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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 09:51 PM Thread Starter
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advice desired

I recently celebrated my 1 year divorce from a marriage of 28 years. "Ex" remarried in September, to a former gf of 30+ years ago...I have been in a relationship for almost 1 1/2 years. Quite honestly, I am astounded,. My BF, is 4 and 1/2 my junior, divorced for 20+ years, 3 children, me 1 child. We met , dated, endured the selling of my house. I moved in with him,(daughter lives with her BF), and I bought a house in July. He currently lives with me. I believed I was the love of his life, until I discovered he had frequented a ****ty website... He initially denied it, later admitting to visiting this type of website, tho he had other relationships in the interim. I was CRUSHED. Why am I not the best for him? Especially since I was told this time and again? I've had enough prior physical, mental, and emotion damage that I can possible handle.... Sometimes I feel that I am just a "sugar momma", as I receive monthly retirement checks from the ex. Please, PLEASE, if you have advice, be GENTLE. I have endured much turmoil and sleeplessness in the past year....(but am prepared to "suck it up,buttercup"....

Last edited by rivertonkid59; 12-30-2016 at 10:24 PM.
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 09:57 PM
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Re: advice desired

Are you soliciting, OP? Why did you put the site in your initial post? It seems like you are connected to the site and just want to get hits.

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 10:04 PM
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Re: advice desired

Agree. Remove the website name. Otherwise you will get deleted by the moderators as spam. Use the edit function.
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 10:23 PM
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Re: advice desired

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Originally Posted by rivertonkid59 View Post
I recently celebrated my 1 year divorce from a marriage of 28 years. "Ex" remarried in September, to a former gf of 30+ years ago...I have been in a relationship for almost 1 1/2 years. Quite honestly, I am astounded,. My BF, is 4 and 1/2 my junior, divorced for 20+ years, 3 children, me 1 child. We met , dated, endured the selling of my house. I moved in with him,(daughter lives with her BF), and I bought a house in July. He currently lives with me. I believed I was the love of his life, until I discovered he had frequented a ****ty website,"gonna bang.com"... He initially denied it, later admitting to visiting this type of website, tho he had other relationships in the interim. I was CRUSHED. Why am I not the best for him? Especially since I was told this time and again? I've had enough prior physical, mental, and emotion damage that I can possible handle.... Sometimes I feel that I am just a "sugar momma", as I receive monthly retirement checks from the ex. Please, PLEASE, if you have advice, be GENTLE. I have endured much turmoil and sleeplessness in the past year....(but am prepared to "suck it up,buttercup"....
Throw his sorry ass to the curb.

Like... right now.
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 10:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: advice desired

Oh,my gosh, NO!!! I am NOT affiliated with that website. Obviously it was a stupid mistake to post the name... again, I am ***NOT*** soliciting... thought I could get advise... sorry to have messed up
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:01 PM
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Re: advice desired

It's a scam website for suckers. If your H paid for a subscription he is not just a cheater, he is a sucker.

The woman is fictional. At least you know that much.
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:26 PM
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Re: advice desired

Dump the cheater. You seem like a decent sort and should have no trouble finding a man who would treat you better.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 07:04 AM
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Re: advice desired

It looks like you moved from your marriage to another relationship almost immediately. Are you afraid to be alone? You need to take the time to work on yourself and be very sure about what you want. If your are needy and have a fear of being alone, you will attract users because they will sence your willingness to put up with a lot of crap..IMO

Get rid of this guy, take a year or two to work on you, IC, exercise, and get some hobbies to find out what you really want. Heal yourself because if you are damaged on the inside you are only going to attract damaged people. I assure you that you deserve better and can have better.

All the best.
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 07:31 AM
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Re: advice desired

I'm not sure what the website was but assuming it's a hook up site.

Here's the deal. You aren't married. Your tolerance level on the bullsh!t meter should be set very low. For this or anything else.

Move on.

My story: After a night on the town with him, wife exchanged inappropriate texts with her former boss.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...-she-road.html
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 09:22 AM
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Re: advice desired

What is he bringing to this relationship, aside from more mouths to feed and babysit....I am with most here, you can do better
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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 09:59 AM
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Re: advice desired

It is easy to see why your LTR boyfriend was divorced for 20 years.

He is not a catch. After 20 years of trying he now has more practice in covering up his faults.

You were patient. You tried him out for 1 1/2 years. You found all the bumps, squeaks and kinks in his ride. You found the warts that he put mascara on.

Also, a man who has been single for 20 years needs a method to take care of his sexual needs. When he was not actively dating, he was doing "something" to relieve himself. Unless he is very, very LD [low desire]. It does not sound like it. He has developed some bad habits, indeed.

The internet has opened Pandoras Box and all the demons have escaped. People now expect much more from relationships {sexually} as a result. Porn makes it's viewers want more than what is healthy. There is no going back.

You are not going to be compatible with a good percentage of men. Obviously, kinky men and maybe HD [horn dogs] are not your type. Do not take this setback personal. People are what they are. I know, he wasted your precious time...that hurts.

Your Exbf is not compatible....or computable to most women.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.

Last edited by SunCMars; 12-31-2016 at 10:06 AM.
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 10:14 AM
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 11:44 AM
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Re: advice desired

Quote:
Originally Posted by rivertonkid59 View Post
Oh,my gosh, NO!!! I am NOT affiliated with that website. Obviously it was a stupid mistake to post the name... again, I am ***NOT*** soliciting... thought I could get advise... sorry to have messed up
No big deal. It's just that the vast majority of new posters that include a link to a commercial website are spambots.

Anyway yeah like everyone else said.. sorry but there's nothing left to save here.
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 03:16 PM
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Cool Re: advice desired

Lose this guy like a bad habit!

There are a lot more promising, deserving men out there who would be absolutely crazy to meet up with you and would come to truly love you for who you are!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 04:11 PM
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Re: advice desired

Why the need to be attached? Celebrate your freedom. Learn to live, find, and love yourself. You will never disappoint you. If a new friend comes into your life enjoy it while it lasts. When it is over, you enjoyed the ride and remember the good. You will be ok because you have you to look after and no one else.

You know that there is no happily ever after, just the now. Live in the now and let life happen. Stop thinking being attached is a must.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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