What is a submissive wife?
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Old 12-11-2011, 08:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default What is a submissive wife?

What do the men on TAM think of submission in a marriage?

Sometimes I think that most men want a woman, who does not challenge them and quietly obeys them at all times. I know this is irrational and unfair, but please understand that is what I have been exposed to. I find that most men cannot handle a woman who stands up for herself and what she believes in. A woman who does not take crap is seen as a b!tch.

For example, my brother married an Asian woman. He says that his wife "doesn't give him any trouble" and that she is "nice and quiet". She is very meek and it troubles me that he went looking for someone who is slightly afraid of him.

One of my cousins remarried a woman more than ten years his junior. He is a staunch Christian and his first wife was "disobedient" by his own admission. It sickens me to see how whispery and subservient his new wife is. He loves it that way too.

I had an ex that often told me that I stood up for myself too much. This man tried very hard to control me and used his age as the reason he I "needed to listen."

A real man is not threatened by a strong woman with her own opinions. My husband and I share decisions; the final say goes to him, depending on what the issue is. I consider my husband's feelings in everything I do and some women have accused me of letting him boss me around. I respect my husband, so I will not make large purchases without his input. I also refrain from spending too many evenings without him, since he enjoys my company. Though I have never been into dance clubs, when I am invited to one, I do not go out of respect for my marriage and my husband. We believe that married people should not go to places that are meet markets. After all, I don't want drunk guys trying to paw me or pick me up.
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Old 12-11-2011, 09:21 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

To me, it is not about authority at all, submissiveness does not put one spouse ahead of the other, does not make the dominint one better. In almost all partnerships it functions better when the partners each play to their strengths and in most cases one partner simply is better at setting an overall agenda and/or ensuring the goals being met follow that agenda - I think the traditional view is that men are better at this and better at taking the lead on one issue at a time and women tend to be able to juggle the details and ensure everything runs smoothly better... however that is by no means always the case.

I think sometimes some generalities can have some value - for me in my failed marriage, early on my W was happy, preferred to be the passenger but also needed her freedom to pursue her own hobbies, she was happy when I could reassure her that everything was going to plan always provided and took care of all the bllls, when there was something she wanted I took the steps to make it happen. Eventually though this stopped working, I was burning out, for whatever reason, be it attraction to me, respect, stagnancy or the way those all get exacerbated once children come into the picture, I felt I couldn't keep her happy (it should never have been my role in the first place I realize now), but when I couldn't handle the "lead" anymore I desperately wanted to step out of the way, to let her take over, to just completely submit (the exact word I always came up with when I felt the marriage was in trouble). And it was a deep, lasting change within me when I got to that point, hormonal even. I never even thought of myself as a dominant one in the marriage, or her as the submissive, but I realize now that was definitely a significant part of our dynamic, when everything runs smooth no party ever notices it, there is no chauvanism, no mistreatment, it just all clicks.
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Old 12-11-2011, 09:22 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

I view submissive as more of a derogatory term. My wife is spanish/hispanic, and traditionally in her culture, women will bend over backwards to take care of their husbands.

She is no different as she does everything she can to be the best wife and mother she can possibly be and make sure that my son and I are happy, even if its harder on her.

That being said, because she is that way, I do everything in my power to do the same for her. And we have always had a very good relationship.

I think if just one spouse is "submissive", and the other spouse takes advantage, then you are not going to have a happy relationship. But if both spouses do try and put the others needs first, and are aware that technically a marriage should be 50/50, but in reality sometimes it may be more like 70/30, and are both aware and o.k with this, then i believe the relationship will be awesome in all aspects.

Hope this helps.
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Old 12-11-2011, 10:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

Strong women are hard to find, women who are consistently strong are even harder. I've only met very few to my standards. To be honest I found most "strong" women to be actors, they are stubborn, demanding and selfish. Sure they take no crap, but that's not what makes them b-tches.

Take my wife for example, she knows how to dish back crap in my face, and yes she's very stubborn - but she's still reasonable; she won't tell me to get f--ked just for the sake of it or lashing out over some BS (and if she does she apologises). She's always been demanding yes, but I admit she does also give as much as she gets or at least tries too, she can be selfish sure - but then so can I, and so can everybody be selfish from time to time.

She's reasonable, appreciative, loving, caring and principled. Considering how much sh-t we've been throughout the years both with each other and against the world -> she's more then proven her strength. Any of these so-called "strong women" who "don't take crap" wouldn't have lasted.

When people wonder why I still stand by her despite the times when her darth wifey side does come out, that's why - her good qualities balance out the bad, qualities which I found to be rather rare to get all in one package. Also, as folks mature, it seems just as men are tired of these "strong women" and go for the nicer submissive alternatives, women are also tired of these actors "bad boys" and go for the nice guy alternatives.

My wife is not an actor, nor is she submissive, she's just a strong woman at core. Well... although she has gone weaker over the years *sighs*

Last edited by RandomDude; 12-11-2011 at 10:08 PM.
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Old 12-11-2011, 10:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

While I like to take care of my family and husband, I have strong convictions that I will not sacrifice for anything. I am not a b*tch, I just know what i know and unless someone can show me a good argument, I won't change my mind on my convictions (everything from politics to personal beliefs).

I have learned how to be strong without being judgmental or condescending. I think growing older has something to do with that though.

I have learned to voice my opinion without putting other opinions down and how to not take criticism to heart and use it as a learning tool for personal growth.

I can take care of myself, if need be, and my husband knows that. I do, however, make it very clear that he is wanted in my life because I love the way he takes care of me. It lessens my burdens and I try to do the same for him.

I wouldn't say I'm submissive, because the things I do, I choose to do...

I am submissive in bed though I love that my husband takes the lead in the bouduoir.
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Old 12-11-2011, 11:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

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Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
Strong women are hard to find, women who are consistently strong are even harder. I've only met very few to my standards. To be honest I found most "strong" women to be actors, they are stubborn, demanding and selfish. Sure they take no crap, but that's not what makes them b-tches.

Take my wife for example, she knows how to dish back crap in my face, and yes she's very stubborn - but she's still reasonable; she won't tell me to get f--ked just for the sake of it or lashing out over some BS (and if she does she apologises). She's always been demanding yes, but I admit she does also give as much as she gets or at least tries too, she can be selfish sure - but then so can I, and so can everybody be selfish from time to time.One of my greatest strengths is I can admit when I am wrong.

She's reasonable, appreciative, loving, caring and principled. Considering how much sh-t we've been throughout the years both with each other and against the world -> she's more then proven her strength. Any of these so-called "strong women" who "don't take crap" wouldn't have lasted.Well, I have stayed with my husband through unemployment, money woes and family of origin issues. He respects that I have stuck by him. When I speak of not taking crap, I mean that nobody can walk all over me.

When people wonder why I still stand by her despite the times when her darth wifeyLOL side does come out, that's why - her good qualities balance out the bad, qualities which I found to be rather rare to get all in one package. Also, as folks mature, it seems just as men are tired of these "strong women" and go for the nicer submissive alternatives, women are also tired of these actors "bad boys" and go for the nice guy alternatives.Just because I am strong, it doesn't mean that I am not nice. I love to cook for my husband, compliment him and enjoy him immensely in bed.

My wife is not an actor, nor is she submissive, she's just a strong woman at core. Well... although she has gone weaker over the years *sighs*
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Old 12-11-2011, 11:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

Then you're fine, most women however, do not share your quality, so I wouldn't exactly say no to your brother's or cousin's decision. There's simply not enough quality women to go around, sometimes one just has to take what they can get as it's not exactly up to just their preferences alone - they have to be realistic.

Or, they simply have never met anyone who blew their minds away. That's what happened to me until I met wifey, and hell did she really mess up my world!!!
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Old 12-11-2011, 11:39 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

i half expect my wife to submit when i know she is thinking in emotional terms and i am thinking in logical terms, and only concerning things that affect our future. finances being the prime example, my attitude is "listen to me or learn for yourself". although i would prefer she just listen to me, i have no problem letting us go broke the day after payday so that she can better understand where i am coming from. lately, she lets me make the big choices, and yet at the same time is making better financial decisions herself. funny how that works.
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Old 12-12-2011, 05:17 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

If the relationship is stable and transparent enough; you both should recognize the talents of the other and submit accordingly. My W is a very strong personality but knows when to submit. while I am the consummate nice guy who wants to make her happy all the time and have to make myself switch to Alpha rather than submit all the time.

It is an interesting dance we engage in.
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Old 12-12-2011, 08:48 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

I have been known to be a submissive type of wife and I can say from experience that it isn't fun, nor do men really want that. My husband knows he can say and do basically whatever he wants and he uses that to his advantage often. I'm the perfect wife but not the best friend/partner in crime. He goes back and forth between telling me he can't respect me because i let him walk all over me, to begging me never to leave because I'm the best woman he's ever met. it's exhausting. lol! I believe relationships should be equal in dominance and submission...know when to step up and when to step down. I'm working on it.
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Old 12-12-2011, 10:12 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

That would be a wife who submits.Check out submissive in Webster's.
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Old 12-12-2011, 10:13 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

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I have been known to be a submissive type of wife and I can say from experience that it isn't fun, nor do men really want that. My husband knows he can say and do basically whatever he wants and he uses that to his advantage often. I'm the perfect wife but not the best friend/partner in crime. He goes back and forth between telling me he can't respect me because i let him walk all over me, to begging me never to leave because I'm the best woman he's ever met. it's exhausting. lol! I believe relationships should be equal in dominance and submission...know when to step up and when to step down. I'm working on it.
Read "No More MS Nice Gal". You may need to be more alpha.
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Old 12-12-2011, 10:15 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

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While I like to take care of my family and husband, I have strong convictions that I will not sacrifice for anything. I am not a b*tch, I just know what i know and unless someone can show me a good argument, I won't change my mind on my convictions (everything from politics to personal beliefs).

I have learned how to be strong without being judgmental or condescending. I think growing older has something to do with that though.

I have learned to voice my opinion without putting other opinions down and how to not take criticism to heart and use it as a learning tool for personal growth.

I can take care of myself, if need be, and my husband knows that. I do, however, make it very clear that he is wanted in my life because I love the way he takes care of me. It lessens my burdens and I try to do the same for him.

I wouldn't say I'm submissive, because the things I do, I choose to do...

I am submissive in bed though I love that my husband takes the lead in the bouduoir.
Do you guys ever trade glasses?
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Old 12-12-2011, 11:54 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

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Do you guys ever trade glasses?
HA! Can't. He is nearsighted, I am farsighted.
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Old 12-13-2011, 10:25 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: What is a submissive wife?

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Originally Posted by Jazzercise View Post
I have been known to be a submissive type of wife and I can say from experience that it isn't fun, nor do men really want that. My husband knows he can say and do basically whatever he wants and he uses that to his advantage often. I'm the perfect wife but not the best friend/partner in crime. He goes back and forth between telling me he can't respect me because i let him walk all over me, to begging me never to leave because I'm the best woman he's ever met. it's exhausting. lol! I believe relationships should be equal in dominance and submission...know when to step up and when to step down. I'm working on it.
Nobody is perfect.
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