I didn't say that that low-sex marriages involved men with Low T, or that there is no treatment for low T. I was saying that making the summary that all men who fit into a category of low sex drive having to fit into categories of porn use, low T, PA, or cheating pretty much assures that the theory was postulated by a woman, and not a man who lives and breathes his own interpretation of his behaviors. Isn't is a little odd that a few women on a site can think that they understand something that most psychologists have barely scratched the surface of understanding?
I mentioned low t levels to get that out in the open and put aside as its an issue aside from the emotional ones that many have to deal with.
Do a quick google of what men really want and need for a healthy, vibrant, intimate relationship, and the answer becomes much more clear. Through no fault of their own, women often assume that men either fit into some stereotypical views, or they make assumptions based on what makes sense to them internally, as women. The google search will usually include the fact that men rather simplistically respond to a person who treats them like she admires him, respects him, and feels that he is the type of man who can fulfill her. Lock a guy into a marriage where these are missing, and a few men will lose their drive for sex with her. Their belief systems may prevent cheating and porn use.
I will agree that this should be added to the list of reasons that some men to not have sex with their wives. It’s the same with women, many women who do not want to have sex with their husbands are responding to being badly treated by their husbands.
But this is hardly the only reason why some men stop having sex with their wives. I have read things that state that the main reason for this is that men use it as an expression of anger. As a way of punishing their wives.
There is no one reason why some men do this.
My brother, with a tested T range that was off the charts high, contemplated divorce over the issue (they divorced later). We are close, so we talked about the progress with a psychologist who had a phd, specializing in male sexual problems. I read some of the handouts. I know it was just one clinician, but this woman said that relationship where the man felt devalued, with resentment from the wife, was the number one sex life demotivator for men who fit into the general category of professional men. She said that this profile made up most of her practice. His sex life was great for a number of years, but his wife's idea of together time was listing his faults. I would blame him just as much as her, but he admitted that since cheating, porn, etc were pathetic excuses, he realized that he just no longer wanted to have sex anymore. Now that he's divorced, he's perfectly normal in the sex department. I'm high drive, but I think the biggest difference is that my wife has a very positive attitude about sex, 'cus it certainly ain't me.
Yes this was only one clinician. And your brother’s story is only one story. One story does not tell us why all men who chose to not have sex with their wives do so.
There are women who admire their husbands, who respect them and how feel that their husbands fill their needs…. And who are willing to discuss and work on the marriage with their husbands. But for whatever reason he might find, the husband decides to no longer have anything more to do with the wife sexually. There is generally a lot of anger involved on the part of the husband. But if he will not deal with it, include his wife in the solution then she has no responsibility for his angry, selfish choice.
Regardless, as a person trained in software engineering, I recognize that sites like this tend to attract people with very consistent types of interests and tendencies, or at least they fit into a range of people who cross certain internal thresholds of sharing. A general caution is that when we read about how all women apparently cheat, all men apparently like porn and blowjobs galore, we should never let ourself make sterotypical assessments of the general human population based upon such a small sampling size as this site.
I’m a software engineer as well. I do not recall any classes that cover these topics….