So..in reference to another thread in the "Sex" department where I posted, I thought I'd ask men (women are welcomed as well) over something that has been bothering me lately. I used to be more careless at a younger age...but now something has changed...
I'm 29, haven't really had any stable (or lasting) relationship. I've dated guys for 1-2 months and then it was over. The only lasting relationship that I had was 9 months (but with no sex at all and it was my first relationship when I was around 22).
With some of the guys that I've dated, I've had an OK sex [as I wasn't in love with any of them and I didn't feel comfortable.] These guys were interested ONLY in sex and given that I've always wanted more than that, I stopped seeing them. Also, I wouldn't give them any oral sex as I didn't consider them emotionally close to me. I see giving/receiving oral VERY intimate and I'd like to share it with someone that I'm in an exclusive relationship. So, out of all the guys that I've dated, I've given oral only to one guy...a couple of years ago. (Don't ask me why I date guys who want just sex. I actually want a stable relationship, but for some reason I always end up with the wrong guys... )
If the sex isn't doing it for you, or the sex is uncomfortable or you weren't into them or attracted to them. Then the best thing you can do given those experiences, is just let them go.
If you don't want to offer oral sex absent sexual exclusivity, then don't offer oral sex.
As to picking the wrong men, check your picker.
If you keep choosing the same thing, you will keep getting the same thing.
I think I am HD and If I could, I'd have no problem having sex everyday, I like to experiment with positions, I like to talk about sex and do things very openly with my partner.
The only problem that I've been having lately is what the guy might think of how I perform in sex with him. Am I good/bad? What he thinks....etc.
Instead of worrying about how you will perform, perhaps you will be better served by wanting sex for your own pleasure.
A few months ago I dated a guy who was into BSDM. He said he was very experienced in this type of sex but I was hesitant to have sex with him in the first place, as I didn't feel confident I'd satisfy him enough, starting even from oral [which for him was the minimum].
I was afraid he'd make fun of me for not performing right in the bedroom so I let him go at all. We went out several times and he was expecting us to try things, but then I didn't feel comfortable and ended things with him.
If you weren't comfortable, then ending it was the best thing. If it doesn't feel right, it's not likely you're going to enjoy it that much.
Unless I find someone stable, I feel like I will remain sexless out of fear for being considered "inexperienced" compared to the guys/girls of my age. Plus, I'm tired of meaningless dating. I want something real.
I swear, if I had a stable partner, I wouldn't mind giving him any kind of pleasure, although I know I need some more practice.
If you let your fears overwhelm you, you might remain sexless. On the other hand if you overcome your fear and seek what you desire, you are far more likely to remove the inexperience that feeds some of your fears.
When it comes to sharing sex, comparing yourself to others is a fools errand. Even if you do some of the same things together, while ever all of us have our own idiosyncrasies. Your shared sexual experiences will remain unique to you and your respective partners.
If you pick men that want you and what you want, you are likely to get a stable partner. That said you should not forget that your sexual pleasure, is just as important as the pleasure of your sexual partners. So I encourage you not to settle for less.
That said if you just want to have sex with someone for pleasures sake you should do exactly that, while keeping your pleasure at the front of your mind.
Were there times that you dated a girl you thought would be a "beast" in bed but turned out to be the opposite?
No I've never presumed any woman is anything at all in bed. The nice thing about sharing sex with a woman in the beginning of any sexual relationship, is discovering them and finding out if you work well together.
Did you make fun of her (in your mind?)
I've never made fun of any woman in my mind, nor have I ever thought poorly of her with respect to having sex with me or anyone else for that matter. Regardless of our sexual compatibility, how well we fit and or how skilled they were.
Did you feel disappointed?
On some occasions I have had sex with women that I have found to be sexually disappointing for various reasons. Yet that didn't mean they weren't special, or even bad at sex, all it meant was we we weren't a good sexual match.
Did you comment it with your friends?
No I haven't made any comment to friends about any women sexually that I have been with (it's not their business), except in this space here with no mention of their names as an anony-moose poster.
These are my concerns. Probably, you'd make fun of them too haha..
Not making fun at all.