Pag, I agree with the five respondents concluding that your W's behavior sounds very childish. Specifically, I agree with @TheTruthHurts
that you're describing "a kid who needs to grow up."
I agree with @WorkingWife
that your W "sounds like a whiny brat."
says she needs to be "spanked daily." I also agree with @Holdingontoit
that she sounds like "a girl wife."
And I agree with @Spicy
that your W "needs to get past being a baby."
It is concerning that your W sounds so emotionally immature. Also concerning is the way she exhibited irrational jealousy when you told her about a sexual hookup that had occurred before you started dating her exclusively -- moreover, she continues to beat you over the head with that false allegation (of "cheating") two years later.
Also concerning is her blaming you for every misfortune, her threatening you with divorce when you spent a few hours alone, and her insatiable need for animals and things -- none of which manage to make her happy (an impossible task).
All of these behaviors are concerning because, like the childish behavior that five respondents commented on, they are warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and, to a lesser extent, for NPD (Narcissistic PD). Significantly, I am not saying that your W has a full-blown PD but, instead, that she may exhibit moderate to strong traits of one.
I caution that BPD is a "spectrum" disorder, which means every adult on the planet occasionally exhibits all BPD traits to some degree (albeit at a low level if the person is healthy). At issue, then, is not whether your W exhibits BPD traits. Of course she does. We all do.
Rather, at issue is whether she exhibits those traits at a strong and persistent level (i.e., is on the upper end of the BPD spectrum). Not having met her, I cannot answer that question. I nonetheless believe you can spot any strong BPD (or NPD) warning signs that are present if you take a little time to learn which behaviors are on the list. They are not difficult to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as very controlling behavior, always being "The Victim," irrational jealousy, and rapid event-triggered mood flips.
Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your W's issues. The main reason for learning these red flags, then -- like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack -- is to help you decide whether there is sufficient reason to spend money seeking a professional opinion from a psychologist.
I'm going to go to counseling for myself.
If by "counseling" you mean "marriage counseling," I recommend you put that on hold for a while. MCs usually are very good at teaching communication skills but, if your W exhibits strong traits of BPD or NPD, her issues are far more serious than a simple lack of communication skills.
I therefore suggest you see a psychologist -- for a visit or two all by yourself
-- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what it is you likely are dealing with. I also suggest that, while you're looking for a good psych, you read about BPD (and NPD) warning signs to see if they seem to apply.
An easy place to start reading is my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs
. If most sound very familiar, I would suggest you read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Maybe's Thread
. If that description rings any bells, I would be glad to join the other respondents in discussing them with you. Take care, Pag.