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post #76 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 01:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by ReformedHubby View Post
OP,

In addition to online dating maybe you should try to be more outgoing and make some good acquaintances/friends. Lots of people get fixed up by mutual friends. I have friends that do online dating. The really good looking ones always seem to have dates. Actually, the really good looking ones get hit on regularly in public too. My other friends have to work a lot harder to get noticed in online dating. The interesting thing is they actually do much better just going out and meeting women. That way they can chat a bit and be more than just a profile and a pic.
I am about 45 mins from the city in a ruralish type of area. I am considering moving back to the city to be around people my age. However, I'd lose about half what I paid for my pad. I was trying to avoid that. I had some friends, but since their spouses or GFs were friends with my ex-wife, I lost them in the divorce. The meetup groups are lame around here as well. I have to drive an hour a way for a decent meetup group and they all look at me like I'm weird for driving that far out. Plus, I feel many see my location in my state and don't want to travel that far, thus, do not give me a chance. Mostly stay to myself these days. Seems I've turned back into a loner after my divorce. I am quite happy and positive, but sometimes I miss being able to do things with people. Yea, I know, it's a bit pathetic. It's true, most cannot have it all in life. And no, I am not shy at all. If you'd meet me in person, I can hold up a conversation fine and have no problem interacting with others.

Last edited by Almost-Done; 02-06-2017 at 03:12 PM.
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post #77 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 04:12 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Am I missing something?
Only works if you're a "Chad".

Otherwise, 1/50 sounds about right...

It's a numbers game, you can do a few things to help:

1) Have a few women friends proof read your profile

2) Pay to have professional photos taken (as unstaged as possible)

3) Take it in stride. Attitude shows through. The better you take it, the better off you'll be.


Just to add: Keep in mind it's totally and utterly unrealistic.

When I online dated, most of my dates were 4-6s. The 7, I eventually dated was a psycho.

I met a 8 through a friend (we have been dating a year) and she's all over me like a cheap suit.

The point being, most of the women online are as unrealistic as men. I've found it to be more of a last resort type of thing.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 02-06-2017 at 04:24 PM. Reason: Added advice
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post #78 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 04:29 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
I am about 45 mins from the city in a ruralish type of area. I am considering moving back to the city to be around people my age. However, I'd lose about half what I paid for my pad. I was trying to avoid that. I had some friends, but since their spouses or GFs were friends with my ex-wife, I lost them in the divorce. The meetup groups are lame around here as well. I have to drive an hour a way for a decent meetup group and they all look at me like I'm weird for driving that far out. Plus, I feel many see my location in my state and don't want to travel that far, thus, do not give me a chance. Mostly stay to myself these days. Seems I've turned back into a loner after my divorce. I am quite happy and positive, but sometimes I miss being able to do things with people. Yea, I know, it's a bit pathetic. It's true, most cannot have it all in life. And no, I am not shy at all. If you'd meet me in person, I can hold up a conversation fine and have no problem interacting with others.
Hey OP, here are two additional options: InterNations.org or Couchsurfing.com.

They're definitely not dating sites but they're great for meeting people.

InterNations was initially designed for expats. Typically, the crowd is foreigners who have moved to the area or locals looking to connect socially. So as opposed to dating, it's more of a networking vibe. How it works is once you sign up, you can join a variety of groups. Different groups organize different events. These events are usually social meet-ups at restaurant/bar/whatever the leader of the group organizes, sometimes its all out parties. Some events are not open to general members. These more exclusive meet-ups are only for paying members. I don't recall the fee being that high. I've never paid the fee.

Couchsurfing offers more a casual setting. It's the free version of AirBnb. Members host all sorts of events and meet-ups. There are plenty opportunities to socialize with others. Often visitors to an area are just looking for locals to hang with or someone is looking to practice their English skills or someone looking for a ride to somewhere... Like I said, plenty options to socialize.
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post #79 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:22 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
Just to add: Keep in mind it's totally and utterly unrealistic.

When I online dated, most of my dates were 4-6s. The 7, I eventually dated was a psycho.

In my experience, while men complain mightily that 80% of the women are going after the top 20% of the men, most men are doing the exact same thing. Plenty of guys who are in the 3-6 range chasing 8-10s and can't figure out why they're not getting any action. And most of them are complaining mightily about only the hot rich guys getting any attention and how it's just proof that women are shallow gold diggers. The truth is that way too many people, both male and female, both online and in real life, are holding out for someone who is out of their league.

Which is why I suggested earlier, OP, that you be honest, objective and realistic about both yourself and the women you're filtering your searches for.

To be frank, I was not deluged and overwhelmed by male attention when I was doing online dating. I'm not young enough or pretty enough for that. I also absolutely filtered my matches so that I only saw, and was only seen by, men who were realistically compatible based on the available criteria. Sure, I got some real creeps from time to time, but on the whole I had a very good experience with online dating. I met a number of interesting men with whom I had no chemistry in person, had a couple 3-4 month long relationships, and finally met my SO of over a year. But I didn't do it by chasing men who were out of my league, dating guys who weren't compatible, or having unrealistic expectations or poor boundaries.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi

Last edited by Rowan; 02-07-2017 at 09:01 AM.
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post #80 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:38 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
When I online dated, most of my dates were 4-6s. The 7, I eventually dated was a psycho.

I met a 8 through a friend (we have been dating a year) and she's all over me like a cheap suit.
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post #81 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 11:05 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

@RandomDude - Haha, yeah I saw that video too. Definitely some grain of truth to it.

Personally, the only girls I ever came across online were the ones above the "hot-crazy line".

My girlfriend right now is solidly in the "date zone / wife zone" area. She told me she'd never used online dating or ever would. That should tell you something right there.

I'm sure there's a few nice ones on there but good luck to you if you can land one.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #82 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 11:06 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

I do not use rating scales. If I find the woman attractive and we have like interests and "match" - as okcupid states, I reach out. I tend to not go for the overly attractive ones as they are usually a mess. My ex-wife was very attractive on the dating site, but she shown clear red flags that I overlooked. I have had dates and I do compare the way they act with my exwife. Kind of like a baseline. The woman doesn't have to be overly attractive, as looks fade and I am no 10. Although, I've lost 15 lb since my divorce and now have spending money (funny how that works). I just need four things in a relationship. trust, respect, honor and love. Ironically, they seem to be hard to come by. Certainly a different world (dating) than it was ten years ago. I find being able to trust again is the hardest. I feel violated in so many ways by my ex-wife, I just hope I will be able to trust again.
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post #83 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 11:11 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Rowan View Post
In my experience, while men complain mightily that 80% of the women are going after the top 20% of the men, most men are doing the exact same thing. Plenty of guys who are in the 3-6 range chasing 8-10s and can't figure out why they're not getting any action. And most of them are complaining mightily about only the hot rich guys getting any attention and how it's just proof that women are shallow gold diggers. The truth is that way too many people, both male and female, both online and in real life, are holding out for someone who is out of their league.
I agree with you 100%. The men are just as bad. I wish there was a dating site that could filter out crazy.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #84 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 11:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Keke24 View Post
Hey OP, here are two additional options: InterNations.org or Couchsurfing.com.

They're definitely not dating sites but they're great for meeting people.

InterNations was initially designed for expats. Typically, the crowd is foreigners who have moved to the area or locals looking to connect socially. So as opposed to dating, it's more of a networking vibe. How it works is once you sign up, you can join a variety of groups. Different groups organize different events. These events are usually social meet-ups at restaurant/bar/whatever the leader of the group organizes, sometimes its all out parties. Some events are not open to general members. These more exclusive meet-ups are only for paying members. I don't recall the fee being that high. I've never paid the fee.

Couchsurfing offers more a casual setting. It's the free version of AirBnb. Members host all sorts of events and meet-ups. There are plenty opportunities to socialize with others. Often visitors to an area are just looking for locals to hang with or someone is looking to practice their English skills or someone looking for a ride to somewhere... Like I said, plenty options to socialize.
I will check them out and see if they are in my area. Thank you for the info!
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post #85 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 05:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

Two replied and asked me where my town is. I said about 20 mins. away, I was told I lived too far. I guess unless I move I'm f*cked.
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post #86 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:01 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Two replied and asked me where my town is. I said about 20 mins. away, I was told I lived too far. I guess unless I move I'm f*cked.
I would just assume that those two ladies weren't for you and move on, no harm no foul. None of the men I met when I was doing online dating were any closer than a 35 minute drive. I had months-long relationships with men who were 40 minutes and 90 minutes away, respectively. My SO lives about an hour and 10 minutes from me. There are people out there who will be willing to date someone who lives 20 minutes away. That's far less than many people commute to work every day.

Regardless of the reason, those women were not compatible with you, or you with them. No harm, no foul. Just incompatible. Don't let it bother you, just move on and look for more compatible women.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #87 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:29 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
I just need four things in a relationship. trust, respect, honor and love. Ironically, they seem to be hard to come by. Certainly a different world (dating) than it was ten years ago. I find being able to trust again is the hardest. I feel violated in so many ways by my ex-wife, I just hope I will be able to trust again.
Those are the hardest things out there to find. I won't pretend to understand the world of online dating, but I can say that respect, honor, and love are not for the fly by night or the faint of heart. It takes time.

And if you yourself can't bring yourself to trust and are always comparing women to your ex, well, it will take even longer. If you're not able to bring those desired qualities yourself, you'll be scaring off those who can.
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post #88 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:37 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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I agree with you 100%. The men are just as bad. I wish there was a dating site that could filter out crazy.
For guys, it's the hot - narcissistic ******* matrix. Guys named Chad are up there in the danger zone, along with lead singers.
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post #89 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 09:57 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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For guys, it's the hot - narcissistic ******* matrix. Guys named Chad are up there in the danger zone, along with lead singers.
Ey? But women have their own matrix altogether, (cute/money matrix):



On the video "After a certain point in the $$$ threshold, it becomes irrelevant how cute you are" haha so true!
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post #90 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 03:18 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Ey? But women have their own matrix altogether, (cute/money matrix):

On the video "After a certain point in the $$$ threshold, it becomes irrelevant how cute you are" haha so true!
Nope. Sorry. Don't know where you got that chart, but it's entirely inaccurate, and doesn't at all represent the choices of women for either flings or marriage.

Women marry men of all income brackets, but for marriage purposes tend to prefer the non-narcissistic *******s. Women will have flings with hot guys that are narcissistic, but it is truly dangerous for them, and moreso the more money the guy has and the more narcissistic he is. So your chart is absolutely and totally missing that aspect.

Plus the whole "ew" square is way, way off. Many women marry guys who are significantly less than 8s and will stay married to a guy who used to be an 8 but deteriorated in looks (aging, weight gain, balding, etc.), even those who are working or lower middle class.

Last edited by wild jade; 02-08-2017 at 03:25 PM.
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