Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 06:26 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

I am of the firm belief that all that matters for sex is a honest desire to please. What specific techniques people want vary a lot anyway, so no amount of knowledge is going to make someone a perfect lover. If your partner is also a good lover, then they will guide / hint you towards what they enjoy while paying attention to any hints that you give about what you would like.

There are obnoxious people out there who will complain. All I can say is that if it happens, be glad you learned about them early in the relationship.

Anyone who complains about a partners sexual technique deserves to be shown the door - or window if its closer and your not above the 3rd floor.
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post #17 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 06:29 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Separately from "complaining" it sounds like you aren't quite meeting the people you want. Having sex with random guys is absolutely fine if you enjoy that, but if you are looking for something longer term, I think you should think about how you pick guys. Are you missing something, or fixating on something that is attracting you to guys who just want sex?

It could be as simple as noticing a certain style of dress or behavior that is calculated to be attractive to women, but is not really honest. ;
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post #18 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 11:44 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
So..in reference to another thread in the "Sex" department where I posted, I thought I'd ask men (women are welcomed as well) over something that has been bothering me lately. I used to be more careless at a younger age...but now something has changed...

I'm 29, haven't really had any stable (or lasting) relationship. I've dated guys for 1-2 months and then it was over. The only lasting relationship that I had was 9 months (but with no sex at all and it was my first relationship when I was around 22).

With some of the guys that I've dated, I've had an OK sex [as I wasn't in love with any of them and I didn't feel comfortable.] These guys were interested ONLY in sex and given that I've always wanted more than that, I stopped seeing them. Also, I wouldn't give them any oral sex as I didn't consider them emotionally close to me. I see giving/receiving oral VERY intimate and I'd like to share it with someone that I'm in an exclusive relationship. So, out of all the guys that I've dated, I've given oral only to one guy...a couple of years ago. (Don't ask me why I date guys who want just sex. I actually want a stable relationship, but for some reason I always end up with the wrong guys... )

I think I am HD and If I could, I'd have no problem having sex everyday, I like to experiment with positions, I like to talk about sex and do things very openly with my partner.

The only problem that I've been having lately is what the guy might think of how I perform in sex with him. Am I good/bad? What he thinks....etc.
A few months ago I dated a guy who was into BSDM. He said he was very experienced in this type of sex but I was hesitant to have sex with him in the first place, as I didn't feel confident I'd satisfy him enough, starting even from oral [which for him was the minimum].
I was afraid he'd make fun of me for not performing right in the bedroom so I let him go at all. We went out several times and he was expecting us to try things, but then I didn't feel comfortable and ended things with him.

Unless I find someone stable, I feel like I will remain sexless out of fear for being considered "inexperienced" compared to the guys/girls of my age. Plus, I'm tired of meaningless dating. I want something real.
I swear, if I had a stable partner, I wouldn't mind giving him any kind of pleasure, although I know I need some more practice.

Were there times that you dated a girl you thought would be a "beast" in bed but turned out to be the opposite?
Did you make fun of her (in your mind?)
Did you feel disappointed?
Did you comment it with your friends?

These are my concerns. Probably, you'd make fun of them too haha..
Sweetie. You just need to be comfortable with yourself and have self confidence.

You seem to be giving the wrong guys the green light and missing Mr right.

Don't worry about men who might think less of you because of bedroom skills. They aren't worth your time.

I had a lot of partners and experience before I met Mrs. Conan. Our first time in bed didn't even rate in the top 10 of my experiences but it didn't matter because I loved her.

We got better at it and 25 years in, she is by far the best I have ever had. It should be the same for you.

Find good match in your heart and the bedroom activities will fall in line even if you both suck, pun intended, in the sack.
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post #19 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 04:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by Vinnydee View Post
Any sex is better than no sex. There are times when we tried something that just did not work but we never made fun of each other, just a failed experiment. We experimented a lot with each other and outsiders. Some things worked and some did not but I never made fun of a woman who tried. Some girls are better at certain things than others. What my wife lacked, our girlfriend made up for. Together they were everything you could ask for sexually.
Vinny, I've always appreciated your sincerity but I'm not looking to be the 3rd person in a relationship. If I'm not good at some things, I want my partner to let me know in a nicely manner and improve it along with him (for us).
I want to be the one to make up FOR HIM and ME. I don't want anyone else to make up for us. If he's not satisfied then he's free to leave.

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Great sex comes from great communication. If you tell someone you want to try something new, I do not know how they could laugh at you for trying it. If you do not tell then and fail, I can understand why they may think you are not good at sex because they will assume that what you tried is your normal way of having sex. Communicate and you can avoid any problems like you mentioned.
I totally agree but from the dates that I've had, I've realized that the other party did not want to communicate and used shut the emotional connection right there and then. Obviously, I didn't put up with that and left. So, zero communication.

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I love to make people laugh, even at my own expense. I like laughter to be part of sex. Sex should also be fun as well as intimate and a physical display of love. Getting them to laugh was the easy part; I just took off my clothes. Bada bing.
haha..yeah I DO think sex should be VERY FUN, experimental..and so on. But if there's nobody to connect emotionally to, I find it difficult to make sex so intimate.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #20 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 04:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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I think some introspection is required. [B]stop sleeping with people, frankly stop seeing people...
...also stop sleeping around, it isn't helping you sexual market value and with you approaching 30 that is going to take a hit quickly as your fertility diminishes, high quality men who might have been into you are going to head for more fertile younger females.
Sorry, but you make it sound like I sleep around and that I do it frequently. That's not true at all.
The last time I had sex was in Jan. 2014 and the last time I dated a guy was last year in March ...and I usually date 1 guy per year or no guy at all. Does it seem to you like I have low-standards for myself and that I sleep around the block?? I don't think so.

Quote:
and really figure out who you are. It maybe, after a bit of self assessment, you are not who you believe yourself to be.
I've done self-assessment for all my life and I'm actually tired of it. I know I seem cold at first sight and when a guy sees me on the street he thinks I don't him to approach me [that's the feedback that I have from others.] But when someone gets to know me better, I'm quite the opposite. Caring, lovely, communicative...and so on.

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Get a therapist, might be able to help you work this out.
Probably. But I think it mostly has to do with places I go to like bars, clubs...etc.
Chances are I won't find quality men over there.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #21 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 05:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by moth-into-flame View Post
Don't worry about being judged. You sound like you'd be a good lover - but you need the connection first. The only caveat is this - regarding oral...out of all the women I've slept with post divorce, only one wasn't into oral - and I don't know her reasons, I never asked. All the others were enthusiastic about it - and it's very important to me (I enjoy giving it as well). I ended up resenting her for it and eventually lost attraction. It can be a real put off for a guy. Anyway, the caveat: communicate that you're not comfortable with oral unless you're in a more established relationship, but that it is something you enjoy in serious relationships. No oral is a deal breaker for a lot of guys.
I have communicated this to the guy and they probably took it as offensive and decided to leave. I wanted to be sincere by letting them know that oral is something I'd do in a stable / emotional relationship and if I don't see that emotional connection with the guy, I'm not giving any oral. I know it could be a deal breaker, but I'm not changing my standards unless a guy is worth of me doing so.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #22 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 05:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by Steve1000 View Post
Yes, there are many guys who will only be looking for sex. The problem is that you are having sex with them before you know that they are only looking for sex. If you are looking for a relationship, then weed out the guys who are only looking for sex by not not having sex with them early in the relationship.
Firs off, I don't have sex with all the guys that I date.

Second off, the sex comes after a month or two months of dating.

Third, some already leave because they can't wait a month or two to have sex.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #23 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 05:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Separately from "complaining" it sounds like you aren't quite meeting the people you want. Having sex with random guys is absolutely fine if you enjoy that, but if you are looking for something longer term, I think you should think about how you pick guys. Are you missing something, or fixating on something that is attracting you to guys who just want sex?

It could be as simple as noticing a certain style of dress or behavior that is calculated to be attractive to women, but is not really honest. ;
"Random" would not be the perfect word for my situation. I don't have one night stands and I don't sleep with anyone that comes my way.

But as I said previously in my posts, I should consider changing the places I go to. Bars, clubs, gym...are places where guys are also very self-centered and think about their pleasure most of the times. I don't want to judge as not everyone is the same, but I could be attracting to the wrong type of guys in those places.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #24 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 05:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Sweetie. You just need to be comfortable with yourself and have self confidence.
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You seem to be giving the wrong guys the green light and missing Mr right.

Don't worry about men who might think less of you because of bedroom skills. They aren't worth your time.

I had a lot of partners and experience before I met Mrs. Conan. Our first time in bed didn't even rate in the top 10 of my experiences but it didn't matter because I loved her.
I remember she was a virgin when you met her. What made you stay with her in the long run? Did you have sex with her after marriage or before?

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We got better at it and 25 years in, she is by far the best I have ever had.
It got better because I guess you were both good at communicating your needs to each other and appreciating the time spent together. It doesn't happen to every couple.

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Find good match in your heart and the bedroom activities will fall in line even if you both suck, pun intended, in the sack.
Finding a good match is keeping me from exploring sex even more, which I'd be more than willing to.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #25 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 06:06 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

You're way over thinking things. Stop!!!!!
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post #26 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 06:19 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
Want to know what the guy who received the worst BJ in the history of sex said to himself afterward?

"Wow, that was AWESOME."
LOL! Funny... yes. But no. Bad sex or bad BJ can be bad enough to not be worth it. My wife is very good, top 3 in my life... and she likes giving as do I. A friend of hers gets the #1 ribbon thou.

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post #27 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 06:44 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

There's nothing wrong with you, lovely.


I have to admit, I did laugh once. I won't say who it was, but she farted during sex. I laughed so freakin' hard, my stomach hurt. Sorry, but I couldn't help it. Then, I hugged the hell out of her.............while chuckling a little.


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post #28 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 06:50 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

As its been stated... you need to be comfortable in your own skin and skills - abut also being INTO it, is a factor. "all that matters for sex is a honest desire to please" makes a difference.

I also agree you are wasting time with the wrong guys - its fine they want sex, its not fine for them to pretend they are offering a bit more.

It seems to me that you are lacking experience in being in an actual relationship. Getting your heart broken a few times is normal in life.

But here is HOW guys think: SEX SEX SEX SEX. I love my wife as a whole person - but thinking of sex. As a guy - we all notice attractive women. Nothing you can do about it. We're going to peek.
When you are dating a guy for the first time... until there is sex, most men will not be thinking much about the rest of you. Maybe likely if its an office affair... but that is sometimes fake as well.

There are guys who just want sex, will run away when sex drops off or you ask for more.
There are lovers, who want sex and respect their partners but have a known distance. ie: You and HE knows what the boundaries are... if you exceed them, he goes away (that was me - but I usually just reverted to being a friend afterwards with most of them).
You have to look out for the love-struck guys who can be creepers...
What you want is a guy who is sexual and wants your heart and wants you to have is. LOVE

Before I get more into this. I recommend you have sessions with a sex therapist. There is also books you can buy on sexual positions and more. I have to go out the door soon, so my thoughts below will be quick.

Well... think of it as fishing. If you only date one man every 1~2 years, your net is tiny. I have complete respect for a women who sleeps around / NSA sex than one who pretends that love and sex are the same thing. (This is not directed at you). I mean, in the modern world - where nobody thinks anything is wrong when a MAN sleeps around - its not fair to think any less when women do so.

Oral sex : Its not high on the list for most guys as you think in terms of "respect". If you like to do oral, do it... but you should get it in return. We like that.

Here is a fault you have: You said something like "I date a guy for a month before sex and it lasts a month or so". For relationships that don't go beyond sex - 1~3 months is typical. That is when people usually get bored. Most of those guys you kept at bay for a month - I have a secret for you. They likely got laid by someone else after the date with you or within a few days. You didn't get them to prove anything.
I've had some dates go south - blah. I'd go to the club and have fun with others (sex may or may not happen) - but I'm going out. Hell, that is how I got a girlfriend 10 years ago. A 3some date got canceled - but I was already on the way. So I still went to the venue - meet a woman I liked a lot. No sex, we talked until the sun came up. I told the ladies the next day "I'm not interested anymore - I have feelings for someone I meet last night". They were bumbed but wished me well.

My wife: We met at a club. Thought she was going to be a one night stand as we were having sex 2-3 hours after meeting. We talked daily and had our first date 2 days later. Engaged a few weeks later, married a few months later. We've been together for 6 years now. I've had sex with over 100 women (If I really think about it, I know its between 150~180 or so). I've never cheated on my wife. A good female friend of mine was wasting time in a bad relationship. I told her to dump the jerk. She did, cried for a month and dated and got laid by a guy or two before meeting a guy online. They are now 3 years together.

Point is: You will never know when you may meet "Mr. Right". But you are not going to find him by dating 1 guy a year and over thinking about it.

If you want a kid - then you are going to be hitting that clock soon. I recommend 1-2 years of serious relationship with a boyfriend, then marriage (if you both want that) - spend another 2-3 years together to make sure you are compatible, have FUN with each other because Children are stress to a marriage and will be in the way of your relationship with your SO. Its generally best to have a kid before the age of 35... as 30+, each year becomes more of a challenge. 40+ starts becoming low-odds territory.

Remember, talk to a sex therapist.

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post #29 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 07:06 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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I'm not a guy, but I will chime in anyway.

I have learned that when you're the female partner, enthusiasm goes a lot farther than knowledge or skill. You can always learn how to do something better, and you get better with practice. You can fake it till you make it, in other words.

But you can't fake enthusiasm, and all men want their partner to be enthusiastic. Enthusiastic sex is always the bext sex, even when everything else goes wrong!
This is why women in their forties and fifties make the best lovers. They know what they like, what they want and they are long past being ashamed to ask for it. And more often than not, they are much more experienced, enthusiastic and adventurous. Mature women rock!
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post #30 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 07:08 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Finding a good match is keeping me from exploring sex even more, which I'd be more than willing to.
Let me ask you. Do you like a man who takes charge in the bedroom?
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