Logically how can love exist?
The only love I've come to acknowledge and cherish is the love I share with me and my daughter, but even then I know it has its limits and is conditional, just like the "love" I have for my own immediate family. If it isn't pure, it isn't love. That's my belief. Did I love ex-wife? Did she love me in return? Meh, she only loved me because what I could give her, and me her - once the troubles hit all love is conditional. Nothing is for free, life is no fairytale.
So I live my life hardened, content with the freedom and none of the expectations of "love". My finances and my daughter's future is secured. No woman will threaten it.
My recent girlfriend is defying my reality and belief systems, and I struggle to believe it, but I know that she believes it. She passes every test, tests that 99% of women I've dated failed. It was designed to make them fail, to keep myself justifying my emotional unavailability. Yet she passed. For a while it was great, come what may, I didn't care, just live life right?
Right now I am going to make a decision this year for semi-retirement, I'm finished pushing for the greens. I have my investments, I have my success. I don't need my income anymore, I am changing my lifestyle to pursue hobbies and passions. Which means... a lot less money. Will girlfriend cash out? Who knows, but when I have a risk, I like to deal with it head-on, remove or mitigate. Wait... this is a human being we are talking about!
Logical solution: Remove
I'm on the down-spiral, and I don't know anymore. I don't want to have her weighting on my decisions to pursue a new lifestyle. She gives me no pressure directly, but the sole fact that she's my girlfriend pressures me immensely. If the solution is not logical, if I am to stay with her, how do I deal with these thoughts?