In that case, Pag, I suggest you read the book, Splitting: Protecting Yourself while Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
. For good online articles written by professionals, I recommend Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with BPD
and also recommend Leaving a Partner with BPD
. Two other good articles are Pain of Breaking Up
and Divorcing a Narcissist
I also suggest that you consider seeing a psychologist -- for a visit or two by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what it is you've been dealing with since marrying your wife. Finally, if you would like to discuss any of the red flags on my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs
, it would be helpful if you would tell us which are particularly strong and which are very weak. Take care, Pag.
Regarding you post about BPD from this article:
1-Best example would be while driving. She can pass people in a reckless manner, run lights, ride people's tails. Then claim that every driver on the road other than her is the worst. Despite the fact that she is exhibiting the behavior of a reckless driver.
2-I can't remember the last time we discussed finances without her saying "you're always worried about money". When I want to have some time to myself "all you want is time to play games". If one bad thing happens in a day, the whole day is ruined apparently.
3-Cant stand my family because of their religious beliefs. Repeatedly will say "bible thumpers" when referring to them. Has no desire to be around them. Has labeled all my friends "bad influences" despite the fact that she can to to Colorado and smoke weed, and go to bars.
4-I have changed my entire lifestyle, from being a single man supporting himself with a job that paid the bills to a job that requires a huge amount of my time to support her and myself. I have given up the time I would have had to myself for time with her, and restricted it to only two nights a week to do anything I want for myself. I come home from a 10+ hour workday and I am struggling to keep up with the chores around the house, while she has had time to do all these things and expects my help.
5-All I have to do is disagree with her on a decision and suddenly I am the worst person on earth.
6-Best example from the recent past would be my misunderstanding of what burger king she was asking about. I described where one used to be, thinking she was heading there. Her response to me was "you can be so f&*(ing stupid adam" when I was just giving a description of where I thought she was headed.
7-I can never compliment her without her saying it's not true, or not showing any gratefulness in any way whatsoever for the compliment.
8-See NO. 6
9-The entire reason for our problems. I spend 50+ hours a week working, on average 30+ hours with her, and maybe 12 doing anything for myself. Will ask me to get a glass of water when it is five feet away from her. Will ask me to let the dogs in when she has been sleeping all day. Will ask me what is for dinner when I get home from a long workday, then leave me alone to cook.
10-Even now, she is unhappy because of me. Despite the fact that she decided to move to marry me. And somehow it is my fault. I have never once heard her say "I think I made a bad decision."
11-Moved away from her home
12-They were "abusive" and "let her get raped"
13-I married the person who was respectful to my friends who showed her no respect, she did dishes for them. Cleaned for me without me asking. Let me watch tv or play a game without complaint. Was always available for sex.
14-Veterinarian, Cop, Lawyer, Nurse, Entrepreneur? Who knows?! Changes every month or two.
15-Always complains to me when things are bad, Every little thing. Headache, cramps, annoying driver. Yet when I have a valid complaint no sincerity seems to be there.
16-Long term friends have very tenuous relationships.
18-Will claim I said a specific thing when she is emotionally charged, claiming she has a perfect memory of what was said.