Re: Shouldn't we have it all??
Thanks again to everyone. Tigerlily, thank you for your belief that I am not shallow. Certainly, that is not my desire in my posting and responses to appear so.
I hear the advice of those advocating time spent with their spouses and making sure that is at at a premium. There is much truth in that, and I must be more aggressive about that. Katiecrna, I have read your posts regarding your husband-I am in a similar profession, and work very long hours. I truly do wish it didn't matter to me how much my wife weighs. It would be much easier. Twenty years from now, maybe that will be the case. I want to iterate once again, in my own mind, the difference between love and desire. They are connected, intertwined, complimentary. And they can exist both without the other. For me, the presence of passion/desire/arousal enable me to meet the needs of my wife fully. It enables me to engage her fully. It motivates me to do things for her, be thoughtful, place her needs above my own, look forward to being with her. It is the gasoline in the engine. Connection begins in the living room, so to speak. Passion and desire help to bring that connection into something deeper in the bedroom. I understand these things.
I am honestly going to dedicate myself, lets say over the next 6-12 months, to truly loving my wife in a way that attempts NOT to focus on her weight. I admit, I have held resentment, anger, and frustrations towards her because of this weight gain, and even though I do not take it out on her, I am kind to her, I know it has some effect in some way for her emotionally. That's on me, things I have to work through, bring to the surface, and deal with. I'm actually going to see a counselor for this next week. I know I must process those negative emotions, it's not her fault. I do want to meet my wife's needs and love her well. It will be my goal to spend time with her, be very proactive about that time, be thoughtful, helpful, kind, patient, a good listener, encouraging, and make every attempt to make her life as easy as I am able. I will do so and we will NOT discuss weight. We will NOT mention it. In the meantime, I am going to continue to take care of myself, and do the things I enjoy that keep me healthy. Is it not reasonable to think that my wife would desire to be desirable at some point? Are there any women out there who, with an attentive, healthy, kind husband(whom they physically desire), who is obviously doing everything he knows to do to love you well, but who also may know wishes she would at last try to lose weight, who would just not even try to do so?? Is that not a reasonable hope or expectation?