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post #16 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 02:42 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

4
1
3
2
5


I don't really need her to support my hobbies. I recently started learning to play banjo. I simply follow her around the house playing it.

She hates it, and I kind of love that she hates it.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #17 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 02:47 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
I have a question for the men:

What would you say if I man wanted 1,2,3,5 and NOT 4

Thanks


He's looking for his mother.
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post #18 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 03:05 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
4
1
3
2
5


I don't really need her to support my hobbies. I recently started learning to play banjo. I simply follow her around the house playing it.

She hates it, and I kind of love that she hates it.
I have started with the banjo as well. I enjoy clawhammer. I particularly like double C tuning. I always say to my W, "Don't make me pull out the banjo." LOL. My W does not hate it but is not in love with it either. The banjo just get's no respect. I plan on changing that!

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #19 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 03:27 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
4. Sex (self explanatory)
5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator)
2 - I enjoy being pampered by her cooking, wish she would do it more often
3 - I like a neat house (Not OCD clean but not cluttered)
1 - Her income and career are important
4 - I enjoy it but as I get older it is not nearly as important
5 - My hobbies don't need spectators
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post #20 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 03:34 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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KJ ~
May I ask why it's important for her to attend your games?
Thank you ~
VH
I think it's cool when a woman shows interest in her man, and going to his hobbies with him (whether that be athletic pursuits, or nerd conventions, or whatever) is one way of showing that interest. Plus, who doesn't like to have their own little cheering section for them at games?
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post #21 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 03:44 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by Yeswecan View Post
I have started with the banjo as well. I enjoy clawhammer. I particularly like double C tuning. I always say to my W, "Don't make me pull out the banjo." LOL. My W does not hate it but is not in love with it either. The banjo just get's no respect. I plan on changing that!
I do 3 finger in open G. Badly.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #22 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 03:56 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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I do 3 finger in open G. Badly.
I feel ya, man. But even bad banjo is good banjo! I love playing the 5 string. I have 2. I keep one tuned to G and the other double C. Wayne Erbsen tabs make it easy to learn. Love using his tabs.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #23 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 04:21 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
When my now husband and I started dating I went to EVERY single one of his games. (He plays competitive soccer and is actually on a farm team for the MLS so this isn't just a bunch of 30 year old men kicking a ball around.) At this time, we were both living at home (typical in European cultures) and therefore had way less responsibilities than we do now. Basically, I had more time to go watch. Now, we have our own house and are responsible for all of our own meals, laundry, etc. (Yay, adulting.) I don't feel overwhelmed or anything as my husband is very helpful in terms of cooking and cleaning, but to attend a soccer game after a full day's work and what not isn't as exciting as it used to be. We also play on a competitive team together and I have my own team as well. All soccer. (We're an athletic couple.) If I watch his games I'm out of the house 3 evenings a week and I just find it to be a bit much, especially if he wants a clean house, dinner made, and sexy time. I feel like I can accomplish 3 of the 5 regularly, but not always all 5 - work, cook, clean, sex, soccer.) He doesn't always attend my games (if that makes any difference), but mainly because mine are scheduled earlier and he's not always off work. I never wanted to be one of those ghost wives... The ones you never see at the games. I also never wanted to be a slob and serve her man heat and eat style meals in a messy home. (I enjoy domestic duties most of the time so I don't always see it as a vacation to watch instead of cooking or cleaning.) Anyway, I'm trying to find more balance.

Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
4. Sex (self explanatory)
5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator)

Thank you!
I am not sure what the point of this list is, I don't think it is going to solve your problem even if you do re-prioritize. I think it's the things you are doing but the fact that you don't feel emotionally supported. That is what I get from your post is basically, our lives are a routine and I need more. Instead of re-prioritizing stuff, why not talk to him about your needs. Do it before you start to resent him, give him a chance to help you and your marriage.
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post #24 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 05:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
I am not sure what the point of this list is, I don't think it is going to solve your problem even if you do re-prioritize. I think it's the things you are doing but the fact that you don't feel emotionally supported. That is what I get from your post is basically, our lives are a routine and I need more. Instead of re-prioritizing stuff, why not talk to him about your needs. Do it before you start to resent him, give him a chance to help you and your marriage.
This was a weird response...

I do feel supported and like I said I don't feel overwhelmed. I do, however, feel unsure as to whether or not I'm devoting my time/energy in the right way. I do GET overwhelmed easily which is also the point of this post. I want some guidance as to how I should or should not change up my routine.

My husband is very useful. (For example, I'm having a girl's night out Friday and everyone will be coming here before for drinks, makeup, etc. He's off work and he already told me he'll clean the entire apartment and be gone by whatever time I ask. He'll even pick my drunk ass up, lol.)
I have no resentment towards him concerning his domestic contribution.

The goal of this re adjustment is 100% for his benefit. Seriously. I'm trying to figure out if my priorities are or aren't the most useful for a successful marriage. (I'm OCD clean, BTW... My apartment looks like a magazine and I spend A LOT of time cleaning everything inside and out... I may have to relax on that.)

Do any of you men have a *serious* hobby? Not that the banjo isn't serious... But you know what I mean...

So in sum, sex must be bumped up the list, lol.
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post #25 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 06:20 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

4, 5, 1, 2, 3
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post #26 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 06:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

I'm amazed how low "having a job" is for a lot of the men, lol. I didn't say a career I just said a job.. as in she WORKS. How can that be less important than sex? No wonder there are so many Sugar Babies out there taking advantage of old, lonely men, lol.
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post #27 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 06:54 PM
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Cool Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

As an active football/basketball referee, I was thrilled whenever either of XW's attended any of my games!

My first W was into arts and crafts, but I was never really into it, but gave her moral support to keep it up as a hobby!

RSXW was into horses and old books of which I really came to love both avocations!

Unfortunately, she was also covertly into "bumping cars" with other men from her past to which I never had the first damned clue!

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post #28 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 08:52 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
This was a weird response...

I do feel supported and like I said I don't feel overwhelmed. I do, however, feel unsure as to whether or not I'm devoting my time/energy in the right way. I do GET overwhelmed easily which is also the point of this post. I want some guidance as to how I should or should not change up my routine.

My husband is very useful. (For example, I'm having a girl's night out Friday and everyone will be coming here before for drinks, makeup, etc. He's off work and he already told me he'll clean the entire apartment and be gone by whatever time I ask. He'll even pick my drunk ass up, lol.)
I have no resentment towards him concerning his domestic contribution.

The goal of this re adjustment is 100% for his benefit. Seriously. I'm trying to figure out if my priorities are or aren't the most useful for a successful marriage. (I'm OCD clean, BTW... My apartment looks like a magazine and I spend A LOT of time cleaning everything inside and out... I may have to relax on that.)

Do any of you men have a *serious* hobby? Not that the banjo isn't serious... But you know what I mean...

So in sum, sex must be bumped up the list, lol.
Sounds like you have a good husband, so why are you on the board asking us and not him?
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post #29 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 05:41 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
I'm amazed how low "having a job" is for a lot of the men, lol. I didn't say a career I just said a job.. as in she WORKS. How can that be less important than sex? No wonder there are so many Sugar Babies out there taking advantage of old, lonely men, lol.
Sex may be at the top of their list, but at the end of the day, it seems most would still prefer a 2nd paycheck coming in.

Unicorn, one of your biggest problems is that like most women, you're expected to do it all. You're expected to work outside the home, you're expected to do the clear majority of the work inside the home, you're expected to provide constant attention and adoration to your husband, you're expected to be a sex kitten for him, you're expected to spend 3 hours watching a soccer game 3 nights a week and if you choose to have kids, you'll be expected to be Super Mom on TOP of all of that. And this is why most women are SO damned exhausted by the time they get the 'luxury' of falling into bed every night.

You need to stop seeing HIS occasional contribution inside the home as 'helping' you. He lives there too and you both work full time. That means he's RESPONSIBLE for 50% of the chores inside the house. He's not doing you a 'favor' if he does laundry or scrubs a toilet - he's doing what he SHOULD be doing. And he's clearly NOT doing his true share or you wouldn't have mentioned "HE wants a clean house etc. etc." Well if HE wants it, he can damned well do 50% of it.

The reason I bring this up is that if you put all the domestic chores on the back-burner in order to pander to him and all his needs, the housecleaning fairy isn't going to pick up your slack. You'll just find yourself working your tail off at other times trying to CATCH up with what you put aside and you'll very much start to resent it. It's so easy for everyone to tell you to make him a priority but that doesn't mean everything else just magically gets taken care of. It's STILL there.

I'd be sitting him down and letting him know he's going to be doing 50% from now on. Not 20, not 15, not when it's 'convenient' for him, but 50%. When he's doing his TRUE share, then you'll have more time to cater to him.
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post #30 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 06:38 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
When my now husband and I started dating I went to EVERY single one of his games. (He plays competitive soccer and is actually on a farm team for the MLS so this isn't just a bunch of 30 year old men kicking a ball around.) At this time, we were both living at home (typical in European cultures) and therefore had way less responsibilities than we do now. Basically, I had more time to go watch. Now, we have our own house and are responsible for all of our own meals, laundry, etc. (Yay, adulting.) I don't feel overwhelmed or anything as my husband is very helpful in terms of cooking and cleaning, but to attend a soccer game after a full day's work and what not isn't as exciting as it used to be. We also play on a competitive team together and I have my own team as well. All soccer. (We're an athletic couple.) If I watch his games I'm out of the house 3 evenings a week and I just find it to be a bit much, especially if he wants a clean house, dinner made, and sexy time. I feel like I can accomplish 3 of the 5 regularly, but not always all 5 - work, cook, clean, sex, soccer.) He doesn't always attend my games (if that makes any difference), but mainly because mine are scheduled earlier and he's not always off work. I never wanted to be one of those ghost wives... The ones you never see at the games. I also never wanted to be a slob and serve her man heat and eat style meals in a messy home. (I enjoy domestic duties most of the time so I don't always see it as a vacation to watch instead of cooking or cleaning.) Anyway, I'm trying to find more balance.

Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
4. Sex (self explanatory)
5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator)

Thank you!
4 is really the only one I care about based on the list you provided. The others I care about equally less. My reasoning:

Since I am in a monogamous relationship and have no desire to cheat, I cannot get sex from anywhere else. That makes sex an easy #1 priority (ironic since that is where my marriage often falls short lol).

My W working would only be important to me if financially it was needed, or if we didn't have a family to take care of (over the past few years she has switched from working full time to being a SAHM to help raise our children). Cooking and cleaning, I can take care of myself, don't need a maid. Support for hobbies, as much as it would be nice if W was interested, not really high on my list. All I would ask is that my W doesn't dismiss my hobbies.
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