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Old 12-19-2011, 10:16 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Low Libido Marriage: I've Given Up!!!

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I feel your pain! And I don't get it...this is the first time in my life that I'm with a man who can literally go weeks (probably months) without sex! I usually end up demanding it after a couple of weeks...because I can't stand NOT doing it. He will do it, but it's like a chore for him too, and as soon as I'm satisfied, he just stops...I love him so much. But this is a huge problem in our relationship and I don't know what to do!
Curious...what's his exscuse? I think there is way more something with a man not caring, than a woman. We are pre-progammed to want it!!! Its like he's fighting against nature.
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Old 12-19-2011, 10:30 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Low Libido Marriage: I've Given Up!!!

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Curious...what's his exscuse? I think there is way more something with a man not caring, than a woman. We are pre-progammed to want it!!! Its like he's fighting against nature.
Well, I can forget about it when he's tired, if he's consumed alcohol, if it's the morning on the weekend, he'll do it, but he never 'finishes'...then there's 'we've been so busy', 'there are kids in the house', he has dry skin...

What I think? He (used to) watch too much porn and completely desensitized himself physically, which is why he can't usually finish...and he is on antidepressants. A deadly combination for MY sex life! Pfffft!
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Old 12-19-2011, 10:42 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Low Libido Marriage: I've Given Up!!!

I wouldn't say that being a new mom and not being interested in lovemaking is selfish. But pretending there's no problem IS selfish.
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Old 12-19-2011, 10:53 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Low Libido Marriage: I've Given Up!!!

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Well, I can forget about it when he's tired, if he's consumed alcohol, if it's the morning on the weekend, he'll do it, but he never 'finishes'...then there's 'we've been so busy', 'there are kids in the house', he has dry skin...

What I think? He (used to) watch too much porn and completely desensitized himself physically, which is why he can't usually finish...and he is on antidepressants. A deadly combination for MY sex life! Pfffft!
Interesting. What's his forcast in getting off the meds? Its just the whole thing... is unfair to you. What kilss me about the situation like our is... one person is perfectly fine, while the other suffers. That just isnt' right.
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Old 12-19-2011, 12:09 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Low Libido Marriage: I've Given Up!!!

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Interesting. What's his forcast in getting off the meds? Its just the whole thing... is unfair to you. What kilss me about the situation like our is... one person is perfectly fine, while the other suffers. That just isnt' right.
There is no forecast! I have suggested that he go off, but he doesn't seem able / willing to. I've let it go to some extent, but I do worry, as I don't believe ADs are meant to be used all one's life!

And no, it isn't right. I have gone through the gamut with him, as usually when the sex dries up, there's a reason, such as an affair or something. But no, no affair that I can find evidence of. I was very suspicious for awhile, checked up on him found nothing. Hard to believe that his pills and his porn may have caused a lot of our problems.
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Old 12-21-2011, 03:09 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: Low Libido Marriage: I've Given Up!!!

I'm in that boat. 2 young kids - have pretty much given up hope and leave it up to her.

She asks me (literally asks me) if I want sex 2 to 3 times every 6 months or so.

Her drive was higher than mine when we first started dating 15 years ago but we were pretty much kids...now it's non existent.

It doesn't get better.

I want to read the various resources suggested here but I'm such a cynic.
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Old 12-21-2011, 04:09 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: Low Libido Marriage: I've Given Up!!!

If the excuses not to get into it outweigh the reasons to get into it, you might be engaged in a zer0-sum game.
Do what you can for yourself.
I have been in the same boat for years now. I used to weigh 270 at 6'5" and saw what I had become. I lost weight, grew muscles and 180'ed. This made me healthy, but my SO become even more distant. I kept blaming myself, and bent over backwards to do all of things I have seen many women suggest in this forum, and it did not work. I worked out even harder, and caused a serious health problem and got down to a dangerous weight (175 lbs). Do NOT blame yourself! It's not your fault. Have a good talk with her and let her know how you feel. The ball will be in her court. Make sure to apologize for the decades old insult/slight/forgetting to take out the trash on Apr 4th 1993 and let her know that you have apologized and it's time to move on. Any other excuses will be BS.
Live your life, and do more without her. Stop doing nice things for her, don't do her chores for her no matter how crappy the house gets. Sex is not an obligation, but is sure as sh!t is an expectation set before the vows. married man sex life is a good resource, and I highly suggest reading Athol's blog. It's helped me understand some things about myself. Also no more Mr. nice guy.
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