Logically how can love exist? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

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post #61 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 07:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

Who knows, she's cute and acts innocent but she does have a sound mind. It's her responsibility in the end to make her own decisions, I've already been honest with her.

As for trust, it just takes time. We've only been together a few months.
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post #62 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 09:07 AM
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

RD, you have some brilliant advice and feedback on here. And as always, our lovely friend FIP has you pegged.

You are right, trust does take time, but your barriers are much thicker than most people's. You intentionally seek out flaws and reasons why things should go south. Until you deal with that, no woman will ever earn your trust. There are good people out there who deserve a chance, but trust goes both ways. Even the best woman is going to get tired of defending herself to you.
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post #63 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 09:40 AM
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

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Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
When I was young I didn't care about success, what drove me was my daughter. But now that I have enough to set aside for her and myself, I want to go back to being happy go-lucky me!

My semi retirement involves full time study, a complete career change, as well as getting more free time in the air and maybe become an instructor. I want to pursue my passions, and having a girlfriend feels like a burden.

She says she will support me in whatever decision I make, why can't I believe that?
Do you trust her. I do. But then, I only like what you have written about her. Reality might not align with her truth-table.


This is such an easy decision for most people. The caveat is trust.

Trust her to have your back.
Trust her with your bat and balls. Will she step out of your ball field and seek another bat for her glove? Will she soon only hit foul balls. Those balls that are attached to you.
Trust her with your money.
Trust her to keep her word.
Trust her to remain the same. No one stays the same for decades or a lifetime.
Trust her to keep you committed. Will you tire of her?

You trust yourself. You can be alone and trust only yourself. Is this what you want? Are you a Closet Hermit? A loner boner?

Do you need a women to complement your life. A women that you can look at proudly. A women you can touch and make love to whenever it suits yours' and her fancy!
She would be your' women. A women that looks great in a negligee?

Or can you wait, a few weeks at a time while you find another one, groom her, and then when she gets too close, dump her? How many women will you go through before you realize that this is not quite satisfying. When grooming you must be an actor, not a genuine man. Some men like the chase, not the capture. Kinda like a dog chasing a car. What does the dog do with the car when he catches up to it?

She said she is happy with you. And happy with your plans. How much more happy can you downplay and ignore?
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post #64 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

Erm... it's like, 3 months or so... we're still newish
Actually a little more than 3 months... I've known her 6 months total, 3 months as friends.
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post #65 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 11:53 AM
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

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Erm... it's like, 3 months or so... we're still newish
Actually a little more than 3 months... I've known her 6 months total, 3 months as friends.
Right. So give her a shot. Continue being honest with each other; that is a great place to start! Let her in a little at a time; allow her to do the same for you. And stop looking for reasons why it won't work.
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post #66 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 12:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

Nah, not doing that anymore. I've done enough to let her know sticking with me is a bad idea but she's sticking with me regardless so whatever. Her problem

I can't choose to trust or mistrust somebody, if someone earns my trust they also have my fear because their word has power. Cuddlebunny is still, well, just a cuddlebunny. Let time run its course.
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post #67 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 12:21 PM
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

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Nah, not doing that anymore. I've done enough to let her know sticking with me is a bad idea but she's sticking with me regardless so whatever. Her problem

I can't choose to trust or mistrust somebody, if someone earns my trust they also have my fear because their word has power. Cuddlebunny is still, well, just a cuddlebunny. Let time run its course.
Fair enough, RD.
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post #68 of 73 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 05:36 PM
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

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Nah, not doing that anymore. I've done enough to let her know sticking with me is a bad idea but she's sticking with me regardless so whatever. Her problem
LOL. I used to say things like that .... 20 years ago.

As long as you are honest and true to yourself, then I think you're absolutely right to let her make her own decisions.

Just be aware, though, that you really are actively pushing people away from you. And while this may make sense to you as a short term protective strategy, it's not necessarily the best approach for the long term. There's lots to be gained by breaking down the walls and letting people in.
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post #69 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 10:28 PM
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

Romantic love doe not exist. What people call love is really sexual attraction that your brain has rationalized because it doesn't want to acknowledge the primal nature of pure lust.
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post #70 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 11:44 PM
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

Love has nothing to do with logic regardless of your personal experiences. We are genetically hardwired to be attracted to mates who we think would have good genes to mix with ours. For many that means beautiful women or handsome men. Women are attracted to men with power, money or are good looking. If those types are unobtainable, we lower our sights and find someone who would make a good mate, live through childbirth and be able to raise the children until they too can pass on their genes, which include a mixture of their parents. Aside from the obvious signs of good health such as beauty and a demonstration that they are a good provider, wealth and /or power, no one really knows why the rest of us are attracted to those we are attracted to.

Attraction is a mixture of chemicals in our brain. So is love. We cannot will ourselves to feel attraction or love. Love comes from a mixture of feel good chemicals that make us feel pleasure even just thinking about those we love. It makes us overlook their faults. We want to be with them as much as possible. Try to look at someone and fall in love when love does not naturally occur. Kind of hard to do, if at all possible.

You seem to be confusing romantic love with familial love. The love we have for our kids is not the same type of love we have for a wife, for example. They are too different things that we call love. We love certain books, movies, foods, etc., but it is not romantic love. Some may never experience romantic love for some reason. It is all genetic and perhaps whatever combination of genes that makes us feel romantic love for another person, does not exists in some. Who knows. It is interesting to note that Oxytocin released during sex to emotionally bond a couple, is the same hormone that bonds a parent to a child, mostly the mother. Read this to see the stages of passion. It makes for an interesting read and explains why people fall out of love.

How long does passion last? The four stages of love - TODAY.com

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #71 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-23-2017, 08:24 AM
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

An old TAM'er no longer with us (can't remember who) summed it up best:

Love is chemicals in the brain acting as a choice.
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post #72 of 73 (permalink) Old 05-02-2017, 06:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

It's been almost a year, I still can't say I love my girlfriend. Perhaps it's the uncertainty of our future that is proving a wall preventing any deeper feelings from developing, or maybe she's just not the one. I've dodged her tests effectively thus far but she's getting smarter. At first when she confessed her love I just sang to her "I want to know what love is" and got away with not recipocating her feelings. But recently she asked me for "signs" I encountered that made me feel like we were meant to be together. Took me hours to even think up one. I failed. Still I came up with two that satisfied her but I sense she suspects that she loves me more than I love her - if I love her at all.

I've always been a hard-ass though, even with ex-wife. Maybe it's just not within me to fall in love?

I put alot of conditions in dating which pretty much made sure I wouldn't fall for anyone, I kept the ones I was attracted to as FWBs or friends-with-benefits, but always found excuses not to love them. My girlfriend began as a FWB but she passed every single one of my impossible tests, and earned my trust. All of it was abit of experiment as well to see if I could fall in love, especially after meeting someone who reaches my impossible standards.

But the experiment itself... well, results speak for themselves. In the end I question if the ability to love is just not within me, and I should focus on other aspects of life and make more realistic promises in the future, and stick to what seems to suit me better; FWBs and casual sex, nothing more.
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post #73 of 73 (permalink) Old 05-02-2017, 09:36 PM
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Re: Logically how can love exist?

RD, everyone has the capacity to love. And that includes you. I know how much you love your daughter.

The only thing that prevents you from being open to love is yourself. Watch this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UoMXF73j0c]

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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