Is it a bad idea to have a separate checking account? Some financial advisors are strongly against separate accounts but what about when you are dealing with someone that shows BPD/NPD traits?
If you read the other thread I started about verbal and emotional abuse you know what I am referring to.
I'm not sure what the future holds as far as the marriage goes but I think it will take some time to work things out properly. So in the mean time is it crossing the line if I have a separate account for paying bills and managing the finances? I would not keep it secret or anything and she will be able to see exactly what money is in the account and where it is going at any time I just need to keep her from spending the money.
She always did the bills and "budget" because she strong armed her way into doing it and I let her. Any time we would talk about money and I tried to understand where it was going it ended up in a big fight and she would blow up.
Over the past year and a half I have taken back control of the bills and budget and will never ever again let her keep me in the dark about finances especially when it all comes from my paycheck.
Since I took over we have had a lot of issues with extra spending from the checking account, I learned real fast to pay all bills as soon as my check was deposited to make sure it wasn't spent, but the extra money for saving and paying off the card are being spent most weeks. A few weeks ago I asked her to put her debit card in the safe at home and not carry it with her and only spend what is in the budget and she, not surprisingly, got upset and said that was crossing the line and reminded me how some men in her family were evil because they hid all the money from their wives and wouldn't even give them food money
At this point I don't really care if she likes it or not I am just curious what the general thought process is on this and if its not healthy having a separate account that she has full read access to but just can't spend from it without my knowledge.
One thing I do not want to do is hide anything financial from her and I do not want to be a control freak but something has to change so our finances will get and stay in order long term. So the plan is to keep finances in order not to keep her in the dark about the what and where of our finances.
Would this fall under boundaries and enforcing them?