Before I get into your replies. You call yourself "HD" sexually... how do you know that? Also, it's likely that you come across as LD - and that is something many men do no want.
In the *general* rules of dating. If there is an attraction - sex usually happens around date 3... after 5 dates, one or both parties are in exit mode. (Again - general rule - doesn't apply to everyone, but just how it works out for most) In my later years, the one TIME I took it slow because she is a "Christian girl" and I wanted more than sex... things sputtered out after the 3rd date. I could have had her on my 1 or 2nd date. I was too slow for her because I was not being myself.
TaDor, thanks for your thoughtful long post.
I've also thought that after a month of dating with no sex, the guy gets bored. But on the other hand, I don't feel like having sex with someone if I get turned off by certain things he says or does. It's like he shuts my sexual excitement down and sex goes off the list for me.
Ever think that perhaps the guy gets turned off by things you do or say? I've had a woman say something very stupid or insulting on first night meeting and I'm turned off. Ha, one woman said she doesn't like getting oral. So I was done with her in that regard and changed direction to make my exit eventually leave without her noticing. But when you are in a relationship with someone - there is pretty much daily interactions which may be negative - you don't break up with someone from having a bad day. If having a guy who you are already having a sexual relationship with - turns you off by saying something... Perhaps the option is to NOT have boyfriends, just keep it sexual?
Women and men think differently. We trade sex for love and women trade love for sex. Yes, women are horny. And I've been manhandled by women for sex that I didn't know. I'll give advice based on what I know or learned from experience or that of others. This is why I recommended you talk to a sex therapist. I feel that you are OFF on the guys you may want/experience/etc.
Even thou I was sexually active in my early teens. I wasn't so active in my 20s because I wanted something more than just sex. I became shy and lost practice on talking to women. I've had people tell me "She is checking you out" all the time and I didn't know how to handle it - so I didn't talk or notice them. Years of no sex. Very limited dating. But one night I had a thought. I did NOT want to live this way anymore. Some of my geeky friends were 30~40+ yr old sexless or virgins. I started reading mens magazines liked Maxium to get ideas of what women liked and how men talked about women. I went to the gym to lose some pounds and work on my mind. I asked to go out clubing with a few female friends (no sexual attraction) and learn how to drink booze and dance because I had zero experience. It loosened me up, not OVER-THINK things as much. With that I started attracting women. I started talking to them. And I started having sex and getting into relationships.
Your post is concerned about wrong sex acts, or bad sex. Well, that takes practice. You know what ELSE I thought about before I changed myself? "What if I meet the right woman. What am I going to SAY to her if I cannot talk to her? If I have no experiences to work with, I would lose or chase her off. If I am a bad lover, that will likely make her go away".
It took over a year to work this into my head and body. I went from nothing, month after month to having sex, enjoying life, meeting people every weekend. Without those experiences, I wouldn't have ever met my wife, nor the previous girlfriends before her. Heartbreaks suck, but its better to have loved than to not love at all.
You are kind of an exception to the rule. Usually, people who meet at the bar and have ONS, don't end up in a proper relationship, let alone marriage.
Does your wife compare with you about the number of partners she had before you? Not that it matters much, though.
As with the date with two women being canceled (we had already done 3somes, this was us going out to a dance club to be social, dance, drink etc) - you DON'T know where you may meet the person who could be "the one". I did NOT go out looking for a wife when I met her. Well, my wife noticed me before I noticed her. She had been going there for months every once in a while - compared to me being a regular. So she always saw me with different women and socializing with lots of people. The night I met her face to face, I kind of made myself go that night. The club was kind of dead that night and she said "hi". I'd like to correct my time from above. It felt like a few hours, but it had to be realistically 4~5 hours later we had sex. I kissed her the first time after 1-2 hours of talking and dancing. It was like no other before her. Eventually, I realized she had some jealousy issues of my sexual past - not by the numbers, but by ranking... "How do I compare". Some were more WILD than her, yes. But she turns me on like no other. She had thought that some things wrong about me because we needed more communication. But yeah, earlier on - she was concerned about doing things the right way - that she was doing right already.
It is tiny because most men around me are mostly interested in sex only. When they approach me, it mostly gets sexual before I even think of anything emotional. When I feel that SEX is in the air, I simply leave and end up dating a guy a year when I see that he could be more than a sexual partner.
All MEN who are dating are intrested in SEX. ALL of US. When a woman says "yes" to going out on a date with someone... that means that she has already put SEX as being likely - after all, if you find the man to be a jerk/ repulsive or creepy in anyway - you are not going to be sexually turned on anyway. It's a matter of the guy sealing the deal.
Once the sex is happening, the man's true colors will start to show - he can relax... be more himself... this is the same for women too.
Its understandable you want to see a man as more than a sexual partner... but for men, we don't usually see women as more than a sexual partner until after the sex.
You make good points here and lay out a fair timeline to manage the relationship/marriage life properly.
Although, I'm not interested in kids/marriage [for the next 5 years or so]...and I'd be more interested in having a lasting, proper relationship.
That's going to take practice... You don't want to be where you are today 15 years from now - I sure did not. And today I have a child I never knew I would have.
If you are single, be open to dating. ONS turn into marriages quite alot. Go to the gym, work on your mind and body... and also, you may meet a guy there.
As long as you are single, if an attractive man shows interests - go on a date. You won't known unless you go out and meet them.