Nope, you're right, I don't deserve her. Quite frankly I don't even know what I'm doing. Everyday... "what are you doing", "can I call?", "did you eat?", "thinking of you", "miss you", should be a good thing right? I used to appreciate it once, words of affirmation from a spouse, somehow I'm rotted to the core that it flies by me like I'm a ghost. I'm not like this with my daughter or my cat or my mates.
I want to start a new life, a new mountain to climb, even if I have to get down the first one, money means **** to me, it's always been a means to an end, and now I don't have to worry about it anymore - unless of course, I end up with a new family, and it's all going to happen again! No way! Argh! And she knows all this, she knows my reservations, I've never lied to her, I've also been completely transparent with her with my plans, my feelings (or lack of), and my thoughts, and she's holding on, she's following me everywhere. She admits she enjoys the challenge. And I am curious as to what she's going to try to pull - but I'm only taking a peek while she wants to pull me into the plunge.
But I don't like it. Why can't I like it? She's ticked every box, she makes me feel happy, she does everything I want bedside, and yet, I'm frustrated with her. Because of her long-term dreams, that when I asked her how I'm supposed to satisfy that, she says she hopes one day she can change my mind, and pulls the topic back to the present.
And buzz buzz... there we go, she texts me again. And instead of "weeee", I'm like... "what's my next excuse"
... I think I'm going to need some space