Online dating - I do not understand it - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:07 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

If I had $1 every time I heard a female say "I can fix him" or a guy say "I can fix her" and the ones needing

fixed are 8, 9 or 10s.... I could buy half the coast of CA. Nothing like Mr. Nice Guy / KISAs /

Mr. Fixer or Florence Nightingales.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #92 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:32 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
Am I missing something?
I post my experience on another thread today. In my 20's and 30's, I had decent success dating and had a few long term relationships. At age 40, I returned after a couple of years abroad to find that all my friends now had their own lives. Therefore, I tried on-line dating and had no results. Unlike you, I quit sending messages after the first 25 went unanswered. I have enough confidence to admit that I had no success on-line.

Looking back, choosing the box that I was looking for a relationship probably wasn't helpful. A female colleague later told me that one of my interests that I listed may have made me seem strange. The interest is "studying foreign languages".
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post #93 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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I would just assume that those two ladies weren't for you and move on, no harm no foul. None of the men I met when I was doing online dating were any closer than a 35 minute drive. I had months-long relationships with men who were 40 minutes and 90 minutes away, respectively. My SO lives about an hour and 10 minutes from me. There are people out there who will be willing to date someone who lives 20 minutes away. That's far less than many people commute to work every day.

Regardless of the reason, those women were not compatible with you, or you with them. No harm, no foul. Just incompatible. Don't let it bother you, just move on and look for more compatible women.
True, but the rejection still hurts. I mean, 20 minutes... Geez. I feel like I am in a sea of princesses in the OLD world. I sometimes think, they lead me on just for kicks, then cut me loose.
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post #94 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Those are the hardest things out there to find. I won't pretend to understand the world of online dating, but I can say that respect, honor, and love are not for the fly by night or the faint of heart. It takes time.

And if you yourself can't bring yourself to trust and are always comparing women to your ex, well, it will take even longer. If you're not able to bring those desired qualities yourself, you'll be scaring off those who can.
Agreed. I am willing to start an clean slate with each new person. However, my mind does look for tell tale signs of my ex. My mind then is like ALERT - LEAVE NOW. THIS WILL NOT BE GOOD.
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post #95 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Nope. Sorry. Don't know where you got that chart, but it's entirely inaccurate, and doesn't at all represent the choices of women for either flings or marriage.

Women marry men of all income brackets, but for marriage purposes tend to prefer the non-narcissistic *******s. Women will have flings with hot guys that are narcissistic, but it is truly dangerous for them, and moreso the more money the guy has and the more narcissistic he is. So your chart is absolutely and totally missing that aspect.

Plus the whole "ew" square is way, way off. Many women marry guys who are significantly less than 8s and will stay married to a guy who used to be an 8 but deteriorated in looks (aging, weight gain, balding, etc.), even those who are working or lower middle class.
Money isn't everything. However, it seems around here, one's who show it get the women. I am not a materialistic type of person. Money or possessions do not make me, my personality and attitude make me. I recall my ex-wife and ex-gf say they have more than me, I said great for them. It seemed to piss them off in terms of my reply. I want a woman to like (love - if it's even possible) for me, not my possessions. Seems like a fruitless task.
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post #96 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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If I had $1 every time I heard a female say "I can fix him" or a guy say "I can fix her" and the ones needing

fixed are 8, 9 or 10s.... I could buy half the coast of CA. Nothing like Mr. Nice Guy / KISAs /

Mr. Fixer or Florence Nightingales.
At least for me, quite the opposite. I am not looking to fix anyone. I take them as they come. I do recall, a couple of past relationships, the woman would have a medical issue, and I'd be their rock. Yet, it never seemed that the assistance was reciprocated. Two even used it against me. I thought people in relationships are supposed to be there for each other. I guess, nowadays, the man is supposed to be there for the woman, however, it's optional for the woman to be there for the man. Strange.
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post #97 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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I post my experience on another thread today. In my 20's and 30's, I had decent success dating and had a few long term relationships. At age 40, I returned after a couple of years abroad to find that all my friends now had their own lives. Therefore, I tried on-line dating and had no results. Unlike you, I quit sending messages after the first 25 went unanswered. I have enough confidence to admit that I had no success on-line.

Looking back, choosing the box that I was looking for a relationship probably wasn't helpful. A female colleague later told me that one of my interests that I listed may have made me seem strange. The interest is "studying foreign languages".
I just think that the women receive so much attention online, that they either do it for a pick me up or they have a 100% check list that all need to meet. They will also hold out for that specific man to have all attributes that they require. This entitlement culture seems to have gotten much worse than 10 years ago. I am hesitant to try eHarmony again, as that is where I met my ex-wife. She lied on that profile as well. That was my first red flag that I looked pass. I find it hard to take anyone at face value anymore. I always am asking, what are they looking for? What are they really after. I have this one "match" on okcupid, who we match on just about everything. However, it takes 2 weeks for her to reply to my messages. Thus, I can see low interest and I just moved on. Very strange.
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post #98 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:55 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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True, but the rejection still hurts. I mean, 20 minutes... Geez. I feel like I am in a sea of princesses in the OLD world. I sometimes think, they lead me on just for kicks, then cut me loose.
MANY women (yeah some guys do it too I suppose.... dunno, I don't date guys) will get on

OLD sites just for an ego boost and to string people along. Women love attention, men love

sex.... it is traded like the DJIA. Just like Steve stated... when you get older, it's harder to

meet some one. Just for sex... super easy. LTR... good Fing luck!

I rarely send out messages on the free sites.... yes I still get messages but 80% are

from people there is no way on God's green Earth I would be compatible with.

But the other 20% sometimes..... work out.... of course not long term but... we date awhile.

Often it seems on OLD you have the 2-4s messaging the 5-7s, and the 5-7s are messaging the

8-10s. And we wonder why people spend years on these sites.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #99 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 05:04 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

I personally think a decent looking guy can find whatever he's looking for with online dating. I dated a perfect 10 for a while. SHe was a perfect 3 at sex.
I very recently dated a beautiful, exquisite, highly intelligent, accomplished woman and almost married her. She was impossible to get along with and when she was angry, was emotionally abusive, cold, and would just punish the hell out of me by withholding affection and physical touch. Would tell me she didn't know if she loved me, didn't want a relationship anymore, etc.
I finally figuratively slit my own throat with her by getting on online dating sites during one of her punish sessions where she told me she was "done".
Honestly, there are people everywhere that are majorly screwed up, but very functional and charming at first.

I suggest that you WILL find what you're looking for in many ways online. I also suggest not marrying them until at LEAST you've been dating for 2 years.
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post #100 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 05:07 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
I personally think a decent looking guy can find whatever he's looking for with online dating. I dated a perfect 10 for a while. SHe was a perfect 3 at sex.
I very recently dated a beautiful, exquisite, highly intelligent, accomplished woman and almost married her. She was impossible to get along with and when she was angry, was emotionally abusive, cold, and would just punish the hell out of me by withholding affection and physical touch. Would tell me she didn't know if she loved me, didn't want a relationship anymore, etc.
I finally figuratively slit my own throat with her by getting on online dating sites during one of her punish sessions where she told me she was "done".
Honestly, there are people everywhere that are majorly screwed up, but very functional and charming at first.

I suggest that you WILL find what you're looking for in many ways online. I also suggest not marrying them until at LEAST you've been dating for 2 years.
So are you finally through with the Russian nightmare?

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #101 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 05:33 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
I just think that the women receive so much attention online, that they either do it for a pick me up or they have a 100% check list that all need to meet. They will also hold out for that specific man to have all attributes that they require. This entitlement culture seems to have gotten much worse than 10 years ago. I am hesitant to try eHarmony again, as that is where I met my ex-wife. She lied on that profile as well. That was my first red flag that I looked pass. I find it hard to take anyone at face value anymore. I always am asking, what are they looking for? What are they really after. I have this one "match" on okcupid, who we match on just about everything. However, it takes 2 weeks for her to reply to my messages. Thus, I can see low interest and I just moved on. Very strange.
Yea, it's complicated. Some people limit themselves to much by putting very specific criteria on their search for a match instead of being open minded to new things and ideas. In my early 20's, I was left heartbroken by a girl that I thought was perfectly gorgeous in every way. If there was on-line dating back then, I would have tried to find someone who looked like her. Later I dated a lady who I first wasn't attracted to and looked nothing like my ex gf, but she grew on me and soon became even more attractive to me than the ex was.
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post #102 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 11:44 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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This entitlement culture seems to have gotten much worse than 10 years ago. I am hesitant to try eHarmony again, as that is where I met my ex-wife. She lied on that profile as well. That was my first red flag that I looked pass.
Is it entitlement culture, or is it your not recognizing red flags early enough?

If I'm going to go look at men's profiles and end up thinking most of them acted "entitled", what that would mean would be that I more than likely overlooked glaring red flags right there in their profile.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #103 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 11:50 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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True, but the rejection still hurts. I mean, 20 minutes... Geez. I feel like I am in a sea of princesses in the OLD world. I sometimes think, they lead me on just for kicks, then cut me loose.
If you continue to think this type of thing about women and blame them for being attention wh*res and don't trust women in general....then you will attract only divas and assh*les, because that is what you believe women are. Even though you may think that your beliefs are the result of what you've seen women do....the end result is the same. If you've gotten to a place of being distrustful and bitter, then that is all you will find when you look.

If on the other hand you can imagine beautiful, loving women who are not attention wh*res...women who love men and just want to be in love and happy....quality women who are overlooked, just as you are being overlooked right now...(all of this describes nearly every single woman I know, by the way)....then you might actually find a woman like that.

You would know the difference if you were in that place yourself. You can only attract from where you are at.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #104 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 11:55 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post
If I had $1 every time I heard a female say "I can fix him" or a guy say "I can fix her" and the ones needing

fixed are 8, 9 or 10s.... I could buy half the coast of CA. Nothing like Mr. Nice Guy / KISAs /

Mr. Fixer or Florence Nightingales.
I hear men and women say this too, but it can be over someone that most people would rank as a 3 - 5. But to the person wanting to change them, the fixer....the fixee is an 8 - 10. The rest of the world wouldn't agree with that number necessarily.

It is that strong attraction that pulls people in so tight, to where they are doing crazy things just to keep someone around. But the attraction is a personal and subjective thing that we feel from within. It is not something that can be assigned by the world at large for you.

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #105 of 170 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 04:34 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

In real life or online dating - its always a numbers and timing game. When I helped a friend leave her abusive BF, she cried about him for a month. Pushed ahead to have fun and date. Meet a nice man online a few weeks later for a shag, but they have been together now for 3+ years. I'm expecting a marriage proposal from him this year {to her}. You see, what if her had dated another girl and she someone else and they never meet. Meeting my wife, that first kiss and how things turned out the way they did... you never know when it happens.

Almost-Done: make sure you're profile is flexible, even talk to women who are not your type. When I was online - I got none to some responses from those who ranked HIGH. I scored a date with a nice woman about a week of use. I read her profile, she liked some of the things I did and I shot her a short HI message and made a joke reference to one of our favorite shows. It made her laugh, then she looked at my profile and we started talking. Oh, the woman I dated - her profile file said she would NOT date anyone with kids. I have a kid.

Personally, I never went more than a single photo. Funny, I found about 5 people I know in real life on the same dating site

Make your profile fun and positive as possible, but you also need to be that person to some degree. Be honest too, as well as realistic.
In my profile, I had put something like this up: "Recently single. Looking to meet new friends, short-term dating. I am not looking for long-term or marriage. I am not ready for that, just fun."

Do not look for a serious relationship online to start. Just to meet new people and go from there. Keep your options a bit open.
That woman I dated would have made a pretty good GF. But we both got we wanted, we had fun and we chat from time to time as we respect each other. She said I ruined it for her for online dating as many guys send nude pics or very strange or expect butt-sex the first the first date for some reason.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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