Would you tell your sons to get married? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 11:46 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

No. He wants to be a military "lifer" and I know from being a Navy brat myself what a hard life that is for the serviceman's family.

I believe the concept of marriage is going to fall by the wayside within the next couple of generations, at least in the Western world.

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #32 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 12:28 PM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

I raised my kids to be independent self sufficient adults. They don't need for me to tell them anything. They will make their own choices.

A lot of this "be sure you marry the right one" stuff, is just hindsight that no one can know ahead of time. But I would recommend that they live together first. I don't care how much you can learn about them without it, nothing beats a trial run. I would also advise them (and my daughter) to experience sex (lots of it) before settling on the "One". There is no reason in today's world not to!

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post #33 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 01:39 PM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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Someone who would say this is not a feminist.
From this statement I can only assume you don't know what a feminist is?
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post #34 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 02:43 PM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

My boys are a long way away from marriage, and marriage will be their choice. I can only advise them, but like it was stated above I am raising them to be independent. My role as a father is to raise these boys to flourish when they leave the nest. There are many things that they will learn from me and my wife. They will be self sufficient and have a college education.

Their entire life growing up is teaching them to leave the nest. Thrive on your successes, learn from a failure, and to care for their neighbor. Each winter I will snow blow people's driveways that can't do it for themselves. The boys come with me, and are learning to help others. Some of the people give the boys hot chocolate or five dollars, but it is their choice to do so.

We took toys to the marines recruiting center for the toys for tots program. They spoke of this very proudly to both sides of our family. Kids need to learn, they learn very much just by watching mom and dad. So hopefully they are learning what is necessary to have a good marriage. We don't fight in front of the boys, instead we discuss things to a resolution. As of now the boys have no clue about infidelity, this was kept from them as they were too young. But they will hear of it soon, and solutions will be given to them in therapy.

How they will decide about marriage I have no idea, but I hope they see the positives presented to them by my wife and I.

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post #35 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 03:10 PM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

My son will make up his own mind on this. Right now he's still working on his education and building a career. He dates on and off when he has time.

He's talked about marriage and his plan to marry and have a family some day.

I would never tell him to marry or not to marry. He's had a strong mind of his own since he was a baby.
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post #36 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 05:57 PM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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Originally Posted by soccermom2three View Post
Also, one way to guarantee not to ever see your child (or grandchildren) again is to tell them not to marry the person the love.

Their life. Their successes and mistakes.
Exactly! Ultimately I would never advise anyone to marry or not to marry. It's all entirely up to them, and what they want out of life.
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post #37 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 07:04 PM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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From this statement I can only assume you don't know what a feminist is?
Most feminists don't know what a feminist is....so why should I?
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post #38 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 07:25 PM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

Would you recommend they jump off a bridge blindfolded? Of course not. Two people can have a family unit w/o a contract with a State. Realize, he will get burned one way or another. It's just a fact of married life in today's world. It didn't used to be this way. Truly a shame. It, at one time, was a beautiful arrangement.
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post #39 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 10:34 PM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

I would be very supportive of my sons if they wanted to get married. I wouldn't want them to think that marriage is a bad thing just because not all couples live happily ever after.
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post #40 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 06:35 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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My advice will be to not marry a Communist. Keep far away from them. I married a feminist woman and my marriage has been awesome.
Oh, this is too funny. Yes, my avatar makes it look as though I have Marxist leanings. But here's a true story. When joining this site, I couldn't think of an avatar name, so I asked my wonderful wife for some ideas, and she said: "Call yourself Old Red." Well, Old Red is the name my wife has given the red riding crop I use when my wife is restrained and we are at play. Yeah, she's not a man hater, loves being a brilliant mum, relishes being a woman, doesn't waffle on about 'the patriarchy', is extremely loving and generous and thinks that modern feminists are generally nuts. We both think that the original first wave feminists were important and fighting the good fight, but we have little to no respect for contemporary feminism.

Given communism's attempt to destroy the distinction between the two sexes, I am surprised that you thought I would be a Marxist, even considering the 'red' name. My advice to my boys still stands, and will be echoed by my amazing, feminine wife. Over 20 years married and I still get butterflies when I kiss my wife, so yeah, I want that magic to be a part of my children's lives, so the advice is to stay away from the feminists! My wife is not my equal - rather, she is my complementary opposite.

Nice try at trolling - but you missed the mark!

Last edited by old red; 02-10-2017 at 07:52 AM.
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post #41 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 06:51 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

Right now going through my third divorce and I an highly negative due to my sad emotions raging like a 100 MPH roller-coaster, I would say no. Have a baby with a woman, pay child support and co-parent. Don't owe any property or assets together. Have a job that you can have every weekend off to see you child or have your (yours only) for the child to stay for an extended amount of time. Finally never take full custody unless the child's mother is incapable of raising the child. Let her deal with step dad issues.

Should he marry later and decide to have the woman he loves move in do not commingle money, but keep money for him and her to bail so neither feels trapped should they leave. I would say stay single and have a child like i stated. Never marry nor have a woman move in full time.

On the other hand, love and all the benefits of having a woman to love and cherish and the same is returned, and then know when to get therapy it is key. I would say yes it is still wonderful to be married in be in love.

May be that is why we say to our kids, I pray you find someone you really love, give some advice, but stay out of it. We don't want to hear in our seventy's you messed up my life. We usually get that when the kids are age 28 to 40.
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post #42 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 07:44 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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You best advise them, then, of the property laws in the country they choose to go to. What most men who seek young and poor foreign wives don't realize is that they will lose absolutely everything they own and get kicked out of the country if and when she tires of him.
Probably divorce laws in the US have been a good thing for older women.

When my brother was looking for a wife the second time around, he had no interest in any hot young things who could have a baby on him and then divorce him and take all his money. He's a medical doctor. Instead, he married a woman 10 years older than he with teenaged kids at the time of marriage who had a very glittering career in sales.

My widowed mother is enjoying life dating two widowers. She says that both sets of kids approve. In her 80s herself, she is in good shape, dresses well and so on. She can also pay her own way.

One widower said point blank he's not interested in anyone much younger. Imagine these days, men in their 70s and 80s becoming fathers again. If you're Mick Jagger, you have the endless resources to take care of it.

And then the baby mama leaves and takes all the assets with her. That would certainly upset any prior inheritance planning that one might have had for the older / adult children.
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post #43 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 07:50 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

My advice is if you do get married, make sure
A) your W makes at least 2/3 of what you make
B) make sure the woman you marry is frugal (I mean not desiring a 4000 sqft house, new car every year, tons of jewelry and clothes)
C) Don't let her be a SAHM for more than 6 months with each child
D) Make sure she is religious and similar to you

This way you don't get totally raped in court if she decides to bail on you.
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post #44 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 08:21 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

I still think that marriage overall has made me happy. I want my kids to be happy. and thus my advice to my son is rather traditional.

"If ya wanna be happy for the rest of your life, Never make a pretty woman your wife." "so from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you."
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post #45 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 10:36 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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Originally Posted by Ynot View Post
A lot of this "be sure you marry the right one" stuff, is just hindsight that no one can know ahead of time. But I would recommend that they live together first. I don't care how much you can learn about them without it, nothing beats a trial run. I would also advise them (and my daughter) to experience sex (lots of it) before settling on the "One". There is no reason in today's world not to!
I mostly agree with this. Just in my little world most of our friends that lived together before marriage, are now divorced. The friends that didn't live together are still married.

I don't think you can ever be sure you're marrying the right one. There are criteria and clues to help you make that decision but people can change or put on a really good act. My BIL didn't marry until he was 34. He dated A LOT. He the married my SIL thinking she was the one. Even my husband and I thought she was a good person. Who knew, 10 years later she was going to go off the rails.
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