Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act? - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 12:43 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

As far as your original question years ago I had a girl give me oral sex.
I would not say it was AWESOME!
There was a lot of teeth scraping. I put up with it til the end. Never made fun of her.
I talked to her about it. She said she had only done it a couple of times before.
Taught her, over time she got very good at it.
Funny years later it's about the only BJ I remember.
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post #107 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 06:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
If its a date that goes from dinner > dance > Love-making, then he's not going anywhere... is he?
I don't know..but do I have to give him love-making to keep him from going elsewhere?
I'm not a policewoman. He's free to go if he feels like going. I can't control his actions but I can control my reaction to his actions.

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You meet guys all the time. (Let's not talk about the Gym cheaters) - What are you doing? Your vibes are "bugger off!"? Crossing your arms in a club = "go away"... something simple as that.
No no. I'm not like that. I'm usually flirty with guys in the club. Then they either offer me a drink or start chatting. With guys I'm having mutual interest, I flirt/talk back. But it usually stays there as I don't feel like taking them too seriously. The guy who wanted me to give him oral in my car, was one who I knew at the club. I'm not saying everyone's like him...but mos are.

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Who do you date? I answered that above... you date nobody. You stay sexually frustrated. And question your own sexual appeal and abilities.
You need to change yourself. Men and women all over the world do this all the time. Finally meeting Mr. Perfect at age 60 isn't going to do you any favors.
Advice me what to do and where to start from, then.
Starting from tomorrow. I'll follow your advice. BUT I don't want to get laid without any condition...as I don't want to look/act like I'm desperate. I don't like that role.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #108 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 06:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
Date 1 or date 20, if that guy only sees you as a sex tool - the number of dates won't matter much.
I don't think I can agree with that. We know plenty of stories which started out as simple sex/FWB and ended in relationships/marriage. The latest (that I know of) is @RandomDude 's story.

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Hence 2~3 date "rule" = you fizzle out his interests in you as a person. If you can't figure where he is at by date 4 or 5, you won't after date 20. Look, as you yourself said "guys are in clubs looking for hook-ups" = okay, if a MAN just wants to get SEX - he wouldn't be dating you. He can go online, use an app for NSA sex. He can pay a prostitute the cost of a date, to get sex... without all the hassle of dating.
Just like there are stories where guys fell in love with prostitutes...

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And all he is worried about is that you want marriage and kids and he's only spent several hours with you.
Why would he be worried about that? I never mention marriage/kids while dating. I have never had this talk with any of the guys I've dated.
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Remember, YOU also see him naked, and he *IS* concerned about what YOU think of his attractiveness and sexual abilities. That he doesn't ejaculate too fast... that you HAVE a good time. Your 10~20 date rules is telling the man's brain "marriage and kids" - no matter what you say otherwise. There is no such thing as "too soon". If a guy is a jerk who ONLY view women as sex objects - the number of dates, if ANY won't change him.
As I said, it starts out as a sex object but turns into more than that. We've all heard about these cases.
Just like it starts out as love and turns into plain sex as the couple realizes that any sort of relationship won't take them anywhere, so they're satisfied with simply being FWB.

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Okay... so apply a version of THAT to men you meet at club or date. By date 3 at the latest, choose that he has met some criteria that make him sexually attractive to you and have fun. Or after date 3, thank him for his time "sorry, nothing wrong with you - but not what I'm looking for." And if he is a "good guy" that you feel isn't compatible with you - offer that you'll keep his number handy for maybe a friend who may like him. Who knows. Hell, I've done that many times.
Yeah, I want to apply (to the men I meet nowadays) the same psychology/attitude that I used towards the gym guy in the past ..but for some reason I can't apply it to all my dates.

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If that guy only used you for sex (and you still got something out of it) and he disappears the next day - then you have not invested time, money, effort, emotions with 5~10~15+ dates with him. Insulting, yes. But as with the Gym-guy... you had fun, and you can look him in the eye and not give a damn. You yourself said you don't have any regrets.
Yeah, I don't feel regrets. Actually, I never really think about the sex we had. It's as if it was pretty normal.

Yep. I think you said they dated a few times before she had sex with him... then gone. It could be because he wanted to add a notch to his list or he didn't like the sex with her.
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Before my wife, I dated a women 2 times who would have been considered "hotter" because she is a D-cup and very fit. I thought for several months she would be girlfriend material who lived 2 minutes from me. And I knew her from a community setting, NOT a club setting. She wanted to discuss some social issues, it was a Friday night. I said "sure" and met her for a drink and finger food as I was going to go out dancing and drinking in the city afterward. After our 1.5hr talk - which WAS NOT A DATE, she wanted to go out clubbing. We got drunk, we danced and we had sex in her house. Sex was good, not great ~ I was on the fence. I offered for us to date some more, but she wanted me to come over for sex the next night. I went over, she's half naked... game time. 10 minutes into sex, while I am still inside her - how she talked, wanted sex and other factors just reduced my desire for her. I offered a 3rd date - at least she can dance and take her out for a good time, but at that stage, I doubt I wanted to have sex with her. She didn't go, I went out and meet my future wife who lived 45 minutes away on the other side of the city. She was worth the drive. I am more satisfied with a 5 min quickie with my wife, today than anything I did with that local woman years ago.
Interesting.
Can you explain what it was that you disliked about her way of talking/wanting to have sex? I want to understand your psychology/way of thinking at the time.

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You are viewing men as "the enemy"... yes, many guys are jerks - but so are women. Its like you are going into battle with the guy you are dating, that doesn't seem healthy ~ and of course, that is a turn-off for the men.
I wasn't trying to give him war but when I see that sex becomes the theme of dating/relationship and it feels more sexual than needed. At that point, I question his interest about me. That's when my sexual appeal decreases.

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Getting mad = immature. Bored and leaves you should be the norm. Sorry, but us MEN can give you non-sexual LOVE after the sex. Again, for MEN - once we know we can get sex from the woman (you) AND we do like you as a possible girlfriend. Then we'll want to date you more, do NON-SEXUAL things with you. But if he comes back only for sex (like the local woman in my story), then that is all it is to him... come by for an hour or so then leaves = player. Then you know where to go from there.
Fair.

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Ph, the anger part could be that the guy felt like you PLAYED him for free dinner and drinks and all he was to you is a wallet.
?? What guy??

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If you are not having orgasms, that is also a turn off for men... Being wound up and not letting your body relax, is likely keeping you from having the orgazm. Remember, locate a sex therapist.
Yeah, I didn't feel relaxed. I was more concerned of what he was thinking about me while having sex..
Also, what do I need a sex therapist now that I'm not having sex. It's like theory without practice. I consider it a was of time only at this moment.

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I was worried about living my 30s without having a girlfriend or sex. So I made a change, reduced my rules... dating all kinds of women, because how WOULD I KNOW what I like if I didn't sample the buffet?
Reduce my rules huh?


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You ever do that? Go to a new restaurant and TRY a platter or buffet of food to see what you like? I do that all parties, especially weddings. I take a finger/bite of everything from the buffet... see what I like, then fill my plate with the stuff I know I like.
I should start to consider dating that way..

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Here is a simple question: If a man had a 2" (5 centimeter) penis, when erect. Would that be acceptable?
Imagine if you dated a handsome and rich guy for months, finally had sex with him - and that is what he has between his legs. If you leave, then you would have wasted much of each others time.
Yeah, fair enough.

Quote:
Dating a man a year... is not working. And without plans for marriage and children... you are missing out on your own enjoyment for the wrong reasons.
Yeah, it's the "missing the fun" what worries me. If I don't enjoy and use my body for sex now that I'm young and fresh and free...then when will I do that? When I get old and no man would want to look at me?


I'm in a battle between mind and body.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #109 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 07:55 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
I don't know..but do I have to give him love-making to keep him from going elsewhere?
I'm not a policewoman. He's free to go if he feels like going. I can't control his actions but I can control my reaction to his actions.
No... you share in love-making if its something you feel like doing. Rather than putting a BIG STOP sign in front of you - because you think it'll prove something. If all he wants his sex... then you'll know earlier. Use it for practice. I have no ability to gauge your sexual abilities. Anyone can have sex, but doesn't mean everyone is sexually compatible. You are not relaxed or comfortable with sex another person. You may have other issues... strong religious household growing up? A dad that cheated on your mom? CSA? Abuse?

Look at buying or borrowing these books:
https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliapugach...59#.wdxBgw580G

https://www.amazon.com/Elusive-Orgas.../dp/1600940234

https://www.amazon.com/Because-Feels.../dp/160529876X

https://www.amazon.com/Womans-Book-O.../dp/0806519665


Quote:
No no. I'm not like that. I'm usually flirty with guys in the club. Then they either offer me a drink or start chatting. With guys I'm having mutual interest, I flirt/talk back. But it usually stays there as I don't feel like taking them too seriously. The guy who wanted me to give him oral in my car, was one who I knew at the club. I'm not saying everyone's like him...but most are.
You don't or shouldn't take anyone seriously at first. I meet a girl at club A, I'll take her to club B for a date. You still create your own roadblock. Have fun, be safe. I've been offered many BJs meeting women at clubs - without asking for them. I remember a woman who did that suddenly... later she felt some shame for it. I told her not to, I thanked her and we were F-buddies (booty call) for each other for 6 months ~ stayed friends for a few years. There was no way we would be GF/BF - but we could be friends with benefits. We both taught each other things - sexually and not. She taught me different types of drinks and I taught her sexual freedom.

The car-BJ guy... he is "like most"? How many guys have you had sex with to come up with that? Yeah, most guys like getting BJs. Doesn't mean most guys are going to demand that from someone they know who they are dating. Rejecing him or any guy like that - is by all means, your right. Remember, for many women, a BJ is easier to offer than their vagina. No chance of pregnancy. And by many women, doesn't count as "sex".

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Advice me what to do and where to start from, then.
Starting from tomorrow. I'll follow your advice. BUT I don't want to get laid without any condition...as I don't want to look/act like I'm desperate. I don't like that role.
You've got my advice? Not saying go out tomorrow and have sex with the first guy you meet. And *NO* - you are not going to just start being different in a day. Read some of the books I have provided links for. You need to do a lot of thinking about yourself. It will take a while for you to figure out what you may want to do and what rules you may be willing to change. You could be naked at a party, but that doesn't MEAN you must provide sex to anyone who wants it. BTW, I have been nude at some parties and outdoor concerts and there be women naked or semi naked. Even with that, nobody touches another person without ASKING first. So yeah, at a sex parties - people don't DEMAND sex from others. You could be at a church, everyone fully clothed and someone come up to you and demand sex from another person.

Having sex when you barely know someone doesn't necessarily make you look desperate. If you are are begging for sex, then that would look desperate. If you are 40yrs old and want a child, but don't have a boyfriend - you'll be desperate. Being relaxed with yourself and open to meeting various kinds of men - even those you may not have thought before - does give you control and insight to things you may like.

A respectable man is not usually attracted to desperate women.

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post #110 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 08:56 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

lovelygirl, I think you are trying it find a good man in the wrong places, and honestly, if any man is put off by you not wanting sex till things are more serious he simply isn't worth it. I know young ladies who have ended relationships because of pressure from the guy to have sex, and I say, good for them. Dont be something you are not. Don't do anything just to keep a man, because in the end he wont stick around. Do you want a man who treats you with respect or one who uses you? Do you want a man who may well have an STD or one who saves sex for serious relationships/marriage? My husband is a doctor and he says that stds are rife but its never in the news. For whatever reason its kept largely quiet.

Save sex for the man who will love you and treat you well. Who will be glad that you haven't had multiple partners. Its worth the wait, and you will get rid of a lot of guys on the way who really care nothing for you at all. You are a valuable person, don't let yourself be used and taken advantage of.
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post #111 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 09:49 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
I don't think I can agree with that. We know plenty of stories which started out as simple sex/FWB and ended in relationships/marriage. The latest (that I know of) is @RandomDude 's story.


Just like there are stories where guys fell in love with prostitutes...
I don't understand what you can't agree with... a married man can still view his wife as a sex object. I had more respect for a woman I had sex with who bumped into me on a dance floor than her husband of 10+ years that she had recently divorced. So what if FWB turns into LTR / marriage? That happens and its usually a good thing.

Sure, there are men who may fall in love with a prostitute. They are still human. But easily MOST men will never date, much less marry their prostitute ~ and when it does happen, she is seeing it more as a money thing... his wallet. I've NEVER ever paid for sex. Not including tip money at stripper clubs - again, very rare for me to do, I think about 6 times in my life. But in reality, men don't think of prositutes more than anything that a penis warmer.

Quote:
Why would he be worried about that? I never mention marriage/kids while dating. I have never had this talk with any of the guys I've dated.
As I said, it starts out as a sex object but turns into more than that. We've all heard about these cases.
Just like it starts out as love and turns into plain sex as the couple realizes that any sort of relationship won't take them anywhere, so they're satisfied with simply being FWB.
Actions speak more than words. There is a LOT we may think about - that we will not bring up... do you tell them men everything about you? How you feel about things? Or why you are holding off 10+ dates?

If a loving relationship turns into just a sexual relationship (FWB) - that would be an oddly rare thing. There is usually a breakup before reverting down to FWB. You know... divorce. I would not be interested in being with my wife if it was just FWB. And FWB relations has 3 different possibilities:
1 - One of them wants more than FWB = breakup of FWB and or friendship. (done that)
2 - FWB fades away over time... as one or both are dating others. Reverts back to friends.
3 - One of them meets and falls in love with someone, ends FWB.

FWB is generally a good way to get your sexual needs met, without feelings like JUST a sex... until you meet someone you really really like. FWB is rarely a long term thing. I do know a FWB couple who kind of act like a married couple - lets see, 10+ years now. They live together, they date and have sex with others. Its an oddity... but it seems to work for them.

The following is general: Look at other posts her from guys, both those who have been cheated on and other areas on this site. You will notice that us MEN have feelings. Our hearts get broken. We are talking about a lot more than just "sex". My wife having sex with her affair partner when she was cheating hurt, but her lying, her betrayal, gaslighting me to my face. Causing confusion and other abuse - that was the worst. She put me in the hospital twice because my body was falling apart, my heart trying to kill itself from the anguish. We are human.. and also like to sometimes be thought of more than just a penis. But hey, I have nothing against male-strippers... but to the women who go to those close, they are just sex objects... as humans, we are still rather basic.

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Yeah, I want to apply (to the men I meet nowadays) the same psychology/attitude that I used towards the gym guy in the past ..but for some reason I can't apply it to all my dates.
Read the recommend books, self-analyse yourself... talk to a therapist. You're going to have to do some work on that. That's not going with the flow. When you meet a NEW guy, you like him - take him at face value with NO expectations beyond the next day or so - until otherwise proven. You have no issues running into the gym guy and saying "good afternoon" - right? That works with anyone - who is respectable.

Create a list of things that are a MUST vs things that are a "NO WAY".
Example:
1 - He is attractive.
2 - Does hair color matter? If he's attractive, then no.
3 - Does he smell bad?
4 - Does he sound like an idiot?
5 - Is he being rude vs courting?
6 - How does he carry himself?
7 - How does he treat others?
8 - Would I be willing to have sex with him? (if yes = then be receptive to him, no road blocks).

You dance with him (do you dance). If you are more horny than not, or not viewing him as a BF material - but still attractive - then you can OKAY sex, get your needs met (like Gym guy). Even tell him, you're not looking for anything more. I met a very striking woman like that in a club - it was the 2nd or 3rd thing out of her mouth "I just want to get laid" - so I was like "cool, I'm game". We ended up talking until the sun came up, holding hands. We were a semi-serious item for those few months. But she has substance abuse issues and racial issues with her parents vs. me.

If you see this guy as NSA, it allows you to ask him questions about your sexual abilties and ask for advice on getting better. Because YOU DON'T see him as a boyfriend - see him as practice and get input. Wouldn't hurt to ask... and tell him to be honest. Remember, what one guy likes, will not be the same as nother - same for women.

If you meet a guy at a club or other place and think he maybe pretty good, do the date thing. If you are dating a man, it means you are ALREADY willing to have sex with him. Its just a matter of the dates reducing the chances. Don't worry so much about sex so much... if you want to touch him, do so. If after 3~5 dates you are not wanting to get naked with him... then cut him lose.

Touching hands, looking into their eyes... talking should be turn-ons. Looking into my wife's eyes that first night, did it for me.

Quote:
Yeah, I don't feel regrets. Actually, I never really think about the sex we had. It's as if it was pretty normal.

Yep. I think you said they dated a few times before she had sex with him... then gone. It could be because he wanted to add a notch to his list or he didn't like the sex with her.
Yep... that is how I am with the 100+ women I've been. I can only think about a few of them I can remember. There are GF i've had that I don't remember their names. I remember a few long-gone booty calls. Yeah, if someone sucks in bed - I (and many guys) will not say anything - hell, same for women. Just don't call back... is easier than saying "you are a lame lay".

When a guy wakes up in the morning with YOU, without your makeup on - and he calls back... he likes you.


Quote:
Interesting.Can you explain what it was that you disliked about her way of talking/wanting to have sex? I want to understand your psychology/way of thinking at the time.
She sounded like a porn actress. "harder harder" - she talked way too much. I didn't really care much for her fake breasts, even thou they were very well done. She was more interested in just sex when I was more on the market for a girlfriend. We didn't fit together right, how she communicated wasn't doing it for me. Sex was akward, overall, didn't like her she moved - just not enjoyable. I don't remember much. A 3rd date or 30 dates - my opinion of her wouldn't have changed. I was not turned. It wasn't her looks, because she would be considered a "9" - but I've had better sex and more enjoyable time with others who were average looking and or heavier. There simply wasn't much there. Yet about 1~2 weeks later, I meet my future wife and its fireworks from the first kiss. We clicked. We were being ourselves and had fun.

If you date rarely, your pool of meeting possible love is reduced. Also, mr. perfect maybe married to someone else. Also, Mr. Perfect for YOU - maybe gay or you are not his type of woman - well beyond your control.
There is NO SUCH THING as the PERFECT man or PERFECT woman. It will never ever EVER happen.

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I wasn't trying to give him war but when I see that sex becomes the theme of dating/relationship and it feels more sexual than needed. At that point, I question his interest about me. That's when my sexual appeal decreases.
I wasn't being specific any particular man. Dating / relationship *IS ALWAYS* sexual. Just saying, once the guy has sex access, you'll see more of the real him.

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?? What guy??
Any guy... who is paying for 10~20 dates and no sex.

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Yeah, I didn't feel relaxed. I was more concerned of what he was thinking about me while having sex..
Also, what do I need a sex therapist now that I'm not having sex. It's like theory without practice. I consider it a was of time only at this moment.
You need a sex therapist BECAUSE you're not having sex. They are not there to tell you that THING A goes into SLOT B. They are to help you figure out why you have sex and relationship issues. You not feeling relax = sexual problem. You can't worry so much what he is thinking... you have to have fun with the moment and help him have fun doing it. Again, well past the ability of this forum.

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Reduce my rules huh?


I should start to consider dating that way..
Whatever you may call them... rules, bullet points... I have my rules: No cocaine, no rape, no murder, and what I would find acceptable to date. With that, I reduced the number of women I could ask out for a date. And of course, they would have to be available and interested in me. Without practice, I was more nervous than not. So - if you met Mr. Perfect, but was a nervous wreck and kept him at arm's length for 2 months - you might never have known because your lack of confidence and "game playing" would be a turn off. Whatever spark he might have had for you - snuffed out. Maybe he's HD too... but thinks you're LD or ND.

Quote:
Yeah, it's the "missing the fun" what worries me. If I don't enjoy and use my body for sex now that I'm young and fresh and free...then when will I do that? When I get old and no man would want to look at me?
I'm in a battle between mind and body.
Yep. I missed out on a lot of sex in my 20s, but also - I didn't get anyone pregnant. I've dated women up to about 50, when in my 30s... but we knew it was for sex. As we get older (men and women) our ability to get someone who is as attractive as we want, lowers. Unless of course, you are super-rich in which case you can buy young hotties or hunks.

Yep... you are in battle. Read books, talk to a therapist.

Sex and love are two different things. They are connected, but separate. I enjoyed the NSA sex I had over the years... but I also enjoy the loving sex or just cuddling in front of the tv with the wife.

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post #112 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 10:16 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Speaking of aging...

My wife is still rather young looking, but she looks older today than she did 5 years ago and more so when she was 20 or 16. We have photos in our home... she sometimes look like her 16 yr old glamor photo I like... but well.. older We all get old. If I was currently on the market, my likely dating age is 30~45 yr old women. Of course, I'd be interested in women who are in their upper 20s. But I'd have easier results with women who are my age, 40~50... but since I don't do drugs or heavy drinking, I still look like someone in their 30s.

Check out this video of 4 sisters - every year from 1975 ~ 2010, they were just getting out of HS or into college when they started taking the photos.

Actual photos: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/...rty-years.html

You won't be 29 again...

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post #113 of 144 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 10:29 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

Here is the other things to keep in mind.

Are you okay with dating a man with Kid(s)? As you get older, your dating pool also ages. ie: Today, you'll get more 30yr old men hitting on you than 20 yr old men. In 5 years, the men will be 40+ years old and less 20~25yr old men... if any.

You don't have kids, so that would be attractive to a man who is 30~50yrs old who may or may not want kids - wants a wife, who doesn't have children baggage. (we all have baggage - including you). So lets say a man is 35yrs old and is dating YOU at 30yrs old and a 26 yr old with two kids. You are both equally attractive and socially compatible. You would have more value because you don't have kids. not have to deal with an ex-BF or husband, etc.

But what about you and the men? It works the same way... let's say you date two men at the same time... one has 2 kids, the other doesn't. That would likely affect your choice. I've had date/relationship with women with 0~3 kids, from 0~25yrs old children. It was always easier to date the one with the lease amount of kids... with no kids, easiest.

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post #114 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 05:30 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

I also recommend a book called " His Needs, Her Needs " by Dr. Harley - While it's about making a stronger affair-proof marriage, he still writes about the differences in men and women, how to communicate their needs and how we tick. (in general - like anything, there are many degrees of people)

Some text from the book - I've condensed part of a section: "When it comes to sex and affection, you can't have one without the other" (this doesn't apply to NSA or ONS sex of course)
Often men view affection as part of sexual foreplay and usually arouses him in a flash. He assumes that it has the same purpose and rapid effect on a woman. So the only time these men are affectionate is when they want to make love. But this kind of affection does not communicate, "I care about you" Instead it communicates, "I want sex" instead of giving, its taking. That selfish message is not lost on most women who crave affection.

The disparity between men and women in regard to the priority of their needs makes it difficult for the two sexes to empathize with each other. "why" each asks the other "are these things so important to you?" Because of this lack of understanding, the couple unknowingly works at cross-purposes, each trying to fulfill the needs he or she feels, not the needs the mate feels. Wives shower their husbands with affection while husbands smother their wives with sexual advances because of their own needs that they want so much of. Each becomes confused when the mate response with mild pleasure at best and at worst, become annoyed, irritated or frigid.


Even when married, men and women still think differently. Even thou we may love you - it is the way men do. Same for women, so the thing to learn is to meet each other in the middle. This is how players - play women, they pull their strings of affection to get into their panties and will not care about anything else. A man who really cares will more naturally touch her strings to her heart. This is what I mean about dating a lot more, to learn what is real, etc. And that when you hold yourself back, you are killing a possible relationship.

I still have more reading to do.. bye.

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post #115 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:22 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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I don't think I can agree with that. We know plenty of stories which started out as simple sex/FWB and ended in relationships/marriage. The latest (that I know of) is @RandomDude 's story.
Yeah, she got promoted

Still together, somehow, which is quite odd considering my pattern post-divorce.
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post #116 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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I also recommend a book called " His Needs, Her Needs " by Dr. Harley - While it's about making a stronger affair-proof marriage, he still writes about the differences in men and women, how to communicate their needs and how we tick. (in general - like anything, there are many degrees of people)

Some text from the book - I've condensed part of a section: "When it comes to sex and affection, you can't have one without the other" (this doesn't apply to NSA or ONS sex of course)
Often men view affection as part of sexual foreplay and usually arouses him in a flash. He assumes that it has the same purpose and rapid effect on a woman. So the only time these men are affectionate is when they want to make love. But this kind of affection does not communicate, "I care about you" Instead it communicates, "I want sex" instead of giving, its taking. That selfish message is not lost on most women who crave affection.

The disparity between men and women in regard to the priority of their needs makes it difficult for the two sexes to empathize with each other. "why" each asks the other "are these things so important to you?" Because of this lack of understanding, the couple unknowingly works at cross-purposes, each trying to fulfill the needs he or she feels, not the needs the mate feels. Wives shower their husbands with affection while husbands smother their wives with sexual advances because of their own needs that they want so much of. Each becomes confused when the mate response with mild pleasure at best and at worst, become annoyed, irritated or frigid.


Even when married, men and women still think differently. Even thou we may love you - it is the way men do. Same for women, so the thing to learn is to meet each other in the middle. This is how players - play women, they pull their strings of affection to get into their panties and will not care about anything else. A man who really cares will more naturally touch her strings to her heart. This is what I mean about dating a lot more, to learn what is real, etc. And that when you hold yourself back, you are killing a possible relationship.

I still have more reading to do.. bye.
I've been thinking the exact same way as the author has described in the book (I haven't read it yet).
Men need sex to feel loved, women need affection to feel loved. Who pleases whom first? If he doesn't give me the affection that I want, I won't please him in bed. If he's not pleased in bed, I won't get the affection I want.
So?? Nobody gets what they want in the end.

Lucky is the couple who gives and takes back reciprocally.

Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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post #117 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:52 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Unless I find someone stable, I feel like I will remain sexless out of fear for being considered "inexperienced" compared to the guys/girls of my age. Plus, I'm tired of meaningless dating. I want something real.
I swear, if I had a stable partner, I wouldn't mind giving him any kind of pleasure, although I know I need some more practice.

Were there times that you dated a girl you thought would be a "beast" in bed but turned out to be the opposite?
Did you make fun of her (in your mind?)
Did you feel disappointed?
Did you comment it with your friends?

These are my concerns. Probably, you'd make fun of them too haha..
Hi lovelygirl,
I think you're sabotaging yourself. If you're the girl he wants to be with for the rest of his life then he's going to think sex with you is perfect. Not because you gyrated your hips at 3.14 revolutions per second but because you're with him and you're who he wants. You can probably relate if you think about who sex was good with. More than likely it was with someone you felt connected to or someone you were hysterically bonding too. The point is that "good in bed" is greatly influenced by emotion. Much more so than physics.

You said "Unless I find someone stable, I feel like I will remain sexless out of fear for being considered "inexperienced" compared to the guys/girls of my age". Your fear should be that if you find someone stable then you will remain sexless out of fear. You seem to have a lot of sexual insecurities and it may be why you haven't found or recognized the right guy.

I'm as deep as a puddle. Holland.
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post #118 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:24 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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If you're the girl he wants to be with for the rest of his life then he's going to think sex with you is perfect. Not because you gyrated your hips at 3.14 revolutions per second but because you're with him and you're who he wants. You can probably relate if you think about who sex was good with. More than likely it was with someone you felt connected to or someone you were hysterically bonding too. The point is that "good in bed" is greatly influenced by emotion. Much more so than physics.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #119 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:25 PM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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I've been thinking the exact same way as the author has described in the book (I haven't read it yet).
Men need sex to feel loved, women need affection to feel loved. Who pleases whom first? If he doesn't give me the affection that I want, I won't please him in bed. If he's not pleased in bed, I won't get the affection I want.
So?? Nobody gets what they want in the end.

Lucky is the couple who gives and takes back reciprocally.
I think he needs to inspire her to please him. It is nature's way of balancing the power in a couple.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #120 of 144 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 08:57 AM
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Re: Do men make fun of a wrong performed sex act?

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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
I've been thinking the exact same way as the author has described in the book (I haven't read it yet).
Men need sex to feel loved, women need affection to feel loved. Who pleases whom first? If he doesn't give me the affection that I want, I won't please him in bed. If he's not pleased in bed, I won't get the affection I want.
So?? Nobody gets what they want in the end.

Lucky is the couple who gives and takes back reciprocally.
You are making it way more complicated than it should be - overthinking it. Have you attempted to look for a therapist?

Met future wife > kissed > we both want sex - we both have sex > Dating > fall in love > marriage

You:

Met guy > Date & prove your intentions > prove your intentions > we both want sex - but I deny both of sex > Date & prove your intentions > we both want sex - but I deny both of sex > prove your intentions > we both want sex - but I deny both of sex > guy is bored - seeks other women > You angry with self.


Someone needs to make the first move... you're stopping yourself and you stop him.

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