Online dating - I do not understand it - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 11:56 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Yeah, I imagine it is. I was more talking about the concept of online dating vs going out to social gatherings and the such and doing it the old fashioned way. It just seems like online dating is so stacked against men in general. It's like pimping yourself somehow. You have to sell yourself like a used car salesman. Send out 500 likes and hope one or two respond? Ugh! I hope my wife and I stay married until I die or am too old to worry about dating again.

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Christian dating sites are stacked again women. There are far more women than men.
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post #47 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 12:04 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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If you're using a Christian dating site, how about meeting women in church/community groups and seeing where that goes if and when you find people you like?
I used a Christian dating site because there were no available men in their 40's in my church. There aren't in most churches because there are always more women than men. I met my husband on line. He only lived 40 mins drive from me, and in fact his exes parents lived just up the road, but we wouldn't have met any other way than on line.
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post #48 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 04:14 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

I got perma-banned from POF, bc I made one profile, but screwed it up, tried to change it but it wouldn't. So I made another one to replace my old one, but fked it up too, and another. Then my IP got banned lol

I had tons of messages and very high reply rate in the short times I was there but then I got banned so... whatever lol
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post #49 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 06:08 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Might just have to consider going it alone for life... Nothing I'm not unprepared for. It would be nice to share with someone. Though, these days, not sure if this is possible. I feel I was born in a different era. Many seem to have different values and just care about $$$ and status.
I've never tried online dating (yet 😀 ) but the experience of other people my age i know that tried sort of reflects the "dregs of society" comment. Look up Melani Robinson's "one year of online dating at age 50" blog for a better example.

One of my lab rats recently used an online service. The results are, well... Within a few weeks they got engaged and headed for the church later this year. But the "match" worked only to the extent that they're both carbon based life forms, same species, and both love a specific activity. Everything else was a fail. But they were both "desperate" so...
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post #50 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 06:40 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

I didn't consider it a hassle, but it was like a job. You get out of it what you put in. I'd message 5 men a day and commit to at least 3 dates a week. I was kind and treated men as I'd like to be treated. Used common decency, was polite, classy. Paid for dates that I'd asked for. Listened 50% of the time, spoke 50% of the time. Had some great success and met some really upstanding guys. Dated one for 8 months. Constable Odo found my profile by complete fluke and we were penpals while I was dating, until he asked to meet me informally one night at a local restaurant, and the rest is history.

Yes, OLD can be a bit of a cesspool, you have to wade through up to your chest to find the things that glint. There is a pervading culture of rudeness, ghosting, insecurity, and most certainly PDs. I actually had fun, because I set my standards high and acted like a woman who has value. Some men just want sex, and those that did avoided my profile like the plague, because it was obviously not the sole reason I had a profile.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #51 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 08:40 AM
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Cool Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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And 85 - 95% of men on there are older, out of shape, sometimes jobless/have no car/live with their mothers and are looking to hook up for just sex with young, hot women(men) who are completely out of their league, even though they describe themselves as looking for a relationship.
And I've found that there are just as many women in the very same boat!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #52 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 08:40 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Nope for men it's a numbers game. Keep emailing over and over until they say no or you get hits. Sorry man that's just the way it goes. I also found it runs in cycles. Maybe one wee nothing next week you're talking to 5 women and have 3 dates. Be patient
Sounds similar to those "Your rich uncle from Zimbabwe, that you didn't know existed and was royalty, just drove off a cliff. Please contact us so we can arrange for you to get his inheritance" scams. Email enough people, you only need to get one or two bites lol
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post #53 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 08:51 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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And I've found that there are just as many women in the very same boat!
Names and phone numbers please 😀

That's what the problem really is... Large numbers...
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post #54 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 09:12 AM
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Cool Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Sounds similar to those "Your rich uncle from Zimbabwe, that you didn't know existed and was royalty, just drove off a cliff. Please contact us so we can arrange for you to get his inheritance" scams. Email enough people, you only need to get one or two bites lol
Ellis: It's the preeminent "one or two bites" that you want to get from the "right people!"

And certainly not the wrong ones!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 02-04-2017 at 09:35 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #55 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 10:51 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Agreed. About 6 of the women I e-mailed last week took their pics down or disabled their profile.
I'm sorry but that made me chuckle. I imagine if I joined a site there'd be a sudden cloudburst of women jumping off buildings. As soon as I clicked "send" I'd hear "ahhhhhh" and several flashes of something passing my eleventh floor office window.

Hang in there.

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post #56 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 11:45 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

OP, just some observations. Over the past two plus years I have had dozens of dates (perhaps over a hundred if you count all the meet and greets) and have enjoyed five relationships along the way. OLD is just like dating in real life. The issue comes from the expectations that the OLD website founders have sold the public. I think most everyone is wanting to meet that special some ONE and these sites pander to that. But the reality is that just as in real life, you still have to sort thru the barrel to find the good apple. Way too many people go into OLD with the idea they are going to find the ONE. So they come into the meeting with high expectations because that old dipstick, Neal Warren told them on TV that he has it all figured out and if you use his site, you will find your ideal mate.
Instead take the attitude that it isn't any different than in real life. You just have the opportunity to meet more people (women in your case) who are actively looking. The difference is that on OLD the women you see are there for the same reason you are, where as at work or in other social situations that may not be the case. So don't fret about the ones who don't respond or the one's who disappear, or the ones who got away. Go about with the idea you are going to have fun. You are going to meet all sorts of women. Some of them you will dislike from the get go. Some of them you will like, but they won't be interested in you and occasionally you will be interested in one who is interested in you.
At that point you get to figure out whether their interest in you is real or based on their own neediness. The relationship may blossom and bear fruit or it might die on the vine. Regardless, learn from it and move forward, just like you would in real life.
Whatever you do, don't go into it looking for the ONE. The universe will put the ONE (if she exists) into your life. The only thing the universe needs from you is your active participation.

But in regards to OLD a few things that have worked for me:
#1) pics - I think anything more than 3 or 4 speaks to vanity. I have four on my profile. When I see a woman with 10-20, all I can think of is that she must be desperate and she is trying to hard. One or two pics is fine as well. No pics, I don't even bother.
#2) profiles - you need to keep in mind that many people are trying to be what society has told them to be, instead of themselves. So don't be surprised when the person turns out different than the profile. Again part of the fun of discovery and not something to worry about.
#3) communicating - do what feels right to you. I message women I am interested in. Sometimes they message back. If they don't, I don't care. I may message them again later. They may have been over loaded or trying to see if a relationship is going to take off, they may have been busy. Whatever, it is just like in life. Let them know you are interested. They may eventually respond. I am not talking about being a stalker, and messaging multiple times a day but there is nothing wrong with sending a message or a wink a few weeks or a few months later. I also limit initial emails to a simple hello or hi or how are you. Don't write a book.
#4) meeting - as I said I prefer to meet sooner. Why waste time texting and emailing for weeks at a time. I feel them out. If they seem like some one I might want to meet, I ask. If they say no or keep putting me off, then they aren't for me anyways.
#5) relationships - here is where IMO most people really screw up. Having a few dates and then ending it is not a failure. You have (or they) just successfully determined that she (or you) are not the right person. You can and should learn something from everyone you meet. Take the lesson and continue with your life.

Don't give up and don't think your life is over and you will be alone for the rest of your life. There are so many women in the same boat as you. eventually you will meet a few that you can enjoy spending time with.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #57 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 12:44 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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No, I do not mention my divorce. I mention things I like to do and answer the questions the okcupid lists in the profile section. I think I am. I am searching from about 10 years younger to 2 years older. I am fit, relatively successful, and like activities. I also use recent pics which are dated. So far, no luck.
In that case, I don't know what it could. Do you live in a Metropolitan area?

Something that's becoming more popular where I live are matchmaking services, especially for those age 35+ on solid financial footing. Most come with a hefty price tag (upwards of $1,200) but they guarantee their services. Many of them also provide coaching at no extra cost; this can be anything from profile reviews (including photographing) to recommendations for lifestyle changes. It's an option if you feel comfortable with this sort of thing.
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post #58 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 02:04 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

I personally know two guys who used online dating. They both told me that they usually had two dates for the weekend and sometimes a lunch and dinner date on the same day. They also told me that they had sex with most of the women they dated and it was the woman's idea. They also both ended up marrying someone they met online and had kids with them. They are still married for a long time. You may want to have someone review your profile and what you are commenting about to the women you are interested in.

Also, unless you are using a paid dating website, odds are that most of the woman are not looking for dates but are paid to pretend they are various women on the site to get guys to visit it. Use one of the popular web dating sites. You always get what you pay for. Heck, my wife's best friend was looking for a husband who would be OK with an open marriage and she found him. They are married over 25 years. I have only hear things like it gets to be a little too much to have sex with a woman at lunch and then have to change the sheets to have sex with another after dinner. The other friend told me that the first date he had was taking a woman to a Broadway play and halfway through she asked him if he wanted to go to his place fo sex.

There are a lot of divorce women on dating sites or those that just do not like the bar scene. They come in all sizes, shapes and personalities. Perhaps it is just a matter of learning how to play the game and waiting a little longer.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #59 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 03:55 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Sounds similar to those "Your rich uncle from Zimbabwe, that you didn't know existed and was royalty, just drove off a cliff. Please contact us so we can arrange for you to get his inheritance" scams. Email enough people, you only need to get one or two bites lol
Kinda. It's just the nature of the beast really. It's just the challenge men face using dating sites. Women have their own and it's worse for them in my opinion
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post #60 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 04:08 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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I personally know two guys who used online dating. They both told me that they usually had two dates for the weekend and sometimes a lunch and dinner date on the same day. They also told me that they had sex with most of the women they dated and it was the woman's idea. They also both ended up marrying someone they met online and had kids with them. They are still married for a long time. You may want to have someone review your profile and what you are commenting about to the women you are interested in.

Also, unless you are using a paid dating website, odds are that most of the woman are not looking for dates but are paid to pretend they are various women on the site to get guys to visit it. Use one of the popular web dating sites. You always get what you pay for. Heck, my wife's best friend was looking for a husband who would be OK with an open marriage and she found him. They are married over 25 years. I have only hear things like it gets to be a little too much to have sex with a woman at lunch and then have to change the sheets to have sex with another after dinner. The other friend told me that the first date he had was taking a woman to a Broadway play and halfway through she asked him if he wanted to go to his place fo sex.

There are a lot of divorce women on dating sites or those that just do not like the bar scene. They come in all sizes, shapes and personalities. Perhaps it is just a matter of learning how to play the game and waiting a little longer.
This is the most correct statement. It is a game. The sooner you learn it and play it to your advantage the better it will work for you. When first single I made just about every rookie mistake I could : had a bad profile, let first date rejection get me down, let ghosting get me down, got used for free meals, was too nice when some showed up having lied about their appearance and so on.

The key is not taking it very seriously and setting terms your comfortable with.
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