Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 07:34 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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In an age where so many men do look at it, would those of you who do not please explain why?

Speaking only for myself. When Mrs.CuddleBug actually had sex with me 3x per week, waaaaay back, that was enough for me to eliminate me looking at porn altogether.

So when I was really in the mood, she took care of me and my desire for porn is zero. Don't even think about it to be honest.

But when the sex is 1x month, then I do view porn from time to time, and get it out of my system. Not proud of this but doing nothing isn't an option either because I'll go crazy and probably hookup with hot ladies who just want regular sex type of a relationship. Don't want to cross that line.

To summarize, woman takes care of her mans needs, his desire for porn should be zero. Hes not sexually starved or horny you see and trying different sex helps even more.

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post #17 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 07:26 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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Have you seen the family Guy episode where Brian becomes a porn director?

Those were storylines
HUGE Family Guy fan here. I don't think I ever laughed as hard as I did when I heard that one of Brian's past 'projects' was "Welcome to My Face."
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post #18 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 08:42 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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I agree....they are ridiculous.

Hard for me to keep a straight face.
I used to share an apt with two lesbians who are my best friends.One night we had been out drinking(a lot) and we started talking about porn movies.We went back to the apt block with my then gf and one of the girls borrowed a porn DVD from a neighbor and we started to watch it.I don't think I ever laughed as much as I did that night I'm laughing now as I type this.The two gay girls reenacted every move and my gf joined in enthusiastically,I was just a bystander.They were all fully dressed but when they started moaning loudly I just lost it,it was the funniest thing I ever saw.Why would anyone choose to watch this rubbish if they have a partner to have sex with?
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post #19 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 09:18 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

Way too many healthy things to keep my interest and not enough time for them...

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.


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post #20 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 09:39 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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Way too many healthy things to keep my interest and not enough time for them...
It's called having a life.
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post #21 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 10:47 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

I have lived an eternity looking at pornography, having become addicted to it as a pre-teen, when there was no internet, looking at magazines that I found at a neighbor's house. The combination of curiosity, naivete, and the lure and availability of such imagery was, looking back on it, the perfect storm, which certainly has produced consequences in my own life. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought it would have such a hold, such power in my life. Developing sexuality is profoundly affected by such things, I can attest to that. Sadly, with the presence of the internet, and its ease and anonymity, not to mention the pervasiveness of it, exposure to it is inevitable. Being able to properly deal with the exposure, being able to be shepherded through it for those that are young, as I was, is absolutely critical. So, it is not to be toyed with, that is my experience.

Having said that, I have been on a journey of recovery from it for a few years now. This journey actually requires that I learn how to experience true intimacy, as God intended it to be. I haven't viewed pornography for quite some time, measured in a couple of years at this point. It no longer has a hold on me, as abstinence from it, as studies have proven, allow the brain to do some remodeling, and form new healthy pathways, those unhealthy pathways having been formed over the years. Honestly, I have zero desire to look at porn. I can see it for what it is now, and that is that it is unable to deliver what I desire most- INTIMACY. Porn sabotages that intimacy. Porn hijacked that in my case.

Rather than cultivating intimacy, it promotes pleasure. It absolutely devalues women, and makes them nothing more than instruments for pleasure for men. Within a relationship, the fantasy of porn can produce a relationship in which the central focus is self-gratification, at all costs, at the expense of any needs that your partner may have. It is easy to get caught up in a trance, wherein your greatest "need" is identified as sex, and the fulfillment of that need, at all costs, is the goal. Porn cannot peacefully coexist within marriage, as adultery of the eyes and mind steals intimacy from your partner. It was never intended to be a 3rd partner in the bedroom.

If you've never looked at porn, stay away, and that's awesome! If you're struggling with it, do everything in your power to be free from it. My own freedom has come from hundreds of hours of counseling, group, retreats, reading, prayer, and the process known as sexual addiction recovery. Right now, as my other threads may attest, I am working through(alongside my wife), being able to begin to love my wife holistically, completely, differently, faithfully, honestly, not in the shadows, but in the light. I have to bring those things, those ideas about her, about us, etc, out into that light in order to overcome them. One thing that porn has done is cause me to have an obsession about imperfections in my wife's physical body, and to focus on her weight in an unhealthy way, rather than her essence. We're working through those things, beginning to understand them more and more. Sexual desire, attraction, enticement, passion-all those things are immensely important, but as I am beginning to relate differently to my wife, in the absence of porn, and in the presence of health, I am finding out that she's beginning to feel more comfortable around me, and wants the very same things that I do
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post #22 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 11:50 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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I have lived an eternity looking at pornography, having become addicted to it as a pre-teen, when there was no internet, looking at magazines that I found at a neighbor's house.
I'm curious...

Had you already masturbated BEFORE you discovered porn? If so, what was your frequency?

Quote:
Rather than cultivating intimacy, it promotes pleasure. It absolutely devalues women, and makes them nothing more than instruments for pleasure for men. Within a relationship, the fantasy of porn can produce a relationship in which the central focus is self-gratification, at all costs, at the expense of any needs that your partner may have. It is easy to get caught up in a trance, wherein your greatest "need" is identified as sex, and the fulfillment of that need, at all costs, is the goal. Porn cannot peacefully coexist within marriage, as adultery of the eyes and mind steals intimacy from your partner. It was never intended to be a 3rd partner in the bedroom.
This part of your post I find to be very true WITH or WITHOUT the use of porn. There are a lot of people who simply see sex as something 'pleasurable' for themselves. When the focus is purely on the orgasm as the "goal" of sex, it takes away from the 'journey' of sex, which doesn't ALWAYS have to include orgasm.

I have yet to find a man who feels the same way about it as I do.
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post #23 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 11:50 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

Good lesson, @71Climber.

Ty

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.


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post #24 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 12:16 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

My husband rarely looks at it.....maybe a handful of times a year. When I asked him why he doesn't look at it more often he said that he doesn't really get much out of it. He has to be really mentally tired and desperate for a release to dip into porn for stimulation.

I kind of wonder if the difference in porn habits isn't also related to one's view of sex. For example, I wonder if those who view sex as an emotionally bonding experience are less porn friendly than those who view sex as more of a physical need that must be met. Would make for a good study.
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post #25 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 12:40 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

I watch porn but only infrequently as a release usually when Mrs. meson is on travel or unavailable.

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
I kind of wonder if the difference in porn habits isn't also related to one's view of sex. For example, I wonder if those who view sex as an emotionally bonding experience are less porn friendly than those who view sex as more of a physical need that must be met. Would make for a good study.
This is true for me. When I do indulge its with something that shows couples connecting. Otherwise I find a large proportion of it repulsive and avoid most of it.

I don't want to not live because of my fear of what could happen. - Laird Hamilton

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post #26 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 12:47 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

I don't know IF my husband qualifies for this thread ....

Reasoning: PORN = "Masturbating to Erotic Images, videos"....

My husband never masturbates to erotic anything -he saves every release for me.. he's been this way our entire marriage.. however... when we met.. he had 300 Playboy magazines under his bed - I remember them ... he read many of those articles, this is where he learned about sex....he was never a Playboy and I was the 1st and only woman he has ever touched...

He "got off" on the pictures plenty back then- yes - typical teen male... he told me he stopped doing this when I starting putting my hands down his pants.. then as he described it - it became "our thing"...

Though @jld used the word "LOOK" in her asking.. this disqualifies him from this thread... He is very visual and enjoys Looking.....when we got the net... that opened up a world of collecting, downloading... he was always saving files of playboy bunnies...

I was talking to him last night about this thread...half of him is not a User of porn (No Yanking / no getting off - he greatly loves the intimacy we share, always a generous giving lover)... yet he'll always enjoy Looking -doesn't matter how much sex we have...

So I asked him.. what in the world IS he...he's not like Most guys into Porn by any means....where does he fit....He response was "I am a Collector"....it's a hobby of his....some may call it porn, though he feels it's more "Erotic Art"...

He has no interest in seeing the up close penetration of a man & Women ... anything hardcore is a turn off to him.. he enjoys "Playboy type" still photos of beautiful women....many times we'll be in the same room when he's 'Collecting"....I'll be on here....he'll be doing his thing....he'll be this way until he day he hits dirt...

One thing I can say about my husband is.. He's always been a true Gentleman..if anything.. he can't get ROUGH enough ... which has been one of my complaints.. he's just a little .

My posting this in no way = I think Porn is Great.. use it.. be proud! Bottom Line... Intimacy is the lifeblood of every fulfilling marriage... if Porn is messing with this in any way.. if/ when a wife starts feeling she's not enough to satisfy... its NEVER NEVER NEVER Ok....it can be addictive, and destructive to a # of marriages...


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post #27 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 01:02 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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I don't know IF my husband qualifies for this thread ....

Reasoning: PORN = "Masturbating to Erotic Images, videos"....

My husband never masturbates to erotic anything -he saves every release for me.. he's been this way our entire marriage.. however... when we met.. he had 300 Playboy magazines under his bed - I remember them ... he read many of those articles, this is where he learned about sex....he was never a Playboy and I was the 1st and only woman he has ever touched...

He "got off" on the pictures plenty back then- yes - typical teen male... he told me he stopped doing this when I starting putting my hands down his pants.. then as he described it - it became "our thing"...

Though @jld used the word "LOOK" in her asking.. this disqualifies him from this thread... He is very visual and enjoys Looking.....when we got the net... that opened up a world of collecting, downloading... he was always saving files of playboy bunnies...

I was talking to him last night about this thread...half of him is not a User of porn (No Yanking / no getting off - he greatly loves the intimacy we share, always a generous giving lover)... yet he'll always enjoy Looking -doesn't matter how much sex we have...

So I asked him.. what in the world IS he...he's not like Most guys into Porn by any means....where does he fit....He response was "I am a Collector"....it's a hobby of his....some may call it porn, though he feels it's more "Erotic Art"...

He has no interest in seeing the up close penetration of a man & Women ... anything hardcore is a turn off to him.. he enjoys "Playboy type" still photos of beautiful women....many times we'll be in the same room when he's 'Collecting"....I'll be on here....he'll be doing his thing....he'll be this way until he day he hits dirt...

One thing I can say about my husband is.. He's always been a true Gentleman..if anything.. he can't get ROUGH enough ... which has been one of my complaints.. he's just a little .

My posting this in no way = I think Porn is Great.. use it.. be proud! Bottom Line... Intimacy is the lifeblood of every fulfilling marriage... if Porn is messing with this in any way.. if/ when a wife starts feeling she's not enough to satisfy... its NEVER NEVER NEVER Ok....it can be addictive, and destructive to a # of marriages...
I have bought one episode of playboy in my life.It was the Marge Simpson one.lol.
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post #28 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 02:24 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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I have bought one episode of playboy in my life.It was the Marge Simpson one.lol.
He bought them at garage sales when he was a teen (10, 25 cents each sorta thing)... not sure how his Mom didn't notice this, or maybe she just turned a blind eye... then turned around selling them to his friends at school for a few bucks each.... at least he wasn't wasting any money.. I can dig that.. Cleaning out his closest last week.. I found a stash.. a few collectors he kept.. but it's a small stash...

He considers Playboy classy.. everything else is not up to his liking, I guess. Opened a few "Hustlers" back in the day.. to him.. that was all trash , disrespectful and sick.
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post #29 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:39 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

I am against prostitution.

I am convinced the porn industry is vile.

I despise the impact pornography had on me in my childhood, along with other issues.

I am spiritual, Christian.

I believe prostitution damages people.

I believe it is a pathetic weakness in human societies throughout history.

I despise weakness of character and lack of discipline.

I am also one of the biggest offenders having consumed unreal quantities of porn.

I am still occasionally tempted and it pisses me off!
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post #30 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:52 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?
Because we have to sleep sometime? 😬

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