfaithful to her with eyes, and have chatted online, etc. I know it has had an effect on our intimacy greatly. It's a very long story which I will not bore anyone with. The gist of it now is that I am in a great place in regards to overcoming addiction, but I now do not think of my wife as a sexual being anymore. I am around very overweight, obese people every day of my life as a physician, and I have grown to hate it with a passion. It's not my thing. I look at my wife now without desire. She is an absolutely wonderful person, sweet, kind, and a loving mother, and a truly amazing person, and yet, for me, my love language is a physical one, and I actually have resented her for gaining weight. I work out very regularly, take care of myself, etc. I want to be able to look at my wife and want her physically. She wants me to love her exactly where she is. And I do. I do love her. But love and desire/passion/attraction are different things. I am sex-starved, having not had any for years. If she would only lose some weight, it would be an aphrodisiac. I realize that I have contributed to this mess. But now, as a healthy person, I want to desire her. I don't know how to overlook obesity, unless I just gain a bunch of weight myself. It is not arousing to me. We have 4 children, 2 of which are either about to be out of college or in college and two other teenagers. I understand that sex is only a portion of intimacy, but I find myself unable to give myself to other forms of intimacy without sexual desire. Does anyone have any ideas???