I don't think I can agree with that. We know plenty of stories which started out as simple sex/FWB and ended in relationships/marriage. The latest (that I know of) is @RandomDude
Just like there are stories where guys fell in love with prostitutes...
I don't understand what you can't agree with... a married man can still view his wife as a sex object. I had more respect for a woman I had sex with who bumped into me on a dance floor than her husband of 10+ years that she had recently divorced. So what if FWB turns into LTR / marriage? That happens and its usually a good thing.
Sure, there are men who may fall in love with a prostitute. They are still human. But easily MOST men will never date, much less marry their prostitute ~ and when it does happen, she is seeing it more as a money thing... his wallet. I've NEVER ever paid for sex. Not including tip money at stripper clubs - again, very rare for me to do, I think about 6 times in my life. But in reality, men don't think of prositutes more than anything that a penis warmer.
Why would he be worried about that? I never mention marriage/kids while dating. I have never had this talk with any of the guys I've dated.
As I said, it starts out as a sex object but turns into more than that. We've all heard about these cases.
Just like it starts out as love and turns into plain sex as the couple realizes that any sort of relationship won't take them anywhere, so they're satisfied with simply being FWB.
Actions speak more than words. There is a LOT we may think about - that we will not bring up... do you tell them men everything about you? How you feel about things? Or why you are holding off 10+ dates?
If a loving relationship turns into just a sexual relationship (FWB) - that would be an oddly rare thing. There is usually a breakup before reverting down to FWB. You know... divorce. I would not be interested in being with my wife if it was just FWB. And FWB relations has 3 different possibilities:
1 - One of them wants more than FWB = breakup of FWB and or friendship. (done that)
2 - FWB fades away over time... as one or both are dating others. Reverts back to friends.
3 - One of them meets and falls in love with someone, ends FWB.
FWB is generally a good way to get your sexual needs met, without feelings like JUST a sex... until you meet someone you really really like. FWB is rarely a long term thing. I do know a FWB couple who kind of act like a married couple - lets see, 10+ years now. They live together, they date and have sex with others. Its an oddity... but it seems to work for them.
The following is general: Look at other posts her from guys, both those who have been cheated on and other areas on this site. You will notice that us MEN have feelings. Our hearts get broken. We are talking about a lot more than just "sex". My wife having sex with her affair partner when she was cheating hurt, but her lying, her betrayal, gaslighting me to my face. Causing confusion and other abuse - that was the worst. She put me in the hospital twice because my body was falling apart, my heart trying to kill itself from the anguish. We are human.. and also like to sometimes be thought of more than just a penis. But hey, I have nothing against male-strippers... but to the women who go to those close, they are just sex objects... as humans, we are still rather basic.
Yeah, I want to apply (to the men I meet nowadays) the same psychology/attitude that I used towards the gym guy in the past ..but for some reason I can't apply it to all my dates.
Read the recommend books, self-analyse yourself... talk to a therapist. You're going to have to do some work on that. That's not going with the flow. When you meet a NEW guy, you like him - take him at face value with NO expectations beyond the next day or so - until otherwise proven. You have no issues running into the gym guy and saying "good afternoon" - right? That works with anyone - who is respectable.
Create a list of things that are a MUST vs things that are a "NO WAY".
1 - He is attractive.
2 - Does hair color matter? If he's attractive, then no.
3 - Does he smell bad?
4 - Does he sound like an idiot?
5 - Is he being rude vs courting?
6 - How does he carry himself?
7 - How does he treat others?
8 - Would I be willing to have sex with him? (if yes = then be receptive to him, no road blocks).
You dance with him (do you dance). If you are more horny than not, or not viewing him as a BF material - but still attractive - then you can OKAY sex, get your needs met (like Gym guy). Even tell him, you're not looking for anything more. I met a very striking woman like that in a club - it was the 2nd or 3rd thing out of her mouth "I just want to get laid" - so I was like "cool, I'm game". We ended up talking until the sun came up, holding hands. We were a semi-serious item for those few months. But she has substance abuse issues and racial issues with her parents vs. me.
If you see this guy as NSA, it allows you to ask him questions about your sexual abilties and ask for advice on getting better. Because YOU DON'T see him as a boyfriend - see him as practice and get input. Wouldn't hurt to ask... and tell him to be honest. Remember, what one guy likes, will not be the same as nother - same for women.
If you meet a guy at a club or other place and think he maybe pretty good, do the date thing. If you are dating a man, it means you are ALREADY willing to have sex with him. Its just a matter of the dates reducing the chances. Don't worry so much about sex so much... if you want to touch him, do so. If after 3~5 dates you are not wanting to get naked with him... then cut him lose.
Touching hands, looking into their eyes... talking should be turn-ons. Looking into my wife's eyes that first night, did it for me.
Yeah, I don't feel regrets. Actually, I never really think about the sex we had. It's as if it was pretty normal.
Yep. I think you said they dated a few times before she had sex with him... then gone. It could be because he wanted to add a notch to his list or he didn't like the sex with her.
Yep... that is how I am with the 100+ women I've been. I can only think about a few of them I can remember. There are GF i've had that I don't remember their names. I remember a few long-gone booty calls. Yeah, if someone sucks in bed - I (and many guys) will not say anything - hell, same for women. Just don't call back... is easier than saying "you are a lame lay".
When a guy wakes up in the morning with YOU, without your makeup on - and he calls back... he likes you.
Interesting.Can you explain what it was that you disliked about her way of talking/wanting to have sex? I want to understand your psychology/way of thinking at the time.
She sounded like a porn actress. "harder harder" - she talked way too much. I didn't really care much for her fake breasts, even thou they were very well done. She was more interested in just sex when I was more on the market for a girlfriend. We didn't fit together right, how she communicated wasn't doing it for me. Sex was akward, overall, didn't like her she moved - just not enjoyable. I don't remember much. A 3rd date or 30 dates - my opinion of her wouldn't have changed. I was not turned. It wasn't her looks, because she would be considered a "9" - but I've had better sex and more enjoyable time with others who were average looking and or heavier. There simply wasn't much there. Yet about 1~2 weeks later, I meet my future wife and its fireworks from the first kiss. We clicked. We were being ourselves and had fun.
If you date rarely, your pool of meeting possible love is reduced. Also, mr. perfect maybe married to someone else. Also, Mr. Perfect for YOU - maybe gay or you are not his type of woman - well beyond your control.
There is NO SUCH THING as the PERFECT man or PERFECT woman. It will never ever EVER happen.
I wasn't trying to give him war but when I see that sex becomes the theme of dating/relationship and it feels more sexual than needed. At that point, I question his interest about me. That's when my sexual appeal decreases.
I wasn't being specific any particular man. Dating / relationship *IS ALWAYS* sexual. Just saying, once the guy has sex access, you'll see more of the real him.
Any guy... who is paying for 10~20 dates and no sex.
Yeah, I didn't feel relaxed. I was more concerned of what he was thinking about me while having sex..
Also, what do I need a sex therapist now that I'm not having sex. It's like theory without practice. I consider it a was of time only at this moment.
You need a sex therapist BECAUSE you're not having sex. They are not there to tell you that THING A goes into SLOT B. They are to help you figure out why you have sex and relationship issues. You not feeling relax = sexual problem. You can't worry so much what he is thinking... you have to have fun with the moment and help him have fun doing it. Again, well past the ability of this forum.
Reduce my rules huh?
I should start to consider dating that way..
Whatever you may call them... rules, bullet points... I have my rules: No cocaine, no rape, no murder, and what I would find acceptable to date. With that, I reduced the number of women I could ask out for a date. And of course, they would have to be available and interested in me. Without practice, I was more nervous than not. So - if you met Mr. Perfect, but was a nervous wreck and kept him at arm's length for 2 months - you might never have known because your lack of confidence and "game playing" would be a turn off. Whatever spark he might have had for you - snuffed out. Maybe he's HD too... but thinks you're LD or ND.
Yeah, it's the "missing the fun" what worries me. If I don't enjoy and use my body for sex now that I'm young and fresh and free...then when will I do that? When I get old and no man would want to look at me?
I'm in a battle between mind and body.
Yep. I missed out on a lot of sex in my 20s, but also - I didn't get anyone pregnant. I've dated women up to about 50, when in my 30s... but we knew it was for sex. As we get older (men and women) our ability to get someone who is as attractive as we want, lowers. Unless of course, you are super-rich in which case you can buy young hotties or hunks.
Yep... you are in battle. Read books, talk to a therapist.
Sex and love are two different things. They are connected, but separate. I enjoyed the NSA sex I had over the years... but I also enjoy the loving sex or just cuddling in front of the tv with the wife.