Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 06:32 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
I am also one of the biggest offenders having consumed unreal quantities of porn.

I am still occasionally tempted and it pisses me off!
That's why books like this are written... Every Man's Battle: Every Man's Guide to Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series)

I am f** ed up myself.. as me & husband are both against casual sex , we feel it's wrong.. there should be emotional strings, love, devotion, a commitment ... yet we can't deny we like to look upon Erotic images - I am worse than he is..

One thing I love is when a couple is married...but even then.. it seems they share other bodies.. there is just something within us that is greatly turned on by the sex act... what to do about it.. shame ourselves everyday ?? I don't know.
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post #32 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 02:43 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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That's why books like this are written... Every Man's Battle: Every Man's Guide to Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series)

I am f** ed up myself.. as me & husband are both against casual sex , we feel it's wrong.. there should be emotional strings, love, devotion, a commitment ... yet we can't deny we like to look upon Erotic images - I am worse than he is..

One thing I love is when a couple is married...but even then.. it seems they share other bodies.. there is just something within us that is greatly turned on by the sex act... what to do about it.. shame ourselves everyday ?? I don't know.
I don't think shaming yourself works to a positive result.

I just calmly remember that I am not a proponent of prostitution and read TAM or literotica! LOL!

Porn is a little easier for me to avoid because Mrs. Conan and I have agreed it will not be a part of our marriage.

I don't feel bad about being tempted but probably wouldn't be tempted as often or as strongly if not for my past.
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post #33 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 03:56 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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In an age where so many men do look at it, would those of you who do not please explain why?


Because my wife is too busy re-enacting it with me.
There are times when I do look at it but prefer watching videos I made of us, if she isn't around.


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post #34 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 07:43 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

I do watch porn, but maybe once or twice a month, and only for a couple of minutes (if you catch my drift...!)

It's a means to an end, and I have no desire to become an aficionado. I consider myself an extremely low-user of porn, to the point where it's virtually non-existent and has zero impact on my life, sexual or otherwise.

If I had a more frequent sex life, I'd have no use for it whatsoever. The once or twice a month it's used, it's simply for something different, when the imagination doesn't quite cut it, and visual stimulation is required.

If my wife had a problem with it, which she doesn't, then I likely wouldn't use it at all, nor would I miss it.

This may be contentious, but I liken it to a vibrator, or some other sex toy. I have no issue with my partner using one, on her own, should she choose, provided I am not 'available' (or available later), or generally in need of some sexual intimacy. If it's not a replacement for me, I'm cool with it.

But some people do still take issue with their (female) partner masturbating, especially with a toy. A vibrator can do things we can't. A dildo can be shaped, or be bigger, differently than what we have. Much like some people view porn use as their partner viewing people that do not look like them (ie. 'better').

So porn use, as well as vibrator/sex toy use all comes down to one person's insecurities about themselves. This is provided the usage is not chronic, over-the-top, obsessive, etc. and does not forgo a normal sex life with one's partner in lieu of the above. (ie. an addiction, for example).

I've mentioned here in the past that my ex wife did exactly this numerous times (that I know of) during our marriage. Turn me down for sex, only to subsequently masturbate almost immediately after. So I know what that feels like. We used to be on very different work schedules during that time, so I was in bed hours before she was. Numerous times I was rejected, only to hear her 5, 10, 15 minutes later in the next room, doing her best to be quiet, and probably assuming I was asleep. Yeah, that sucks, but that was also quite indicative of our over all relationship.

All I know is that porn, or sex toy use, or even straight up masturbation IS a substitute for actual sex - and that's okay from time to time, or certain circumstances. But when one person would rather do that than engage in sexual intimacy with their partner, that's not a good thing.

But if my partner owns sex toys, and uses them on her own and I get pissy about it, that's my own insecurities coming out (provided, of course, that we have a 'normal' sex life).

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #35 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 09:26 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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I don't think shaming yourself works to a positive result.

I just calmly remember that I am not a proponent of prostitution and read TAM or literotica! LOL!

Porn is a little easier for me to avoid because Mrs. Conan and I have agreed it will not be a part of our marriage.

I don't feel bad about being tempted but probably wouldn't be tempted as often or as strongly if not for my past.
I came to this forum, looking for a intelligent sex board.. most are flooding with incessant dirty joking and "causal" f**king...that's not my scene, never will be...so I landed here...yes.. this is my Literotica I guess...like you...

We've talked about this, he very much appreciates the fact I am OK with this hobby.. and it caused us more "at odds" when I was a Christian, feeling he was sinning against God & taking it so personal...that sure didn't help anything... but truth is.. EVEN THEN...always...I felt deeply loved & wanted by him...never once did he deny me ... he'd try to stay away.. then fall back into looking /collecting...but ya know what.. he IS the most affectionate, giving of his time.. never turns me down... I know I "do it" for him... I do not struggle with jealousy or he wants "those women" over me... no more than I would want a Playboy- even if they are HOT ....

So this just leaves the moral component to us.. I guess we all should feel guilty for something.. this is our BAD, this is our NAUGHTY.. this is our SIN... Look.. the stuff he is looking at is paying women Bu-coo bucks to pose...it's all PlayBoy .... these women are doing this of their own free will, some consider it Erotic art.. wouldn't even classify it as porn... . The only videos I could find he even cared for, when we rented...as he doesn't want to see the man at all.. is Andrew Blake style porn...similar to Playboy...very classy slowly taking it off , solo women ... . he also likes to watch strippers... what can I say.. I looked on the net for an old VHS he had when a teen, found it on Amazon & surprised him with it a few yrs back....

And Me.. I am only interested in "Sensual" / Romantic porn.... which is not easy to find.... My husband can't even watch a R rated movie with a rape scene in it... it boils his blood.. he thinks men like that should be killed...

I really have no desire to hold such strict standards on him or me.. I just don't... I consider us Low users, heck we don't even release to it ...even I haven't in over 7 yrs now...
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post #36 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 09:55 AM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

My ex-h did not watch porn when we were in our relationship together, unless we were watching it together (which was rare, but fun on occasion). He had lived enough life and had enough sex and masturbation to know that porn interferes with your normal sexual responses to a real woman in front of you. He also knew it could interfere with my normal sexual responses and he did not want me to be watching it solo, either. It just wasn't worth it, even though seeing porn can cause a certain type of arousal that feels very pleasurable, that feeling wasn't important to us. There was far more overall pleasure in the intimacy we built together, and the arousal we created from genuinely allowing our bodies to do what they were intended to do was far superior to the type that is caused by viewing porn.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #37 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 09:13 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
I came to this forum, looking for a intelligent sex board.. most are flooding with incessant dirty joking and "causal" f**king...that's not my scene, never will be...so I landed here...yes.. this is my Literotica I guess...like you...

We've talked about this, he very much appreciates the fact I am OK with this hobby.. and it caused us more "at odds" when I was a Christian, feeling he was sinning against God & taking it so personal...that sure didn't help anything... but truth is.. EVEN THEN...always...I felt deeply loved & wanted by him...never once did he deny me ... he'd try to stay away.. then fall back into looking /collecting...but ya know what.. he IS the most affectionate, giving of his time.. never turns me down... I know I "do it" for him... I do not struggle with jealousy or he wants "those women" over me... no more than I would want a Playboy- even if they are HOT ....

So this just leaves the moral component to us.. I guess we all should feel guilty for something.. this is our BAD, this is our NAUGHTY.. this is our SIN... Look.. the stuff he is looking at is paying women Bu-coo bucks to pose...it's all PlayBoy .... these women are doing this of their own free will, some consider it Erotic art.. wouldn't even classify it as porn... . The only videos I could find he even cared for, when we rented...as he doesn't want to see the man at all.. is Andrew Blake style porn...similar to Playboy...very classy slowly taking it off , solo women ... . he also likes to watch strippers... what can I say.. I looked on the net for an old VHS he had when a teen, found it on Amazon & surprised him with it a few yrs back....

And Me.. I am only interested in "Sensual" / Romantic porn.... which is not easy to find.... My husband can't even watch a R rated movie with a rape scene in it... it boils his blood.. he thinks men like that should be killed...

I really have no desire to hold such strict standards on him or me.. I just don't... I consider us Low users, heck we don't even release to it ...even I haven't in over 7 yrs now...
I can't watch movies with rape scenes either.

I'm not your judge. But I will answer to mine.

$50 or $50,000 to take your clothes off is all showing your body for erotic stimulation which is prostitution for me anyway.

I didn't mean to hammer anyone with my post. I just gave very core reasons why I don't use porn.
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post #38 of 38 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 09:17 PM
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Re: Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

I have experienced just about every emotion there is on this topic. I have always practiced the religion I was raised in an obviously was taught that porn was bad. How I was taught was really not a deterent but just made me curious.

There have been times in my life where I struggled with this issue and it consumed me at times. At other times I was free from it and I can say those have been the most peaceful times of my life.

When my W and I began to have issues pornography raised it's head in some really unexpected ways and because of those experiences I have come to view it as a very negative thing.
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