Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 07:28 AM
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Cool Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
So..in reference to another thread in the "Sex" department where I posted, I thought I'd ask men (women are welcomed as well) over something that has been bothering me lately. I used to be more careless at a younger age...but now something has changed...

I'm 29, haven't really had any stable (or lasting) relationship. I've dated guys for 1-2 months and then it was over. The only lasting relationship that I had was 9 months (but with no sex at all and it was my first relationship when I was around 22).

With some of the guys that I've dated, I've had an OK sex [as I wasn't in love with any of them and I didn't feel comfortable.] These guys were interested ONLY in sex and given that I've always wanted more than that, I stopped seeing them. Also, I wouldn't give them any oral sex as I didn't consider them emotionally close to me. I see giving/receiving oral VERY intimate and I'd like to share it with someone that I'm in an exclusive relationship. So, out of all the guys that I've dated, I've given oral only to one guy...a couple of years ago. (Don't ask me why I date guys who want just sex. I actually want a stable relationship, but for some reason I always end up with the wrong guys... )

I think I am HD and If I could, I'd have no problem having sex everyday, I like to experiment with positions, I like to talk about sex and do things very openly with my partner.

The only problem that I've been having lately is what the guy might think of how I perform in sex with him. Am I good/bad? What he thinks....etc.
A few months ago I dated a guy who was into BSDM. He said he was very experienced in this type of sex but I was hesitant to have sex with him in the first place, as I didn't feel confident I'd satisfy him enough, starting even from oral [which for him was the minimum].
I was afraid he'd make fun of me for not performing right in the bedroom so I let him go at all. We went out several times and he was expecting us to try things, but then I didn't feel comfortable and ended things with him.

Unless I find someone stable, I feel like I will remain sexless out of fear for being considered "inexperienced" compared to the guys/girls of my age. Plus, I'm tired of meaningless dating. I want something real.
I swear, if I had a stable partner, I wouldn't mind giving him any kind of pleasure, although I know I need some more practice.

Were there times that you dated a girl you thought would be a "beast" in bed but turned out to be the opposite?
Did you make fun of her (in your mind?)
Did you feel disappointed?
Did you comment it with your friends?

These are my concerns. Probably, you'd make fun of them too haha..
Sex is foremostly about communication with each other, learning about each other's bodies and sexual psyches, in helping to make all of the aspects of participative sex with your lover so much more enriching and meaningful!

Unless their occasional chiding is done within the bounds of a reciprocating, loving, jesting and teasing manner, whether be they a man or a woman, or HD, MD, or LD, there is absolutely no real basis for it in a mutually loving relationship!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 03-20-2017 at 07:36 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #62 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 07:37 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
So..in reference to another thread in the "Sex" department where I posted, I thought I'd ask men (women are welcomed as well) over something that has been bothering me lately. I used to be more careless at a younger age...but now something has changed...

I'm 29, haven't really had any stable (or lasting) relationship. I've dated guys for 1-2 months and then it was over. The only lasting relationship that I had was 9 months (but with no sex at all and it was my first relationship when I was around 22).

With some of the guys that I've dated, I've had an OK sex [as I wasn't in love with any of them and I didn't feel comfortable.] These guys were interested ONLY in sex and given that I've always wanted more than that, I stopped seeing them. Also, I wouldn't give them any oral sex as I didn't consider them emotionally close to me. I see giving/receiving oral VERY intimate and I'd like to share it with someone that I'm in an exclusive relationship. So, out of all the guys that I've dated, I've given oral only to one guy...a couple of years ago. (Don't ask me why I date guys who want just sex. I actually want a stable relationship, but for some reason I always end up with the wrong guys... )

I think I am HD and If I could, I'd have no problem having sex everyday, I like to experiment with positions, I like to talk about sex and do things very openly with my partner.

The only problem that I've been having lately is what the guy might think of how I perform in sex with him. Am I good/bad? What he thinks....etc.
A few months ago I dated a guy who was into BSDM. He said he was very experienced in this type of sex but I was hesitant to have sex with him in the first place, as I didn't feel confident I'd satisfy him enough, starting even from oral [which for him was the minimum].
I was afraid he'd make fun of me for not performing right in the bedroom so I let him go at all. We went out several times and he was expecting us to try things, but then I didn't feel comfortable and ended things with him.

Unless I find someone stable, I feel like I will remain sexless out of fear for being considered "inexperienced" compared to the guys/girls of my age. Plus, I'm tired of meaningless dating. I want something real.
I swear, if I had a stable partner, I wouldn't mind giving him any kind of pleasure, although I know I need some more practice.

Were there times that you dated a girl you thought would be a "beast" in bed but turned out to be the opposite?
Did you make fun of her (in your mind?)
Did you feel disappointed?
Did you comment it with your friends?

These are my concerns. Probably, you'd make fun of them too haha..
Please please please stop dating men like that. Try and find a guy with good moral values and integrity who will treat you with love and respect.
If you tell any guy that you will not have sex with them until/if things get very serious, then you will get rid of the bad ones and keep the good.
When you meet the love of your life, you wont even have to worry about what he thinks, you will love each other and whatever you do with be out of love and acceptance.
Dont do anything that you are not completely comfortable with and save sex for when you are truly in love and committed. Don't let yourself be used and taken advantage of.
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post #63 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 04:19 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

There are real expectations in life. Every person has a right to their own bodies (well, they should anyway) - but you can't expect everyone to go along with it, when it comes to dating.

Nature made us different. Men express love by wanting to have sex with you. Women give sex when they feel there is love from another person.

lovelygirl, have you attempted or started seeing a relationship & sexual therapist? Again: I think its wrong for some of those guys demand a BJ from you the way you have discribed... sure, some women do that. But I feel that you are imposing rules against yourself... You are HD, but you keep guys at a distance until you think they want more than just sex from you.

When you make a GUY work that much to get to 3rd or home base - that is too much work. It's been over two years since you LAST had sex. But you want sex. So you are hurting yourself.
If I was a guy and knew its been 2+ years - I'd be cautious. Like any skills, doing things help you get better. Having limited sex with others may hurt your quality and quantity. A guy's brain "What if I love this woman, but she only allows me to MAKE love to her once every 2-6 months? What if she'll only be sexual for the first few months or unless we get married - then its downhill from there?" It happens.

By putting a guy off for 1~3 months to "test him", you are hurting his desire for you. Look at your past, HOW successful are you with a LTR with a man? If it worked, then your last few guys you had sex with - would have lasted years. But instead, those relationships have died in a few months. Thus, I highly recommend you get help from a professional.

Yes, I had sex a few hours after I kissed my wife the first night a met her. Guess what I remember the most from that night? Was it the 2 hours of hard sex? Was it making out in the club? Was it the playing with her body while I drove to my place? Was it the blowjob in the car? No. None of that. What I remember the most, after all these years... was looking into her eyes and giving her a passionate and real KISS that she returned. That is it... burned into my brain.

All guys have sex on the brain. If they are a player or get tired of doing the work - they'll some around if they have nothing else going on - use you for practice, with no expectations for sex. There is no way you are going to know. You could have sex with someone for months and not know their true attentions. Also, by keeping yourself CLOSE OFF from them - by your own choice - even thou you desire them... you are not being true to yourself either, are you? You are testing someone else.

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post #64 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 04:22 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Somewhere - there was an article I read about a professional burlesque dancer - who was in her late 40s - maybe 50yrs old. A virgin. She is saving herself for marriage. Her husband must be of a certain character and must make a 6 figure salary or more. She will die a virgin.

If a guy is a millionaire, 50 years old and single. He's going to go fishing for women in their 20s~30s. He won't waste 3 seconds with someone like her.

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post #65 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 06:04 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
There are real expectations in life. Every person has a right to their own bodies (well, they should anyway) - but you can't expect everyone to go along with it, when it comes to dating.

Nature made us different. Men express love by wanting to have sex with you. Women give sex when they feel there is love from another person.

lovelygirl, have you attempted or started seeing a relationship & sexual therapist? Again: I think its wrong for some of those guys demand a BJ from you the way you have discribed... sure, some women do that. But I feel that you are imposing rules against yourself... You are HD, but you keep guys at a distance until you think they want more than just sex from you.

When you make a GUY work that much to get to 3rd or home base - that is too much work. It's been over two years since you LAST had sex. But you want sex. So you are hurting yourself.
If I was a guy and knew its been 2+ years - I'd be cautious. Like any skills, doing things help you get better. Having limited sex with others may hurt your quality and quantity. A guy's brain "What if I love this woman, but she only allows me to MAKE love to her once every 2-6 months? What if she'll only be sexual for the first few months or unless we get married - then its downhill from there?" It happens.

By putting a guy off for 1~3 months to "test him", you are hurting his desire for you. Look at your past, HOW successful are you with a LTR with a man? If it worked, then your last few guys you had sex with - would have lasted years. But instead, those relationships have died in a few months. Thus, I highly recommend you get help from a professional.

Yes, I had sex a few hours after I kissed my wife the first night a met her. Guess what I remember the most from that night? Was it the 2 hours of hard sex? Was it making out in the club? Was it the playing with her body while I drove to my place? Was it the blowjob in the car? No. None of that. What I remember the most, after all these years... was looking into her eyes and giving her a passionate and real KISS that she returned. That is it... burned into my brain.

All guys have sex on the brain. If they are a player or get tired of doing the work - they'll some around if they have nothing else going on - use you for practice, with no expectations for sex. There is no way you are going to know. You could have sex with someone for months and not know their true attentions. Also, by keeping yourself CLOSE OFF from them - by your own choice - even thou you desire them... you are not being true to yourself either, are you? You are testing someone else.
I couldn't disagree with this more. If a man isn't prepared to wait just a few weeks/months for sex to see if the relationship lasts and gets stronger then what does that say about him and how he sees women and relationships. I would have no respect for such a man and would know that he wasn't the man for me or worth wasting my time on.
If I met a man who had been 2 years since he had had sex, I would think, hurray, a man who doesn't sleep around. I would have so much more respect for him.
Many of us still want a close loving relationship before we think of sex.
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post #66 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 06:05 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Somewhere - there was an article I read about a professional burlesque dancer - who was in her late 40s - maybe 50yrs old. A virgin. She is saving herself for marriage. Her husband must be of a certain character and must make a 6 figure salary or more. She will die a virgin.

If a guy is a millionaire, 50 years old and single. He's going to go fishing for women in their 20s~30s. He won't waste 3 seconds with someone like her.
I admire her, apart from her wanting a 6 figure salary.
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post #67 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:55 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

You can't meet a guy at the gym?

I agree with TaDor. 3-5 dates...after that sex.

Guys want sex, and putting way to much effort in can be costly. Going to dinner, movies, and all that other fun stuff.

A long time ago I played the nice guy role and waited to have sex with this girl. Over a course of 4-6 month I wasted hours of time and money. We had sex and it was horrible, and we never talked again. If we didn't beat around the bush (pun intended...lol) and had sex earlier we both could've saved time and my money.

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post #68 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:16 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
So..in reference to another thread in the "Sex" department where I posted, I thought I'd ask men (women are welcomed as well) over something that has been bothering me lately. I used to be more careless at a younger age...but now something has changed...

I'm 29, haven't really had any stable (or lasting) relationship. I've dated guys for 1-2 months and then it was over. The only lasting relationship that I had was 9 months (but with no sex at all and it was my first relationship when I was around 22).

With some of the guys that I've dated, I've had an OK sex [as I wasn't in love with any of them and I didn't feel comfortable.] These guys were interested ONLY in sex and given that I've always wanted more than that, I stopped seeing them. Also, I wouldn't give them any oral sex as I didn't consider them emotionally close to me. I see giving/receiving oral VERY intimate and I'd like to share it with someone that I'm in an exclusive relationship. So, out of all the guys that I've dated, I've given oral only to one guy...a couple of years ago. (Don't ask me why I date guys who want just sex. I actually want a stable relationship, but for some reason I always end up with the wrong guys... )
If the sex isn't doing it for you, or the sex is uncomfortable or you weren't into them or attracted to them. Then the best thing you can do given those experiences, is just let them go.

If you don't want to offer oral sex absent sexual exclusivity, then don't offer oral sex.

As to picking the wrong men, check your picker.

If you keep choosing the same thing, you will keep getting the same thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
I think I am HD and If I could, I'd have no problem having sex everyday, I like to experiment with positions, I like to talk about sex and do things very openly with my partner.

The only problem that I've been having lately is what the guy might think of how I perform in sex with him. Am I good/bad? What he thinks....etc.
Instead of worrying about how you will perform, perhaps you will be better served by wanting sex for your own pleasure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
A few months ago I dated a guy who was into BSDM. He said he was very experienced in this type of sex but I was hesitant to have sex with him in the first place, as I didn't feel confident I'd satisfy him enough, starting even from oral [which for him was the minimum].
I was afraid he'd make fun of me for not performing right in the bedroom so I let him go at all. We went out several times and he was expecting us to try things, but then I didn't feel comfortable and ended things with him.
If you weren't comfortable, then ending it was the best thing. If it doesn't feel right, it's not likely you're going to enjoy it that much.

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Unless I find someone stable, I feel like I will remain sexless out of fear for being considered "inexperienced" compared to the guys/girls of my age. Plus, I'm tired of meaningless dating. I want something real.
I swear, if I had a stable partner, I wouldn't mind giving him any kind of pleasure, although I know I need some more practice.
If you let your fears overwhelm you, you might remain sexless. On the other hand if you overcome your fear and seek what you desire, you are far more likely to remove the inexperience that feeds some of your fears.

When it comes to sharing sex, comparing yourself to others is a fools errand. Even if you do some of the same things together, while ever all of us have our own idiosyncrasies. Your shared sexual experiences will remain unique to you and your respective partners.

If you pick men that want you and what you want, you are likely to get a stable partner. That said you should not forget that your sexual pleasure, is just as important as the pleasure of your sexual partners. So I encourage you not to settle for less.

That said if you just want to have sex with someone for pleasures sake you should do exactly that, while keeping your pleasure at the front of your mind.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Were there times that you dated a girl you thought would be a "beast" in bed but turned out to be the opposite?
No I've never presumed any woman is anything at all in bed. The nice thing about sharing sex with a woman in the beginning of any sexual relationship, is discovering them and finding out if you work well together.

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Did you make fun of her (in your mind?)
I've never made fun of any woman in my mind, nor have I ever thought poorly of her with respect to having sex with me or anyone else for that matter. Regardless of our sexual compatibility, how well we fit and or how skilled they were.

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Did you feel disappointed?
On some occasions I have had sex with women that I have found to be sexually disappointing for various reasons. Yet that didn't mean they weren't special, or even bad at sex, all it meant was we we weren't a good sexual match.

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
Did you comment it with your friends?
No I haven't made any comment to friends about any women sexually that I have been with (it's not their business), except in this space here with no mention of their names as an anony-moose poster.

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
These are my concerns. Probably, you'd make fun of them too haha..
Not making fun at all.

Last edited by Personal; 03-20-2017 at 11:21 PM.
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post #69 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:17 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
I couldn't disagree with this more. If a man isn't prepared to wait just a few weeks/months for sex to see if the relationship lasts and gets stronger then what does that say about him and how he sees women and relationships.
It says that sex is important to him, he enjoys it and is not inclined to waste his time when pursuing sexual relationships.

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
I would have no respect for such a man and would know that he wasn't the man for me or worth wasting my time on.
I think it's a waste of time to share my love with someone who is sexually incompatible, doesn't connect well sexually, doesn't fit right and or is rubbish at sex.

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
If I met a man who had been 2 years since he had had sex, I would think, hurray, a man who doesn't sleep around. I would have so much more respect for him.
I don't think there's anything wrong in adults not having sex for a long time, just as I don't think there's anything wrong in adults having frequent sex with a smorgasbord of consenting sexual partners.

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
Many of us still want a close loving relationship before we think of sex.
On the other hand many of us want close loving sexual relationships that feature a kaleidoscope of tremendous sex. Which is why we share sex during the beginning of a sexual relationship, lest we waste our time falling in love with someone who does nothing for us sexually.

In addition to the desire to vet people sexually, in my experience if a potential sexual relationship doesn't feature sex early on, it always ends up becoming no more than a platonic relationship. Which negates the whole point of pursuing a potential sexual relationship. So considering what has worked for me versus what hasn't, sexual relationships that see sex occur early on are the only kind I will ever bother pursuing.
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post #70 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:46 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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I admire her, apart from her wanting a 6 figure salary.
She has the right to be a virgin... no issue. It's silly and sad FOR her that she has likely thrown away her life because of a false self-value. She wants to get married, be in love, etc - but goes about it quite wrong. So she has no love, no children, no nothing... but she only wants THE BEST. He must be a certain way, exact values with a big wallet. So she's about 50yrs old - has nothing. She pays her bills, but by all means - she'll never get her hooks into a millionaire. She is way past her prime.

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post #71 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 12:17 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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It says that sex is important to him, he enjoys it and is not inclined to waste his time when pursuing sexual relationships.



I think it's a waste of time to share my love with someone who is sexually incompatible, doesn't connect well sexually, doesn't fit right and or is rubbish at sex.



I don't think there's anything wrong in adults not having sex for a long time, just as I don't think there's anything wrong in adults having frequent sex with a smorgasbord of consenting sexual partners.



On the other hand many of us want close loving sexual relationships that feature a kaleidoscope of tremendous sex. Which is why we share sex during the beginning of a sexual relationship, lest we waste our time falling in love with someone who does nothing for us sexually.

In addition to the desire to vet people sexually, in my experience if a potential sexual relationship doesn't feature sex early on, it always ends up becoming no more than a platonic relationship. Which negates the whole point of pursuing a potential sexual relationship. So considering what has worked for me versus what hasn't, sexual relationships that see sex occur early on are the only kind I will ever bother pursuing.
I know so many good happy marriages where the couple didnt have sex for ages or not till they married. Sex can be worked on once you have the right partner. Its not all about sex at the beginning and how 'good or 'bad' that was, its what it can become with time and sharing and effort. My husband has never had sex outside his first marriage and our marriage. I love and respect him for that and we have a great sex life which gets better and better. If he had pressured me for sex early I would have left. In fact I wouldn't have dated him at all if he he had had many partners.
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post #72 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 12:18 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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She has the right to be a virgin... no issue. It's silly and sad FOR her that she has likely thrown away her life because of a false self-value. She wants to get married, be in love, etc - but goes about it quite wrong. So she has no love, no children, no nothing... but she only wants THE BEST. He must be a certain way, exact values with a big wallet. So she's about 50yrs old - has nothing. She pays her bills, but by all means - she'll never get her hooks into a millionaire. She is way past her prime.
Not all men are obsessed with younger women.
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post #73 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 12:18 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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I couldn't disagree with this more. If a man isn't prepared to wait just a few weeks/months for sex to see if the relationship lasts and gets stronger then what does that say about him and how he sees women and relationships. I would have no respect for such a man and would know that he wasn't the man for me or worth wasting my time on.
If I met a man who had been 2 years since he had had sex, I would think, hurray, a man who doesn't sleep around. I would have so much more respect for him.
Many of us still want a close loving relationship before we think of sex.
The OP, lovelygirl : is a 29yr old woman - who hasn't had much luck in the romance dept. Apparently is quite attractive - but not able to get what she wants. Dating a few times every year or so is NOT how you go about getting into a serious relationship. Most men in their 20s~30s *ARE NOT* going to wait 2~3 months to get laid. There *IS* no way for her to know they are not getting laid on the side - which is more likely than not. If she views sex as a dirty thing - she'll remain stuck. You seem to think that its your way or no way. I don't agree with your opinion - but it may work for some people... and by all it means it does.

Most women will not touch a man who hasn't gotten laid a long time - much less a 40yr old virgin. His behaviour will tend to be that of a novice - and will not score dates much less get laid. If that is the kind of man a woman wants - she should advertise that "Wanted: Virgin male 27~37 years old" or something.

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post #74 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 12:24 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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The OP, lovelygirl : is a 29yr old woman - who hasn't had much luck in the romance dept. Apparently is quite attractive - but not able to get what she wants. Dating a few times every year or so is NOT how you go about getting into a serious relationship. Most men in their 20s~30s *ARE NOT* going to wait 2~3 months to get laid. There *IS* no way for her to know they are not getting laid on the side - which is more likely than not. If she views sex as a dirty thing - she'll remain stuck. You seem to think that its your way or no way. I don't agree with your opinion - but it may work for some people... and by all it means it does.

Most women will not touch a man who hasn't gotten laid a long time - much less a 40yr old virgin. His behaviour will tend to be that of a novice - and will not score dates much less get laid. If that is the kind of man a woman wants - she should advertise that "Wanted: Virgin male 27~37 years old" or something.
And many women wouldnt want a man who had slept with many women.
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post #75 of 129 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 12:31 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
I know so many good happy marriages where the couple didnt have sex for ages or not till they married. Sex can be worked on once you have the right partner. Its not all about sex at the beginning and how 'good or 'bad' that was, its what it can become with time and sharing and effort. My husband has never had sex outside his first marriage and our marriage. I love and respect him for that and we have a great sex life which gets better and better. If he had pressured me for sex early I would have left. In fact I wouldn't have dated him at all if he he had had many partners.
I know a lot of happy marriages where couples didn't wait.. and again - you are on our 2nd marriage. So if your rules about sex and marriage apply - then you never would have gotten a divorced the first time. "Sex can be worked on afterwards"? What if that is not possible? Skipping sex is part of the vetting process. And if a person only had sex with 1-2 people, how would they KNOW good sex from bad sex? More women, than men - get married into bad sexual relationships. What if he's bad at it? What if he wants oral sex, but would never go down on a nasty woman? What if he wants anal... done to him? What if his penis is TOO big? 11" of man meat? Or what if he has a 2" pencil? What if she looks odd down there? What if he doesn't like the shape of her nipples? What if he has a right-nut that looks very strange or his penis points to the left and is uncut - so it punches her in a spot that hurts? But perhaps for another woman - would not have been an issue? What if either of them has an aroma that doesn't work? I particularly like the smell of my wife's sweat.

You can have sex without being pressured... why should expressing love through sexual interaction be acts of aggression?

Quote:
Not all men are obsessed with younger women.
Most very rich people are... look no further than the Orange cheater thing - who spoke of 10~12 yr old girls as sexual objects.

But in general - men are older than the women they are with for various reasons. We mature later, more stable, have a car, have more experience than just sticking it in, etc.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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