Re: Logically how can love exist?
* It is safer to be with her, rather than someone you might be inclined to be comfortable with and value deeply.
* Her verbal choice to wait for you to become available and open to the things she wants in her finite life is a relief to your ears, because, after all, if it is a sacrifice, it is her choice, not [yours]. If someone offers you the days of their life with no enforceable strings attached, who are you to say "No. I want you to first be in meaningful service to your values, rather than engaged in a fantasy." Say, if it were your daughter pursuing someone either not interested and attracted enough in her to share and realize some common dreams, would you still like the one accepting her into his/her orbit? (If the answer is no, then how are you really going to like yourself?)
I'm not judging (or so I like to think). Really, you seem like a thoughtful caring guy trying to consciously weigh the sometimes sh!tty choices life sometimes calls on us to make.
If you care enough about her to want to see if you can get to a point where you have compatible intents, then you are better off working consciously together, with a deadline and a plan for what happens after.
Consider how seductive is her offer to orbit you until you change. It's like a deal being made under the table between your biggest fears (of intimacy, interdependence, becoming vulnerable to another fragile and imperfect human being), and hers (fear that she's not good enough, not loveable, not going to find someone that can let her matter to .... and, she may be partial to the notion this is how love is supposed to feel if in her past her parents etc were just as elusive and just out of reach as you).
It is these dealings going on under the table that are the roadblock. Mitigate or remove. But, that requires shining a light on it and focus on it for the duration, and a conscious commitment from you both to see that task through. If one of you looks away and retreats into the more comfortable evasions, you're both screwed.
Working through this together, one way or another, is an opportunity isn't it?
"We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy." -- Amy, from Spike Jonze's "Her"
Last edited by PieceOfSky; 01-19-2017 at 09:08 PM.