Men, if you do *not* care how much money - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Low maintenance would definitely be easier. But then there are days like today when he woke up and said "I got you" so all I have to do today is breastfeed. Merry Christmas to me! LOL
/end threadjack
I would not want to be with a high maintenance guy, as then my energy would have to go into supporting him, instead of having it go to the kids and myself.

I remember an older mom telling me, when I was younger, that breastfeeding was at least a part-time job!

Are you nursing both younger kids, tfam? I did that with my first two. My second weaned the day he saw his little brother.

Okay, sorry to extend the t/j. Back to the subject of the thread . . .

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #62 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 08:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I like the thought of my partner being around so we can do what we want,when we want.
Yes, freedom is a big advantage of being a sahm. That is what I like about homeschooling, too. We are not tied to a school calendar. We are in charge of our own lives.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #63 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 08:44 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Yes, freedom is a big advantage of being a sahm. That is what I like about homeschooling, too. We are not tied to a school calendar. We are in charge of our own lives.
This is the point I am trying to make to my gf but to no avail so far.I am normally working from three am until maybe five or five thirty am and then my time is my own.At the moment she is living with me along with her son,he is on vacation from school right now.We normally have breakfast with the boy,leave him to school and then we walk in the woods,sometimes with my neighbors guide dog.We go to art exhibitions,museums etc and I bring her to all her appointments.I draw the line at shopping though lol.
This idea of home schooling is starting to interest me but I would have to hire someone,I'm not sure how J would feel about this.She went to a normal school with lots of other kids,mine was more selective.
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post #64 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 08:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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This is the point I am trying to make to my gf but to no avail so far.I am normally working from three am until maybe five or five thirty am and then my time is my own.At the moment she is living with me along with her son,he is on vacation from school right now.We normally have breakfast with the boy,leave him to school and then we walk in the woods,sometimes with my neighbors guide dog.We go to art exhibitions,museums etc and I bring her to all her appointments.I draw the line at shopping though lol.
This idea of home schooling is starting to interest me but I would have to hire someone,I'm not sure how J would feel about this.She went to a normal school with lots of other kids,mine was more selective.
What exactly are her objections to staying home?

I totally agree with you, btw. To me, it is just a matter of your earning her trust, and her accepting your vision for family life. And that vision could be very enriching for your family.

ETA: Andy, please reconsider the idea of hiring someone to homeschool your child. A big part of homeschooling is the bonding that takes place between parent and child. Otherwise it is just hiring a private tutor.

Really, you could do it yourself, if she does not want to. You certainly have the time.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #65 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 09:04 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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What exactly are her objections to staying home?

I totally agree with you, btw. To me, it is just a matter of your earning her trust, and her accepting your vision for family life. And that vision could be very enriching for your family.

ETA: Andy, please reconsider the idea of hiring someone to homeschool your child. A big part of homeschooling is the bonding that takes place between parent and child. Otherwise it is just hiring a private tutor.

Really, you could do it yourself, if she does not want to. You certainly have the time.
Well I haven't been broaching the subject lately but she has made it clear that she wants to go back to work and also that she doesn't want to work for me.She may change her mind when the baby comes.I think it's just that she wants to earn her own money because to be honest it doesn't matter what she earns it won't make any difference to our lifestyle.
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post #66 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 09:15 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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What exactly are her objections to staying home?

I totally agree with you, btw. To me, it is just a matter of your earning her trust, and her accepting your vision for family life. And that vision could be very enriching for your family.

ETA: Andy, please reconsider the idea of hiring someone to homeschool your child. A big part of homeschooling is the bonding that takes place between parent and child. Otherwise it is just hiring a private tutor.

Really, you could do it yourself, if she does not want to. You certainly have the time.
I would not have the patience to teach anybody anything.The pastor in a nearby church asked me to help teach some basic IT skills to some people who call into his day centre but it didn't work out.Also I have always had a problem with learning new languages,I worked for short periods of time in so many countries that I just never bothered.I never had to study very hard as a child to pass exams and this shows when I try to teach somebody anything.

Last edited by Andy1001; 12-23-2016 at 09:20 AM.
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post #67 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 09:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I would not have the patience to teach anybody anything.The pastor in a nearby church asked me to help teach some basic IT skills to some people who call into his day centre but it didn't work out.Also I have always had a problem with learning new languages,I worked for short periods of time in so many countries that I just never bothered.I never had to study very hard as a child to pass exams and this shows when I try to teach somebody something.
Not all people homeschool in a way that involves actual teaching. It is just the time together that is bonding.

I do not actually "teach" much. My kids mostly use self-teaching materials. That actually works better because it puts them in charge of their own education. Empowering for them, and freeing for me.

You could always live for a period of time with them in another country. Kids have a way of picking up languages quickly when they are with other kids who speak the language, and when they are watching cartoons, for example, in another language. Immersion works great for kids.

You are obviously very intelligent. Your child's genes are going to be half yours. That will make it easier, all the way around.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #68 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 09:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Well I haven't been broaching the subject lately but she has made it clear that she wants to go back to work and also that she doesn't want to work for me.She may change her mind when the baby comes.I think it's just that she wants to earn her own money because to be honest it doesn't matter what she earns it won't make any difference to our lifestyle.
Has she said why she does not want to work for you? Does she feel it would be giving up too much of her power?

That might be the reason she does not want to be a sahm, either. A woman cedes a lot of power to a man when she accepts to be a sahm. She has to trust he will not abuse her in any way, that he truly loves her and will treat her the way he would treat himself.

Andy, very honestly, have you given her any reason to believe you would not treat her the way you would treat yourself?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #69 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 09:32 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Not all people homeschool in a way that involves actual teaching. It is just the time together that is bonding.

I do not actually "teach" much. My kids mostly use self-teaching materials. That actually works better because it puts them in charge of their own education. Empowering for them, and freeing for me.

You could always live for a period of time with them in another country. Kids have a way of picking up languages quickly when they are with other kids who speak the language, and when they are watching cartoons, for example, in another language. Immersion works great for kids.

You are obviously very intelligent. Your child's genes are going to be half yours. That will make it easier, all the way around.
I have a high IQ all right.Dealing with relationships is another thing though.If it was as easy as designing something I would have no problem.This falling in love is hard work and reading the stories on this forum It seems marriage is hard work too.
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post #70 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 09:37 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I have a high IQ all right.Dealing with relationships is another thing though.If it was as easy as designing something I would have no problem.This falling in love is hard work and reading the stories on this forum It seems marriage is hard work too.
Marriage is not hard work for everyone. The secret is compatibility. And that is something that, imo, is more found than created.

It is critical to be transparent with your spouse. And to accept them as they are. You can try to persuade, to influence, but you must be able to hear No when they say it (if you want to stay together). Even when it just about kills you to hear it.

What drew you to this girl? Just her beauty? Or was there more to it than that?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #71 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 09:40 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Personally, my opinion is more in line with the post from @john117 earlier on this. Doesn't matter, as long as her spending is in line with her aspirations. I think families actually function better with a SAHM. Having a parent around is good for kids. And having a spouse at home to help take care of the basics frees the other spouse to work harder and not have to focus on those issues.

I apply the "barbell" strategy to a lot of things in life. Mixing of Hyper-conservative and Hyper-aggressive strategies tends to make one less vulnerable to unpredictable "bad" events, and gives you the option to turn them into an opportunity. A SAHW (especially one with some skill / degree, who could work if she chose) would provide options to the entire family unit, and options are power. She doesn't have to directly provide money to be a benefit. Not all of life is economic benefit, in fact, the vast majority of life's benefits are non-pecuniary.

Also, there are ways to make money while being a SAHM...
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post #72 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 09:48 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Has she said why she does not want to work for you? Does she feel it would be giving up too much of her power?

That might be the reason she does not want to be a sahm, either. A woman cedes a lot of power to a man when she accepts to be a sahm. She has to trust he will not abuse her in any way, that he truly loves her and will treat her the way he would treat himself.

Andy, very honestly, have you given her any reason to believe you would not treat her the way you would treat yourself?
The reason she doesn't want to work for me is because I own her former business.It is a large health studio with over three thousand members and if she hadn't been giving money to her mother and letting her friends use the facilities free she would still own it.She was about to declare bankruptcy when I stepped in and we weren't even together at the time.I have been called a KISA by tam members and they may be right.The business is running like clockwork and will be in profit by February despite being almost half a million in the red three months ago.I could sell it easily but I want her to have it back and if we get married I will give it to her as a wedding present.I currently need a manager and she refuses to consider it.I may be repeating myself here but when I bought her business I gave her four hundred thousand dollars over the independent valuation of the place,she returned this money a short while later saying she wasn't a gold digger.I only bring this up as a way of showing that I will look after her and she has no worries about money.
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post #73 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 09:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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The reason she doesn't want to work for me is because I own her former business.It is a large health studio with over three thousand members and if she hadn't been giving money to her mother and letting her friends use the facilities free she would still own it.She was about to declare bankruptcy when I stepped in and we weren't even together at the time.I have been called a KISA by tam members and they may be right.The business is running like clockwork and will be in profit by February despite being almost half a million in the red three months ago.I could sell it easily but I want her to have it back and if we get married I will give it to her as a wedding present.I currently need a manager and she refuses to consider it.I may be repeating myself here but when I bought her business I gave her four hundred thousand dollars over the independent valuation of the place,she returned this money a short while later saying she wasn't a gold digger.I only bring this up as a way of showing that I will look after her and she has no worries about money.
Do you think she just feels overwhelmed by you, by your intelligence and superior business sense? Just completely overpowered?

I would not worry about the KISA label. I do not see you being stepped on in any way, too meek to stand up for yourself.

Also, Andy, did you make some rules about whether or not she could interact with her family? Don't you think that might feel overpowering to her? Like she has lost control over her own life, and decisionmaking ability?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #74 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 10:01 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Also, there are ways to make money while being a SAHM...
I need to learn about investing. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to learn about investing, but I need to learn about it.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #75 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 10:16 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I need to learn about investing. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to learn about investing, but I need to learn about it.
Well, the first place to start would be to figure out what kind of things you'd like to invest in.

If you're just talking about the securities exchanges, there are some excellent reads out there. I've never really done much with it myself, because I prefer tangible assets (Real Estate). I'd highly recommend Nassim Taleb's Antifragile, for investment, and for life in general.

It's less of a direct guide to investing, and more of a guide to changing your mindset so that you avoid engaging in behaviors that put you in the position of the "Sword of Damacles" myth (if the thread breaks, you're dead) and not even that of the Pheonix (no matter how bad things get you bounce back), but rather that place you in the position of the Hydra (cut off one head, two take it's place). The more things go wrong, the better you do, and if things don't go wrong, you're not any worse off than you were.

Some other folks may have some great ideas for investment books that are more of the how-to guide variety.

But JLD, you also don't have to just invest in securities, there are other things a SAHM can do to make money. Starting a part-time home business is always an option. I know folks who go to auctions, and buy stuff for resale on the interwebs for example.
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