As its been stated... you need to be comfortable in your own skin and skills - abut also being INTO it, is a factor. "all that matters for sex is a honest desire to please" makes a difference.
I also agree you are wasting time with the wrong guys - its fine they want sex, its not fine for them to pretend they are offering a bit more.
It seems to me that you are lacking experience in being in an actual relationship. Getting your heart broken a few times is normal in life.
But here is HOW guys think: SEX SEX SEX SEX. I love my wife as a whole person - but thinking of sex. As a guy - we all notice attractive women. Nothing you can do about it. We're going to peek.
When you are dating a guy for the first time... until there is sex, most men will not be thinking much about the rest of you. Maybe likely if its an office affair... but that is sometimes fake as well.
There are guys who just want sex, will run away when sex drops off or you ask for more.
There are lovers, who want sex and respect their partners but have a known distance. ie: You and HE knows what the boundaries are... if you exceed them, he goes away (that was me - but I usually just reverted to being a friend afterwards with most of them).
You have to look out for the love-struck guys who can be creepers...
What you want is a guy who is sexual and wants your heart and wants you to have is. LOVE
Before I get more into this. I recommend you have sessions with a sex therapist. There is also books you can buy on sexual positions and more. I have to go out the door soon, so my thoughts below will be quick.
Well... think of it as fishing. If you only date one man every 1~2 years, your net is tiny. I have complete respect for a women who sleeps around / NSA sex than one who pretends that love and sex are the same thing. (This is not directed at you). I mean, in the modern world - where nobody thinks anything is wrong when a MAN sleeps around - its not fair to think any less when women do so.
Oral sex : Its not high on the list for most guys as you think in terms of "respect". If you like to do oral, do it... but you should get it in return. We like that.
Here is a fault you have: You said something like "I date a guy for a month before sex and it lasts a month or so". For relationships that don't go beyond sex - 1~3 months is typical. That is when people usually get bored. Most of those guys you kept at bay for a month - I have a secret for you. They likely got laid by someone else after the date with you or within a few days. You didn't get them to prove anything.
I've had some dates go south - blah. I'd go to the club and have fun with others (sex may or may not happen) - but I'm going out. Hell, that is how I got a girlfriend 10 years ago. A 3some date got canceled - but I was already on the way. So I still went to the venue - meet a woman I liked a lot. No sex, we talked until the sun came up. I told the ladies the next day "I'm not interested anymore - I have feelings for someone I meet last night". They were bumbed but wished me well.
My wife: We met at a club. Thought she was going to be a one night stand as we were having sex 2-3 hours after meeting. We talked daily and had our first date 2 days later. Engaged a few weeks later, married a few months later. We've been together for 6 years now. I've had sex with over 100 women (If I really think about it, I know its between 150~180 or so). I've never cheated on my wife. A good female friend of mine was wasting time in a bad relationship. I told her to dump the jerk. She did, cried for a month and dated and got laid by a guy or two before meeting a guy online. They are now 3 years together.
Point is: You will never know when you may meet "Mr. Right". But you are not going to find him by dating 1 guy a year and over thinking about it.
If you want a kid - then you are going to be hitting that clock soon. I recommend 1-2 years of serious relationship with a boyfriend, then marriage (if you both want that) - spend another 2-3 years together to make sure you are compatible, have FUN with each other because Children are stress to a marriage and will be in the way of your relationship with your SO. Its generally best to have a kid before the age of 35... as 30+, each year becomes more of a challenge. 40+ starts becoming low-odds territory.
Remember, talk to a sex therapist.