I think it's mostly the same difference. Of course one can always lose weight -- but one also has to be willing to adopt a certain sort of lifestyle to do so. Women are already more likely to store fat than men, and this increases as we get older and after kids.
The need is said to be for an attractive spouse. It doesn't specify amount of control. And we can fight aging with cosmetic surgery, botox, make-up. If "attractive" is a need, do we insist on these things as well?
Good points. That's why I asked OP if he wants her as she was, or if he's looking for her to make a reasonable effort.
To me the later is reasonable.....we just have to understand that what we get for our effort can change as we get older, so if he's looking for her to be as she was that may not be reasonable.
And it's been my experience that many men don't see themselves as they really are.....they see themselves as they were 20 years ago, so they expect it from their wives as well. Women probably do this to a lesser extent, but I think thanks to media we're a tad more aware of the fact that we're getting older.
Not all men of course, just some.
If he wants reasonable effort that's understandable, but I think he should start with things like inviting her to the gym and offering to watch the kids so she can go. And he can start cooking some healthy meals for he family.
If that doesn't work he can have a gentle, loving conversation with her.
We do tend to hold more fat than men but I think a lot of men like that. It's what gives us our womanly shape.....women who lose too much fat start to look a little masculine.