Men, if you do *not* care how much money - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 09:57 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

The only time I would care would be if my wife behaved like the women who I saw when I worked at a golf country club when I was in collage (she never would). They sat at one table and their kids sat with all their nannys at another table, then the wives went and played Golf or Tennis all day why their kids were watched at the pool by the nanny. This behavior offended me but truthfully I think the nanny probably did a better job raising these kids anyway, at least they weren't just an accessory to them.

If you don't care about your kids don't have them, I would say the same about a man as well. I think this money kind of stuff should be discussed as a couple. My wife is so unhappy about her job right now that I have told he if she wanted to quit I would support us as long as it takes until she could find a career that she was happy with. It would be a sacrifice to our lifestyle but her happiness is more important. I do think if their is no kids and a person is healthy it really isn't good for a person to stay home all day and just play. That is not a moral thing to do, even if you can afford not to have to work then at least volunteer or do something for society with some of your free time.
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post #32 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 10:11 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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.......good luck with that.......
Guess that's why I've never had a gf or wife who didn't contribute at least something financially.

I'd be happy to play sugar daddy to the right woman but I expect a substantial amount of sugar in return.

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If you have #3, there would be no time for #1 or #2. But then again, who would care.
Well, I still got to go to work 40 hours a week. Plenty of time while I'm gone to take care of #1 and #2.

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post #33 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 11:17 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

My exh cared about money but in a different way. I made almost triple what he did and one of his comments when he walked was he didn't feel needed financially. He should have gotten off his a$$ and done something about it then. I wasn't going to do less so he could feel more valued. It was my income that kept us afloat.

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post #34 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 01:12 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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What does she want?
It is hard to know.She is kind of all over the place at the moment but apparently she was exactly the same when she was pregnant with her son.She is moving in on Saturday and I hope that helps her relax a bit more.This is my first experience of dealing with a pregnant woman and it is an eye opener.
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post #35 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 04:07 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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It would seem that would be easy to resolve if she earned a lot more.

Say you earned $60K and she earned $120K.

You could both put $60K each in a joint account. And then she could keep her extra $60K since you have an issue with her having more money, you could just ignore her extra income.

The best solution would be for all money to go into one pot and the two of you agree with how to handle it. After paying the bills and some agreed upon amount of savings, you could both get some extra spending money.

Have you ever discussed this with your wife to see how she would feel about just putting all her extra earned income into a joint account should this ever happen?

When you earn more than she does, do you put all of your income into a joint account that she has access to?
When my W was working, our solution was simply to figure out what each person's pro rata share was, and that was each person's responsibility when it came time to pay all the household items (bills, housework, vacations, etc...). We each kept individually whatever was left to do with as we pleased. Obviously if you get a huge disparity in incomes this doesn't work as well (at least for the person on the low end), but I believe this is a large reason why my W and I have never fought over money. When she was making more, she contributed more, when I moved ahead of her then I was contributing more (until it got to the point where I started covering all bills/household items due to our income gap).
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post #36 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 09:42 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I never cared when I was married but now moving forward if I was to ever get married again it's on the top of the list of considerations
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post #37 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 09:42 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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When my W was working, our solution was simply to figure out what each person's pro rata share was, and that was each person's responsibility when it came time to pay all the household items (bills, housework, vacations, etc...). We each kept individually whatever was left to do with as we pleased. Obviously if you get a huge disparity in incomes this doesn't work as well (at least for the person on the low end), but I believe this is a large reason why my W and I have never fought over money. When she was making more, she contributed more, when I moved ahead of her then I was contributing more (until it got to the point where I started covering all bills/household items due to our income gap).
In my first marriage, my wife was a tenured professor and I was a programmer who changed jobs on occasion.

When I was making more than she was, then I paid most of the expenses; when she was making more, she insisted on splitting everything down the middle.

That's not why I divorced her (as you will know if you read my story), but it certainly didn't make me feel more affectionate toward her.

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post #38 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 11:38 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Some would consider me careless because I was the one to push for a joint account, even before we were married.

I think the opposite, showing her that it was our money, regardless of how much she contributed financially. It helped build the trust quickly and allowed us to move forward fast.

Money is important, but it is not that important. Our freedom has always been very important and it included being free from debt. I did not want my family to become a slave to it.

So, we have a small house while many of my colleagues with similar income have much bigger ones. We have used cars.

But we invest in our kids' education which included a stay at home mom.

My wife's contribution to the marriage is far superior that way than if she had an income.

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post #39 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-17-2016, 03:28 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

My ex and I made roughly the same amount. It was never a problem with us. We split the bills, she had her money and I had my money, and we didn't muddle in each other's affairs.

What I wanted was fidelity, and she couldn't do that.

I don't care how much my woman makes, or whether or not she makes more or less than I do. What I have is hers and hers mine. It's when women get proud and boastful and selfish about what they make, and then somehow think they are better than their husbands just because they get paid more. That's when I get offended.
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post #40 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 06:25 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

It doesn't matter to me at all if she works or not. Even if we had no kids. Its entirely up to her. I'm very traditional and I believe its my job to take care of my woman.
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post #41 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 09:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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It doesn't matter to me at all if she works or not. Even if we had no kids. Its entirely up to her. I'm very traditional and I believe its my job to take care of my woman.
That could be the subject of an interesting thread. I wonder how many men would agree with you, RH.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #42 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 10:53 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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That could be the subject of an interesting thread. I wonder how many men would agree with you, RH.
In a sense, I agree with that. No so much because of chivalrous ideals, but rather I have a lifestyle in mind, and I make sure I can maintain it without contribution from anyone else. That includes parents, friends, spouse. I am not really bothered if my wife contributes to that or not, because it is not a necessity, as I am able to provide it on my own. Now, if she had lifestyle wants and needs beyond mine, that is where she would need to contribute.

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post #43 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 12:42 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
It would seem that would be easy to resolve if she earned a lot more.

Say you earned $60K and she earned $120K.

You could both put $60K each in a joint account. And then she could keep her extra $60K since you have an issue with her having more money, you could just ignore her extra income.

The best solution would be for all money to go into one pot and the two of you agree with how to handle it. After paying the bills and some agreed upon amount of savings, you could both get some extra spending money.

Have you ever discussed this with your wife to see how she would feel about just putting all her extra earned income into a joint account should this ever happen?

When you earn more than she does, do you put all of your income into a joint account that she has access to?
We've had a joint account since before we were married.

The "her making most of the money so I wouldn't feel like I had a say in how it was spent" is just an irrational problem on my part. I'd be stupid to turn down the money (or ask her to give it up).

For 15 years her income was under 10% of the family income. This didn't bother either of us.
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post #44 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 02:39 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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your wife brings to your marriage, or if she brings any at all, why is that?

How does she feel about your feelings about this?
I am not married, but would like to be again. So I've given this quite a bit of thought recently.

I would not require her to make a lot of money. The reasons are purely practical: My new job allows me to comfortably maintain a nice home, fund retirement, and educate my child. I don't have to worry about getting a bigger place if I get with someone with a child, for instance.

But, I would require her to have at least a modest income. This is primarily because I have no interest in some who lacks the ambition to do something well on a full-time basis. The minimum wage in CA is $10.50 an hour. If she can't clear a few hundred dollars a week then something is wrong.

Secondly, it does cost money to live. I would expect a partner to at least cover the little bit of added expense (particularly if she has a child too) for household stuff and family outings, and save for her own retirement. As a matter of principle I think everyone needs to have a little skin in the game.
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post #45 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 04:49 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

The 60/120 example has catastrophic implications if the household expenses plus 401k type contribution levels are anywhere near 110-120k....

The 60 spouse ends up with zero disposable income while the120....



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