Online dating - I do not understand it - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 11:35 PM Thread Starter
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Online dating - I do not understand it

So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.

Am I missing something?
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post #2 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 11:48 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.

Am I missing something?
Well judging by those stats, just as long as you e-mail 50 women a week at least two weeks in advance, you may have regular dates on weekends.
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post #3 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 11:49 PM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.

Am I missing something?
Nope for men it's a numbers game. Keep emailing over and over until they say no or you get hits. Sorry man that's just the way it goes. I also found it runs in cycles. Maybe one wee nothing next week you're talking to 5 women and have 3 dates. Be patient
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post #4 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 12:16 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

Which sites are you using? Some are better than others, so you might want to experiment with a few more sites, especially if they run a free trial period.

If you have a female friend that you trust, maybe have her review your profile and give you feedback? Mom doesn't count. Go for objectivity, with the intention of verifying if your profile is as good as you think. Too much detail can defeat your purpose, so be careful about that.

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Nope for men it's a numbers game. Be patient
Absolutely agree with his. The more women you contact, the better your odds of being contacted. Patience and persistence will serve you well.

You might also try local Meetup groups. I wouldn't advise just going to events to meet single women, but if an event aligns with your hobbies, why not go and see who shows up? There's the potential of finding someone with common interests. Just an idea... Gook luck!
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post #5 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 12:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Well judging by those stats, just as long as you e-mail 50 women a week at least two weeks in advance, you may have regular dates on weekends.
No dates yet.
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post #6 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 12:28 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Nope for men it's a numbers game. Keep emailing over and over until they say no or you get hits. Sorry man that's just the way it goes. I also found it runs in cycles. Maybe one wee nothing next week you're talking to 5 women and have 3 dates. Be patient
If they don't respond to my initial message, I just go to the next one. I see they view the profile and read the message, just not interested.
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post #7 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 12:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Which sites are you using? Some are better than others, so you might want to experiment with a few more sites, especially if they run a free trial period.

If you have a female friend that you trust, maybe have her review your profile and give you feedback? Mom doesn't count. Go for objectivity, with the intention of verifying if your profile is as good as you think. Too much detail can defeat your purpose, so be careful about that.



Absolutely agree with his. The more women you contact, the better your odds of being contacted. Patience and persistence will serve you well.

You might also try local Meetup groups. I wouldn't advise just going to events to meet single women, but if an event aligns with your hobbies, why not go and see who shows up? There's the potential of finding someone with common interests. Just an idea... Gook luck!
No, no friends. Lost them in the divorce. lol. Guess they were either pu$$ies or never real friends in the first place. I am using Christian Mingle & OKCupid. Tried Meetup, met a psyco. Striking out left and right... Rejection sucks. Not sure which is worse, being rejected by my then wife for the years or being rejected by dozens of women. Seems like a means to an end.
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post #8 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 12:40 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

If you're using a Christian dating site, how about meeting women in church/community groups and seeing where that goes if and when you find people you like?
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post #9 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 12:49 AM
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Cool Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

I'm largely in the same boat using the online dating sites. I am a non-paying member of two, POF and OKCupid, and there are no women on there who really attract my interest for various and sundry reasons, or who are preeminently too short at 5'1" or less matched up against my 6'4" frame, or who are just way too old for me by up to 10 years; or who I read into their profile as their being prolifically and unapologetically un-Christian or who are gold diggers looking much more for their financial rather than emotional security!

The only contacts I really seem to get are by some far-eastern or Ukrainian women who hardly speak a word of English, or very few of them anyway!

Perhaps things would be better if I took out a paid subscription much rather than an unpaid one!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 02-03-2017 at 01:01 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #10 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 01:30 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.

Am I missing something?
Describe yourself for us. Is there a celebrity you resemble to help us create a mental picture of you?

How tall are you?

Describe the type of women and their typical height that you are reaching out to. What is interesting about them to you? Is it mainly driven by their pictures? If so, what strikes you about them?

Remember the goal of feminism: Making sure only alphas get laid!
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post #11 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 03:39 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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If they don't respond to my initial message, I just go to the next one. I see they view the profile and read the message, just not interested.
This could be a mistake. Women typically get a lot of interest on those sites and so they could have 25-50 emails a day depending on thier profile, attractiveness, population of area and so on. Sometimes they are speaking to someone else so just deleting all emails they are getting then when that falls through they start responding to emails again. I have a few female friends who have done this. My suggestion is send your emails and if you don't hear back after a few weeks and see their profile pop up again email them again and sometimes they bite.

Met my GF on Match after third email I sent
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post #12 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 08:23 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
No, no friends. Lost them in the divorce. lol. Guess they were either pu$$ies or never real friends in the first place. I am using Christian Mingle & OKCupid. Tried Meetup, met a psyco. Striking out left and right... Rejection sucks. Not sure which is worse, being rejected by my then wife for the years or being rejected by dozens of women. Seems like a means to an end.
Forgive my somewhat brutal honesty, but you read here as slightly bitter. Are you 100% sure your profile doesn't have any whiff of that attached to it? Bitterness, desperation, neediness and hostility/anger are usually really quick turnoffs for women when reading men's dating profiles or emails. A little humor, a laid back attitude, self confidence, and an emotionally healthy and healed vibe post-divorce are positives. No friends is also a turnoff, so get out there and make some new ones - or at least some good acquaintances you can hang out with and potentially introduce a new woman to. Be realistic about both yourself and the women you're filtering your results to see. Use good pictures that are both flattering and convey reality. Beyond that, yes, it's largely a numbers game.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #13 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 08:43 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

It's definitely a numbers thing and definitely cyclic.
Don't be discouraged.

My suspicion:

1/2 of the women on those sites are there for getting ego boosts.
They get a kick out of men wanting them and probably make fun of many with their bff's.

You've got to have this attitude:
I only need to meet 1 good lady, and it could be worth it.
And realize that you eventually will for sure get some interest.

You MUST be patient. Can't stress that enough. I see the same women I've seen 2 years ago on those sites. The ones that aren't answering--- they probably don't answer 1/200 guys. Or are dating and ignoring as suggested, getting their ego kibbles while they're dating around.

Be patient. It'll happen.
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post #14 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 08:51 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

DH said this was absolutely the case, that the women on those have their pick. Even though I was only on a site briefly, it was truly overwhelming the amount of men that started talking to me every single day. I was totally overwhelmed because I hadn't ever done this, nor had I dated since I was a teen.

I tried to politely reply to everyone, after taking the time to read their profile. If they put next to no effort into their profile, I wasn't going to be interested. I was floored how fast they all asked for a date. Now, I think, DUH it's a DATING site, but I just wasn't that far progressed yet!

Love can definitely be found, so don't give up!

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #15 of 169 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 09:26 AM
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Re: Online dating - I do not understand it

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Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.

Am I missing something?
The most success I had was on OKcupid, where I had around maybe 5 photos, a very short profile mostly filled with humor and not taking it seriously, and that's that. I began sending messages to women, and my results were quite favorable; 50% reply rate, and around 5 visitors per week, all of which replied, but most didn't get past the initial 5-10 lines. Findings below:

Quote:
Match
Immediately after making a profile, got winks and likes straight away, then the profiles disappeared after I subscribed and messaged them. After googling, turns out this is common - match scamming people into subscribing, and I feel like an idiot. Regardless I can't get a refund so that's over a hundred dollars down the drain already. So far, few matches, most profiles are offline, others are extremely materialistic/unrealistic/disgusting.

Spent - $130 AUD
Result - 0 dates, 1 conversation (1 email recieved, 2 sent), out of 50 'winks', out of 100 profiles (2% chance of initiating a conversation)

Impression - the site is designed to take advantage of vulnerable singles and con you out of money. STAY AWAY


OKCupid
Very good so far, alot of profiles and easy to chat and meet the ladies - who actually respond. Free to use.

Spent - $0 AUD
Result - 2 dates (good), 1 date cancelled (by me), 12 conversations, out of 25 profiles (50% chance of initiation a conversation)
Impression - Promising

Tinder:
Decent, only problem is the lack of options for filtering out the matches, you have to go left/right individually which will take time - and doesn't help if you are as picky as me. Still it can kill time while you are bored. Messaging is free, and girls message back.

Spent - $0 AUD
Result - 1 date (bad), 12 conversations, out of 16 matches - out of perhaps 50 that I swiped right to, (24% chance of initiation a conversation)

Impression - A real numbers game, but it works. Suggestion if you are a male, to swipe right to every photo and choose your matches from there, for me however - I just can't do that.

FINAL RESULTS: Through OKCupid I met two potentials. One I'm currently dating, and the other sitting in the backburner hehe, but hey, I recommend OKCupid compared to the 3 other options based on my experience - though limited. I'm focusing on continuing to see my date so I'm no longer looking much on the sites.
Online dating recommendations

That was 3 sites I tried in the past, I also tried a more adult-orientated site which was quite favorable but grossed out pretty quick. Another app I tried was Skout, which had similar results to OKCupid, my current girlfriend I met on Skout. So yeah depends on the site too, and your location of course - if most of the women in your city use one app, best to use that one over my recommendations. I believe OKcupid and Skout works best because of the number of ACTIVE members.
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