How do I know if he's STD free when he sleeps around the block?
Cheating could be part of the package as well. I don't care and don't want to be compared. Every lover is different. I am different as well.
Yes, no... maybe. No way to tell for sure... until he's coming back for lovemaking and his relaxed around you.
The comparison is about how you feel about others... your subject of this tread is about the quality of sex, remember? And for that - there has to be something for the other person to compare with.
The focus is what I need. If I have that from a guy then I feel appreciated.
About the "5 dates is too soon for me to have sex"...
After the 3rd date I can imagine having sex with him. I even touch myself to the thoughts of me and him. But this imagination hasn't happened with all the guys I've dated. Only with 1 or two of them.
I was afraid of been seen only as a sex tool, hence I didn't go on with having sex soon.
That is fine... everyone like to be appreciated. Date 1 or date 20, if that guy only sees you as a sex tool - the number of dates won't matter much. Hence 2~3 date "rule" = you fizzle out his interests in you as a person. If you can't figure where he is at by date 4 or 5, you won't after date 20. Look, as you yourself said "guys are in clubs looking for hook-ups" = okay, if a MAN just wants to get SEX - he wouldn't be dating you. He can go online, use an app for NSA sex. He can pay a prostitute the cost of a date, to get sex... without all the hassle of dating.
Another thing, even about club-guys... they (we) also get nervous when we meet someone we like. "will she like me". Women dress up "will he find me attractive?" When it's more about sex, then it's not much a deal to get a rejection or gets nothing that night.
I don't see the "sex prevention" as a tool to reach marriage and kids. The latter is out of the equation for me (at the moment) so all I worry about is how he sees me if we have sex too soon.
And all he is worried about is that you want marriage and kids and he's only spent several hours with you. Remember, YOU also see him naked, and he *IS* concerned about what YOU think of his attractiveness and sexual abilities. That he doesn't ejaculate too fast... that you HAVE a good time. Your 10~20 date rules is telling the man's brain "marriage and kids" - no matter what you say otherwise. There is no such thing as "too soon". If a guy is a jerk who ONLY view women as sex objects - the number of dates, if ANY won't change him.
Every woman I had NSA sex with, I wanted them to ENJOY what *we* are doing. I want to rock their world and by all means, its great to give such pleasure to someone else. Hint, if HE has zero interest in giving YOU oral, he's thinking more about himself, than you. I (and other men - but not all) have not reduced the value of how we think of a woman we are dating because we had sex one date 1 or date 5. I once had sex with a very attractive woman at a party, both drunk and turned on. I think about an hour or two later, she was having issues and I was trying to help her. But her male friend stopped me. He didn't know who I was, but he also wasn't doing a good job to help her. Still many years later, it makes me angry that he stopped me from helping her - which I would have done, sex or no sex. Since he was her friend, I left it up to him in the end... but I'm not happy about it.
I have friended many women that I met at a clubs, I have also talked to them about relationships and supported them getting into serious relationship with others. Why not?
Although, with the guy from the gym that I had sex with (see my previous post), for some reason I didn't care what he would think of me afterwards. I went ahead to please my sexual desire at that moment. I didn't think twice and don't regret it even to this day. When I meet him every now and then, we greet each other like good friends and like nothing has happened. For some reason, I have forgotten about that experience although it felt good at that moment.
Okay... so apply a version of THAT to men you meet at club or date. By date 3 at the latest, choose that he has met some criteria that make him sexually attractive to you and have fun. Or after date 3, thank him for his time "sorry, nothing wrong with you - but not what I'm looking for." And if he is a "good guy" that you feel isn't compatible with you - offer that you'll keep his number handy for maybe a friend who may like him. Who knows. Hell, I've done that many times.
If that guy only used you for sex (and you still got something out of it) and he disappears the next day - then you have not invested time, money, effort, emotions with 5~10~15+ dates with him. Insulting, yes. But as with the Gym-guy... you had fun, and you can look him in the eye and not give a damn. You yourself said you don't have any regrets.
As I said, one of my friends who slept with the guy for the first time they dated, never heard from him afterward. So there are good experiences and bad ones. No experience is the same as the other.
Yep. I think you said they dated a few times before she had sex with him... then gone. It could be because he wanted to add a notch to his list or he didn't like the sex with her.
Before my wife, I dated a women 2 times who would have been considered "hotter" because she is a D-cup and very fit. I thought for several months she would be girlfriend material who lived 2 minutes from me. And I knew her from a community setting, NOT a club setting. She wanted to discuss some social issues, it was a Friday night. I said "sure" and met her for a drink and finger food as I was going to go out dancing and drinking in the city afterward. After our 1.5hr talk - which WAS NOT A DATE, she wanted to go out clubbing. We got drunk, we danced and we had sex in her house. Sex was good, not great ~ I was on the fence. I offered for us to date some more, but she wanted me to come over for sex the next night. I went over, she's half naked... game time. 10 minutes into sex, while I am still inside her - how she talked, wanted sex and other factors just reduced my desire for her. I offered a 3rd date - at least she can dance and take her out for a good time, but at that stage, I doubt I wanted to have sex with her. She didn't go, I went out and meet my future wife who lived 45 minutes away on the other side of the city. She was worth the drive. I am more satisfied with a 5 min quickie with my wife, today than anything I did with that local woman years ago.
Remember my previous post "you date a guy for dinner, go home. He then meets another woman later that night, who may end up becoming a girlfriend". I was also thought the local woman would be good eye-candy for me to attract OTHER women at the club. I don't miss her. Looking back, she wasn't a good lover - or at least compatible with me.
Yes, but you have reached to a point where you LOVE your wife so you don't need to have sex to express love to her and she already knows it.
But during the dating phase, the guy needs to have sex to start loving the girl (if love happens)..and until then..the girl is pressured to give him sex 'til she receives some non-sexual love in return.
I never pressured my wife for sex, or anyone else. If two people are turned on and want sex... then its more pressure to NOT have sex. You kind of got the process correct. The guy needs sex / girl has sex for non-sexual emotional needs. But you added the "pressured to give him sex". Some may do so more than others. I've been felt up by women many times. You are viewing men as "the enemy"... yes, many guys are jerks - but so are women. Its like you are going into battle with the guy you are dating, that doesn't seem healthy ~ and of course, that is a turn-off for the men.
Question 5 =
I've dumped but mostly I'VE BEEN DUMPED. I restrain from sex when I start to feel that I'm not receiving non-sexual love in return. So he gets mad, bored and leaves me. My needs for non-sexual love are not met so I start my detachment by not giving him sex. He then totally detaches from me...until finally dumping me for good.
That's how it usually goes. The last two men have dumped me because that's how it went.
Getting mad = immature. Bored and leaves you should be the norm. Sorry, but us MEN can give you non-sexual LOVE after the sex. Again, for MEN - once we know we can get sex from the woman (you) AND we do like you as a possible girlfriend. Then we'll want to date you more, do NON-SEXUAL things with you. But if he comes back only for sex (like the local woman in my story), then that is all it is to him... come by for an hour or so then leaves = player. Then you know where to go from there.
So, a typical thing is that you date/have sex with such a guy to get your sexual needs meet, until you meet a guy who rocks your world. Of course that works more so for men.
Ph, the anger part could be that the guy felt like you PLAYED him for free dinner and drinks and all he was to you is a wallet.
I try to be fun and experience anything the man wants. I usually don't have issues with trying new things.
Although, to be honest I have NEVER EVER oragasmed in my life with the men I've slept.
I've only climaxed through self-pleasure. So, most of the times I've slept with those men it's been about them..not so much about me.
If you are not having orgasms, that is also a turn off for men... Being wound up and not letting your body relax, is likely keeping you from having the orgazm. Remember, locate a sex therapist.
I have been worried lately that my sexual libido could decrease due to the sexless state that I've been in for the most part of my life.
If someday (God knows when..) I meet a HD man with whom I click ...but by the time I decide to have sex with him I go LD??? How will I treat this?
Now I'm HD, young, energetic and still feel fresh. What happens after 5-7 years? Will I feel the same?
This worries me.
You don't use it - you'll lose it, especially with age. How do you treat it? Well, if you wait until then - there is nothing you can do. What you do today is... get laid. A HD guy is gonna likely want or expect sex within date 1~2. Any dates after 5 *IS A WASTE* of his time and yours. You're not learning new things or learning how to be comfortable with sex with men. My wife not wanting me to see her body the first week or so we were dating was NOT attractive. I helped her with her body image issues. She's naked quite a bit now, but I talked with her quite a bit about being nude and she started becoming at ease with her body.
In 5~7 years, you'll be older - you'll be hitting your biological clock... then men you date WILL be very much aware of your biological clock and will either ignore you *OR* use it against you to get into your panties. You'll likely be more desperate. Hence, they will use "I love you" type stuff to have sex with you... then still dump you.
I was worried about living my 30s without having a girlfriend or sex. So I made a change, reduced my rules... dating all kinds of women, because how WOULD I KNOW what I like if I didn't sample the buffet?
You ever do that? Go to a new restaurant and TRY a platter or buffet of food to see what you like? I do that all parties, especially weddings. I take a finger/bite of everything from the buffet... see what I like, then fill my plate with the stuff I know I like.
Here is a simple question: If a man had a 2" (5 centimeter) penis, when erect. Would that be acceptable?
Imagine if you dated a handsome and rich guy for months, finally had sex with him - and that is what he has between his legs. If you leave, then you would have wasted much of each others time.
Dating a man a year... is not working. And without plans for marriage and children... you are missing out on your own enjoyment for the wrong reasons. Of course be safe out there.