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post #31 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 06:39 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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I'm amazed how low "having a job" is for a lot of the men, lol. I didn't say a career I just said a job.. as in she WORKS. How can that be less important than sex? No wonder there are so many Sugar Babies out there taking advantage of old, lonely men, lol.
So you think a woman being a SAHM makes her a Sugar Baby to old, lonely men
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post #32 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 07:56 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
I'm amazed how low "having a job" is for a lot of the men, lol. I didn't say a career I just said a job.. as in she WORKS. How can that be less important than sex? No wonder there are so many Sugar Babies out there taking advantage of old, lonely men, lol.
Understand that my W is a SAHM. It is work for her 24/7. If it was not for what my W does daily I would not be able to do what I do daily. What my W does is very important. I appreciate the hell out of her and what she does.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #33 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 08:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Understand that my W is a SAHM. It is work for her 24/7. If it was not for what my W does daily I would not be able to do what I do daily. What my W does is very important. I appreciate the hell out of her and what she does.
That's a job. Work. Purpose. A few of the ordering has been placed so that a job (regardless of what it is) comes after sex. That was my point.
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post #34 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 08:08 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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He's looking for his mother.
Or has a wife that don't want anything to do with it.

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post #35 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 08:17 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Understand that my W is a SAHM. It is work for her 24/7. If it was not for what my W does daily I would not be able to do what I do daily. What my W does is very important. I appreciate the hell out of her and what she does.
Very nice post, Yeswecan.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #36 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 08:25 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by Yeswecan View Post
Understand that my W is a SAHM. It is work for her 24/7. If it was not for what my W does daily I would not be able to do what I do daily. What my W does is very important. I appreciate the hell out of her and what she does.
Yeah, my ex wife used to throw that whole "24/7" thing out there, and I actually bought into it until I really stopped and thought about it.

First off, it was her decision to stay home. She didn't want to work outside the home, so as much as her staying home benefited the family, she would not have been able to do what she chose to do if it wasn't for what I did daily.

Second, having children, if she got to claim 24/7, then so did I. There was never any "getting to come home from work" for me. I just got to put on a different hat when I got there. I ran the kids around to their activities, I got up in the middle of the night when they were sick. When we were both home at the same time, I was just as involved in the day to day household functions as she was.

For sure, there are a lot of uninvolved husbands with stay at home wives, but I know I am not some outlier either, and involved husbands and fathers who have stay at home wives deserve just as much appreciation.

"Let's never stop having sex. We're so good at it, we OWE it to sex to never stop having it."
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post #37 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 09:09 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Yeah, my ex wife used to throw that whole "24/7" thing out there, and I actually bought into it until I really stopped and thought about it.

First off, it was her decision to stay home. She didn't want to work outside the home, so as much as her staying home benefited the family, she would not have been able to do what she chose to do if it wasn't for what I did daily.

Second, having children, if she got to claim 24/7, then so did I. There was never any "getting to come home from work" for me. I just got to put on a different hat when I got there. I ran the kids around to their activities, I got up in the middle of the night when they were sick. When we were both home at the same time, I was just as involved in the day to day household functions as she was.

For sure, there are a lot of uninvolved husbands with stay at home wives, but I know I am not some outlier either, and involved husbands and fathers who have stay at home wives deserve just as much appreciation.
I was involved with my kids as well. See, we come home and get some kind of break from the outside work world. By and large my work world stays at work. A SAHM not so much. SAHM is always at the place of work. Yes, it is a different hat for us but it was not a work hat for me. It was fun hat that was put on when around the kids. Sure, I helped clean, etc. But that is what team work is IMO. My W contribution was watching how dollars are spent at the market. Lights are off when no one is in a room. The heat and A/C stay at a reasonable temp. These things she did showed she respected my hard work for money. The house is organized. The chaos of work is left at work. I respected her hard work and appreciated it.

Keep in mind I did bath our children, changed a diaper, cleaned up vomit and fed them. It is part of being a dad. It is something I wanted to do as a father. It was never considered work for me because it was quality time with my kids. I did the activities. Play at the park. As they got older going to concerts and such. It was never work for me.

But also keep in mind my W being at home provided a clear avenue for me to work so we may live as we do.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
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post #38 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 09:17 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

OP-

I'm not a man (not sure if I should apologize for this, lol), but just wanted to ask. . . . .

Does your husband expect you to attend all of his games or is that a self-imposed guilt trip? Just curious.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #39 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 09:35 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by Yeswecan View Post
I was involved with my kids as well. See, we come home and get some kind of break from the outside work world. By and large my work world stays at work. A SAHM not so much. SAHM is always at the place of work. Yes, it is a different hat for us but it was not a work hat for me. It was fun hat that was put on when around the kids. Sure, I helped clean, etc. But that is what team work is IMO. My W contribution was watching how dollars are spent at the market. Lights are off when no one is in a room. The heat and A/C stay at a reasonable temp. These things she did showed she respected my hard work for money. The house is organized. The chaos of work is left at work. I respected her hard work and appreciated it.

Keep in mind I did bath our children, changed a diaper, cleaned up vomit and fed them. It is part of being a dad. It is something I wanted to do as a father. It was never considered work for me because it was quality time with my kids. I did the activities. Play at the park. As they got older going to concerts and such. It was never work for me.

But also keep in mind my W being at home provided a clear avenue for me to work so we may live as we do.
Why was it considered 24/7 work for her? Did she not have quality time with the kids?

"Let's never stop having sex. We're so good at it, we OWE it to sex to never stop having it."
-My wife
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post #40 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 09:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by tropicalbeachiwish View Post
OP-

I'm not a man (not sure if I should apologize for this, lol), but just wanted to ask. . . . .

Does your husband expect you to attend all of his games or is that a self-imposed guilt trip? Just curious.
Oh, no he doesn't expect it, but I know the change hurts his feelings. He's told me he misses me being there. I'm a player myself so I'm not a useless spectator... I have real input concerning his game. I think this is part of the reason he wants me there. That was the point of this post - to figure out if I should sideline a few other things and make more time for this. It doesn't look like any of the men have a demanding hobby/sport that their wife also plays so it's a separate hobby, not a joint one so the advice is kind of of skewed? I'm just trying to figure out if my placing domestic duties too high on the priortiy list of things that need to be done.
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post #41 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 09:44 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Why was it considered 24/7 work for her? Did she not have quality time with the kids?
It considered 24/7 IMO because she is never way from the house/kids, etc. Sure there is quality time but it is usually at home(place of work). I get away from that for 8 or so hours on the job. Sure, it is work but I'm on forums like this while at work. Participating in my car club forums between calls. Other than a customer or two that are unhappy, generally my day is quite easy. After 8-9 hours I brush off work and head home. That generally entails arriving to my organized home with dinner cooking. My weekends I do not work at my place of employment. I'm off. However, SAHM is at her work place for the weekend as well as M-F. It is 24/7.

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post #42 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 09:44 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
Oh, no he doesn't expect it, but I know the change hurts his feelings. He's told me he misses me being there. I'm a player myself so I'm not a useless spectator... I have real input concerning his game. I think this is part of the reason he wants me there. That was the point of this post - to figure out if I should sideline a few other things and make more time for this. It doesn't look like any of the men have a demanding hobby/sport that their wife also plays so it's a separate hobby, not a joint one so the advice is kind of of skewed? I'm just trying to figure out if my placing domestic duties too high on the priortiy list of things that need to be done.
This is a tough one come up with an answer on. Obviously, your husband would be the only one who could answer that solely from his perspective, of course, even he may not really know the answer to that, and you may just have to try different things until you both find something you are happy and comfortable with.

"Let's never stop having sex. We're so good at it, we OWE it to sex to never stop having it."
-My wife
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post #43 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 10:53 AM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by samyeagar View Post
Yeah, my ex wife used to throw that whole "24/7" thing out there, and I actually bought into it until I really stopped and thought about it.

First off, it was her decision to stay home. She didn't want to work outside the home, so as much as her staying home benefited the family, she would not have been able to do what she chose to do if it wasn't for what I did daily.

Second, having children, if she got to claim 24/7, then so did I. There was never any "getting to come home from work" for me. I just got to put on a different hat when I got there. I ran the kids around to their activities, I got up in the middle of the night when they were sick. When we were both home at the same time, I was just as involved in the day to day household functions as she was.

For sure, there are a lot of uninvolved husbands with stay at home wives, but I know I am not some outlier either, and involved husbands and fathers who have stay at home wives deserve just as much appreciation.
Ditto. I'm sure there are husbands who don't pull their weight when they get home from work, but of my peers I can honestly say I don't know any who come home, put their feet up, and get treated like a king. I'm busy from morning until bedtime. Certainly as busy as my wife if not more.

The nature of the work done at home is going to be different. It can't be any other way. If SAH spouse makes dinner is the other spouse going to make another dinner? It's destined to be an unequal relationship in some ways.

The idea that all of the domestic work is going to be split 50/50 across the board makes no sense if one partner is a SAH. Things should be equitable but they won't necessarily be equal. Each partner should be afforded the same amount of relaxation time.

In the case of the OP she has a desire to keep their home exceptionally clean which requires a great deal of work. Does her husband find that excessive? Is it even negotiable in her eyes?Does he know she's going to crack under the pressure of trying to get it all done? If he knew that she prioritized sex below the other things on her list how would he react? Would he agree with her or suggest that they come to an agreement about carving out more time from their schedule like giving up their co-ed football match to work on the housework instead? Many unanswered questions here.
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post #44 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 01:24 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
I'm amazed how low "having a job" is for a lot of the men, lol. I didn't say a career I just said a job.. as in she WORKS. How can that be less important than sex? No wonder there are so many Sugar Babies out there taking advantage of old, lonely men, lol.
Your prioritization list should be a mandatory discussion before marriage. If most men (as in way over 50%) saw the list and sex was not #1 or at worse #2 they would withdraw the proposal.

Talk about disillusionment, pre-marriage the average guy is having lot's of sex and the girl participates in everything he does. Then he finds out after marriage participation in what he does is dead last and sex is not far behind.
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post #45 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 01:30 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

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Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
Oh, no he doesn't expect it, but I know the change hurts his feelings. He's told me he misses me being there. I'm a player myself so I'm not a useless spectator... I have real input concerning his game. I think this is part of the reason he wants me there. That was the point of this post - to figure out if I should sideline a few other things and make more time for this. It doesn't look like any of the men have a demanding hobby/sport that their wife also plays so it's a separate hobby, not a joint one so the advice is kind of of skewed? I'm just trying to figure out if my placing domestic duties too high on the priortiy list of things that need to be done.
Why not compromise, and attend one game per week? Then if things are caught up where you want them, then you can attend another.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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