Men who shun porn. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 07:06 PM Thread Starter
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Lightbulb Men who shun porn.

Hi guys,

Are there married man who do not use porn ?

I do know the existence of people who think porn is okay : nothing wrong and could actually help in intimacy. But right now I really appreciate it alot if those who don't use it ( or try not to) to show yourself.

---
For me, it is a form of cheating and it hurts as hell. Pro-porn, save your energy. I already did the self-reflection, liberal thinking and research.
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post #2 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 07:17 PM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

Here is a recent discusion... Men, if you do *not* look at porn, why is that?

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

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post #3 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 09:17 PM
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Men who shun porn.

What do you want to know? I've used it seldomly. Not in a long while.

Are you a guy or gal?
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post #4 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-16-2017, 10:11 PM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

I know someone who refuses to watch porn. But he fell prey to an addiction to it in the past. So that's a real thing and one of a few reasons his marriage ended in divorce.
Those people are out there, I myself am not one of them but I can say that porn was part of the cause to my current divorce. A very minor part, but it does have a negative side that many do not see until it's too late if ever.


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post #5 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 12:01 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

I am not married but I live with my gf.I never watch porn and haven't in years.I think it is a joke and a sad one at that.The odd time years ago that I did see some I thought it was hilarious that anyone with a partner would actually watch this crap.The acting is terrible,the facial expressions laughable and from what I have read on tam it gives some people an unrealistic expectation of how sex should be.Why would any man with a willing,sexually active partner want or need to use porn is something I don't understand.

Last edited by Andy1001; 02-17-2017 at 01:02 AM.
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post #6 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 07:32 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

I rarely watch it. I can't say I shun it, but I'm definitely on the fence about it. For me, it's a visually exciting way to get off once in a while, then it's forgotten about for another month or so. I feel no shame about it.

Is it a bad thing? I don't think so - but it CAN be. Is it a healthy thing? I don't think so - but it CAN be. So many factors play in to both of those questions.

Ironically enough, my ex wife was dead set against porn (but okay with cheating!). She also had an entire folder full of photos of guys (celebrities, rock stars, etc.) she liked - non-nude, mind you, but whatever. I never asked WHY she had those pictures, but... duh. It was her porn, I guess, but because it wasn't x-rated, it was okay.

My current wife has no real issue with porn. She doesn't like it herself, and has no interest in watching it with me (I asked once), but she's never insinuated that she doesn't want me to, nor asked me if I do.

My ex wife masturbated to pictures she liked, apparently, as well as on her own. Occasionally when I was home, or thought I was sleeping, and a handful of times (that I know of) after rejecting me sexually. So while I was with her, my porn use was more than it is now (but still not frequent).

My current wife doesn't masturbate (or extremely rarely), and never to anything visual. But as I said, she's not anti-porn. My desire to use visual stimulation is almost non-existant, ironically enough.

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post #7 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 07:42 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

I recently rewatched my very first porn, can't believe how young I looked!
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post #8 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 07:53 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

my husband says he doesn't use porn because he spent years beating off to it and had trouble getting off from sex with another human being after that. Now that he isn't masturbating to porn he says he much more confident that he won't be all used up for when it's time to have sex. He said not using porn makes actual sex way better.
I like the visuals but don't like the acting or the noises. Every now and then I'll watch little clips to get myself going since he doesn't woo me or try to get me in the mood for sex ever.
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post #9 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 07:59 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

I just prefer the sex with another person is much more enjoyable. Why waste the time on junk.
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post #10 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:11 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Safflower View Post
I do know the existence of people who think porn is okay : nothing wrong and could actually help in intimacy. But right now I really appreciate it alot if those who don't use it ( or try not to) to show yourself.

---
For me, it is a form of cheating and it hurts as hell. Pro-porn, save your energy. I already did the self-reflection, liberal thinking and research.
I grew up with watching a great deal of porn, but in my marriage I completely understand and have learned to respect the reasons why my wife is hurt by it. I am mindful of my behavior towards porn out of respect for my wife. Out of this respect she also understands that I need her to nurture my desire at times when we are apart from each other.

Perhaps all men are different but @Safflower as much as you are hurt by porn, your husband could be equally as hurt that perhaps you may not be willing to nurture his own self exploration. While men use porn to enhance self exploration, there are many other things that could be used that would not only be less offensive, but may have a positive impact on your relationship.

Did you ever encourage your husband to masturbate? Do you ever think you could do that in a nurturing way so that you give him something extremely enjoyable to think about and look forwards to in the relationship? A simple example might be to just buy a jar of coconut oil in the grocery store, and ask your husband to enjoy exploring himself with it while imagining putting as much as he wants allover and wherever he wants on you. Then after he enjoys exploring that all alone, instead of watching porn, he will be coming up with all kinds of creative ideas on how to please you with ample amounts of coconut oil.

Hope that helps,
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post #11 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:30 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

My fiance and I talked about this recently, and we both don't see anything wrong with occasional porn viewing, if we do it together or something. He said he doesn't really find anything great about porn since he is really happy with me, now. I'm not at all into porn, I may read erotica now and then, but not into porn. I think that it depends on the couple, but think it's a dangerous message that the culture sort of tells men that it's more normal to look at porn, than it isn't. I don't think men should be shamed over viewing porn, but it just seems like men are told that if they're NOT looking at porn or have no interest in it, that there's something wrong with them, and that too is a bad message.

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post #12 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:46 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

My husband isn't on this forum but he never looks at porn and nor did my first husband. I wouldn't marry a man who did.
My husband sees it as wrong, unfaithful, unloving and disrespectful. He is also aware of the damage it does to wives and marriages and also to the one who does it. He didn't look at it in his first marriage either, nor before he married or between marriages. He is also a committed Christian, so is well aware of what Jesus warns about in saying that if you look at a woman with lust(desiring her, wanting to have sex with her) its as if you have committed adultery in you heart. That's what happens in porn all the time.

I love that some men are this way, they go against the flow and have self control and discipline and want to keep any intimacy between them and their wives. So many now say 'well all men do it, there is nothing wrong with it'. No not all men do it and there is a lot wrong with it. Porn use is cited in 60% of all divorces now.

The fact he is the way he is makes me love him more and value and respect him more, and desire him more. If a man I was married to looked at porn, I would have no desire to have sex with him at all.
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post #13 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 09:15 AM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
My fiance and I talked about this recently, and we both don't see anything wrong with occasional porn viewing, if we do it together or something. He said he doesn't really find anything great about porn since he is really happy with me, now. I'm not at all into porn, I may read erotica now and then, but not into porn. I think that it depends on the couple, but think it's a dangerous message that the culture sort of tells men that it's more normal to look at porn, than it isn't. I don't think men should be shamed over viewing porn, but it just seems like men are told that if they're NOT looking at porn or have no interest in it, that there's something wrong with them, and that too is a bad message.
I agree that for a man to be accused of having something wrong with them because they refuse to look at it is just awful. I suppose those who do look cant understand it so they attack the men who don't? Maybe it makes them feel guilty if they know that some men have that self control and discipline?
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post #14 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 12:34 PM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

I guess I'm far left field on this issue. I had absolutely no issue whatsoever with my ex-husband watching porn. He would watch porn alone because I caught him a few times lol. Once real early in the morning before he went to work jacking off in our bedroom while I was sleeping, another time late at night also jacking off while I was sleeping. I did not feel cheated on. He's masturbating to a video. It's completely normal to masturbate. Did I want him to wake me? No. Lol. We watch porn together I've watch porn by myself. We definitely had different tastes in some porn. I had Taurus I used on myself when he was not around and could not take care of me and he did not feel as though I was cheating on him. Again this was just our view. I'm single right now and I absolutely watch porn this week and will probably watch it tonight lol. I don't see a single thing wrong with it

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post #15 of 74 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 01:10 PM
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Re: Men who shun porn.

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Originally Posted by SilentLucidity View Post
I guess I'm far left field on this issue. I had absolutely no issue whatsoever with my ex-husband watching porn. He would watch porn alone because I caught him a few times lol. Once real early in the morning before he went to work jacking off in our bedroom while I was sleeping, another time late at night also jacking off while I was sleeping. I did not feel cheated on. He's masturbating to a video. It's completely normal to masturbate. Did I want him to wake me? No. Lol. We watch porn together I've watch porn by myself. We definitely had different tastes in some porn. I had Taurus I used on myself when he was not around and could not take care of me and he did not feel as though I was cheating on him. Again this was just our view. I'm single right now and I absolutely watch porn this week and will probably watch it tonight lol. I don't see a single thing wrong with it

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This is perfectly as long as it worked for the both of you. I think that is a key thing in the debate.

Here's and example of where it wasn't healthy:
I was perfectly ok with my STBXW watching porn, she liked porn I had zero interest in watching (guy on guy) when it began to be a problem is when she started relating our sex life to the videos and taking care of herself during the day before I came home and no longer being interested in the real thing. She actually said "I can get myself off 20 times in a few minutes, I no longer need a man" major reason for our marriage breakdown. Porn during the day while kids are at school was far easier than finding time without the kids around at night.


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