Re: Online dating - I do not understand it
OP, just some observations. Over the past two plus years I have had dozens of dates (perhaps over a hundred if you count all the meet and greets) and have enjoyed five relationships along the way. OLD is just like dating in real life. The issue comes from the expectations that the OLD website founders have sold the public. I think most everyone is wanting to meet that special some ONE and these sites pander to that. But the reality is that just as in real life, you still have to sort thru the barrel to find the good apple. Way too many people go into OLD with the idea they are going to find the ONE. So they come into the meeting with high expectations because that old dipstick, Neal Warren told them on TV that he has it all figured out and if you use his site, you will find your ideal mate.
Instead take the attitude that it isn't any different than in real life. You just have the opportunity to meet more people (women in your case) who are actively looking. The difference is that on OLD the women you see are there for the same reason you are, where as at work or in other social situations that may not be the case. So don't fret about the ones who don't respond or the one's who disappear, or the ones who got away. Go about with the idea you are going to have fun. You are going to meet all sorts of women. Some of them you will dislike from the get go. Some of them you will like, but they won't be interested in you and occasionally you will be interested in one who is interested in you.
At that point you get to figure out whether their interest in you is real or based on their own neediness. The relationship may blossom and bear fruit or it might die on the vine. Regardless, learn from it and move forward, just like you would in real life.
Whatever you do, don't go into it looking for the ONE. The universe will put the ONE (if she exists) into your life. The only thing the universe needs from you is your active participation.
But in regards to OLD a few things that have worked for me:
#1) pics - I think anything more than 3 or 4 speaks to vanity. I have four on my profile. When I see a woman with 10-20, all I can think of is that she must be desperate and she is trying to hard. One or two pics is fine as well. No pics, I don't even bother.
#2) profiles - you need to keep in mind that many people are trying to be what society has told them to be, instead of themselves. So don't be surprised when the person turns out different than the profile. Again part of the fun of discovery and not something to worry about.
#3) communicating - do what feels right to you. I message women I am interested in. Sometimes they message back. If they don't, I don't care. I may message them again later. They may have been over loaded or trying to see if a relationship is going to take off, they may have been busy. Whatever, it is just like in life. Let them know you are interested. They may eventually respond. I am not talking about being a stalker, and messaging multiple times a day but there is nothing wrong with sending a message or a wink a few weeks or a few months later. I also limit initial emails to a simple hello or hi or how are you. Don't write a book.
#4) meeting - as I said I prefer to meet sooner. Why waste time texting and emailing for weeks at a time. I feel them out. If they seem like some one I might want to meet, I ask. If they say no or keep putting me off, then they aren't for me anyways.
#5) relationships - here is where IMO most people really screw up. Having a few dates and then ending it is not a failure. You have (or they) just successfully determined that she (or you) are not the right person. You can and should learn something from everyone you meet. Take the lesson and continue with your life.
Don't give up and don't think your life is over and you will be alone for the rest of your life. There are so many women in the same boat as you. eventually you will meet a few that you can enjoy spending time with.
At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!