Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 06:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
Before I get into your replies. You call yourself "HD" sexually... how do you know that?
Because I pleasure myself every single day, at least 2-3 times a day?

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Also, it's likely that you come across as LD - and that is something many men do no want.
In the *general* rules of dating. If there is an attraction - sex usually happens around date 3... after 5 dates, one or both parties are in exit mode. (Again - general rule - doesn't apply to everyone, but just how it works out for most) In my later years, the one TIME I took it slow because she is a "Christian girl" and I wanted more than sex... things sputtered out after the 3rd date. I could have had her on my 1 or 2nd date. I was too slow for her because I was not being myself.
The reason why I don't start sex on the 2nd date is that I don't want it to take a sexual direction only, as well as I don't want the guy to think that I'm too easy for sex and that's it. I don't want to come across as a sex toy for him.

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Ever think that perhaps the guy gets turned off by things you do or say? I've had a woman say something very stupid or insulting on first night meeting and I'm turned off. Ha, one woman said she doesn't like getting oral. So I was done with her in that regard and changed direction to make my exit eventually leave without her noticing. But when you are in a relationship with someone - there is pretty much daily interactions which may be negative - you don't break up with someone from having a bad day.
I don't think I say stupid things and if the guy thinks I do, then it's his problem if he doesn't communicate his concern to me. Whenever I have a problem or something I don't like about the guy, I usually let him know about that.


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As with the date with two women being canceled (we had already done 3somes, this was us going out to a dance club to be social, dance, drink etc) - you DON'T know where you may meet the person who could be "the one". I did NOT go out looking for a wife when I met her. Well, my wife noticed me before I noticed her. She had been going there for months every once in a while - compared to me being a regular. So she always saw me with different women and socializing with lots of people. The night I met her face to face, I kind of made myself go that night. The club was kind of dead that night and she said "hi". I'd like to correct my time from above. It felt like a few hours, but it had to be realistically 4~5 hours later we had sex. I kissed her the first time after 1-2 hours of talking and dancing. It was like no other before her. Eventually, I realized she had some jealousy issues of my sexual past - not by the numbers, but by ranking... "How do I compare". Some were more WILD than her, yes. But she turns me on like no other. She had thought that some things wrong about me because we needed more communication. But yeah, earlier on - she was concerned about doing things the right way - that she was doing right already.
Interesting!

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All MEN who are dating are intrested in SEX. ALL of US. When a woman says "yes" to going out on a date with someone... that means that she has already put SEX as being likely - after all, if you find the man to be a jerk/ repulsive or creepy in anyway - you are not going to be sexually turned on anyway. It's a matter of the guy sealing the deal.
Once the sex is happening, the man's true colors will start to show - he can relax... be more himself... this is the same for women too.
Not always true. My friend had sex with a guy she always used to like for the past months but never got the chance to talk to him until he approached her first. They had drinks, went for dinner, had sex and he never called her back.
I don't want to go through that.

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Its understandable you want to see a man as more than a sexual partner... but for men, we don't usually see women as more than a sexual partner until after the sex.

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That'sgoing to take practice... at this rate, you may be getting good at it about age 50...
If you are single, be open to dating. ONS turn into marriages quite alot. Go to the gym, work on your mind and body... and also, you may meet a guy there.
As long as you are single, if an attractive man shows interests - go on a date. You won't known unless you go out and meet them.
I go to the gym 5 times a week and have been doing so for the past 6 years regularly. I take care of my body and appearance. I have many guy-friends at the gym [with some of them I'm more flirtatious..]
Now that I'm thinking, I have more guy-friends there than girls, and my gym is VERY popular and has many members.

At least 14 guys from there have asked me out on a date. Some of them married, others already in a relationship and others simply single. I've gone out with only 2 of them(single ones). With one of them had sex. The others were purely interested in sex by the comments they used to make about my body, (especially the lower body/legs].

Out of the guys that have asked me out, one of them still persists we date and possibly have sex. He has been explicit that he wants to lay me and f*ck me like no tomorrow... that he gets hard whenever he sees me and he wishes he could simply rape me if he has to. (Sorry for the details)
I know it's just sex and maybe he wants to get rid of his curiosity with me...so it doesn't impress me much.

I get lots of attention from guys at my gym and I know most of them look at me sexually. Nothing wrong with that, but not enough for me.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.

Last edited by lovelygirl; 03-05-2017 at 08:03 PM.
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post #47 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 10:32 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

I have never made fun of any woman I am intimate with.

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post #48 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 10:41 PM
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Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
I'm very flirty with someone I'm dating so no problems with that. But when sex is in the air and I feel it's too soon, I become detached...



As for shy guys, I'm not attracted to them. They turn me off so I don't bother approaching or even starting a conversation with them in the first place.





I don't stroke their egos all that much though. I don't want to feel as if I'm paying them too many compliments too soon.





Ha! I remember one of the guys I was dating last year, showed his penis, in my car on our 4th date.

We had been exchanging kisses and sexual touches until our 3rd date, then on the 4th one he got in my car by saying he wanted to simply stay with me and while kissing, he wanted me to give him oral.

I said I wasn't ready for that and from that day never heard of him. [I mean...a few days later he started a conversation in whatsapp but I didn't reply back anymore...]

I don't regret it. In my terms, it was offensive and too soon.

So, I don't want to get too sexual with touches the way I did with that guy so that I don't create misconceptions.







Yeah, I'll try those places and I'll pretend like e need some help!


Be careful that you're not sending mixed signals. Detaching when sex is in the air is a bad move IMO. To a guy that can mean he's been friendzoned and most guys will walk away because they don't need a hot girl they can't get with as a friend.

Be direct rather than detached. Let them know they aren't being friendzoned

Too many compliments too soon? That's impossible . Seriously, make sure you're not coming off as too cold.

I grew to know a woman at work about your age and found she really didn't date. She didn't know why she wasn't getting asked out. She was great... but she was raised in a hard urban environment and it showed. I told her she had to SMILE. Be approachable. You say guys hit on you but that at the gym and you've probably got a skin tight outfit on and they're probably horndogs. I don't know how you interact with guys outside the gym but be aware of what you're presenting.

Most guys will "cut their losses" but that really only means saving face. So if they see you detaching or avoiding intimacy they will dump you before being dumped.

So it could be that you just need to NOT detach but be clear and direct and let them know they're great (yep a compliment) and that you're just not ready but you're interested.




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post #49 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 03:46 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Because I pleasure myself every single day, at least 2-3 times a day?
That could be from coping with lack of intimacy. Are you considering a sex therapist (The same doc would also talk about relationship & dating issues)?

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The reason why I don't start sex on the 2nd date is that I don't want it to take a sexual direction only, as well as I don't want the guy to think that I'm too easy for sex and that's it. I don't want to come across as a sex toy for him.
Sorry, you won't know that - until he proves it with his actions. A guy telling a gal "I love you, so lets shag" does work with many women. I've never used "love" to get into a woman's panties.
A friend of mine dated this one woman for a year - about 1~2 times a month. She was "saving herself" and he was interested in her more than just sex. During that time, he likely had sex with 3~6 women a month. I don't know how his dates really go, of course. Look, you WANT sex, he wants sex... there are women who use men for sex too. Put it into perspective, you both get what you want.

You had posted about a guy pulling out his penis on the 4th date. I would agree with you that it was inappropriate for him to do so unless you had shown indications that YOU wanted him to do it.
You also posted much earlier about a friend talking about a woman who was like a dead fish. BOTH Men and women talk... don't take it personally. Some women are BAD at sex, they lay there - I don't know why (I've heard from other guys) but there are guys who are BAD too - pre-ejaculation or they last only 10 seconds then fall asleep. Or they don't go down, or they only go in and out.

What if you dated a guy for a month, then found out he was VERY bad in bed AND only had a 3" pencil thin penis? I HAPPENS.

((about me having sex with my wife before we dated))
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Not always true. My friend had sex with a guy she always used to like for the past months but never got the chance to talk to him until he approached her first. They had drinks, went for dinner, had sex and he never called her back. I don't want to go through that.
I didn't say it was always true. You can date a guy for 5 months, then finally have sex - then he dumps you. It could be because of bad sex or it was just a notch on his belt. There are players, there are lovers, there are all kinds of men and women out there. With dating experience, you kind of learn how to spot these signs. There are guys out there, who are straight up "I'm looking for NSA or casual dating" - which is a start. I have ZERO disrespect for any woman I ever had sex with. I don't look at them any lower for that. If they were stupid, a racist, a criminal - that would make me lose respect for them. Even when a woman was BAD at sex, I didn't insult them... I didn't return for seconds.

You can't control what someone else does. That guy who dated your friend. Maybe he didn't like her in bed - who knows.

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I go to the gym 5 times a week and have been doing so for the past 6 years regularly. I take care of my body and appearance. I have many guy-friends at the gym [with some of them I'm more flirtatious..] at least 14 guys from there have asked me out on a date. Some of them married, others already in a relationship and others simply single. I've gone out with only 2 of them(single ones). With one of them had sex.
Cool. And points for not dating married ones. I check out the nice looking ones at the gym - I usually then think "Wish my wife was at the gym" - I've never asked for a date at the gym... Don't poop where you eat type of thing pretty much. Also, I'm there for the workout.

It'll always come down to this... you want to be in a relationship and have intimate sex... you're going to have to go hunting. Masturbation doesn't make you a master of sex.

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post #50 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 08:00 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Hiii Band!!



I'd love such man! I wouldn't mind taking charge too, but I'd love him to be in charge of the bedroom and I'd happily come long with him.

Why do you ask?
Well, maybe this is the issue. Sometimes a wife needs her husband to lead in the bedroom. I wonder if this may be some of your frustration.
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post #51 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 08:27 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Well..farting is another thing. If I farted during sex, I would laugh too. As it's kind of embarrassing and funny at the same time...so I'd laugh at myself as well. Nothing wrong with that.

But making fun with OTHERS for a bad bed performance is totally different from your example. If my guy made fun of me behind my back with his guy-friends, then I'd be offended ..especially if I performed bad oral on him.
Queefing....
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post #52 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:39 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Firs off, I don't have sex with all the guys that I date.

Second off, the sex comes after a month or two months of dating.

Third, some already leave because they can't wait a month or two to have sex.
You wrote that the guys you have dated are mostly interested in just having sex. If they are dating you for one and two months prior to sex, then that doesn't seem to be the case.
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post #53 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 05:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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That could be from coping with lack of intimacy. Are you considering a sex therapist (The same doc would also talk about relationship & dating issues)?
I don't know if we have any sex therapist here Albania. So I don't know if I'll see anyone anytime soon.
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Sorry, you won't know that - until he proves it with his actions. A guy telling a gal "I love you, so lets shag" does work with many women. I've never used "love" to get into a woman's panties.
A friend of mine dated this one woman for a year - about 1~2 times a month. She was "saving herself" and he was interested in her more than just sex. During that time, he likely had sex with 3~6 women a month. I don't know how his dates really go, of course. Look, you WANT sex, he wants sex... there are women who use men for sex too. Put it into perspective, you both get what you want.
Living in small country like Albania, having sex just for fun makes the word be spread all over the country and I wouldn't want that reputation over here. If I were to live in the States, I wouldn't mind it maybe.

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You had posted about a guy pulling out his penis on the 4th date. I would agree with you that it was inappropriate for him to do so unless you had shown indications that YOU wanted him to do it.
We had been making out a few times. He used to do some groping on me in public places. Although I like the sexual touch, I prefer it in private. He thought we'd do it privately in my car, which by my standards was not the right time.

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You also posted much earlier about a friend talking about a woman who was like a dead fish. BOTH Men and women talk... don't take it personally. Some women are BAD at sex, they lay there - I don't know why (I've heard from other guys) but there are guys who are BAD too - pre-ejaculation or they last only 10 seconds then fall asleep. Or they don't go down, or they only go in and out.
Yeah, I agree. Just like there are bad women in bend, there are bad guy as well.

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What if you dated a guy for a month, then found out he was VERY bad in bed AND only had a 3" pencil thin penis? I HAPPENS.
True but dating for a month is not a waste time IMO. I'd say 4 months would be a wasted time.

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I didn't say it was always true. You can date a guy for 5 months, then finally have sex - then he dumps you. It could be because of bad sex or it was just a notch on his belt. There are players, there are lovers, there are all kinds of men and women out there. With dating experience, you kind of learn how to spot these signs. There are guys out there, who are straight up "I'm looking for NSA or casual dating" - which is a start. I have ZERO disrespect for any woman I ever had sex with. I don't look at them any lower for that. If they were stupid, a racist, a criminal - that would make me lose respect for them. Even when a woman was BAD at sex, I didn't insult them... I didn't return for seconds.

You can't control what someone else does. That guy who dated your friend. Maybe he didn't like her in bed - who knows.
Agreed.

Cool. And points for not dating married ones. I check out the nice looking ones at the gym - I usually then think "Wish my wife was at the gym" - I've never asked for a date at the gym... Don't poop where you eat type of thing pretty much. Also, I'm there for the workout.

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It'll always come down to this... you want to be in a relationship and have intimate sex... you're going to have to go hunting. Masturbation doesn't make you a master of sex.
I didn't imply I'm a master of sex. I was just saying that I have strong sexual desires which I release through self-pleasure. It's a relief to know that at least I'm not LD.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #54 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 10:04 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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I don't know if we have any sex therapist here Albania. So I don't know if I'll see anyone anytime soon.
With a population of 2.7 Million people... there are therapists. You are going to need to find them the same way you would find other types of doctors.

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Living in small country like Albania, having sex just for fun makes the word be spread all over the country and I wouldn't want that reputation over here. If I were to live in the States, I wouldn't mind it maybe.
Hmmm so guys can sleep around and not get into trouble? Unless you are having sex in public on the back of an open-truck... who is going to know? Even in small towns with a few thousand people in the states - people don't know the sex lives of everyone... I bet if you loaded up tinder (to LOOK) - you'll find lots of GUYS looking for guys...

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We had been making out a few times. He used to do some groping on me in public places. Although I like the sexual touch, I prefer it in private. He thought we'd do it privately in my car, which by my standards was not the right time.
That is fine... your call. Car sex is kind of fun - but might as well make the first time a bed... or at least a couch. He can pay for a hotel room

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I didn't imply I'm a master of sex. I was just saying that I have strong sexual desires which I release through self-pleasure. It's a relief to know that at least I'm not LD.
Hence the therapist or books on sexuality would be helpful.
Start here: https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n...nid=2941120011

(US website, so locate books for local sources - or order international)

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post #55 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 11:20 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Here is the thing ... if performing oral on your partner isn't even more enjoyable to you and turning you on, then your not going to be any good at it and be able to read his body and the signals it's giving you when something you did feels real good.
Men can tell when ladies are giving them a BJ because they feel like they have to and not because they want to.

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post #56 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:38 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Any guy who'd make fun of a woman for something that happened (or didn't) during sex is an a-hole. You should never worry about that sort of thing. And if a guy DID make fun of you, a swift knee to the nads will end that.
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post #57 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 01:17 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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I am of the firm belief that all that matters for sex is a honest desire to please. What specific techniques people want vary a lot anyway, so no amount of knowledge is going to make someone a perfect lover. If your partner is also a good lover, then they will guide / hint you towards what they enjoy while paying attention to any hints that you give about what you would like.

There are obnoxious people out there who will complain. All I can say is that if it happens, be glad you learned about them early in the relationship.

Anyone who complains about a partners sexual technique deserves to be shown the door - or window if its closer and your not above the 3rd floor.
A MAN wouldn't. But a kid? He might.

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post #58 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 11:03 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

I didn't read everything, but as others have mentioned be confident, enthusiastic, and have fun.

I don't know where you are from but most guys will split if you don't give them some P.

Go out and have fun and have sex! You haven't had any since 2014 it's time to knock the dust off that.

As far as sleeping around don't let these people on TAM tell you that it's not okay. Just make sure you use common sense and stay protected.

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post #59 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 06:24 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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I have communicated this to the guy and they probably took it as offensive and decided to leave. I wanted to be sincere by letting them know that oral is something I'd do in a stable / emotional relationship and if I don't see that emotional connection with the guy, I'm not giving any oral. I know it could be a deal breaker, but I'm not changing my standards unless a guy is worth of me doing so.
My 2 cents - I think this is off-putting for a guy not because you won't give oral right away, but because you're basically telling him he's not worthy of you giving him oral at that moment, and that he has to work for it. But actual sex is totally on the table in the meantime.

I get that you don't date or have sex a lot, so you don't "sleep around". But as you've said yourself, you seem to wind up dating these guys that, in your words, only want sex. Well, the reality is that the degree of sexual interest is often quite higher than normal at the very beginning of a relationship. The initial attraction is there, and yes, it's an important part of a relationship for most people, therefore they want to see if there's a match in that area, as well as many others.

Yes, some men (and women) are only interested in the sex. My advice - don't sleep with them until you're comfortable they're interested in other things. Or better, don't sleep with them until you're comfortable enough to give them oral sex.

You'll avoid having that awkward conversation about not giving oral sex to a guy until there's an 'emotional connection', which will likely only confuse him. It would confuse me. I wouldn't understand why somebody would sleep with me, yet not perform oral sex until they trust me.

It's a balancing act. You're saying one thing, but acting in a different way, IMO. You want that emotional connection with a man, and you want a man who's not simply interested in sex. So take time to develop that emotional connection first. If they clearly can't wait til you do, then move on.

Also, date more Instead of dating once per year, go out on as many dates as you can manage. But sleep with them only if/when you're comfortable. I find it hard to believe you'll have much success finding a long-term partner if you only date one guy a year

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post #60 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 06:38 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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"Random" would not be the perfect word for my situation. I don't have one night stands and I don't sleep with anyone that comes my way.

But as I said previously in my posts, I should consider changing the places I go to. Bars, clubs, gym...are places where guys are also very self-centered and think about their pleasure most of the times. I don't want to judge as not everyone is the same, but I could be attracting to the wrong type of guys in those places.
I totally agree with this! There are a few people on TAM who I know met at bars or whatever, and wound up getting married, but by and large, these are places where people go to hook up.

A general rule of thumb (for women, mainly, and this is speaking as a guy) - if you're at one of the above mentioned places and a guy approaches you, he's almost certainly not looking for an LTR or marriage. He's probably looking to take you home that night, but barring that, at least get your number for some future good times. If this includes going on a date or two in order to get that, most dudes will accept that (and probably keep hunting that night for something, as well... And if they're unlucky, well, at least they got your number, so that's something). That's just the way it is. Just because you don't go home with them right away doesn't mean they won't put in a little work later on, should you have shown them some interest.

I wouldn't put much stock in finding "the one" in one of those locations. It absolutely happens, yes, but we're all old enough to know that those places are used for other types of relationships.

I would hazard a guess and say that the majority of LTR's and eventual marriages are formed through ones social circles, primarily. Online dating and the workplace are right up there, too. And online dating notwithstanding, most are formed over time.

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