Men, if you do *not* care how much money - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:52 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

My marriage is a lot like my parents and also her parents. She makes some, I make about 20 times what she does. I value her financial contribution. It's always useful. But she brings in more value than just financial so it's never been an issue for me. We both worked at the beginning. I went to college while she worked full time. Back then I made about half of what she did. But we considered that an investment. She got laid off a month before I graduated. A government rif. Two months later she was pregnant with our first. This was 4 years into our marriage.
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post #17 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 02:04 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Money makes some parts of life better, so it matters *some* how much money my wife makes, and more is better. That said, it is by no means the most important thing.

I do value people who provide benefit to society. That benefit can come in many forms, doing a good useful job is one of those. I also think that it is beneficial for everyone to be able to be self sufficient if needed. I like the idea that if I"m hit by a bus, my wife will be fine.
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post #18 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 02:04 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
Andy, you mentioned you did your apprenticeship in Germany. Are you from Germany?
I may have been unclear but I was serving an apprenticeship in New York when I was Sixteen and the idea was that I would qualify at twenty and then go to college while still able to earn money at night and at weekends.Due to being able to read and understand digital electronic circuitry very easily I was head hunted by a German manufacturer and offered a fast tracked place on their in house design training course in Munich when I was eighteen.This was perfect for me because I don't sleep very much,maybe Ninety minutes or two hours a night most nights so I could study longer than anyone else and found it very easy actually.If I knew German I would have completed it a lot quicker.
Ps.When I was twenty I was being paid two hundred and fifty thousand euro a year.Notice I didn't say earning.lol.

Last edited by Andy1001; 12-15-2016 at 03:28 PM.
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post #19 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 02:07 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I do not care how much she brings in, but we've never lived paycheck to paycheck, so it really doesn't matter. Excluding when she went back to get advanced degrees, she's always worked, so it was never "it's your money" that we were living off of, for the most part.

At this point in our lives, we could live on her income alone as well. That wasn't always the case, but I don't know that it ever bothered her that I didn't care how much she made, or if she made anything at all. She was never going to be a SAHM - it's just not in her DNA.
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post #20 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 05:09 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

My Wife with a much shorter work experience time is now making more than I am. It seems to be going ok. I'm a bit more worried about what will happen when I weigh less than her.
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post #21 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 05:15 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I cared that she had a career of some sort. Did not care how much she made. When we got engaged she was finishing up her 2nd degree for a career change, she was unemployed when we got married.

I expected her to work because at the time I could support myself but not too much beyond that, she needed to pay for her car for instance. Later she needed to at least partially contribute to the daycare bill. Beyond that why would I care? Not interested in someone else supporting me.

Now, eventually we both did much better and she started contributing more financially but that took a number of years.
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post #22 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 05:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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My Wife with a much shorter work experience time is now making more than I am. It seems to be going ok. I'm a bit more worried about what will happen when I weigh less than her.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #23 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 06:10 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Assuming I can provide the lifestyle she's comfortable with I prefer she's doing what she wants. If she wants to work or stay home I'm fine either way.

Why do I feel this way? I don't know I just do. I think I'm wired to work and try to take care of someone and make them as comfortable as possible. I don't know any other way.

I don't know how my former wife felt about it. I think she was content. Well, she was content up to the point the marriage ended. 🤔

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post #24 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 06:38 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I do not want or need my partner to work,I want her to raise our child.


What does she want?
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post #25 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 06:38 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I was the first person my husband ever had a long term relationship that brought anything significantly financial to the table (i.e. Steady income, a home, paid off cars, investments etc.) He also has always been financially saavy, but was waiting for the right person to share it all with. We also don't do the yours/mine thing. I sold my house, we dumped everything into joint accounts and have not looked back. So no, I think he wouldn't have cared if I didn't have anything, but we are both happy that we will get to retire relatively young with our combined contributions to our futures.

Ciao,

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post #26 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 06:38 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Mrs. EB quit with the birth of our children, was a wonderful SAHM, when the youngest was in HS went back into doing what she wanted in medical field again part time.

Even with the difficulty we had, money was never argued about once. Tenacity with other challenges aside, there was trust, I always joked she could squeeze a Pound from a Tuppence, she honored the efforts given and I honored her system doing it.

Every penny has been and will always be "ours".
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post #27 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 07:14 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I dont care too much about the money. What I do care about is the amount of crazy she exhibits when she doesn't work.

Plus I really enjoy working with her

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post #28 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 09:36 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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If there were no kids or they were grown up, I'd expect her to work a full-time job that is appropriate to her abilities.

If she made less it wouldn't matter.

If she made more, it would be okay as long as it wasn't "too much" more. This isn't because I'd feel threatened, It's just that, since most of the money was hers, I'd feel as if I should have little say in how it was spent.
It would seem that would be easy to resolve if she earned a lot more.

Say you earned $60K and she earned $120K.

You could both put $60K each in a joint account. And then she could keep her extra $60K since you have an issue with her having more money, you could just ignore her extra income.

The best solution would be for all money to go into one pot and the two of you agree with how to handle it. After paying the bills and some agreed upon amount of savings, you could both get some extra spending money.

Have you ever discussed this with your wife to see how she would feel about just putting all her extra earned income into a joint account should this ever happen?

When you earn more than she does, do you put all of your income into a joint account that she has access to?
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post #29 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 09:51 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I would be fine if she didn't want to work at all but I would expect 3 nonnegotiable things:

1) Spotless house

2) Cooked meals

3) 24/7 access to sex
.......good luck with that.......
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post #30 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 09:56 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I would be fine if she didn't want to work at all but I would expect 3 nonnegotiable things:

1) Spotless house

2) Cooked meals

3) 24/7 access to sex


If you have #3, there would be no time for #1 or #2. But then again, who would care.
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