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post #31 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 06:59 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
That can happen. The ex husband of a lady I used to know went from porn to contacting women on line, to meeting them for sex.
Porn opens the door to all sorts of horrible things.
Well, uhhh the person he was meeting from Craigslist might have looked somewhat female but did not have female genitalia. You cannot assume to know by a few sentences what makes up a person's interests and desires and to what degree porn if at all has to do with it. I've barely given any info on him, what he was doing before we were married, ect..

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post #32 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 07:18 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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Well, uhhh the person he was meeting from Craigslist might have looked somewhat female but did not have female genitalia. You cannot assume to know by a few sentences what makes up a person's interests and desires and to what degree porn if at all has to do with it. I've barely given any info on him, what he was doing before we were married, ect..

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I am going by many other cases I know of where porn has ruined lives and destroyed marriages.
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post #33 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 07:19 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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Actually he opened the door.

Not porn.

He was seeking something other than his poor wife. And he found it. He would have done that without porn.
Porn feeds immorality. If someone can mentally cheat, they can easily go on to physically cheat. Many do.
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post #34 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 07:47 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

My husband has never used it over me since we've been married.. BUT he still likes to look at naked stills of beautiful women.. though , always, he has waited for our intimacy.. even when that wait was longer than he'd like (more so in the past)... I could never complain about this. I find him a rare breed -indeed.
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post #35 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:07 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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I am going by many other cases I know of where porn has ruined lives and destroyed marriages.
I think that cheaters can look for excuses.

It was the porn, the fact that their spouse spent too much time working, playing golf, playing computer games, spent too much time on the children, etc, etc.

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post #36 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 08:49 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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I think that cheaters can look for excuses.

It was the porn, the fact that their spouse spent too much time working, playing golf, playing computer games, spent too much time on the children, etc, etc.
I think I have 2 views on those who cheat... there are those who just can't handle monogamy (I think this is more related to their hormones.. some people seem to NEED sexual variety for happiness it seems)... and there are those who are NOT getting their emotional needs met in the relationship, they have grown hungry, starving, like a thirsting in the desert...some of the things you mentioned could deeply affect their intimacy over time.. whether it's too much masturbating alone, not connecting with their partner, no longer making each other a priority...leading to resentment, emotional disconnect, feeling like roommates.. leading to emptiness....when one gets to this place...it can lead to a "perfect storm" if another steps in ready to meet those needs... It's something each couple has to guard against....

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Originally Posted by SilentLucidity View Post
I guess I'm far left field on this issue. I had absolutely no issue whatsoever with my ex-husband watching porn. He would watch porn alone because I caught him a few times lol. Once real early in the morning before he went to work jacking off in our bedroom while I was sleeping, another time late at night also jacking off while I was sleeping. I did not feel cheated on. He's masturbating to a video. It's completely normal to masturbate. Did I want him to wake me? No. Lol. We watch porn together I've watch porn by myself. We definitely had different tastes in some porn. I had Taurus I used on myself when he was not around and could not take care of me and he did not feel as though I was cheating on him. Again this was just our view. I'm single right now and I absolutely watch porn this week and will probably watch it tonight lol. I don't see a single thing wrong with it
So many variations, it's really not a set "black & white" thing with porn & couples...each couple is different.. may have a different spin on it... if a couple "gets" each other here ... understanding the erotic enjoyment, not feeling rejected.... this is what matters...

Both myself & husband are repulsed by hard core...no desire to see threesomes either....he likes to see "solo" women, no desire to see the man..... I love the sensual romantic videos, not so easy to find.. but they are out there...

But true.. it can be a Killer of relationships when one is feeling rejected, discarded, that a man puts it before his wife.. or on moral grounds a couple agreed upon, then she finds out HE was lying, hiding all along... (Trust is broken)...or an addiction, these are the enemies of intimacy...

If anything.. I'd have to say I enjoy some porn more than my husband does ...it was at my request, when my drive was insatiable, he couldn't keep up... I wanted to use anything to enhance his desire.. a little porn wasn't hurting!! ...so we rented it for a time..

I tried to get as many videos like this as I could.. Seductive Sex Positions For Lovers | The Modern Kama Sutra | Alexander Institute ... then we'd just jump each other... during that time I think I masturbated less than 10 times without my husband...which he had no problem with.. he couldn't keep up with my sex drive !.. he knew I wanted him every single time.. so it was never an issue.

Last edited by SimplyAmorous; 02-18-2017 at 08:53 AM.
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post #37 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 09:45 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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Originally Posted by MattMatt View Post
I think that cheaters can look for excuses.

It was the porn, the fact that their spouse spent too much time working, playing golf, playing computer games, spent too much time on the children, etc, etc.
That wasnt the case in the ones I know about.
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post #38 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 09:46 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
My husband has never used it over me since we've been married.. BUT he still likes to look at naked stills of beautiful women.. though , always, he has waited for our intimacy.. even when that wait was longer than he'd like (more so in the past)... I could never complain about this. I find him a rare breed -indeed.
So he is still a porn user.
A man who is a rare breed is surely one who goes against the flow and doesn't look at porn despite most men and many women doing so.

Last edited by Diana7; 02-18-2017 at 09:53 AM.
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post #39 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 05:08 PM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
So he is still a porn user.
A man who is a rare breed is surely one who goes against the flow and doesn't look at porn despite most men and many women doing so.
Yes but when one thinks of porn.. one automatically assumes there is masturbating to it....no? My husband told me years ago when we (finally) opened up the masturbating conversation .. to him.. THAT is like "cheating".. most men would never say this or feel this way... This is why I feel he is rare...Not that he enjoys viewing the female body.. to me.. this is perfectly normal.. We've had many discussions about these things.. our fantasies.. all of it.... I want his honesty, not fearing he can't share what turns him on..

I am thankful he IS the way he is... if he judged me for enjoying some erotic stuff.. we WOULDN'T be compatible..

Now if he was using it over me, no way in the world I could handle that...I just know me.. it would cause awful fights, I'd feel rejected, not good enough.. devastated ....I would have to leave a man like that, I wouldn't be happy or fulfilled in such a marriage.

For whatever it is worth...I have come a ways on this...although I personally always loved a steamy romance novel and a Hot Rated R sex scene.. I did feel porn was BAD... sinful, against God and wives (earlier in life I seen some Hardcore, I hated it. it was ugly to me)... there was a time I was going to church a lot, and when I'd find his folders with playboy bunnies (very tame still photography) .. I would start deleting them, then SHAME HIM..I even posted scriptures on his desktop !! ...I made him feel terrible...and he felt awful making me feel bad.. my husband is a sensitive man, deeply cares how I feel... but at the same time.. I was never denied..I always felt desired and wanted by him.. if anything.. I wasn't being "giving" enough here... I needed to be a better wife...

I have opened up more sexually since then, it's been a good thing for us both...that's just a part of our story..

I just frown on black & White comments that every couple who likes to look upon some erotic anything (Porn, naked bodies) is ruining their marriage.. we've been together since our teens.. we're now in our 50's.. I think I can say , this just isn't always true...

Does your husband share your views @Diana7 - I sincerely hope he does, this will make for a much smoother ride ... One of the harder things is if ONE can't be open & honest about it -for fear their wives will leave them or feel deeply betrayed.. even if they have only looked in passing or it's not a regular thing for them.. and these being very devoted loving husbands, greatly desiring their wives.

Last edited by SimplyAmorous; 02-18-2017 at 05:15 PM.
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post #40 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 05:32 PM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

I look at my absolutely beautiful (pregnant) girlfriend and then I think about some "actress" in a porn movie and there is no comparison.The women in these movies have reached rock bottom in life,some are feeding drug habits,maybe not their own.Some are doing it on the misapprehension that it will lead to mainstream acting and worst of all are the women doing it because they think they have nothing else to sell.I honestly can't understand why any man with a willing partner feels the need to watch porn.
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post #41 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 05:55 PM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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I rarely watch it. I can't say I shun it, but I'm definitely on the fence about it. For me, it's a visually exciting way to get off once in a while, then it's forgotten about for another month or so. I feel no shame about it.

Is it a bad thing? I don't think so - but it CAN be. Is it a healthy thing? I don't think so - but it CAN be. So many factors play in to both of those questions.

Ironically enough, my ex wife was dead set against porn (but okay with cheating!). She also had an entire folder full of photos of guys (celebrities, rock stars, etc.) she liked - non-nude, mind you, but whatever. I never asked WHY she had those pictures, but... duh. It was her porn, I guess, but because it wasn't x-rated, it was okay.

My current wife has no real issue with porn. She doesn't like it herself, and has no interest in watching it with me (I asked once), but she's never insinuated that she doesn't want me to, nor asked me if I do.

My ex wife masturbated to pictures she liked, apparently, as well as on her own. Occasionally when I was home, or thought I was sleeping, and a handful of times (that I know of) after rejecting me sexually. So while I was with her, my porn use was more than it is now (but still not frequent).

My current wife doesn't masturbate (or extremely rarely), and never to anything visual. But as I said, she's not anti-porn. My desire to use visual stimulation is almost non-existant, ironically enough.

Totally agreed.

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post #42 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 07:00 PM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

@Safflower, yes, there are married men who do not use porn. My husband and I have been married almost 17 years, and he has not used porn in all that time. I have had a lot of naysayers tell me I am wrong, but meh, idc what they think. I know my husband, they don't. And we are on the same page with the subject, too.

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Last edited by Maricha75; 02-18-2017 at 08:22 PM.
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post #43 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 09:41 PM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
Yes but when one thinks of porn.. one automatically assumes there is masturbating to it....no? My husband told me years ago when we (finally) opened up the masturbating conversation .. to him.. THAT is like "cheating".. most men would never say this or feel this way... This is why I feel he is rare...Not that he enjoys viewing the female body.. to me.. this is perfectly normal.. We've had many discussions about these things.. our fantasies.. all of it.... I want his honesty, not fearing he can't share what turns him on..

I am thankful he IS the way he is... if he judged me for enjoying some erotic stuff.. we WOULDN'T be compatible..

Now if he was using it over me, no way in the world I could handle that...I just know me.. it would cause awful fights, I'd feel rejected, not good enough.. devastated ....I would have to leave a man like that, I wouldn't be happy or fulfilled in such a marriage.

For whatever it is worth...I have come a ways on this...although I personally always loved a steamy romance novel and a Hot Rated R sex scene.. I did feel porn was BAD... sinful, against God and wives (earlier in life I seen some Hardcore, I hated it. it was ugly to me)... there was a time I was going to church a lot, and when I'd find his folders with playboy bunnies (very tame still photography) .. I would start deleting them, then SHAME HIM..I even posted scriptures on his desktop !! ...I made him feel terrible...and he felt awful making me feel bad.. my husband is a sensitive man, deeply cares how I feel... but at the same time.. I was never denied..I always felt desired and wanted by him.. if anything.. I wasn't being "giving" enough here... I needed to be a better wife...

I have opened up more sexually since then, it's been a good thing for us both...that's just a part of our story..

I just frown on black & White comments that every couple who likes to look upon some erotic anything (Porn, naked bodies) is ruining their marriage.. we've been together since our teens.. we're now in our 50's.. I think I can say , this just isn't always true...

Does your husband share your views @Diana7 - I sincerely hope he does, this will make for a much smoother ride ... One of the harder things is if ONE can't be open & honest about it -for fear their wives will leave them or feel deeply betrayed.. even if they have only looked in passing or it's not a regular thing for them.. and these being very devoted loving husbands, greatly desiring their wives.
I cant see the difference between men who look at porn and masturbate and men who look at porn and then have sex with their wives while thinking of the women he has seen in the porn. Both are adultery of the heart.
Its looking that is just as wrong.

Yes my husband feels very strongly that porn is damaging and doesn't look at it. I wouldn't marry a man who did, or who thought it was no big deal. I see it as so unloving and disrespectful, and I would never do it to him either. Intimacy is for us alone, and not to include others we have been watching in porn.

Your husband thinks its only cheating if he masturbates, that's a strange idea, looking at other women in porn is cheating period. You seem to be a Christian as we are, and Jesus says that lusting after another woman is adultery of the heart. That's what porn does, makes us lust after other people.

You can have a great sex life without porn.
Having a husband who only desires to sees his wife naked is very special. It makes me feel valued and respected and loved. Makes for a great sex life as well because I respect and love him for the way he is. Its not easy for men to go against the flow, but so worth it.

Last edited by Diana7; 02-18-2017 at 10:56 PM.
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post #44 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 11:07 PM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

Porn is fake crap. Pure unrealistic fantasy. If someone finds satisfaction in porn it is my opinion that they are dysfunctional in real life.
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post #45 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-19-2017, 12:23 PM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

Does our own personal view on porn matter? I mean to say that what our opinion is about has nothing to do with our partners opinion on it. I don't like porn, therefore I don't watch it. I don't mind porn, therefore I watch it occasionally.
You can hate porn and be completely against it but your partner may not feel that way. So then you get into this... controlling, you have I agree with my opinion because my opinion is the right opinion or else.

I understand that porn can become a problem and can ruin relationships... but that's an excessive, extreme but minority of people. Most people can watch porn here and there and still have a great sex life and relationship with their spouse. I think when spouses monitor, and stalk their husbands to see if they use porn then yell and scold them like a little kid... thats a problem. Unless your spouse specifically says... please help me stop watching porn.
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