this is my first post since I'm new and would like to know everyone's opinion on this issue.
The last three times my wife and I were intimate, I haven't been able to finish. After this last time we talked a little bit about it, and I had no answer. When we disscussed it,she never hurt my feelings, only wanted to see if there was something wrong with me. I honestly had no answer. I am always concious of letting her finish first so she can be happy then I seem to lose interest,focus, I really dont know what is happening. I am only 32yrs old. I figured it may be that I am not in shape so TODAY I started to exercise. We could be at it for 45-60mins still cant finish, we even tried diff postions. By reading some threads I can see how some partners would get tired if the guy takes too long so I like some input.
I have that problem once in a while, usually in the morning. I have noticed that if I am stressing about work or if I am really tired, it happens. I am in decent physical shape, so it's not that.
Instead of focusing on not being able to finish, take a look at what you may be going through mentally and physically and see if stress or fatigue plays into it.
I am 31 and this happens to me from time to time.. it's a *****, but my wife is very gracious about it. Usually it's because I finished myself off too recently, or the baby is fussing. Or times when my wife is tired and not as into it as I'd like her to be. Or if it's during the point in her cycle when we use condoms. Some combination of those factors. Waiting a few days in between, and picking a time where SHE is going to give 100% rather than just going along with it, almost always helps in my case. Blowjobs also help!!
My H can rarely finish either. At first, I thought it was MY fault, but then I realized that it's no one's fault, just a result of circumstances beyond my control. Porn, antidepressants, and the inability to lose himself in the moment instead of worrying/thinking about other things...
Also, he's not the first man I've been with or heard of that has had this problem. Quite a few of them can only finish by stimulating themselves manually...
This is why it's really important to be "in" to your partner. Wanting her is the best medicine. Think about how she looks... how remarkably sexy being with her makes you feel.... run images through your head of what she's wearing when she looks especially hot... then think about ripping it off her with your teeth.
The above is a formula for a 4-bagger evening (at 50)
if this happens to me a second time, it's usually because i'm thinking "is it going to happen again?". sometimes just that thought is enough to keep you from moving on. the root cause for me is usually stress. what's helped is learning to use sex as a form of stress relief. if you're stressed, go have sex as it releases lots of feel good stuff in your brain.
We actually talked about this with our therapist (who is a sex therapist along with being a MC). She said men can get to a point of "no return" if they hold off ejaculating for too long; they lose the O and can't get it back until later. This happens to my husband once or twice a year. It's not a big deal, so don't make it one.
The other issue is if you have recently started taking medications, it may also have to do with that. My husband recently started taking flomax for his prostate and his doctor said it might make coming more difficult, but it hasn't so far. What is HAS done, however, is make his penis "at rest" longer and thicker! He's well hung when hard, but he's now hung when he's not aroused, too. Nice! Sorry to digress!
I feel bad for men sometimes because I think there is a lot of pressure on them to "perform", but I think most women could really care less if their guy doesn't come every single time. We don't look down on you if you miss a few!
It's normal, and really it can be anything that contributes to not hitting the moment not just necessarily 1 single cause. Stress, fatigue, getting into your own head and thinking too much, being pressured to perform, and even not getting the right vibes or feeling from your wife have all been contributions for me.
For the latter scenario, you can usually tell if your spouse is really into the moment with you by how their vaginal muscles are responding to intercourse. If if feels like you're plugging a gaping hole, she's not really "clinching" her muscles anymore meaning she's no longer that into it... and knowing that sometimes kills it for me, because sex is best when you're both into the moment. But even in those situations I can usually pull it off as long as a I slow down and control my movements, thus maximizing sensitivity for myself and eventually leading to ejaculation. Just make sure if this happens to you and you find yourself taking these steps, don't get into your own head by losing patience and getting frustrated before you finish. Just be patient... slow down and get back in control.
**EDIT** Oh also, if you masturbate too close to having sex that can also be a big damper on the outcome for you. You say your 31... as you get older I feel it takes your body a longer time to recharge after ejaculation (at least for me I notice it - I'm 34). If I have plans to make a move for sex on any given day, I usually try to deprive myself of masturbation leading up to it in order to "let my body want it more" by the time sex comes. Trying to plan out your masturbation schedule can help you avoid more let downs as well.