What advice would you give to a young man. - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

User Tag List

 96Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 10:51 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,649
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Absolutely invest in yourself first. No matter how little you earn, adjust your spending to ensure you live within your means AND provide long term savings. If you land a really well paying job, realize it could be temporary and instead of increasing your spending, increase your savings.

Then when you have a family you have options. Savings means options and a safety net. It can also mean a happy marriage because money is one key thing that leads to marital issues.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheTruthHurts is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 11:35 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Haiku's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 3,554
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheTruthHurts View Post
Absolutely invest in yourself first.
Nicely said.

Op - Invest in yourself: financially, emotionally, and humanely. Seek out the delicate balance between intellect and emotion. Strive to be forgiving yet strong in character; to be tough-minded and tender-hearted.

I'm not a spiritual man at all, but Martin Luther King's sermon on being of Tough Mind and Tender Heartedness discusses how we should think shrewdly yet with a loving spirit is priceless wisdom.

It's worth reading. Let me know if you're interested and can't find it. I'll get you a copy.

.........><)))#">
Haiku is offline  
post #33 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 09:21 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 55
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Hey all thanks for all the replies. youd be surprised how many times i read this over. got some books already too. really appreciate it.
2inthemorning is offline  
post #34 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 09:24 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 55
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 225985 View Post
#1. Get in shape. Do you exercise?
I didnt use to for about 2 years, i now started again. makes a huge difference in the way i feel.
2inthemorning is offline  
post #35 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 09:26 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 55
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
Really look at who your surround yourself with. Association is a huge indicator of who you are (or aren't). If those you gravitate towards are losers, remove them from your life. Replace them with better associates. To get better quality friends, you also need to BE a quality friend.

If you have family members that are exemplary, talk to them about your goals, the changes you want to make, and then put forth a big effort to spend more time with them.

Continue toward your goals of becoming an officer and having better health. Lots of the improvements that a person can make are from the inside out though. Don't let your determination fade with other New Years resolutions. Change for the better permanently, expect setbacks and overcome them and keep moving forward. You are very young, you can change SO much at this age.

Wishing you happiness and success.

Thank you .. wishing you the same
2inthemorning is offline  
post #36 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 09:30 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 55
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haiku View Post
Nicely said.

Op - Invest in yourself: financially, emotionally, and humanely. Seek out the delicate balance between intellect and emotion. Strive to be forgiving yet strong in character; to be tough-minded and tender-hearted.

I'm not a spiritual man at all, but Martin Luther King's sermon on being of Tough Mind and Tender Heartedness discusses how we should think shrewdly yet with a loving spirit is priceless wisdom.

It's worth reading. Let me know if you're interested and can't find it. I'll get you a copy.

Hey thanks. i just got it on pdf. looks really interesting.
2inthemorning is offline  
post #37 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 05:26 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,491
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
This.

Particularly as it relates to women.....you aren't entitled to the women you want. They have agency just like you, so look for one you want that also wants you and make sure you offer something reasonable for what you seek.

Example: if you want a fit woman be fit yourself.

And please do not think that porn is an accurate representative of a sexual relationship. Most of the women in porn don't like it and get nothing out of it, they're paid and drugged up to fake it.
A wise young man will stay away from porn.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #38 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 01:45 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 19
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Become a man before you become a husband and a father. Break yourself in character-wise by major challenges that push you beyond your limits (as parenthood will do). So Peace Corp, military, overseas charitable work, etc. I mean blood, sweat and tears. This won't come naturally and most people need coercion to do it, so join something that makes you do it if you have to.

This way when you do decide to marry and have kids you'll be that much more certain about it, and that much more prepared for the crucible. You will already know what you are made of and capable of owning these life-altering commitments.

Also, don't marry a mentally unstable woman, especially if you are mentally unstable. Mental illness runs in families despite their best intentions. These sick women are often the most exciting in your head and in your bed.

Do you like her parents? Do they seem like solid, honest people? Good breeding covers a multitude of sins, and remember your kids are going to get a lot of her DNA.

Don't try to fix people. I tried for most of my life and failed miserably. They remind me of my failure daily. If I had spent 1/4 of the time fixing myself as I did fixing other people, I would be more successful and happier. This doesn't mean you can avoid the often burdensome responsibilities of family and friendship, but establish just boundaries for yourself and firmly enforce them until it becomes second-nature.

Don't wait for the golden years. I have seen some of the best people struck down by diseases like early Alzheimer's and cancer. I've also seem some of the worst people living bitterly into their 90s.

You only have one life to live, so live full tilt and to the hilt. Visit graveyards if you get lazy, so as to remind yourself how short and precious this life is.

Trust me, you don't want to be almost 50 years old realizing you failed to take this advice.
reboot is offline  
post #39 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 02:36 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Haiku's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 3,554
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2inthemorning View Post
Hey thanks. i just got it on pdf. looks really interesting.
I could not find a PDF of his sermon. I'm glad you did. But just in case here is a link to the complete text.

https://thevalueofsparrows.com/2014/...uther-king-jr/

I pasted some excerpts below. Sorry for its length.

Quote:

A Tough Mind And A Tender Heart, by Martin Luther King, Jr.

A French philosopher said, “No man is strong unless he bears within his character antitheses strongly marked.” The strong man holds in a living blend strongly marked opposites. Not ordinarily do men achieve this balance of opposites. The idealists are not usually realistic, and the realists are not usually idealistic. The militant are not generally known to be passive, nor the passive to be militant. Seldom are the humble self-assertive, or the self-assertive humble. But life at its best is a creative synthesis of opposites in fruitful harmony.

...

Let us consider, first, the need for a tough mind, characterized by incisive thinking, realistic appraisal, and decisive judgment. The tough mind is sharp and penetrating, breaking through the crust of legends and myths and sifting the true from the false. The tough-minded individual is astute and discerning. He has a strong, austere quality that makes for firmness of purpose and solidness of commitment.

Who doubts that this toughness of mind is one of man’s greatest needs? Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.

This prevalent tendency toward soft mindedness is found in man’s unbelievable gullibility. Take our attitude toward advertisement. We are so easily led to purchase a product because a television or radio advertisement pronounces it better than any other. Advertisers have long since learned that most people are soft minded, and they capitalize on this susceptibility with skillful and effective slogans.

...

We do not need to look far to detect the dangers of soft mindedness. Dictators, capitalizing on soft mindedness, have led men to acts of barbarity and terror that are unthinkable in civilized society. Adolf Hitler realized that soft mindedness was so prevalent among his followers that he said, “I use emotion for the many and reserve reason for the few.” In Mein Kampf he asserted:

By means of shrewd lies, unremittingly repeated, it is possible to make people believe that Heaven is hell – and hell, Heaven. The greater the lie, the more readily will it be believed.

Soft mindedness is one of the basic causes of race prejudice. The tough-minded person always examines the facts before he reaches conclusions; in short, he postjudges. The tender-minded person reaches a conclusion before he has examined the first fact; in short, he prejudges and is prejudiced. Race prejudice is based on groundless fears, suspicions, and misunderstandings.

...

But we must not stop with the cultivation of a tough mind. The gospel also demands a tender heart. Tough mindedness without tenderheartedness is cold and detached, leaving one’s life in a perpetual winter devoid of the warmth of spring and the gentle heat of summer. What is more tragic than to see a person who has risen to the disciplined heights of tough mindedness but has at the same time sunk to the passionless depths of hardheartedness?

The hardhearted person never truly loves. He engages in a crass utilitarianism that values other people mainly according to their usefulness to him. He never experiences the beauty of friendship, because he is too cold to feel affection for another and is too self-centered to share another’s joy and sorrow. He is an isolated island. No outpouring of love links him with the mainland of humanity.

The hardhearted person lacks the capacity for genuine compassion. He is unmoved by the pains and afflictions of his brothers. He passes unfortunate men every day, but he never really sees them. He gives dollars to a worthwhile charity, but he gives not of his spirit.

The hardhearted individual never sees people as people, but rather as mere objects or as impersonal cogs in an ever-turning wheel. In the vast wheel of industry, he sees men as hands. In the massive wheel of big city life, he sees men as digits in a multitude. In the deadly wheel of army life, he sees men as numbers in a regiment. He depersonalizes life.

.........><)))#">
Haiku is offline  
post #40 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 09:56 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 55
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haiku View Post
I could not find a PDF of his sermon. I'm glad you did. But just in case here is a link to the complete text.

https://thevalueofsparrows.com/2014/...uther-king-jr/

I pasted some excerpts below. Sorry for its length.

Thats ok man thanks for going through the trouble i appreciate it. I got it with google lol. but i will use yours.
2inthemorning is offline  
post #41 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:33 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,285
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Find your self worth from your character, your honor, from doing the right thing. This is the only thing you have complete control over, and if you do this it will keep you from doing wrong. It will give you great confidence. it also has the added benefit of allowing you to do the right thing for selfish reasons, so it is not hard to do the right thing then in this context.

Nothing good in life comes easy. Hard work is one of the most important keys to success.

Most great things in life take risk. Everyone has fear, successful people just learn how to control it.

The quickest way to have women interested in you is to forget about women and work on yourself. Develop yourself as a well rounded person.

For instance figure out the things you do well and then develop these skills. They will give you confidence and then that confidence will make you attractive.

Learn how to hold a conversation. Part of this is learning to listen and also knowing things so you will have something to say about them. Always be learning. If you don't know how to talk look on the internet, or ask people who you trust that do. The biggest key though is actually caring what is being said to you.

Then when you date realize that this is like shopping. Don't just settle, date lots of women and figure out what kind of people you like and what kind of people you fit with. Don't set your sites on any woman like she is the only one out there. The idea that there is one person who is a soulmate for you is a fallacy and a harmful one at that.

For your marriage.

Realize that when they say we men are to be our wives provider that doesn't just mean financially. It also means emotionally to some extent. If you want to be a good husband, start learning how to do that now. Read books, read these threads. Ask people who have good marriages how to do it. Just asking this question here is a good start.

If you find the right women, give yourself to her without any expectations (besides her respecting and treating you with honor). The right woman will do the same for you.

Most importantly never let anyone whoever they are treat you with disrespect or abuse. Be strong enough to cut them off it they do. No human being is worth your honor.

Finally enjoy being young (you only get to be once). Don't be afraid of the unknown, embrace the possibilities.

Last edited by sokillme; 01-12-2017 at 11:37 PM.
sokillme is online now  
post #42 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 09:16 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 4,472
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Keep arms length with your parents.

This does not preclude your helping them out when they need it.

However, showing sooner rather later your independence will minimise any desire to meddle in your life; to tell you how to live; to choose your partners and so on.

Remember also that the world has changed so quickly since they were your age, that even though they might mean well, there is a lot they don't know, they don't understand and they will refuse to admit it.
NextTimeAround is offline  
post #43 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-16-2017, 12:50 PM
Forum Supporter
 
TX-SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,659
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Every step you make should be along a path to a desired goal. Regarding your profession, take jobs that will boost your CV or resume. Don't just work some place because it seems fun.

As far as relationships... This too can be with a goal in mind, but should be more fluid and adaptable. If your goal is to have a wife and family, then date women that are into that as a goal/dream as well. Even though you may not end up with them, the experience will be rewarding. The right relationship should not be work, but you can make it a goal to be a great husband to your wife and a great father to your children.

Regarding finances... Don't throw away your money, but do have some fun. Do you want to eventually own a house? If so, think about putting away some funds for an eventual down payment. But, you may want to wait until your professional life is secure before settling down.

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
TX-SC is online now  
post #44 of 44 (permalink) Old 01-16-2017, 12:58 PM
Member
 
ChipperE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 108
Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Save money! Have a % of each paycheck put into a savings account (a small amount that you won't miss) and don't touch it! That's first and foremost. Second, pay your bills on time and try not to get into debt. Third, get an education and a job that you LOVE. Fourth, live the kind of life that you would be proud to talk about- go on adventures, vacations, anything that gets you excited and smiling. Positive and ambitious men are so attractive! On your first date with a woman do something that will make her laugh! Race go-karts, go to the fair, something silly and fun. If she can't dig it then she's not the kind of partner who you want to invite on your adventures. Set goals! Attain them. Exercise and don't smoke. Drink in moderation but enjoy it when you do- learn to mix c o c k tails and cook and host your friends. Enjoy your life!!
ChipperE is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
my mind is spinning seeking advice Mr.z Considering Divorce or Separation 20 10-15-2016 09:04 AM
Married 18+ years BIG PROBLEM I need advice Badly! I am the Husband! thatguyoverthere General Relationship Discussion 46 10-07-2016 04:25 AM
Please give advice stargazer6200 The Ladies' Lounge 19 06-15-2016 04:47 PM
My Father wants to leave, please give advice Jimmy555 Considering Divorce or Separation 14 01-08-2016 02:38 PM
Desperately need advice... Troubled_Times General Relationship Discussion 55 12-14-2015 03:16 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome