Re: Shouldn't we have it all??
This has been a very robust chat thread. Thanks to everyone for their opinions. It is very easy for many to cast opinions and criticize my actions, my conversation with my wife in being honest with her. My conversation was not cruel or insensitive. It was honest. As far as it being on Christmas, it just so happened that the opportunity presented itself, and I acted upon it. I believe that healthy relationships should include the triangle, they should include 3 things: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion without the other two is infatuation. Commitment without the other two is being a companion. Intimacy without commitment or passion is friendship. Consummate love is when you have all three. I am not content with just a form of intimacy(friendship, primarily) and commitment for the sake of finances and keeping the family together. Obviously, as we get older, and if health circumstances change, the passion/physical intimacy changes, and the intimacy component plays a larger role, etc. But the marriage bed, when you have two seemingly otherwise healthy 40-year old persons, has as its irreplaceable component the physical union of sex, and it should be a regular occurrence. I am NOT asking for perfection, do all of the women responding understand that? I understand how we all change as we age. I get that. I am not asking for a pornified body. The truth is, like it or not, ladies, men are visual. We are sight-oriented. The initiator of desire and arousal is, in large part, based on that sense, even though not all-inclusive. I cannot make myself be sexually attracted to unhealthy weight. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. If I cannot be genuinely attracted to my wife, wanting to be with her intimately, then it prevents full enjoyment of the marriage.