What advice would you give to a young man. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 09:19 PM Thread Starter
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What advice would you give to a young man.

Whats up guys, and ladies .. Im 23, now really trying to get out there and live life after some mistakes and wasteful years. I was just thinking about how absolouetly clueless i am of so many things, women, dating, sex, relationships, money, jobs and life on the whole. i never had dad or uncles to give me a talk or the dos and donts of life, pretty much figured out what i had to to get by where i am. the only male influences i had were all negatives, at least i knew what not to do. Just been wandering like a lost puppy for quite some time, and im looking for a change in my life so bad right now, just depressing the way things are im really unhappy. Im hoping 2017 would bring a change to all of that.

So here i am. Asking all of you. what advice would you give to a guy whos a bit lost and confused and now trying to get out there. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Last edited by 2inthemorning; 12-28-2016 at 09:25 PM.
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post #2 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 09:53 PM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Read "Hold On To Your N.U.T.'s" by Wayne Levine.

I wish someone would have handed that book to me at age 23.

It is about identifying what matters to you in life, and then then making your decisions based upon that, especially with women.

Trust me; get that book.

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"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #3 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 10:02 PM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

#1. Get in shape. Do you exercise?
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post #4 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 10:16 PM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Join the military. The Air Force if you can get in.

Make them train you for a real job, when and if you get out, after 4 to 6 years.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #5 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 10:20 PM
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Cool Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

First off, don't continue to beat yourself up! Secondly, the vast majority of girls that you haven't yet met or socialized with are probably just as scared about meeting you as you are of them! Lastly, don't put on aires or come across as being overly macho! Just be yourself! And always have fun!

A woman will adore your individuality and uniqueness far more than anything else in the world!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 12-28-2016 at 10:26 PM.
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post #6 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 10:22 PM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Be yourself, be kind to others. Be sincere to women. At this stage of your young life it's easy to think that the world revolves around you. As you get older you realize that it does not and you begin to wonder what difference you have made during your time on earth. Try to act as though you want to leave a positive legacy. I frequently think about the things I have done during my life that I am not proud of......cheated or deceived someone I was selling something to, didn't say anything about getting charged less than I should have at a restaurant, saw someone drop money and didn't say anything to them.......You get the idea. These are things that I am not proud of and I have never forgiven myself for doing them. Pay attention to this........"If you always try to do the right thing you will never have anything to be ashamed of....Even if you fail, it's ok.....At least TRY." That is the best advice I can offer you........Continue to ask questions here, you will get sound advice.
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post #7 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 10:27 PM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Be humble.......Hang around with people smarter than you----They will lift you to their level. Look people in the eyes when you talk to them....Use proper language and minimize swearing, it's the sign of laziness and low class, dammit! NEVER, EVER, LIE!
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post #8 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 10:29 PM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

My advice would be to live YOUR life, not the one anyone else tells you to. You are young and are only responsible for yourself. Now is the time to explore the world and yourself and to figure out who you are and what you want to be.
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post #9 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 11:01 PM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

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Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
Join the military. The Air Force if you can get in.

Make them train you for a real job, when and if you get out, after 4 to 6 years.
This excellent advice and I highly recommend it. I'd suggest the army even though I was with the navy. If you have a degree, apply for a short service commission (SSC).

I could make a laundry list of advantages but I'll list a few here

1. Discipline and direction

2. Friends for life. I'm talking about guys who would literally take a bullet for you.

3. Travel....this, my friend, is the number one reason for most of us lads. In that case, you should join the navy.

4. Every other job after that gets broken down into a series of assignments/ missions /objectives. You do not even have to consciously try to organize your life. Improved efficiency means improved productivity.

The biggest con was missing my family. This was especially hard for me considering that I was a mummy's boy.

That said, if you're artistically inclined, I'd say pursue your passion no matter how hard or how tough it gets monetarily or otherwise.
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post #10 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 11:52 PM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Really look at who your surround yourself with. Association is a huge indicator of who you are (or aren't). If those you gravitate towards are losers, remove them from your life. Replace them with better associates. To get better quality friends, you also need to BE a quality friend.

If you have family members that are exemplary, talk to them about your goals, the changes you want to make, and then put forth a big effort to spend more time with them.

Continue toward your goals of becoming an officer and having better health. Lots of the improvements that a person can make are from the inside out though. Don't let your determination fade with other New Years resolutions. Change for the better permanently, expect setbacks and overcome them and keep moving forward. You are very young, you can change SO much at this age.

Wishing you happiness and success.

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #11 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 02:46 AM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

The biggest mistake I see people make, especially young people, is they have no plan. You want 2017 to be better you say, what steps are you making to have that happen. Making a plan, or a goal, helps you set boundrys and gives direction for yourself. This is how successful people operate. They make the goal then make a plan how to achieve it giving themselves tasks and timelines. Realistic timelines is key.

And at 23 your goals may change and that's ok but be working toward something.
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post #12 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 04:32 AM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

No one owes you anything, remember that and act accordingly.
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post #13 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 11:43 AM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Great advice so far!

Yes - focus on personal integrity and personal accountability. These are the cornerstones of character.

Personal integrity means being true to who you are, even when it's difficult. Be honest. Tell the truth even when people don't want to hear it and even if it prevents your advancement at work. Don't let others force you into a lie. People try this all the time - little white lies that they say in your presence - if you say nothing you are complicit and YOU become a liar. Instead, with tact, correct the statement and clear the air. "That's not how I see it." "I never heard that, and in fact, here's what I heard..."

All ****roaches scurry away when the light is shown upon them. The truth is the light. Always expose the truth, without malice, and objectively. Don't EVER accept blame for being truthful. Defend yourself and your honor. "I'm not the bad guy here for telling the truth. Here are the facts." Assume others are mistaken and not intentionally lying - then your version can be heard because you have no ax to grind.

With regard to personal accountability - that means accepting that your mistakes may cost you. It doesn't mean confessing crimes to the police - always hire a lawyer and let them advise. But for everything else - all the little things in life - accept consequences. Often weak people will lie or withhold the truth to avoid consequences. They'll go along with bad acts - personal or company policy - to avoid reprisal. IMO - it's never worth it to damage your self respect and reputation by being weak and avoiding negative consequences.

Finally - search for the win-win. Nothing motivates duplicitous and low character people like winning and feeling like they put one over in you. Let them believe they've won if it achieves your (ethical) goals. And good people, of course, will accept the win-win and want to work with you in the future. Win-win requires a learned ability to see through the eyes of others what motivates them and what they want. It's related to empathy but isn't the same thing. I use wi -win strategies to make up for lower empathy than many of the females (and a few sensitive males) in my life. To me, empathy is the same thing but without reason or logic. Just pure feeling through someone else. Add reason and motivation - put yourself in their shoes - and you will do well in life.


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post #14 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 12:46 PM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

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No one owes you anything, remember that and act accordingly.
This.

Particularly as it relates to women.....you aren't entitled to the women you want. They have agency just like you, so look for one you want that also wants you and make sure you offer something reasonable for what you seek.

Example: if you want a fit woman be fit yourself.

And please do not think that porn is an accurate representative of a sexual relationship. Most of the women in porn don't like it and get nothing out of it, they're paid and drugged up to fake it.
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post #15 of 44 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 01:22 PM
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Re: What advice would you give to a young man.

Get into a trade school. Electrician, mechanic, plumbing, heating/AC. These are jobs that are always in demand. Get established financially first.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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