Men, if you do *not* care how much money - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

User Tag List

 110Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 04:56 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,581
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by ReformedHubby View Post
It doesn't matter to me at all if she works or not. Even if we had no kids. Its entirely up to her. I'm very traditional and I believe its my job to take care of my woman.
I agree fully with you.I like the thought of my partner being around so we can do what we want,when we want.If she is working and commuting then that eats up a lot of our time and unless she is earning a lot then her salary won't make any difference to our lifestyle.
Andy1001 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 05:33 PM
Member
 
Steve1000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 930
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
your wife brings to your marriage, or if she brings any at all, why is that?

How does she feel about your feelings about this?
Her amount of savings was not something I ever cared about, but I did expect any future wife to maintain a job. It did not have to be high paying because I knew that I could support both of us if needed. My future wife back then was concerned about my middle class salary, but did not tell me directly. The reason for her concern was that she and her friends are all very wealthy. I did not know my wife had a lot of money until after I married her.

If we both had middle class salaries and savings amounts, life would be simpler in some ways. We keep our money separate and I likely will never know just how much she has. Because our finances are separate, we can't easily file taxes jointly. She transfers funds to my account once a month to help pay mortgage and other monthly expenses.

Fortunately, she likes to be thrifty and isn't the type of person to expect (or even want) lavish gifts. I have a respectable career and have always been considered financially comfortable. I never imagined that I would date someone who had to accept that in her perspective, I was poor. After marriage, aside from the points I mentioned above, there haven't been big problems. It's just something we don't talk about. She never complains that I am not more wealthy and has seen that life can still be pretty fun and easy without having millions. Her friends possibly still look down upon me, but they live very far away so I never have to see them.

Sorry about the information overload to your questions.
Steve1000 is offline  
post #48 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 08:01 AM
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 13,870
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

My husband is one of those men who prefers, if he had his choice, that I never had to work... I will ask him to post on this thread (beings it's @jld 's & Dug contributed) when he gets a moment to put this in his own words, feelings....

He's just one of those older fashioned men... he's never been one to downplay, even in the smallest way my contribution when I was just a SAHM... I quit my full time job a year into our marriage weeks before we had our 1st son, he was just a Dairy Manager at a small Grocery store.. we managed fine....he's never hinted, asked or expected me to work..

Though he has complained that I was never home when I decided to take on some jobs a few yrs later... When he'd pull in the drive, I was off with a kiss, we didn't want to pay for babysitters, or that would defeat the whole purpose..... these were the infertility years, it helped some to get my mind off of that, also saving for a whopping down payment when we found that perfect country home...a dream we both shared...it all worked out very nicely.. paying our house off in 7 yrs...we were debt free by our last son...

Today I choose to work some but I only take jobs where it doesn't interfere with our time together... We've had to live frugally with as many children as we've had...always buy used cars (he's a good mechanic), I love coupons!, I always seek/ compare the best deals to be had- no matter what we buy or project we take on, every little bit adds up & helps...

I just REALLY appreciate my husband for the way he is, how he feels on this.. there is no pressure... but "freedom" for me... this doesn't make me lazy, eating bon bons at home ... but deeply appreciative where something in me just wants to give him the world.. give back in ways he wants... to make his life easier, carefree, enjoyable....

I worked 6 months this year at a new job... ran into a lady who now lives in the little house we started out in .... we went to visit her, seeing our old house...so many wonderful memories there / wedding pics in the yard, etc....

There was a moment he said to her (as we were talking about me putting in my notice) how he really just loves me being home...that I don't have to work...seen her the next morning... she commented to me on that.. how she's never heard a man say this, how she thought that was so sweet, it's more "go get a job"....then added what a keeper he was... that's my husband..
SimplyAmorous is offline  
post #49 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 08:29 AM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,344
Cool Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
I would be fine if she didn't want to work at all but I would expect 3 nonnegotiable things:

1) Spotless house

2) Cooked meals

3) 24/7 access to sex
Hey, Betrayed! Ain't that referred to as "Fantasyland?"

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
arbitrator is offline  
post #50 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 09:25 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 5,500
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve1000 View Post
Her amount of savings was not something I ever cared about, but I did expect any future wife to maintain a job. It did not have to be high paying because I knew that I could support both of us if needed. My future wife back then was concerned about my middle class salary, but did not tell me directly. The reason for her concern was that she and her friends are all very wealthy. I did not know my wife had a lot of money until after I married her.

If we both had middle class salaries and savings amounts, life would be simpler in some ways. We keep our money separate and I likely will never know just how much she has. Because our finances are separate, we can't easily file taxes jointly. She transfers funds to my account once a month to help pay mortgage and other monthly expenses.

Fortunately, she likes to be thrifty and isn't the type of person to expect (or even want) lavish gifts. I have a respectable career and have always been considered financially comfortable. I never imagined that I would date someone who had to accept that in her perspective, I was poor. After marriage, aside from the points I mentioned above, there haven't been big problems. It's just something we don't talk about. She never complains that I am not more wealthy and has seen that life can still be pretty fun and easy without having millions. Her friends possibly still look down upon me, but they live very far away so I never have to see them.

Sorry about the information overload to your questions.
That sounds very strange to me. Why does she want to keep her finances secret?

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
tech-novelist is offline  
post #51 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 11:38 AM
Member
 
Steve1000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 930
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by tech-novelist View Post
That sounds very strange to me. Why does she want to keep her finances secret?
I am cognizant that before she met me, a previous boyfriend cheated her out of 100 grand. He asked to borrow it for some business reason and then disappeared. She later prosecuted him and he served a few years in prison. She had told me a bit about this, but I later discovered some attorney documents that provided the details. She could not recoup that financial loss.

I've never directly asked her for more information about her finances. I do know the source of her income - twenty five years of good and fortunate investing.
Steve1000 is offline  
post #52 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 08:30 PM
Member
 
SA's husband's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 50
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by Duguesclin View Post

My wife's contribution to the marriage is far superior that way than if she had an income.
SA is very frugal. There is no need to work. She takes care of so much at home financially paying bills, taking care of kids, doctor visits, planning vacations, etc. It frees my time to work, keep up house repairs, cars and anything else.

As long as we can live a reasonably decent life, I would rather spend time with her. When she did work there was little time, as I would work in the morning and she would leave when I came home, the money really was not worth the time lost with her.

I know if we were strapped for cash, she'd be working full time plus. I don't want to give up precious time with her. Life is to short to worry about money.
SA's husband is offline  
post #53 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 09:41 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 909
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by SA's husband View Post
SA is very frugal. There is no need to work.
My wife is, too. She is also very disciplined and direct. That makes for an easy life for me.

I agree with everything you said. A mother at home is invaluable, for both the kids and the husband.

Je suis Charlie, Russian Metrojet, Beirut, Paris, Bamako.
Duguesclin is offline  
post #54 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 01:22 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,581
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by SA's husband View Post
SA is very frugal. There is no need to work. She takes care of so much at home financially paying bills, taking care of kids, doctor visits, planning vacations, etc. It frees my time to work, keep up house repairs, cars and anything else.

As long as we can live a reasonably decent life, I would rather spend time with her. When she did work there was little time, as I would work in the morning and she would leave when I came home, the money really was not worth the time lost with her.

I know if we were strapped for cash, she'd be working full time plus. I don't want to give up precious time with her. Life is to short to worry about money.
I would love to show this post to my gf.You are a lucky man and your wife is a lucky woman and the best thing is you both know it.Happy Christmas.
Andy1001 is offline  
post #55 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 01:48 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,620
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
I would love to show this post to my gf.You are a lucky man and your wife is a lucky woman and the best thing is you both know it.Happy Christmas.
Andy just remember some wives/gfs get some fulfillment from working. It's great that SA and her Husband are on the same page about this, and this is no way a criticism of them, I am a big admirer of them. However just because it works for them doesn't mean it will work for everyone. As you posted on here before sounds like you gf want's to work. Part of your role as a provider for her is you need to provide for her emotionally. A lot of guys miss this and because of that they have big problems in the marriage. That means if she needs to work to find some fulfillment in her life then it's your role to help her with that. Yes you have a right to stand up if the marriage is suffering for it, for example say you never see her or whatever, but your spouse needs to have dreams and aspirations. You job is NOT to talk her out of those because it's not what YOU want. If you make it a goal that you do together then her successes will be yours. They will bring you closer together, this is a much better way to go.

I am just saying if your gf wanting to work and that is a deal breaker to you then you should find a woman who want's to stay home, not try to change the one you are with. That never works and will only lead to resentment.
sokillme is online now  
post #56 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 03:30 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,581
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Andy just remember some wives/gfs get some fulfillment from working. It's great that SA and her Husband are on the same page about this, and this is no way a criticism of them, I am a big admirer of them. However just because it works for them doesn't mean it will work for everyone. As you posted on here before sounds like you gf want's to work. Part of your role as a provider for her is you need to provide for her emotionally. A lot of guys miss this and because of that they have big problems in the marriage. That means if she needs to work to find some fulfillment in her life then it's your role to help her with that. Yes you have a right to stand up if the marriage is suffering for it, for example say you never see her or whatever, but your spouse needs to have dreams and aspirations. You job is NOT to talk her out of those because it's not what YOU want. If you make it a goal that you do together then her successes will be yours. They will bring you closer together, this is a much better way to go.

I am just saying if your gf wanting to work and that is a deal breaker to you then you should find a woman who want's to stay home, not try to change the one you are with. That never works and will only lead to resentment.
It's not a deal breaker.I have to learn to compromise and this is not going to be easy.We haven't been talking much about this I'm just venting really.If she goes to work then I have to live with it.
Andy1001 is offline  
post #57 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 06:13 AM
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 13,870
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
However just because it works for them doesn't mean it will work for everyone.
Yes, absolutely.... I've heard many women say this over the years, how they could never stay home.... even yesterday.. we had a lady at our house, she came to do a service for us...our kids & working came up in the conversation, she has 2... she was saying how she would go stir crazy at home....

I've never felt this way personally.. I have always been able to find something to do, or throw myself into something....Yrs ago, I really wanted a new look in the kitchen, I don't care for dark wood... but too cheap to pay big money.. so I had him take all the doors off the hinges... I sanded them all down & gave a new varnish job, adding some white to the corners (Love the country look)...then stripped 2 darker wood hutches to make them lighter wood, adding some white to the corners to make them all match...can't say that was a lot of fun... but I was happy with the new look... and the price was right ...

One thing needed though -is getting out some so you still feel a connection with other people, nurturing that...I have very little family, I don't see any of them hardly... so friends are very important to me.... going to church yrs back helped with that too...

I still work some, it's only like 6% of our income.. Since it's completely around his schedule & the kids ....it's like I am always here anyway, for the most part.
SimplyAmorous is offline  
post #58 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:23 AM
Member
 
thefam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 421
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
That could be the subject of an interesting thread. I wonder how many men would agree with you, RH.
Probably very very few JLD. Glad i have one of them! He's probably like that because he knows he's high maintenance tho.
thefam is offline  
post #59 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:31 AM Thread Starter
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 19,605
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by thefam View Post
Probably very very few JLD. Glad i have one of them! He's probably like that because he knows he's high maintenance tho.
I agree, tfam. Though I am married to a low maintenance man, and like it that way!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #60 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:49 AM
Member
 
thefam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 421
Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
I agree, tfam. Though I am married to a low maintenance man, and like it that way!
Low maintenance would definitely be easier. But then there are days like today when he woke up and said "I got you" so all I have to do today is breastfeed. Merry Christmas to me! LOL
/end threadjack
thefam is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Money is the Root (Very Long Post, Sorry) MoxieRoxie Considering Divorce or Separation 17 10-05-2016 05:04 PM
Are you a Femnist? Kivlor Politics and Religion 211 09-27-2016 03:36 PM
Article: Why Women Leave Men They Love MAJDEATH General Relationship Discussion 54 03-29-2016 12:59 AM
The Sexodus tech-novelist The Men's Clubhouse 1287 03-01-2016 11:22 AM
to protect and care for EleGirl General Relationship Discussion 24 01-25-2016 12:48 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome