Would you tell your sons to get married? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 10:50 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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Originally Posted by soccermom2three View Post
I mostly agree with this. Just in my little world most of our friends that lived together before marriage, are now divorced. The friends that didn't live together are still married.

I don't think you can ever be sure you're marrying the right one. There are criteria and clues to help you make that decision but people can change or put on a really good act. My BIL didn't marry until he was 34. He dated A LOT. He the married my SIL thinking she was the one. Even my husband and I thought she was a good person. Who knew, 10 years later she was going to go off the rails.
Apparently people who live together first are more likely end up divorced which is interesting.

I had 2 lovely sisters in law, my brothers 2 wives, both ended up cheating. We were all so upset. Its not just the spouse and children who are hurt, its the whole family.
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post #47 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 11:11 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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I mostly agree with this. Just in my little world most of our friends that lived together before marriage, are now divorced. The friends that didn't live together are still married.

I don't think you can ever be sure you're marrying the right one. There are criteria and clues to help you make that decision but people can change or put on a really good act. My BIL didn't marry until he was 34. He dated A LOT. He the married my SIL thinking she was the one. Even my husband and I thought she was a good person. Who knew, 10 years later she was going to go off the rails.
Maybe because people who live together first recognize that they have choices? They don't have to settle for "one"? IOW they are a self selected group that tends to move around more. The fact that they divorce more that those that don't may or may not be indicative of how "successful" their marriages were. That is all assuming that fact is true, of course.

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post #48 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 11:13 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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I had 2 lovely sisters in law, my brothers 2 wives, both ended up cheating. We were all so upset. Its not just the spouse and children who are hurt, its the whole family.
Yep. We're not sure if it was all an act or what. Even her own mother has told her that she's changed.
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post #49 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 11:16 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

Of course, one can always find an article which refutes someone's opinion:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...s-divorce.html

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post #50 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 11:41 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
Hell to the no!

I'd say that they are both extremely capable of making that move well enough on their very own accord without me ever weighing in on it!

Now if they out and out just ask their old man for advice on the topic, then that's clearly another thing!
Well, out and out with it.

What would you advise?

My advice is simple.

Do not marry for love.
Do not marry for sex.
Do not marry for companionship.
Do not marry because you enjoy doing the same things and doing them together.
Do not marry because you agree on most things.

No!

Marry because all of those things exist between you.
Marry because you are very compatible.

Anything less than being compatible will bite you in the end, bite you in the wallet and bite through the bond that binds you...together.

I would also say, "GOOD LUCK!"

Talk is cheap.

I failed at this........as did many!

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post #51 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 06:12 PM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

1- It is their life;
2- It would insult their intelligence if I told them what to do with their own private life;
3- Just because parents had a bad marriage experience, doesn't mean sons will too;
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In other words, no I wouldn't.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #52 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 06:40 PM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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I hear Putin has made it legal to beat one's wife. So I'm guessing Russia is a good bet too.
I saw he decriminalized spousal abuse -- making it an administrative offense. Of course as long as it's a minor beating...no broken bones.

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post #53 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 06:44 PM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

Yes absolutely. Someone flexible, smart, funny, with character, ambitious, who admires them.


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post #54 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 05:26 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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Originally Posted by Personal View Post
My advice will be to not marry a Communist. Keep far away from them. I married a feminist woman and my marriage has been awesome.
Oh, this is too funny. Yes, my avatar makes it look as though I have Marxist leanings. But here's a true story. When joining this site, I couldn't think of an avatar name, so I asked my wonderful wife for some ideas, and she said: "Call yourself Old Red." Well, Old Red is the name my wife has given the red riding crop I use when my wife is restrained and we are at play. Yeah, she's not a man hater, loves being a brilliant mum, relishes being a woman, doesn't waffle on about 'the patriarchy', is extremely loving and generous and thinks that modern feminists are generally nuts. We both think that the original first wave feminists were important and fighting the good fight, but we have little to no respect for contemporary feminism.

Given communism's attempt to destroy the distinction between the two sexes, I am surprised that you thought I would be a Marxist, even considering the 'red' name. My advice to my boys still stands, and will be echoed by my amazing, feminine wife. Over 20 years married and I still get butterflies when I kiss my wife, so yeah, I want that magic to be a part of my children's lives, so the advice is to stay away from the feminists! My wife is not my equal - rather, she is my complementary opposite.

Nice try at trolling - but you missed the mark!
Actually it was an attempt at humour - and yes evidently I missed my mark.

Your avatar does not make it look like you have Marxist leanings.

At no point did I ever think you were a Marxist, Leninist, Trotskyist, Maoist, Communist or any other of their ilk.

I'm sorry my humour got lost in translation.

I chose Communist because it was an "ist" that fit, I could have just as easily written "don't marry an Anarchist or a member of the Milizia Volontaria per la Sicurezza Nazionale MVSN (Blackshirts)". But MVSN is a bit of a mouthful and some of my wife's relatives back in the day in Italy were members of that Fascist organisation, so I wrote Communist instead.

So my advice (of which my wife concurs) still stands, don't marry a Communist.

True story, back in 1996 when my wife and I started having sex with each other, when she was a politically active Feminist organiser in a Feminist Collective (who was being invited to dine with the then reigning political elites), I recall my wife was no friend to Socialist Party/Communist Party members and other Trotskyists, who were then trying to push their agendas through her collective.

Funnily enough back in the day I saw my wife give a speech once at a Feminist event and I didn't hear her say patriarchy at all. In fact the only time my Feminist wife has ever mentioned patriarchy to me, is when she's joked that I was to blame for something because of "patriarchy".

As it turns out my wife who was an active Third-wave Feminist, has never been a man hater. Nor has she ever been "generally nuts", and fortunately for her has also never suffered from any anxiety, depression or any other mental illnesses either.

As to being a brilliant mother, who knows? Both of our kids are quite accomplished academically, with our 16 year old son topping his school in a number of subjects last year (and almost topping all of the rest), while they both rate highly in national testing as well. Plus our 13 year old daughter is a talented musician, that is gifted in the visual arts and has also been competitive in a number of sports at Regional and Zone level. Yet they seem to be very happy, seem to be liked by their friends and seem to like talking to us as well. So I figure my wife and I, are probably not the worst of parents.

I also appreciate the fact that my wife got her Applied Science degree and other tertiary qualifications. Which has afforded her the opportunity to be employed in private enterprise and public service, which includes middle and senior management roles in Government.

Although my wife is happy to be a woman, I don't know if she relishes being one since it's not like she chose to be a woman.

As to being feminine, my Feminist wife is an attractive, highly sexual, 46 year old woman, who still has a fine figure and waistline. Who often wears REVIEW dresses and similar with vintage handbags and jewellery. That said since she doesn't always want to tower over me, she doesn't always wear heels.

Incidentally most of my wife's contemporary Feminist friends, also appear to be happily married to men that they adore.

So considering my experience of knowing a number of Feminists and having been with one for close to 21 years (17+ years married). I find your perspective of Feminist women, very far removed from the reality that I have seen.

At the end of the day I am very fortunate for having married my luscious, accomplished and fun, Feminist wife.
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post #55 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 06:30 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

@old red I just wanted to add, that I hope you and your wife continue to enjoy each other for another 20.
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post #56 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 07:32 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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Actually it was an attempt at humour - and yes evidently I missed my mark.

Your avatar does not make it look like you have Marxist leanings.

At no point did I ever think you were a Marxist, Leninist, Trotskyist, Maoist, Communist or any other of their ilk.

I'm sorry my humour got lost in translation.

I chose Communist because it was an "ist" that fit, I could have just as easily written "don't marry an Anarchist or a member of the Milizia Volontaria per la Sicurezza Nazionale MVSN (Blackshirts)". But MVSN is a bit of a mouthful and some of my wife's relatives back in the day in Italy were members of that Fascist organisation, so I wrote Communist instead.

So my advice (of which my wife concurs) still stands, don't marry a Communist.

True story, back in 1996 when my wife and I started having sex with each other, when she was a politically active Feminist organiser in a Feminist Collective (who was being invited to dine with the then reigning political elites), I recall my wife was no friend to Socialist Party/Communist Party members and other Trotskyists, who were then trying to push their agendas through her collective.

Funnily enough back in the day I saw my wife give a speech once at a Feminist event and I didn't hear her say patriarchy at all. In fact the only time my Feminist wife has ever mentioned patriarchy to me, is when she's joked that I was to blame for something because of "patriarchy".

As it turns out my wife who was an active Third-wave Feminist, has never been a man hater. Nor has she ever been "generally nuts", and fortunately for her has also never suffered from any anxiety, depression or any other mental illnesses either.

As to being a brilliant mother, who knows? Both of our kids are quite accomplished academically, with our 16 year old son topping his school in a number of subjects last year (and almost topping all of the rest), while they both rate highly in national testing as well. Plus our 13 year old daughter is a talented musician, that is gifted in the visual arts and has also been competitive in a number of sports at Regional and Zone level. Yet they seem to be very happy, seem to be liked by their friends and seem to like talking to us as well. So I figure my wife and I, are probably not the worst of parents.

I also appreciate the fact that my wife got her Applied Science degree and other tertiary qualifications. Which has afforded her the opportunity to be employed in private enterprise and public service, which includes middle and senior management roles in Government.

Although my wife is happy to be a woman, I don't know if she relishes being one since it's not like she chose to be a woman.

As to being feminine, my Feminist wife is an attractive, highly sexual, 46 year old woman, who still has a fine figure and waistline. Who often wears REVIEW dresses and similar with vintage handbags and jewellery. That said since she doesn't always want to tower over me, she doesn't always wear heels.

Incidentally most of my wife's contemporary Feminist friends, also appear to be happily married to men that they adore.

So considering my experience of knowing a number of Feminists and having been with one for close to 21 years (17+ years married). I find your perspective of Feminist women, very far removed from the reality that I have seen.

At the end of the day I am very fortunate for having married my luscious, accomplished and fun, Feminist wife.

Thanks for the well wishes and I too am glad that you have such a great relationship with your wife and that you have the blessing of a wonderful family. It's great to read about your successful marriage after reading about so many posters here who are in such emotional pain because of their marriages.

For clarification, the following quotes typify the type of feminism that my wife and I believe is toxic:


“I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp with a high-heel shoved in his mouth, like an apple in the mouth of a pig.” - Andrea Dworkin

“I feel that ‘man-hating’ is an honorable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them.” - Robin Morgan, Ms. Magazine Editor

On the topic of campus rape allegations: “Why could we not expel a student based on an allegation?” - Amanda Childress, Sexual Assault Awareness Program coordinator at Dartmouth

“I’d kill myself.” - Lena Dunham’s response to the question “What would you do if you woke up as a man?”

"The patriarchy is using equality to oppress women. We need a new wave of feminism to be more equal than men." *- Jessica Valenti



But maybe contemporary feminism is a much 'broader church' and our judgements have been too harsh. Either way, I will protect my children, both male and female, from the type of toxic stuff that I have quoted. My wife is very accomplished in her professional life too, and she is a prolific reader. However, we both don't like the way that feminism is set up as an 'us versus them' ideology. Whenever I hear the terms 'male privilege' or 'the patriarchy' I immediately think of all those poor men throughout the ages who were forced to go out and fight wars or complete dangerous jobs, etc. For every woman who has been oppressed, I bet that there has been a man who has been treated as disposable.
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post #57 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 08:30 AM
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Re: Would you tell your sons to get married?

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Thanks for the well wishes and I too am glad that you have such a great relationship with your wife and that you have the blessing of a wonderful family. It's great to read about your successful marriage after reading about so many posters here who are in such emotional pain because of their marriages.
Likewise thank-you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by old red View Post
For clarification, the following quotes typify the type of feminism that my wife and I believe is toxic:


“I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp with a high-heel shoved in his mouth, like an apple in the mouth of a pig.” - Andrea Dworkin

“I feel that ‘man-hating’ is an honorable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them.” - Robin Morgan, Ms. Magazine Editor

On the topic of campus rape allegations: “Why could we not expel a student based on an allegation?” - Amanda Childress, Sexual Assault Awareness Program coordinator at Dartmouth

“I’d kill myself.” - Lena Dunham’s response to the question “What would you do if you woke up as a man?”

"The patriarchy is using equality to oppress women. We need a new wave of feminism to be more equal than men." *- Jessica Valenti
My wife doesn't agree with those quotes (it's not her cup of tea) and nor do I, that said for a number of years she used to read Ms. magazine and I know she didn't always agree with all of its content. She much preferred another (then more contemporary) Feminist magazine, which didn't enjoy the same longevity of Ms.

Quote:
Originally Posted by old red View Post
But maybe contemporary feminism is a much 'broader church' and our judgements have been too harsh. Either way, I will protect my children, both male and female, from the type of toxic stuff that I have quoted. My wife is very accomplished in her professional life too, and she is a prolific reader. However, we both don't like the way that feminism is set up as an 'us versus them' ideology. Whenever I hear the terms 'male privilege' or 'the patriarchy' I immediately think of all those poor men throughout the ages who were forced to go out and fight wars or complete dangerous jobs, etc. For every woman who has been oppressed, I bet that there has been a man who has been treated as disposable.
Snap! My wife is also a prolific reader of non-fiction and fiction literature.

She shares the same or similar opinions on some issues with some Feminists, while she doesn't share the same or similar opinions on other issues. In my experience, she hasn't been the only one like that either.

Personally I have no problem with men volunteering or being required to fight in wars.

Aside from telling my son not to marry a Communist, I wouldn't tell my son (or daughter) to get married.
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