Men, if you do *not* care how much money - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 09:51 AM Thread Starter
jld
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Men, if you do *not* care how much money

your wife brings to your marriage, or if she brings any at all, why is that?

How does she feel about your feelings about this?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #2 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 09:58 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

My wife is retired young due to health issues. She has a small pension. I make enough to support us and to save for my retirement.

It has always been OUR money, never mine and yours.
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post #3 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 09:59 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I have been the sole breadwinner for most of my current marriage. I have no problem with this; in fact, I consider it my privilege to support my wife. I'm pretty sure she is fine with it as well.

I guess that makes me (us) old-fashioned.

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post #4 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 10:02 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I do care - I expect an adult to be able to fully support themselves from their work, even if they don't have assets to show for it. I would expect that to continue in marriage, unless there is a mutual agreement for some other arrangement, or if there is illness or disability. Money matters, but other things matter more; if she has a lot of money, but lacks in compatibility, the money won't compensate for those shortcomings.

We feel the same about this. And when she has been ill/disabled, she has fought to get well and back to work. She doesn't like being dependent even if I think the circumstances justify it - or as she puts it, she doesn't want to be a poodle.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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post #5 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 10:06 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I care, alot. As I have said before, I knew that before we were married, we would not be able to make ends meet on one income and that if we got married she would be expected to work. She agreed. After the first kid came along she made the proclamation I'm not going back to work I want to be a SAHM. I explained to her that we would not be able to meet monthly obligations and she said that was my problem. Should have divorced her right then.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #6 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 10:13 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I raised my girls to never count on any man, I wanted them to get degrees that if they never marry in life, they would be just fine...but i also told them it was not their job to support a man either....either it is true partnership or someone will always have leverage over the other.
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post #7 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 10:20 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I didn't care at all when I was married. I figured we each contributed in different ways to the relationship and I took care of earning the money. I cared that she wouldn't stick to a budget, but that was a separate issue.
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post #8 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 11:53 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I dont care much about money for my own sake, but I do care about it for the sake of my kids. As long as we can meet basic requirements to take care of the kids and give them a happy childhood, I'm good. We're looking at options for my wife to start a small side business and stay home with the kids. Things will be leaner, but it'll be offset somewhat by daycare savings (which could cover a small apartment rental fee)

It makes me a little nervous putting all our eggs in one basket, as my industry is notorious for layoffs, but we'll make it work somehow.

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post #9 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 12:10 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

If there were no kids or they were grown up, I'd expect her to work a full-time job that is appropriate to her abilities.

If she made less it wouldn't matter.

If she made more, it would be okay as long as it wasn't "too much" more. This isn't because I'd feel threatened, It's just that, since most of the money was hers, I'd feel as if I should have little say in how it was spent.
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post #10 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 12:12 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

If it is needed, all I care about is that my W is making an effort to contribute to our house/family. If I really cared about money so much, my W would still be working full time. Also depends on the situation. Currently, given my income and the importance my W and I place on raising our young family, it is a fair tradeoff my W not working. If we had no kids or get to the point where the kids are out of the house (or require less parental time), then I would expect my W to work. All of this is based on no dramatic downturn in my income.

Would I ever support a woman so she could sit around all day and shop, nope.
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post #11 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 12:25 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

From a purely pragmatic perspective, over 40% of marriages fail. If my first wife hadn't been working in a good career (or had made a lot less), my child support would have been much higher, and I would have certainly been stuck with lifelong alimony. Fortunately, I wasn't burdened with that scenario, and have been able to make a good life for myself since I didn't also have to support her while she did nothing.

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post #12 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 12:37 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

I do not want or need my partner to work,I want her to raise our child.
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post #13 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 12:44 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
your wife brings to your marriage, or if she brings any at all, why is that?

How does she feel about your feelings about this?
As long as her aspirations and spending are adjusted accordingly I'm OK.

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post #14 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:12 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
your wife brings to your marriage, or if she brings any at all, why is that?

How does she feel about your feelings about this?
I would be fine if she didn't want to work at all but I would expect 3 nonnegotiable things:

1) Spotless house

2) Cooked meals

3) 24/7 access to sex

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #15 of 100 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 01:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Men, if you do *not* care how much money

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
I do not want or need my partner to work,I want her to raise our child.
Andy, you mentioned you did your apprenticeship in Germany. Are you from Germany?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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