Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 11:47 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
This is why women in their forties and fifties make the best lovers. They know what they like, what they want and they are long past being ashamed to ask for it. And more often than not, they are much more experienced, enthusiastic and adventurous. Mature women rock!
That usually comes from experience - not age. I've had to "teach" a few women in their 40's and one about 50 - about sex as their experience was only 2-3 guys. They never had a guy go downtown on them. I've done things to them in one night that their EX-husbands never did in 15~20 years of marriage. I can think of two "conservative housewives" who left their husbands in their late 40s and turned into total sex maniac machines - making up for lost time.

That said, the older women - once they got into oral sex as something that isn't gross or controlling or demeaning, were very good lovers.

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post #32 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 12:04 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

You are probably right that you aren't meeting people in the best places. I wonder if meeting say on a tour or a group backpacking trip or similar might work. Someplace where you can at first interact in a non-romantic, non-sexual situation that is still interesting. Then when its clear you are compatible in other ways move towards romance.

Actually my dating experience is very limited, married one of the first relationships I had.

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"Random" would not be the perfect word for my situation. I don't have one night stands and I don't sleep with anyone that comes my way.

But as I said previously in my posts, I should consider changing the places I go to. Bars, clubs, gym...are places where guys are also very self-centered and think about their pleasure most of the times. I don't want to judge as not everyone is the same, but I could be attracting to the wrong type of guys in those places.
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post #33 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 07:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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There's nothing wrong with you, lovely.


I have to admit, I did laugh once. I won't say who it was, but she farted during sex. I laughed so freakin' hard, my stomach hurt. Sorry, but I couldn't help it. Then, I hugged the hell out of her.............while chuckling a little.


I think I am a thirteen year old in an old man's body..................................
Well..farting is another thing. If I farted during sex, I would laugh too. As it's kind of embarrassing and funny at the same time...so I'd laugh at myself as well. Nothing wrong with that.

But making fun with OTHERS for a bad bed performance is totally different from your example. If my guy made fun of me behind my back with his guy-friends, then I'd be offended ..especially if I performed bad oral on him.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #34 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

TaDor, thanks for your thoughtful long post.

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Here is a fault you have: You said something like "I date a guy for a month before sex and it lasts a month or so". For relationships that don't go beyond sex - 1~3 months is typical. That is when people usually get bored. Most of those guys you kept at bay for a month - I have a secret for you. They likely got laid by someone else after the date with you or within a few days. You didn't get them to prove anything.
I've also thought that after a month of dating with no sex, the guy gets bored. But on the other hand, I don't feel like having sex with someone if I get turned off by certain things he says or does. It's like he shuts my sexual excitement down and sex goes off the list for me.

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I've had some dates go south - blah. I'd go to the club and have fun with others (sex may or may not happen) - but I'm going out. Hell, that is how I got a girlfriend 10 years ago. A 3some date got canceled - but I was already on the way. So I still went to the venue - meet a woman I liked a lot. No sex, we talked until the sun came up. I told the ladies the next day "I'm not interested anymore - I have feelings for someone I meet last night". They were bumbed but wished me well.
Interesting enough!

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My wife: We met at a club. Thought she was going to be a one night stand as we were having sex 2-3 hours after meeting. We talked daily and had our first date 2 days later. Engaged a few weeks later, married a few months later. We've been together for 6 years now. I've had sex with over 100 women (If I really think about it, I know its between 150~180 or so). I've never cheated on my wife.
You are kind of an exception to the rule. Usually, people who meet at the bar and have ONS, don't end up in a proper relationship, let alone marriage.
Does your wife compare with you about the number of partners she had before you?
Not that it matters much, though.

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Well... think of it as fishing. If you only date one man every 1~2 years, your net is tiny.
It is tiny because most men around me are mostly interested in sex only. When they approach me, it mostly gets sexual before I even think of anything emotional. When I feel that SEX is in the air, I simply leave and end up dating a guy a year when I see that he could be more than a sexual partner.

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If you want a kid - then you are going to be hitting that clock soon. I recommend 1-2 years of serious relationship with a boyfriend, then marriage (if you both want that) - spend another 2-3 years together to make sure you are compatible, have FUN with each other because Children are stress to a marriage and will be in the way of your relationship with your SO. Its generally best to have a kid before the age of 35... as 30+, each year becomes more of a challenge. 40+ starts becoming low-odds territory.
You make good points here and lay out a fair timeline to manage the relationship/marriage life properly.
Although, I'm not interested in kids/marriage [for the next 5 years or so]...and I'd be more interested in having a lasting, proper relationship.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #35 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:12 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Well..farting is another thing. If I farted during sex, I would laugh too. As it's kind of embarrassing and funny at the same time...so I'd laugh at myself as well. Nothing wrong with that.

But making fun with OTHERS for a bad bed performance is totally different from your example. If my guy made fun of me behind my back with his guy-friends, then I'd be offended ..especially if I performed bad oral on him.
Where are you finding these 'men'? How old are you? Maybe that's the issue? I guess you've had this happen since you've grown up? Seems really odd and I have actually had someone say something to me that was very hurtful in real life. It came from a younger woman. It came from some older women. They are really not the kind of women I'd date.

Maybe I always talked and dated them till I knew them before I slept with them? I think that's true and I probably lost some that left because I was too slow to jump into sex, for them. Screw them.

I'm not looking for someone different than I am, anyway. See how that works? Plus, I don't pride myself on my prowess in bed. I do the best I can. If it isn't good enough or I am not big enough, tough. We can go our own ways. Go ahead and talk about me.

There are so few I'd bother to sleep with, it would be tough to know if they are being truthful. I have less sex, but there are decisions to make and boundaries to be set and followed. There are consequences for my decisions and theirs. I don't know or care much about what theirs are. That's up to them to figure out. It's their life, and mine is mine.

I think you are worried way too much.

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post #36 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:13 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Hiii Band!!

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Let me ask you. Do you like a man who takes charge in the bedroom?
I'd love such man! I wouldn't mind taking charge too, but I'd love him to be in charge of the bedroom and I'd happily come long with him.

Why do you ask?

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #37 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Where are you finding these 'men'? How old are you? Maybe that's the issue?
29 years old. Hitting 30 in Nov.

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I guess you've had this happen since you've grown up? Seems really odd and I have actually had someone say something to me that was very hurtful in real life. It came from a younger woman. It came from some older women. They are really not the kind of women I'd date.
Back when I was 22, I was in a relationship for 9 months with a guy and his friend started making fun of the sex performance of his gf at the time ...and how she was not good at oral and how she was laying there like a dead fish.
What a jerk! He made those comments in front of ME - his friend's gf at the time - How evil can one be?

Also, when I was 25 I was dating a guy I gave oral to (we dated for 3 months) and he was the first and only to perform oral on. After I was done, I noticed he was looking at me at a certain..strange way..... and while performing oral I was thinking if he was liking it or not and what he might have been thinking..
Now I know it's wrong and I should have been concentrated on the act itself rather than on his opinion.

I mean, I felt a bit uncomfortable for that performance and I know I might not have have been the best...but I was embarrassed to ask him about that look on his face.
My fault, I know.

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I think you are worried way too much.
I am worried, because I've seen guys leave while those who remain want just sex.
On the other hand I have my own sexual needs that I'd love to share with someone IF he's interested in me for real.
I'm not the ONS type[although I don't judge those who are]...but I miss having sex and given the HD type that I think I am, I worry I might become LD once I go past 30s. I don't know what might happen to my body and my sexual desires which are at their peak now.[I feel like a teenager once again..]

I'm reading the book "Why men love Beetches" by Sherry Argov and I'm realizing some of my past mistakes..which have changed before I even started reading the book. I like the book so far and I'll share my thoughts here once I'm done with it.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #38 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:50 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

...

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"And this, too, shall pass away."

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post #39 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 10:50 AM
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Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

@lovelygirl are you affectionate and flirty when you have a new boyfriend? Are you safe and approachable by guys that aren't completely conceited but who might be a little shy? There are many things besides sex that will keep a quality guy interested,but he has to know that sex is at least a possibility.

Guys love to have their egos stroked and be admired. These are pretty common things that look for in any woman. It makes them feel like they might able to be a one and only for the woman and keeps them on the hook.

If you are affectionate and show interest and passion you can still slowly open the relationship to sexual aspects while the emotional connection grows.

Being specific, you can "start" things in places that won't allow completion - and include kissing, fondling, grinding... hj

I think it's ok to start some sexual interaction very early in a relationship so a guy knows he's not getting friendzoned or strung along. If you are a little sexual, then as he pushes you for more (which ALL guys will do) then you can simply say you find him attractive and sexy but just need a bit more time because you don't hop into bed with guys. Many guys (with their double standards) actually want to hear that (followed immediately by sex

Anyway I realize you probably know all this and you seem to already have your answer that you need better places to find guys. I just wanted to confirm a lot of guys will wait if you throw them a bone and are clear you find them sexy.

So where do all the good boys go? Try the grocery store. That's a great safe way to meet a guy - everyone eats and independent guys even shop. Loiter around a cute guy and see what he buys. You can always ask "are those any good" to start a conversation. Coffee shops - hang around and size up the regulars. Hardware stores - seriously - look a little helpless and the KISAs will come out to help.

In all cases you have to start the dialog but it's easier because you are doing it in the context of the place so it's not obvious you're hitting on a guy


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post #40 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 11:41 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

As FIP said, show some enthusiasm. Nothing else matters!
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post #41 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 12:42 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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My favorite Alpha TAMer!!



So glad to see you around!!!



I remember she was a virgin when you met her. What made you stay with her in the long run? Did you have sex with her after marriage or before?


It got better because I guess you were both good at communicating your needs to each other and appreciating the time spent together. It doesn't happen to every couple.


Finding a good match is keeping me from exploring sex even more, which I'd be more than willing to.
She wasn't a virgin but I was far more experienced than her. We had sex within 10 hours of meeting but that is a dynamic I wouldn't recommend for everyone. Every woman I was ever with sexually had her clothing off and eagerly ready as fast as she could get me to agree.

Mrs. Conan was not different in that respect. She just wanted a hot f**k. The difference was how I felt about her. I new the moment I saw her. She took convincing to develop feelings for me. I basically screwed her into submission or sexed her so much and well that she fell for me but she had my heart at first sight.

I knew from the first that she was it so the remainder of our lives just needed worked out. Our first kiss sealed it for sure. She held nothing back and I will swear that I could feel her womb open up during it! Probably something to that because the only time we had unprotected sex in 4 years was when she conceived our son.


Our sex got better immediately after the first time because we did communicate, me mostly drawing her out to tell me how to please her as I already knew how to be pleased with a woman.

We had sex somewhere between 30 and 50 times the first week and somewhere in the middle she started howling like a dog in a good way.

Reasons can be different for two people succeeding in a relationship.

She just wanted a good time and I was willing to give her the best time of her life while trying to win her heart.

She was in it for the sex while I was in it for love at the start.

That dynamic has changed and grown over the years.

I became more interested in sex and she became more interested in love with me.

It will always grow and change because all living things do. Our marriage is alive so our sex and other affections continue to change and grow.

Self realization and confidence are vital characteristics for anyone to succeed in romance.

Your internal makeup and development will give you the greatest results.

If you are strong in who you are, you will attract more than one acceptable mate. When you find him, go for it.

There are no hard and fast rules. I literally used my physical assets and seduction skills to overwhelm her into my life. No one else stood a chance against me in that arena and I knew it. Not fair?

I don't care. I successfully seduced her and made her mine using what I had.

I wasn't rich or successful. I was a heartthrob / bad boy that oozed raw sex appeal.

If I had money, I would have blown outrageous amounts in my play for her.

Whatever it took to win her is what I was willing to pay.

I was poor and sexy so I used what I had.

Sorry for getting a bit long here. Just trying to paint a more accurate image.
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post #42 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 03:42 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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I have to admit, I did laugh once. I won't say who it was, but she farted during sex. I laughed so freakin' hard, my stomach hurt. Sorry, but I couldn't help it. Then, I hugged the hell out of her.............while chuckling a little.
My future wife ripped a big fart the first time we had sex... she was horrified. I did the same thing, I laughed hard and hugged her - which made her laugh as well. I think that lasted a few minutes. It was something I thought was endearing about her.

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post #43 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 05:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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@lovelygirl are you affectionate and flirty when you have a new boyfriend? Are you safe and approachable by guys that aren't completely conceited but who might be a little shy? There are many things besides sex that will keep a quality guy interested,but he has to know that sex is at least a possibility.
I'm very flirty with someone I'm dating so no problems with that. But when sex is in the air and I feel it's too soon, I become detached...

As for shy guys, I'm not attracted to them. They turn me off so I don't bother approaching or even starting a conversation with them in the first place.

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Guys love to have their egos stroked and be admired. These are pretty common things that look for in any woman. It makes them feel like they might able to be a one and only for the woman and keeps them on the hook.
I don't stroke their egos all that much though. I don't want to feel as if I'm paying them too many compliments too soon.

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I think it's ok to start some sexual interaction very early in a relationship so a guy knows he's not getting friendzoned or strung along. If you are a little sexual, then as he pushes you for more (which ALL guys will do) then you can simply say you find him attractive and sexy but just need a bit more time because you don't hop into bed with guys. Many guys (with their double standards) actually want to hear that (followed immediately by sex
Ha! I remember one of the guys I was dating last year, showed his penis, in my car on our 4th date.
We had been exchanging kisses and sexual touches until our 3rd date, then on the 4th one he got in my car by saying he wanted to simply stay with me and while kissing, he wanted me to give him oral.
I said I wasn't ready for that and from that day never heard of him. [I mean...a few days later he started a conversation in whatsapp but I didn't reply back anymore...]
I don't regret it. In my terms, it was offensive and too soon.
So, I don't want to get too sexual with touches the way I did with that guy so that I don't create misconceptions.

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So where do all the good boys go? Try the grocery store. That's a great safe way to meet a guy - everyone eats and independent guys even shop. Loiter around a cute guy and see what he buys. You can always ask "are those any good" to start a conversation. Coffee shops - hang around and size up the regulars. Hardware stores - seriously - look a little helpless and the KISAs will come out to help.

Yeah, I'll try those places and I'll pretend like e need some help!

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #44 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:09 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Before I get into your replies. You call yourself "HD" sexually... how do you know that? Also, it's likely that you come across as LD - and that is something many men do no want.
In the *general* rules of dating. If there is an attraction - sex usually happens around date 3... after 5 dates, one or both parties are in exit mode. (Again - general rule - doesn't apply to everyone, but just how it works out for most) In my later years, the one TIME I took it slow because she is a "Christian girl" and I wanted more than sex... things sputtered out after the 3rd date. I could have had her on my 1 or 2nd date. I was too slow for her because I was not being myself.

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TaDor, thanks for your thoughtful long post.
I've also thought that after a month of dating with no sex, the guy gets bored. But on the other hand, I don't feel like having sex with someone if I get turned off by certain things he says or does. It's like he shuts my sexual excitement down and sex goes off the list for me.
Ever think that perhaps the guy gets turned off by things you do or say? I've had a woman say something very stupid or insulting on first night meeting and I'm turned off. Ha, one woman said she doesn't like getting oral. So I was done with her in that regard and changed direction to make my exit eventually leave without her noticing. But when you are in a relationship with someone - there is pretty much daily interactions which may be negative - you don't break up with someone from having a bad day. If having a guy who you are already having a sexual relationship with - turns you off by saying something... Perhaps the option is to NOT have boyfriends, just keep it sexual?

Women and men think differently. We trade sex for love and women trade love for sex. Yes, women are horny. And I've been manhandled by women for sex that I didn't know. I'll give advice based on what I know or learned from experience or that of others. This is why I recommended you talk to a sex therapist. I feel that you are OFF on the guys you may want/experience/etc.

Even thou I was sexually active in my early teens. I wasn't so active in my 20s because I wanted something more than just sex. I became shy and lost practice on talking to women. I've had people tell me "She is checking you out" all the time and I didn't know how to handle it - so I didn't talk or notice them. Years of no sex. Very limited dating. But one night I had a thought. I did NOT want to live this way anymore. Some of my geeky friends were 30~40+ yr old sexless or virgins. I started reading mens magazines liked Maxium to get ideas of what women liked and how men talked about women. I went to the gym to lose some pounds and work on my mind. I asked to go out clubing with a few female friends (no sexual attraction) and learn how to drink booze and dance because I had zero experience. It loosened me up, not OVER-THINK things as much. With that I started attracting women. I started talking to them. And I started having sex and getting into relationships.

Your post is concerned about wrong sex acts, or bad sex. Well, that takes practice. You know what ELSE I thought about before I changed myself? "What if I meet the right woman. What am I going to SAY to her if I cannot talk to her? If I have no experiences to work with, I would lose or chase her off. If I am a bad lover, that will likely make her go away".

It took over a year to work this into my head and body. I went from nothing, month after month to having sex, enjoying life, meeting people every weekend. Without those experiences, I wouldn't have ever met my wife, nor the previous girlfriends before her. Heartbreaks suck, but its better to have loved than to not love at all.

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You are kind of an exception to the rule. Usually, people who meet at the bar and have ONS, don't end up in a proper relationship, let alone marriage.
Does your wife compare with you about the number of partners she had before you? Not that it matters much, though.
As with the date with two women being canceled (we had already done 3somes, this was us going out to a dance club to be social, dance, drink etc) - you DON'T know where you may meet the person who could be "the one". I did NOT go out looking for a wife when I met her. Well, my wife noticed me before I noticed her. She had been going there for months every once in a while - compared to me being a regular. So she always saw me with different women and socializing with lots of people. The night I met her face to face, I kind of made myself go that night. The club was kind of dead that night and she said "hi". I'd like to correct my time from above. It felt like a few hours, but it had to be realistically 4~5 hours later we had sex. I kissed her the first time after 1-2 hours of talking and dancing. It was like no other before her. Eventually, I realized she had some jealousy issues of my sexual past - not by the numbers, but by ranking... "How do I compare". Some were more WILD than her, yes. But she turns me on like no other. She had thought that some things wrong about me because we needed more communication. But yeah, earlier on - she was concerned about doing things the right way - that she was doing right already.

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It is tiny because most men around me are mostly interested in sex only. When they approach me, it mostly gets sexual before I even think of anything emotional. When I feel that SEX is in the air, I simply leave and end up dating a guy a year when I see that he could be more than a sexual partner.
All MEN who are dating are intrested in SEX. ALL of US. When a woman says "yes" to going out on a date with someone... that means that she has already put SEX as being likely - after all, if you find the man to be a jerk/ repulsive or creepy in anyway - you are not going to be sexually turned on anyway. It's a matter of the guy sealing the deal.
Once the sex is happening, the man's true colors will start to show - he can relax... be more himself... this is the same for women too.

Its understandable you want to see a man as more than a sexual partner... but for men, we don't usually see women as more than a sexual partner until after the sex.

Quote:
You make good points here and lay out a fair timeline to manage the relationship/marriage life properly.
Although, I'm not interested in kids/marriage [for the next 5 years or so]...and I'd be more interested in having a lasting, proper relationship.
That's going to take practice... You don't want to be where you are today 15 years from now - I sure did not. And today I have a child I never knew I would have.
If you are single, be open to dating. ONS turn into marriages quite alot. Go to the gym, work on your mind and body... and also, you may meet a guy there.
As long as you are single, if an attractive man shows interests - go on a date. You won't known unless you go out and meet them.

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post #45 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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She wasn't a virgin but I was far more experienced than her. We had sex within 10 hours of meeting but that is a dynamic I wouldn't recommend for everyone. Every woman I was ever with sexually had her clothing off and eagerly ready as fast as she could get me to agree.
I'd have sex with a guy so soon if his ALPHA qualities combined with mutual attraction were VERY high.


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Mrs. Conan was not different in that respect. She just wanted a hot f**k. The difference was how I felt about her. I new the moment I saw her. She took convincing to develop feelings for me. I basically screwed her into submission or sexed her so much and well that she fell for me but she had my heart at first sight.
The underlined is what made the difference. I think it's chemistry.

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Our sex got better immediately after the first time because we did communicate, me mostly drawing her out to tell me how to please her as I already knew how to be pleased with a woman.
Interesting! She was straight-forward about her sexual pleasure.
(*taking notes*)

Quote:
She just wanted a good time and I was willing to give her the best time of her life while trying to win her heart.
She didn't pressure you in any way I guess. So you felt no suffocation to be emotionally connected to her.
(*notes*)

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She was in it for the sex while I was in it for love at the start.
(*duly noted*)

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I became more interested in sex and she became more interested in love with me.

It will always grow and change because all living things do. Our marriage is alive so our sex and other affections continue to change and grow.

Self realization and confidence are vital characteristics for anyone to succeed in romance.

Your internal makeup and development will give you the greatest results.

If you are strong in who you are, you will attract more than one acceptable mate. When you find him, go for it.

There are no hard and fast rules. I literally used my physical assets and seduction skills to overwhelm her into my life. No one else stood a chance against me in that arena and I knew it. Not fair?

I don't care. I successfully seduced her and made her mine using what I had.

I wasn't rich or successful. I was a heartthrob / bad boy that oozed raw sex appeal.

If I had money, I would have blown outrageous amounts in my play for her.

Whatever it took to win her is what I was willing to pay.

I was poor and sexy so I used what I had.
Beautiful!! Thanks for sharing the details!!!

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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