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post #76 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 10:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Well, the first place to start would be to figure out what kind of things you'd like to invest in.

If you're just talking about the securities exchanges, there are some excellent reads out there. I've never really done much with it myself, because I prefer tangible assets (Real Estate). I'd highly recommend Nassim Taleb's Antifragile, for investment, and for life in general.

It's less of a direct guide to investing, and more of a guide to changing your mindset so that you avoid engaging in behaviors that put you in the position of the "Sword of Damacles" myth (if the thread breaks, you're dead) and not even that of the Pheonix (no matter how bad things get you bounce back), but rather that place you in the position of the Hydra (cut off one head, two take it's place). The more things go wrong, the better you do, and if things don't go wrong, you're not any worse off than you were.

Some other folks may have some great ideas for investment books that are more of the how-to guide variety.

But JLD, you also don't have to just invest in securities, there are other things a SAHM can do to make money. Starting a part-time home business is always an option. I know folks who go to auctions, and buy stuff for resale on the interwebs for example.
I don't really feel like I need to make money. But we do have some saved and it is time we learn about investing.

I just dread it, though. Truly no interest in any of it, and a lot of fear.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #77 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 11:48 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Do you think she just feels overwhelmed by you, by your intelligence and superior business sense? Just completely overpowered?

I would not worry about the KISA label. I do not see you being stepped on in any way, too meek to stand up for yourself.

Also, Andy, did you make some rules about whether or not she could interact with her family? Don't you think that might feel overpowering to her? Like she has lost control over her own life, and decisionmaking ability?
I made no rules whatsoever about J interacting with her family in fact it was me who suggested she reach out to her sisters at least.When J owned her business her three sisters were employed by her and she was paying her mother five hundred a week for food and looking after her son.She was also giving her mother "loans" for god knows what that were never repaid.When her business failed her mother expected her to do all the housework and her sisters were very passive aggressive with her and refused to help with her son because they weren't being paid by her any more.When she returned the money that I gave her her mother threw her and her son out.I still welcomed Js family into my home until they insulted my best friend and house guest with homophobic insults but I never stopped J from seeing them.They accepted an invitation to thanksgiving dinner which J and Ally went to a lot of trouble for and then didn't turn up.Js mother then made more homophobic remarks until I told her who my business partner was.When she realised that her three daughters were technically employed by Ally her attitude changed.
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post #78 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 11:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I made no rules whatsoever about J interacting with her family in fact it was me who suggested she reach out to her sisters at least.When J owned her business her three sisters were employed by her and she was paying her mother five hundred a week for food and looking after her son.She was also giving her mother "loans" for god knows what that were never repaid.When her business failed her mother expected her to do all the housework and her sisters were very passive aggressive with her and refused to help with her son because they weren't being paid by her any more.When she returned the money that I gave her her mother threw her and her son out.I still welcomed Js family into my home until they insulted my best friend and house guest with homophobic insults but I never stopped J from seeing them.They accepted an invitation to thanksgiving dinner which J and Ally went to a lot of trouble for and then didn't turn up.Js mother then made more homophobic remarks until I told her who my business partner was.When she realised that her three daughters were technically employed by Ally her attitude changed.
Wow, sorry to hear all that. I have not read your thread, except a few bits, and did not know.

Homophobia usually stops when people meet and get to know homosexuals that they like and feel comfortable with. I hope that can happen with Ally and J's family.

Is J just a soft touch for her family? And the family takes advantage of that?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #79 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 12:02 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Marriage is not hard work for everyone. The secret is compatibility. And that is something that, imo, is more found than created.

It is critical to be transparent with your spouse. And to accept them as they are. You can try to persuade, to influence, but you must be able to hear No when they say it (if you want to stay together). Even when it just about kills you to hear it.

What drew you to this girl? Just her beauty? Or was there more to it than that?
First of all KISA means knight in shining armour lol.
When I met J the first time I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.I had just moved into an apt near her business while my house was being built.I had recently returned from Scotland where I had buried my parents.I asked her out to dinner straight away but she explained that she had a son and couldn't just go out when she wanted.I brought her to lunch instead and we very slowly started dating.
She is the kindest,warm hearted person I have ever met and if people had stopped interfering in our life we would be married now.
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post #80 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 12:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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First of all KISA means knight in shining armour lol.
When I met J the first time I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.I had just moved into an apt near her business while my house was being built.I had recently returned from Scotland where I had buried my parents.I asked her out to dinner straight away but she explained that she had a son and couldn't just go out when she wanted.I brought her to lunch instead and we very slowly started dating.
She is the kindest,warm hearted person I have ever met and if people had stopped interfering in our life we would be married now.
She sounds lovely.

I think things are going to work out. But you both get the opportunity to grow a bit along the way.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #81 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 01:26 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I am cognizant that before she met me, a previous boyfriend cheated her out of 100 grand. He asked to borrow it for some business reason and then disappeared. She later prosecuted him and he served a few years in prison. She had told me a bit about this, but I later discovered some attorney documents that provided the details. She could not recoup that financial loss.

I've never directly asked her for more information about her finances. I do know the source of her income - twenty five years of good and fortunate investing.
Maybe you should play this for her:


Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
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post #82 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 01:33 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Originally Posted by Kivlor View Post
Well, the first place to start would be to figure out what kind of things you'd like to invest in.

If you're just talking about the securities exchanges, there are some excellent reads out there. I've never really done much with it myself, because I prefer tangible assets (Real Estate). I'd highly recommend Nassim Taleb's Antifragile, for investment, and for life in general.

It's less of a direct guide to investing, and more of a guide to changing your mindset so that you avoid engaging in behaviors that put you in the position of the "Sword of Damacles" myth (if the thread breaks, you're dead) and not even that of the Pheonix (no matter how bad things get you bounce back), but rather that place you in the position of the Hydra (cut off one head, two take it's place). The more things go wrong, the better you do, and if things don't go wrong, you're not any worse off than you were.

Some other folks may have some great ideas for investment books that are more of the how-to guide variety.
Here's one: https://www.amazon.com/Permanent-Por...nent+portfolio

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
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post #83 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 02:05 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Maybe you should play this for her:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Egcq0HHpC0
It wasn't until the 1 minute mark when I started to figure out why the heck you picked this song.
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post #84 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 02:08 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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It wasn't until the 1 minute mark when I started to figure out why the heck you picked this song.
The title might have provided a clue too. :-)

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post #85 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 02:09 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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The title might have provided a clue too. :-)
Some of us are just slower than others.
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post #86 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 03:42 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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It's not a deal breaker.I have to learn to compromise and this is not going to be easy.We haven't been talking much about this I'm just venting really.If she goes to work then I have to live with it.
I think you see it wrong. You are seeing it as something she is not doing for you, you need to see it a something you can do for her as a provider. That is in our (mens) nature. You are an emotional provider for her, become active in helping her find fulfillment in her career, kind of like a teammate or coach. (Just don't go all Lombardi on her, your English so I don't know if this translates so here you go)

Last edited by sokillme; 12-23-2016 at 03:53 PM.
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post #87 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 04:04 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I think you see it wrong. You are seeing it as something she is not doing for you, you need to see it a something you can do for her as a provider. That is in our (mens) nature. You are an emotional provider for her, become active in helping her find fulfillment in her career, kind of like a teammate or coach. (Just don't go all Lombardi on her, your English so I don't know if this translates so here you go)
I'm not English,I was born in the US.I know who Vince Lombardi was.I have lived in a lot of countries since I was born so my vocabulary probably sounds messed up to you.
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post #88 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 06:05 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I would not want to be with a high maintenance guy, as then my energy would have to go into supporting him, instead of having it go to the kids and myself.

I don't blame you! But oddly enough I wouldn't change that about him if I could.

I remember an older mom telling me, when I was younger, that breastfeeding was at least a part-time job! Did you think so? It just seems such a natural part of being a mother to me. I actually enjoy it!

Are you nursing both younger kids, tfam? Sadly, no. My middle son, due to his NICU stay, actually ended up preferring the bottle over me. He was completely weaned at 8 months. But it worked out well to give me a break for the new baby.

I did that with my first two. My second weaned the day he saw his little brother.

Okay, sorry to extend the t/j. Back to the subject of the thread . . .
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post #89 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 06:09 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I don't really feel like I need to make money. But we do have some saved and it is time we learn about investing.

I just dread it, though. Truly no interest in any of it, and a lot of fear.
Me either, JLD. My husband is SO into it and so wants me to be too. I just can't with it.
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post #90 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 06:15 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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I don't really feel like I need to make money. But we do have some saved and it is time we learn about investing.

I just dread it, though. Truly no interest in any of it, and a lot of fear.
What fear you feel now is nothing compared to the fear you would feel if something happened to Dug and you still had no knowledge about investing.

Especially if you had any significant amount of invested money at that point. Widows are notorious for being taken advantage of by slick "advisors".

For example, when my stepfather died and my mother had no idea what to do with the money. A "financial advisor" came along to relieve her of it; I had to step in to rescue her. There is a happy ending with my story, as she is fine, but if I hadn't been there, I'm sure the results would have been quite different.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
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