I would suggest that some people have a level of trust and commitment that you cant fathom either. The way they express it may be foreign to you but it isnt to them.
Surely you jest? You say someone can maintain commitment while engaging in sexual acts with others? Pick up a dictionary, actually, just google "commitment." This is an excerpt from an online dictionary: "2 a: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future ; especially : an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date b: something pledged c: the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled <a commitment to a cause>"
My guess is your definition for commitment is: share the bills and return to my bed every once and a while? Marriage is a commitment, not a suggestion. You make an oath to one person and one person alone. If that doesn't sound correct to you, why did you even get married? Why not just live together or date one another? You say vows you don't mean....doesn't make much sense to me.
As for the "trust" part. You have any idea how many men and women have told me about how having trust allows them to live-out all sexual fantasies, just to find out either one or both partners have fallen in love? Okay, let's just say for the sake of the argument a couple can thrive in that particular relationship. If the husband or wife enjoys someone else more than their spouse, then someone isn't doing something right. You can argue they trust each other to always come back. Well, if you truly love your spouse, you want them to achieve complete happiness. Not a couple hours of being with someone else, and being forced to return to you.
So, correct, these are my opinions. As I had stated in my post, I never said everyone in these kind of relationships are inadequate. I however did state that in most of my observations, someone's needs were not being met. That is a deeper issue than just "swinging on Saturdays."
After reading this, it kind of sounds like I'm directing all of this at hitched4ever. Sadly, that's not the case. My explanation of commitment is really just a broad sweep that encompasses the many things I have heard, not just his response. The trust issue in this instance is directed at this particular discussion however.
Obviously you really dont fathom other forms of commitment other then your dictionary definition and understanding. Thats okay. I accept that. I am not even suggesting your approach to be wrong.
I am suggesting that your opinion was a bit judgmental and sweeping in nature. I realize however that your understanding is likely limited to those few you have met or what you have read etc.
My point was that there are people who DO 'get their needs met' who live a lifestyle much different then yours. (or mine) And your presumption that thats not the case is not totally accurate. To be honest, the people I know who live that way happily are happier then most of the folks in this forum complaining about marriage issues. But, thats not because of sex with others really its more about their strong mutual desire to please their mate, in all things. How they express it is different then you would...and something many cant fathom.
People express similar attitudes about polygamy and plural marriages and many other things they don't understand or agree with.
Other then you perhaps no one here is being 'smug'.
Thanks!
If you missed my point here it is again....dont judge how others live by your own limits. Its fine to have limits, even recommended. Its narrow minded to judge others by your own however.
Other then you perhaps no one here is being 'smug'.
Thanks!
If you missed my point here it is again....dont judge how others live by your own limits. Its fine to have limits, even recommended. Its narrow minded to judge others by your own however.
I didn't miss your point.
Mine is this. if you commit to someone there is an exclusive deep bond, unique in nature between you and that someone. Add in others? it complicates things and loosens that bond. Add in enough somebodies then there eventually is no bond. It's just a bunch of somebodies, probably sensation junkies who think that sharing their intimacies with a gaggle of others is just like commitment and the bond between two people.
I mean, I get the whole "I'm bored i want some strange" coupled with "I don't want to divorce because of financial reasons" thing.
What i do not get is actively agreeing to have some other man screwing my wife. Seems kind of displaced homosexuality to me.
Plus, the bond that holds me wife and I together can only be loosened or cut by the presence of another man in her life.
You mention that you perceive others as having limitations and being judgmental and narrow minded because they do not share your befuddled thinking.
To me, you are so wrong. The limitations and narrow mindedness you exist in are in believing that opening up a marriage to others intrusion is just as much a commitment as that of true marriages, the love and bond found in a good marriage.
Open up your mind, you may find that the mistaken path you are on violates much more than a dictionary definition.
To me, you are so wrong. The limitations and narrow mindedness you exist in are in believing that opening up a marriage to others intrusion is just as much a commitment as that of true marriages, the love and bond found in a good marriage.
Open up your mind, you may find that the mistaken path you are on violates much more than a dictionary definition.
Several things are overwhelmingly obvious.....
1. You have not even ONE tiny clue what path I am on.
2. You have jumped several major incorrect conclusions.
3. Your narrow mind and view obviously allows you to ASSume & judge people without even knowing any facts about them.
4. Thats about typical for a narrow mind.
The rest of your post and your homophobic jab isnt worth responding to.
Thanks.
Several things are overwhelmingly obvious.....
1. You have not even ONE tiny clue what path I am on.
2. You have jumped several major incorrect conclusions.
3. Your narrow mind and view obviously allows you to ASSume & judge people without even knowing any facts about them.
4. Thats about typical for a narrow mind.
The rest of your post and your homophobic jab isnt worth responding to.
Thanks.
Hit a nerve eh?
You passed my test. The narrowminded have to respond in itemized lists.
BTW, it was not homophobic to point out the clear hidden wish for sword play. Explains a lot about the so-called open marriage mantra. Come on, tell us really what you wish for? It would be freeing for you.
Nope. Not at all. Just pointing out some FACTS.
I regard your thoughts about me as moronic. And thats being complimentary.
Every time you post on this you prove it even more.
You have not even one slight clue of what I am, or what I stand for, what my marriage relationship is, or what I think about others relationships. You took one post, read your own nonsensical thoughts into it, and ran with it without ANY regard for facts. Typical judgmental narrow minded behavior. Nothing new.
Nope. Not at all. Just pointing out some FACTS.
I regard your thoughts about me as moronic. And thats being complimentary.
Every time you post on this you prove it even more.
You have not even one slight clue of what I am, or what I stand for, what my marriage relationship is, or what I think about others relationships. You took one post, read your own nonsensical thoughts into it, and ran with it without ANY regard for facts. Typical judgmental narrow minded behavior. Nothing new.
Fascinating experiment in disproving your openmindedness. As soon as your sphincter factor was hit, you're irritated about narrowmindedness and start spewing slurs.
I have clues about your feelings about marriage based on your postings, your dismissiveness about other opinions. Figured I'd experiment on your supposed enlightened thinking about what it means to have commitment in a marriage.
Holding opinions other than your own means moronic?
If so, find me some more morons, I need some company.
Wow. I have to admit that I am a little disturbed by this exchange. I have only been reading these boards for about a week, but I thought this was kind of a support/information based thing.
Just because a certain lifestyle does not suite your tastes does not mean that you need to pass judgment on it. Just because someone does not understand your way of life does not make them less of a person.
No matter how “open minded” or “free thinking” we consider ourselves, everybody is narrow minded about something. I don’t really care who you are or how accepting you are of others proclivities. Everybody has a line that they will not cross even if they won’t admit it or haven’t found it yet.
Please agree to disagree and be done with it. Nobody will ever benefit from in-fighting.
Just because a certain lifestyle does not suite your tastes does not mean that you need to pass judgment on it. Just because someone does not understand your way of life does not make them less of a person.
I couldnt agree more.
There is a difference however in just 'not understanding' and condemning others based on your lack of understanding...which was my point from the beginning.
Quote:
Everybody has a line that they will not cross even if they won’t admit it or haven’t found it yet.
Very true! Its how we deal with others who DO cross those lines that determines what kind of person we are.
We can be narrow minded judges limited by our own understanding but pass judgments anyway, OR....
we can live within our own dictates of conscience and allow others to do the same. I'd suggest the latter to be 'correct'.
As indicated here, I have little tolerance for intolerance.
As indicated here, I have little tolerance for intolerance.
I would venture the opinion here that your intolerance is much wider than that faux nobility of purpose.
My gut tells me that what you like about the open marriage experience is the chance to express a subliminated homoerotic urge. It gets you off to not be where no man has been before.
You can riff on it as much as you want to. But that is what it gets down to.
And hey, that's fine with me, but sometimes you have to admit that it's the swordplay you wish you had.
Re: Would you agree to open marriage? 
After reading this, it kind of sounds like I'm directing all of this at hitched4ever. Sadly, that's not the case. My explanation of commitment is really just a broad sweep that encompasses the many things I have heard, not just his response. The trust issue in this instance is directed at this particular discussion however.
