MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 12:38 PM Thread Starter
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MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

When my now husband and I started dating I went to EVERY single one of his games. (He plays competitive soccer and is actually on a farm team for the MLS so this isn't just a bunch of 30 year old men kicking a ball around.) At this time, we were both living at home (typical in European cultures) and therefore had way less responsibilities than we do now. Basically, I had more time to go watch. Now, we have our own house and are responsible for all of our own meals, laundry, etc. (Yay, adulting.) I don't feel overwhelmed or anything as my husband is very helpful in terms of cooking and cleaning, but to attend a soccer game after a full day's work and what not isn't as exciting as it used to be. We also play on a competitive team together and I have my own team as well. All soccer. (We're an athletic couple.) If I watch his games I'm out of the house 3 evenings a week and I just find it to be a bit much, especially if he wants a clean house, dinner made, and sexy time. I feel like I can accomplish 3 of the 5 regularly, but not always all 5 - work, cook, clean, sex, soccer.) He doesn't always attend my games (if that makes any difference), but mainly because mine are scheduled earlier and he's not always off work. I never wanted to be one of those ghost wives... The ones you never see at the games. I also never wanted to be a slob and serve her man heat and eat style meals in a messy home. (I enjoy domestic duties most of the time so I don't always see it as a vacation to watch instead of cooking or cleaning.) Anyway, I'm trying to find more balance.

Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
4. Sex (self explanatory)
5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator)

Thank you!
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post #2 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 12:50 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

1. Sex
2. Sex
3. Sex
4. Sex
5. Sex

The rest of it(cooking, cleaning, work) will follow with help, support and happiness from your H. Understand that being together physically and not always intimately make for a strong marriage. Cooking, cleaning and sex are a participation sport in my marriage. My W and I do these together as much as possible. You should attempt the same with your H. Concerning the hobby, my hobby my W will attend maybe 1-2 times a year. It does not bother me in the least. It should not bother your H either. Nor bother you that you can not make all the games.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #3 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 12:57 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

Well, 4 is the only one I really need my wife for, all the rest, I can, and for the most part do take care of for myself and the family. I earn most of the money, do almost all of the cooking, majority of the cleaning, and my hobbies really aren't conducive to spectating.

"Let's never stop having sex. We're so good at it, we OWE it to sex to never stop having it."
-My wife
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post #4 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 01:01 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

I enjoy my wife attending my games! I don't actually recall her ever missing one, and it's nothing serious what I do (rec league stuff). It's nice having her there. If she were to miss here and again, it would be ok. However, what I can't stand to see are the WAG's who show up but aren't there...ie..immersed in a book or on their phone the entire time. They might as well have stayed home.
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post #5 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 01:18 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

Its not easy to order things - what is more important food or water? Well you die without either.

So how do your items affect me?

1) Work: I respect my wife for having a career. It would not be the end of the world if she left her job, but I prefer that she does

2). Cooking: doesn't matter to me at all. In fact I'd much rather she spent less time cooking and more time with me. I'm a little strange in that I prefer nice meals out to in the house - its not the food (my wife is a great cook), but the chore aspect associated with cooking / cleaning up dinner detracts for me. Fortunately we have the income to eat out whenever we wish.

3). Cleaning. I don't want to live in a pigsty but this isn't important. We also get maid service - well worth the saved time.

4) Sex. This is vital - it is the one unique thing I can share with my wife. I said its difficult to put an order on things, but I would put this first. Sadly it is missing for us.

5). Supporting hobbies: I like to be able to talk about our hobbies and to participate at some level, but I don't expect or want her to go out of her way to engage in my hobby.

The reverse of course applies. I try to do these things for my wife. I can't cook, so as a substitute I clean and do food shopping. Still not balanced, but I do more of other chores to make things even.


Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
snip
Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
4. Sex (self explanatory)
5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator)

Thank you!
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post #6 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 01:21 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

At various times we've made various trade offs. Mainly between work and cleaning. Less work meant more time to tend to house vs more hours at work and more professional cleaning help. No trade offs on sex and cooking, they are both very important to us.

Our individual hobbies are more or less in or the house. When we do stuff outside the house we try to do it together. But that's where I would expect my wife to cut back.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #7 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 01:30 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

4, 5, 2, 3, 1
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post #8 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 01:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

I should add that the reason cooking is important (to me) is my body. I like to keep trim and fit and I know I'd end up a big fatty if we ate out every day. That's the main reason I try to prioritize this one so much. I know from all the threads here a man would much rather have a trim wife even if it meant more time spent cooking than an overweight one so I don't want to budge too much, here. We do eat out (a nice meal - not fast-food) every Saturday, though so any more than that is too much, IMO. Maybe I can embrace some more heat and eat style meals? To free up my time? At least these can be quick and healthy as I can control what i'm heating. Maybe that can be my compromise here. And I need to make sure I don't feel guilty. I always feel like a failure purchasing pre made burgers or lasagna...

@KJ I know what you mean! I never figured out why they even come! I'm not one of those. Read your book at home, lol. We both play the sport so I'm either on the bench giving advice when asked or up top filming. I like to film him and we review it. (He seems to enjoy this, too.)

I should have known sex would trump a clean house, lol.
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post #9 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 01:43 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

Only #4; the rest i can take care of myself

this reminds me of a joke.

the dictionary definition of the word "Wife": an attachment you screw on the bed to get the house work done.
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post #10 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 02:02 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KJ_Simmons View Post
I enjoy my wife attending my games! I don't actually recall her ever missing one, and it's nothing serious what I do (rec league stuff). It's nice having her there. If she were to miss here and again, it would be ok. However, what I can't stand to see are the WAG's who show up but aren't there...ie..immersed in a book or on their phone the entire time. They might as well have stayed home.
KJ ~
May I ask why it's important for her to attend your games?
Thank you ~
VH
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post #11 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 02:04 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

I have a question for the men:
What would you say if I man wanted 1,2,3,5 and NOT 4
Thanks
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post #12 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 02:14 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
I should add that the reason cooking is important (to me) is my body. I like to keep trim and fit and I know I'd end up a big fatty if we ate out every day. That's the main reason I try to prioritize this one so much. I know from all the threads here a man would much rather have a trim wife even if it meant more time spent cooking than an overweight one so I don't want to budge too much, here. We do eat out (a nice meal - not fast-food) every Saturday, though so any more than that is too much, IMO. Maybe I can embrace some more heat and eat style meals? To free up my time? At least these can be quick and healthy as I can control what i'm heating. Maybe that can be my compromise here. And I need to make sure I don't feel guilty. I always feel like a failure purchasing pre made burgers or lasagna...

@KJ I know what you mean! I never figured out why they even come! I'm not one of those. Read your book at home, lol. We both play the sport so I'm either on the bench giving advice when asked or up top filming. I like to film him and we review it. (He seems to enjoy this, too.)

I should have known sex would trump a clean house, lol.
Cooking is important to my W as she too is working on losing weight/keep it off, etc. The meals we both enjoy together and have both lost a lot of weight. I sometimes help cook but mostly clean up as my W has done the cooking. Seems fair to us. We also exercise together. Concerning premade foods....your H and you will enjoy the homemade over these already made meals. Spend time cooking and cleaning it up together as much as you can.

Clean house is great for getting dirty in My W cleans but if she really wants heavy duty cleaning she will ask me as some chemicals for cleaning really get to her. I do it gladly as it is physical work and since I sit at a desk all day it helps keep me fit.

But yes, sex is part of a happy healthy marriage.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #13 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 02:18 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
I have a question for the men:
What would you say if I man wanted 1,2,3,5 and NOT 4
Thanks
Fair question. Man could see relationship as room mate type deal. Sometime a marriage will get to this level. Everything is done but #4 like a room mate relationship be. If you are in this situation it may be best to question why the man is not interested in #4 any longer.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #14 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 02:26 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

Have you asked him how important having you in the stands is? Maybe you can go to every other game?

The order: 4, 1, 2, 3, 5

I'd much rather have good food to eat than heat and eat garbage. As you say, you are an athlete, he is an athlete, so good food helps two people and lousy food hurts two people.

As far as a clean house, there's clean and there's OCD Clean. There's hours of work between clean and OCD Clean.
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post #15 of 55 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 02:29 PM
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Re: MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeryHurt View Post
I have a question for the men:
What would you say if I man wanted 1,2,3,5 and NOT 4
Thanks
Then he's a friend, and not a husband?

"Let's never stop having sex. We're so good at it, we OWE it to sex to never stop having it."
-My wife
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