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post #61 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 07:29 AM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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Originally Posted by LongParFour View Post
So my wife and one of her girlfriends were having a few glasses of wine, and while I was in my office I overheard a very awkward part of their conversation… The other woman was complaining about her husband, quite openly, and specifically about the size of his penis. Saying that it was simply too small. Now granted, if we are all honest I don't think there are many loin lumberjacks around, but I'm wondering if she is being fair to her guy, or if the word about average is true. My wife has zero complaints, and has said it multiple times, but I'm wondering what is really average in this department?

I know, it's kind of an awkward question, but living life outside of porn what is the threshold for being concerned?


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Meh, it's all relative.

Sure, women and men can and will discuss things like this from time to time if it's important to them, particularly with close friends. Is it right? That's subjective, IMO. Is it fairly common? Probably more than many of us think. I mean, if it's a genuine complaint or issue, and she feels she needs somebody to confide in about it, then she has the right to. I'm sure many of us have opened up to a close friend about something we didn't like about our partners, past and present.

If it's a genuine issue to this woman, and they weren't sitting there laughing about it, I see little problem with it. It's not something I'd have wanted to overhear, but meh. But the reality is that, if the conversation was serious and not meant to belittle (no pun intended) her husband, then it legitimises it, to a certain degree. Sometimes people confide in their friends when there's an issue within a relationship. Clearly this is one, and this woman was looking for support or advice, or something.

As I said, it's all relative. We men have to realize that vaginas come in all shapes and sizes, too, yet it's almost always the man that's too small/too big, with nary a mention of the woman's ability or inability to accommodate. A large vagina is equal to a small penis, yet it's really only ever the small penis that gets discussed.

Furthermore, and this is just a hunch, but I'm willing to bet that many women who have larger than average vaginas don't know this, as it's not visible. You can SEE a penis and know if it's small, average or large immediately. You can measure a penis. AFAIK, there's no way to measure a vagina.

It's all 50/50. A woman thinks so-and-so's penis is too small? It may very well be that they're too big, but the "blame" goes to the penis.

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post #62 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 07:47 AM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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Originally Posted by Chaparral View Post
As a matter of fact, I read an article on a similar subject that as an aside mentioned that as women gained weight, their hooha gets bigger. The cure was some kind of exercise that I forget the name of.

Anyone ever heard of that?
Extremely small sample size, but my experience doesn't correlate.

I was with a woman who was tiny, ~100lbs and slim, and she had probably the most spacious vagina I've ever come across. Conversely, I was with a woman who was plus-sized and I literally couldn't get it in.

It's all in the muscles, IMO. We're all built differently, and our musculature varies as well.

Kegel exercises can help, for sure (which is what you're talking about), but some women are also just born with it and some aren't.

Just like penises, the size of the person doesn't indicate the size of their genitalia, and I don't believe weight or natural shape and size has anything to do with it, either. Obviously if a woman puts on weight, it can give the appearance of a larger vagina, as fat can accumulate around the stomach area. But it won't affect the inside. Just as men who put on weight accumulate fat around their stomachs, giving the appearance of a smaller penis. But the penis is still the same size, it just gets 'hidden'!

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post #63 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 10:31 AM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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Furthermore, and this is just a hunch, but I'm willing to bet that many women who have larger than average vaginas don't know this, as it's not visible. You can SEE a penis and know if it's small, average or large immediately. You can measure a penis. AFAIK, there's no way to measure a vagina.

It's all 50/50. A woman thinks so-and-so's penis is too small? It may very well be that they're too big, but the "blame" goes to the penis.
We're talking about two entirely different scenarios here.

  • Women aren't born with large vaginas. If a woman has never had children, it's highly unlikely that her vagina will be too big. However, vaginal muscles can become loose after childbirth, making satisfying sex a little difficult. Kegel exercises have been known to help enormously with this problem.

  • Some men are unfortunate enough to be born with penises that are so small that they make sexual intercourse either impossible or extremely frustrating and, even, painful for their partners.

It's possible that the woman in question was just trying to get some ideas from her friends about creating a more rewarding sex life, rather than deliberately demeaning or shaming her H.

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post #64 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 01:18 PM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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Originally Posted by Cosmos View Post
We're talking about two entirely different scenarios here.

  • Women aren't born with large vaginas. If a woman has never had children, it's highly unlikely that her vagina will be too big. However, vaginal muscles can become loose after childbirth, making satisfying sex a little difficult. Kegel exercises have been known to help enormously with this problem.

  • Some men are unfortunate enough to be born with penises that are so small that they make sexual intercourse either impossible or extremely frustrating and, even, painful for their partners.

It's possible that the woman in question was just trying to get some ideas from her friends about creating a more rewarding sex life, rather than deliberately demeaning or shaming her H.
I hate to say it, but you're wrong

It's a myth that vaginas change 'size' because of childbirth (or god forbid, many partners).

It CAN, and does occasionally, depending upon the birth itself, but it's actually just as common that a woman's vagina becomes tighter afterwards as opposed to bigger. Usually they return to normal (if there was any muscle damage to begin with).

The thing is, muscles repair themselves. People who lift weights know this. They become bigger because you are literally damaging them, then repairing, damaging, then repairing.

"After you workout, your body repairs or replaces damaged muscle fibers through a cellular process where it fuses muscle fibers together to form new muscle protein strands or myofibrils. These repaired myofibrils increase in thickness and number to create muscle hypertrophy (growth)." - the first web page that came up when I googled it.

Childbirth can change the muscles in that area positively, negatively or not at all. There's no pre-determination that a woman who's had 8 kids will have a huge vagina, versus a woman who's had no kids.

Now what is true, for many women, is that the vagina will change size over time (ie. age). As most of us lose muscle mass as we age, it's perfectly normal. This is why Kegel exercises are important, especially as we get older. They work on men, too.

As far as being 'born' with a large vagina/penis - of course we are, it's genetics. Obviously they grow into adulthood, but it's pre-determined, just like the size of your feet, or your ears, or your nose.

So, a woman can partially control the 'size' of her vagina through something like kegel exercises, but the reality is that it increases the strength of those muscles and her ability to squeeze and/or control them. Same way a gym rat lifts weights. He/she can gain some solid muscle mass, but it's only as long as they continue it. Those muscles will be lost if they stop lifting, and return to their normal state. A woman gives birth, and whatever happens to her vaginal muscles will, more often than not, return to the state they were prior. They may also not, and her vagina will be looser, OR they will repair themselves in a way that makes her tighter.

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post #65 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 01:34 PM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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Originally Posted by Cosmos


We're talking about two entirely different scenarios here.

Women aren't born with large vaginas. If a woman has never had children, it's highly unlikely that her vagina will be too big. However, vaginal muscles can become loose after childbirth, making satisfying sex a little difficult. Kegel exercises have been known to help enormously with this problem.

Some men are unfortunate enough to be born with penises that are so small that they make sexual intercourse either impossible or extremely frustrating and, even, painful for their partners.


It's possible that the woman in question was just trying to get some ideas from her friends about creating a more rewarding sex life, rather than deliberately demeaning or shaming her H.
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Originally Posted by alexm View Post
I hate to say it, but you're wrong
You are perfectly at liberty to disagree with what I posted (even though you don't appear to have even read it!), but I can assure you that what I posted is perfectly correct.

Apart from leaving you with the following info, let us just agree to disgree...

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/condition...-or-too-small/

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Last edited by Cosmos; 12-28-2016 at 01:53 PM.
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post #66 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 02:11 PM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

I guess I was in the wrong locker rooms or had the wrong friends! I've never discussed any gf's (before marriage) or my wife's private parts with any other man or woman. Now, I might complain to my brother that I don't get enough oral, but he knows NOTHING of how her vagina or breasts look or feel. I just don't understand the concept of discussing such things with a friend. Why would I want a friend of mine to know how big her clit or labia are, or how tight she is? Or, how sensitive her clit is? Or if she gets really wet or not?

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post #67 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 02:22 PM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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I guess I was in the wrong locker rooms or had the wrong friends! I've never discussed any gf's (before marriage) or my wife's private parts with any other man or woman. Now, I might complain to my brother that I don't get enough oral, but he knows NOTHING of how her vagina or breasts look or feel. I just don't understand the concept of discussing such things with a friend. Why would I want a friend of mine to know how big her clit or labia are, or how tight she is? Or, how sensitive her clit is? Or if she gets really wet or not?
Me neither. However, it's obvious that for some it is the norm.

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post #68 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 02:23 PM
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Overheard an awkward conversation

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Originally Posted by TX-SC View Post
I guess I was in the wrong locker rooms or had the wrong friends! I'm never discussed any gf or my wife's private parts with any other man or woman. Now, I might complain to my brother that I don't get enough oral, but he knows NOTHING of how her vagina or breasts look or feel. I just don't understand the concept of discussing such things with a friend. Why would I want a friend of mine to know how big her clit or labia are, or how tight she is?


You wouldn't. Unless you didn't care at all about how she would feel if your brother happened to bump into her.
It's not ok and if I found out this about my wife, I would probably lose a portion of trust for her. Unless there was a very valid reason for this conversation, e.g. "the world is going to end tomorrow and the only way to save it, is to use my husband's tiny little penis".... (But seriously, I cannot really see what this could be, from the information provided, apart from getting some sympathy or entertainment value on husband's expense).




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post #69 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 02:52 PM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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Originally Posted by Cosmos View Post
You are perfectly at liberty to disagree with what I posted (even though you don't appear to have even read it!), but I can assure you that what I posted is perfectly correct.

Apart from leaving you with the following info, let us just agree to disgree...

For women: is your vagina or vulva too big ? or too small?
Right, so maybe I wasn't clear in my response, and I apologize.

The vagina will change after childbirth, but it will, more often than not, return to it's (more or less) normal size, especially if Kegel exercises are done, and normal activities resume. It can take time, of course, and perhaps some effort. But the 'damage' is usually reversible. Doctors will (I hope) always tell a woman that some work may need to be done.

What I read from your original reply was that childbirth = larger vagina, period. Or perhaps if you're with a woman who's had a few babies, you can expect her vagina to be... big.

Again, it's the muscles that are damaged, and much like lifting weights, it can be rebuilt.

Also, not all women will damage their muscles, or in particular, the ones that have any effect on vaginal size.

Anyway, I was more just commenting on the whole myth that 'many babies = huge vagina'. I did say it's possible, but that's due to either irreversible muscle damage or a woman simply not 'exercising' those muscles, post-childbirth.

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post #70 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 05:47 PM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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You're right and it could be harmless.

But complaining about being unsatisfied with your husband's penis in this situation is than likely not going to help her and her husband improve their marriage.

It could be like you have given examples of and be harmless.

I actually am unconcerned with the OP's possible curiosity or insecurity but more so with the lack of tact displayed by the wife in question.
Arguably though how is complaining to your friends fundamentally different than the people who come to TAM to rant. Are some of the complaints here, complete with like ... rife levels of personal detail really that much more "tactful?" Just because they aren't vocalized outloud?

I mean, reading TAM I know some pretty heavy stuff about other people (and in turn people know some about me.)
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post #71 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 05:55 PM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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Just like penises, the size of the person doesn't indicate the size of their genitalia, and I don't believe weight or natural shape and size has anything to do with it, either. Obviously if a woman puts on weight, it can give the appearance of a larger vagina, as fat can accumulate around the stomach area. But it won't affect the inside
Yeah ... you can believe weight gain or loss doesn't affect anything, but at one period of time I've got from 235 to 139 lbs. Please, please trust me to the degree I can again say this without getting really graphic, it changes things man, it changes things. And frankly, that was one of the reasons it was hard for me to maintain the motivation to stay at that lower range, frankly after being a "big chick" most of my life ... skinny me sex was terrible.
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post #72 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 06:07 PM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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Arguably though how is complaining to your friends fundamentally different than the people who come to TAM to rant. Are some of the complaints here, complete with like ... rife levels of personal detail really that much more "tactful?" Just because they aren't vocalized outloud?



I mean, reading TAM I know some pretty heavy stuff about other people (and in turn people know some about me.)


Yet they don't know who YOU are, this is where the comparison falls apart completely.


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post #73 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 06:53 PM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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Yet they don't know who YOU are, this is where the comparison falls apart completely.
To many this wouldn't make one iota of difference. It would be the fact that the person they loved and trusted was discussing intimate details about their relationship with other people...

I might fall into this category. If my SO had a problem with something very intimate in our relationship, I would prefer that it be discussed with a professional rather than a bunch of people on the internet.

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post #74 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 07:06 PM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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To many this wouldn't make one iota of difference. It would be the fact that the person they loved and trusted was discussing intimate details about their relationship with other people...

I might fall into this category. If my SO had a problem with something very intimate in our relationship, I would prefer that it be discussed with a professional rather than a bunch of people on the internet.
Would it change things if that professional was, I don't know, your mother in law?

My reply was not to "which would you prefer: discussing embarrassing problems with professional vs anonymous forum", it was to: "which is less loyal: discussing embarrassing problems with friends (some of which might be common friends) vs an anonymous forum".

PS: I agree with you that it would probably be more helpful to discuss it with a professional, but it's about the need of wanting to vent and how to go about it best, without betraying a confidence.
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post #75 of 98 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 07:10 PM
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Re: Overheard an awkward conversation

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Yet they don't know who YOU are, this is where the comparison falls apart completely.


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To me, that's kind of drawing an arbitrary line. Either sharing unflattering/intimate things about your spouse to others is something you fundamentally agree with or don't. How well the person in question knows you is starting to get into splitting hairs. Like what degree of familiarity becomes too familiar?
And where that line is will depend on each couple.

Granted, making these complaints to people you are familiar with causes issues ranting on the Internet doesn't - IE, the people you are saying these things to don't have to look at the person you are taking about and consider their micro mini or whatever else you are ranting about and sort of eat that while they talk to them normally. Ranting to family members about a spouse can be a particularly bad idea because they never seem to forget it.

So yes ... there's a difference because of the possible outcome or repercussions, but I'm not sure I agree there's a fundamental moral difference.

There are all kinds of people folks share these things with ... doctors, priests, counselors, and yes ... the Internet. In some states, they are starting to make hairstylists mandated reporters for domestic violence because of how they tend to be privvy to things.
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